My Friends Won’t Affect Me | Proverbs 13:20; 1 Kings 11:1-11

Opening Remarks:

Thankful to be here

See a lot of familiar faces, looking forward to meeting the rest of you

Preaching a series this week called “Lies Teens Believe”

For the first message I’ll have you turn to two places — Prov 13:20 and 1 Kings 11:1-11. But before we read…

Illustration: Two young people, same age/background

One ends up serving God, the other ends up out of church

What ONE FACTOR do you think will have the greatest impact on that?

A lot of things will contribute to it, but I submit to you that our text tells us the single biggest reason one makes it and the other doesn’t: FRIENDS.

READ Prov 13:20 and have them learn/quote it

Here’s a lie too many teenagers believe: My friends won’t affect me. That’s not true. In fact, your friends may be the primary indicator of whether or not you end up following God.

PRAY

Introduction: You have a lot of big decisions coming up:

NOW (Practical) LATER SPIRITUAL

Car Career Path Walk with God

College Where to live Church

Where to Work Who to marry Standards

But the biggest decision you make might just be who you surround yourself with. Here’s why: you can’t hang out with people without their behavior affecting you. It’s called Social contagion. You pick up on the little things of the people you spend time around. Youth groups tend to have the same haircuts, wear the same styles.

Illustration: Years ago scientists were trying to decide why fish swam in schools. They took one fish and did a partial lobotomy on it because they had isolated the part of the brain that caused the fish to swim in schools. They put the fish back in the water. He could still swim and he swam off not in a school but by himself. Do you what happened? The rest of the fish followed the one with half a brain.

The Bible teaches the same thing. Proverbs 13:20. “He that walketh with wise men shall be wise: but a companion of fools shall be destroyed.” Who you hang around affects you.

If you surround yourself with the wise, you’ll be wiser. If you surround yourself with fools, you’ll be destroyed. You could say it like this:

I. Show Me Your Friends And I’ll Show You Your Future

Friendship might be the chief indicator in determining the spiritual success or failure of your life.

That’s what Prov. 13:20 says.

Wise friends = wisdom. Foolish friends = destruction.

Experts say you’re the average of your 5 closest friends.

Your beliefs, behavior, time spent, speech, clothing, attitude, like/dislikes, will be shaped by your friends. Take the averages of your 5 closest friends and that’s a good indicator of who you are. You can tell what kind of person you are based on what kind of friends you have. If they’re rebellious, or critical, or spiritual, or carnal, you likely are too.

Stop and evaluate your circle of friends.

If you’re walking with wise teenagers who do right, there’s a strong chance that’s where you’ll end up. If you’re walking with friends doing wrong, it won’t be long for you.

You’re one friend away:

From a closer walk with God or walking away from God.

From standing strong or losing your purity.

From living for God or wasting your life.

Show me your friends and I’ll show you your future.

King Solomon penned these words. If there was ever a man who could speak to this truth it was Solomon.

He was the wisest man on earth, but even he couldn’t escape this principle. 1 Kings 11 shows us what happens when you surround themselves with the wrong people.

II. Solomon’s companions determined his future. (1 Ki. 11:1-2)

His heart was turned from God.

It’s mentioned four times – vvs. 2, 3, 4 and 9 He sought companionship with women who did not serve the one true God, and it affected his heart.

He loved many strange women. Women that did not serve his God.

Application: Being married is awesome. Girls – Wedding colors already. Guys – Wedding colors? If this passage teaches us anything, young people, who you marry will make or break you.

Vs. 2 – God had told Israel not to marry the people of the land. He warned them that their hearts would be turned from God. Solomon broke this commandment 1,000 times.

Vs. 3 –700 wives and 300 concubines. They weren’t Bible College students. They were Egyptians, Moabites, Ammonites, etc. Enemies of God and idol worshippers.

Consider what he did for them.

Vs. 5a – Solomon went after Ashtoreth, the goddess of fertility. Part of the worship practice for her was temple prostitution. Solomon the wise.

Vs. 5b – He also went after Milcom, which is another name for “Molech.” Bible readers will recognize that as the name of the god to whom worshippers would sacrifice their babies. Yep, Solomon the wise.

Vs. 7 – He didn’t just follow these gods. He built places of worship to them. And he built them next to Jerusalem where they worshipped the real God.

Vs. 8 – “All” his strange wives. Meaning he made allowances for all of them to worship how they wanted to.

Proverbs 13:20. “He that walketh with wise men shall be wise: but a companion of fools shall be destroyed.”

Right here in this room, some of you have a Solomon type background (godly parents, Christian home, church whole life, etc). And you think you’re above it, but some of your companions (or other “voices”) are turning your heart away from God.

You think you won’t be affected. But you’re wrong. Solomon’s companions turned his heart away from God. A companion of fools gets destroyed. It starts in the heart. Jer. 17:9

What’s the next step for Solomon? They turned his heart away from God and #2…

His behavior changed. (vs. 6a)

After his wives turned his heart it changed his actions.

That’s the order: what’s inside shows up outside. Prov. 23:7, As a man “thinketh in his heart, so is he” Heart is revealed through words and actions.

Some of you have companions that are turning your heart, and your actions are about to follow.

The friends you thought you’d change will eventually change you. The things they do that you didn’t approve of at first, now you’re doing. Companion of fools.

Proverbs 13:20. “He that walketh with wise men shall be wise: but a companion of fools shall be destroyed.”

The next step on Solomon’s slide to destruction is found again in vs. 6b. Solomon “went not fully after the Lord, as did David his father.”

He missed out on God’s best. (vs. 6b)

Once your heart and behavior change, you will miss out on what God wants for you.

That makes sense. If you’re in the wrong place you’re not in the right place. You can’t be two places at once.

God has incredible plans for each of us. You could say God intends for us to live life at a level 10 – the best life.

But show me your friends and I’ll show you future. If a 10 is the life God intends you to live and you’re a companion of fools, get ready for a 3.

Solomon “went not fully after the Lord.” He settled for less. That’s what a companion of fools does.

How many of you want to experience God’s perfect will for your life? I can strongly predict whether or not you will based on your friends.

Proverbs 13:20. “He that walketh with wise men shall be wise: but a companion of fools shall be destroyed.”

Solomon, wisest man, became a companion of fools. And missed out on God’s best plans for his life.

So #1 Solomon’s heart changed, #2 His behavior changed, #3 He settled for less than God’s best, and #4

God judged him for it.

Vs. 9 – “And the Lord was angry with Solomon.”

Places don’t want to be. (I don’t like to be in cabin with 8th grade boys. I don’t like to be in old warehouses full of clowns. I don’t like to be in a city without a Taco Bell. But of all the places I don’t want to be…) The worst place to be is in the crosshairs of God’s judgment.

God was angry with Solomon.

Vs. 9b – His heart was turned from God, which had appeared unto him twice (God had specifically blessed Solomon and made efforts to give him an incredible life. Same goes with us. Ingratitude…)

Vs. 10 – Solomon had gone against God’s specific commandments. It’s not a light thing to deliberately defy God.

Illustration: Jonah J rebellious stage, started getting sick in February, wasn’t able to eat from March to June of last year.

Rebellion = God’s hand against you. You can’t escape.

Look at what God told Solomon in vs. 11-13

Solomon’s foolishness was going to be the cause of immense heartache, not just for himself but for future generations.

God promises to take away most of the kingdom from his family. Here’s the last effect of Solomon’s slide.

The consequences affect more than just you. Vs. 11-13

God told Solomon three things:

I’ll take the kingdom away from you.

I’ll give it to your servant, which turned out to be Jeroboam, an enemy of Solomon’s son Rehoboam.

I won’t take all the kingdom, not because of you but because of your father David. In other words, I’ll bless your family because of your dad. But you’re a companion of fools.

Solomon’s choice of companions literally tore the kingdom apart.

We often think something as small as choosing our friends won’t have lasting effects, but Solomon’s life proves that wrong.

It affected the past: David’s legacy was altered.

It affected the present: Solomon’s testimony was destroyed.

It affected the future: Most of the kingdom was taken away from his family. His choices destroyed his family’s influence over 10 tribes of Israel.

It affected the distant future: His influence in introducing idolatry was a plague and curse to Israel for almost 400 years. It wasn’t until Solomon’s great (x13) grandson Josiah came along in 2 Kings that the high places of worship were finally put away.

Solomon’s companions affected generations of Israelites, past, present, future, and distant future.

How many never had faith in God because they were born worshipping idols?

How much blood of souls is on the hands of Solomon for choosing to be a companion of fools?

Here’s the thing, at first it was Solomon’s friends that affected him. At the end, it was Solomon affecting others.

Some of you are older teens are affecting the younger teens in your youth group. You are perpetuating foolishness with your influence. A lot of young people and parents say, “They got in with the wrong people.” I don’t buy that. Eventually you are the wrong people.

Show me your friends and I’ll show you you future. “A companion of fools will be destroyed,” Solomon wrote it, he couldn’t escape it. If a man like Solomon couldn’t prove God wrong, do you think you’re going to?

III. You Don't Just Make Friends, Your Friends Make You

Who are the fools?

The ones who criticize their authorities.

The ones who sit back during services like they’re too cool to listen.

Those who say, “Let’s try the world for a while just to see what it’s like.”

The ones, “You don’t have to go to church to be happy.” It could be the guy in the bunk next to you this week.

The fools are trying to get you to drink, be impure, sneak around.

They’re the ones at work causing you to doubt your upbringing.

They’re the ones at school getting you to question your gender and sexuality, which we’re seeing numbers skyrocket because it’s trendy.

And you jump in thinking, “I won’t go all the way. I’ll influence them.” No, you won’t. It’s the companion of fools that gets destroyed.

Walk with the Wise.

The ones who value their parents’ influence.

The ones who look for ways to hang out with the Youth Pastor.

The ones who say, “I won’t make a choice that risks God’s best for my life.”

The wise are those who keep God first in every decision, from parties to dating to standards to church attendance.

The wise submit to rules because they know God blesses that.

The wise keep themselves pure.

The wise have phone accountability.

So what was Solomon thinking as he wrote Proverbs 13:20, “He that walketh with wise men shall be wise: but a companion of fools shall be destroyed?”

I kind of wonder if he’s not looking around at his 1,000 wives and concubines thinking, “How did I get here?”

Maybe he’s looking at the altars he’s built for false gods.

Maybe he’s watching one of his sons walk off toward the hill where he’ll worship a god that he thinks will be pleased if he’s sexually immoral with a temple priestess.

Maybe he’s headed off to worship Molech, whose followers thought you had to kill babies.

Maybe he’s thinking about all he’s lost. His heart for God. His purity. God’s best for his life. His father’s legacy.

And in a moment of clarity he looks in a mirror and all he can think is, “Companion of fools.”

Illustration: Connor’s testimony Sunday Night

I can’t tell you how many young people I know that sat right where you did. Looked just like you. Had the same potential. And they traded it all for a friend. Every adult in here could tell you the same story a hundred times over.

Proverbs 13:20 “He that walketh with wise men shall be wise: but a companion of fools shall be destroyed.”

Here’s the choice you have today: Would you rather be wise or wasted?

You have one shot at life, and your friends will likely be the difference between wise or wasted.

Show me your friends and I’ll show you your future.

Consider your circle. Based on those closest to you, which one will you end up being? Wise or wasted?

Your school friends

Your church friends

Your girlfriend

Your boyfriend

Your online friends

The people you follow on social media

According to Prov. 13:20 they are the difference between your life being Wise and Wasted.

You make the call.

Application:

You’ve got friends that are fools. You need to take a step of separation.

Maybe this isn’t a problem for you today. But it could be tomorrow. Maybe you ought to ask God to help you make wise decisions about your friends in the future.

Maybe you are the wrong friend. And it’s time to become a good influence.

Maybe you need a friend. Jesus is a friend that sticketh closer than a brother.