A Life Of Forgiveness

Introduction

In our journey throughout the letter to the Colossians we have slowed down the pace to more carefully examine the vices and virtues listed on the first half of ch 3. Last week we dealt with the issue of anger and other sins that tend to be spoken and /or acted out against others making it clear that a disciple of Christ should not speak, act, and live in that way.

But living a virtuous life is not just not to act the in the ways described last week but to know how to respond in a Christlike manner when others treat us poorly.

Paul, again uses the metaphor of clothing when he says “put on then” in vs 12 which we will read momentarily. Please note that this is not trying harder to be a good person, but rather, it is engaging in an outward action that reflects an inner reality. That inner reality is that believers are “God’s chosen ones, holy and beloved.”

Today we will be paying close attention to vs 13 as we have already covered vs 12 but we will start our reading there in for the sake of context.

Colossians 3:12–13 (LSB)

12 So, as the elect of God, holy and beloved, put on a heart of compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience;

13 bearing with one another, and graciously forgiving each other, whoever has a complaint against anyone, just as the Lord graciously forgave you, so also should you.

The vices we dealt with the previous message have to do with anger and malice and resentment expressed through the words we use with one another. We learned that we need to put off such things as they are not in line with who we currently are in Jesus.

So, we take off somethings so that we can put on something else. When you go to the store with the intentions of purchasing a dress or a suit, for it to fit well requires you to take your previous clothes off and the put on the new clothes.

So after we have taken off certain vices, we are to put on certain virtues among which is the “bearing with one another” which is greatly related to patience.

The Greek word here is anechomai which means: “to bear with, to forbear, to endure, to be tolerant, to be patient with, to put up with, to make allowance for, to tolerate.

It refers to forbearance. It connotes the standing firm, tall under duress. It is a type of resistance that benefits others. This is how we are to respond when the vices that we have discussed are directed towards us. It is like a tree planted by the water stream, unmovable (Ps 1:3). It is so related to:

1 Corinthians 15:58 (LSB)

58 Therefore, my beloved brothers, be steadfast, immovable, always abounding in the work of the Lord, knowing that your labor is not in vain in the Lord.

The labor here is not to react to vices with more vices. I am not talking about enduring that with you do not have power to do otherwise… that’s easy, I am talking about having the power, or feeling like you have ammunition to destroy the person who is coming after you and yet patiently standing firm.

1 Peter 2:21–23 (LSB)

21 For to this you have been called, since Christ also suffered for you, leaving you an example that you should follow in His steps,

22 who did no sin, nor was any deceit found in His mouth;

23 who being reviled, was not reviling in return; while suffering, He was uttering no threats, but kept entrusting Himself to Him who judges righteously.

But there is more to put on, you cannot just put this on, you must keep going. The forbearance puts you in the right position for the next thing which you could not put on without it which is forgiveness. The Scripture says that we are to be:

“graciously forgiving each other, whoever has a complaint against anyone”

Forgiveness is neither deserved or earned. For someone to deserve to be forgiven is an oxymoron. Forgiveness requires guilt in order to exist. In other words, only the guilty need forgiveness, therefore you will never find someone who deserves forgiveness. The guilty only deserve justice… to say “she does not deserve my forgiveness” is one of the most idiotic things to say. A person that deserves your forgiveness does not need forgiveness.

So what is forgiveness? Forgiveness is the act of canceling a debt. The lender, the offended, the injured party is saying you do not owe me anything. It means no longer holding someone responsible for repaying what is owed. The best way to illustrate this with the use of money. However, the principle applies to any and everything that causes offence.

Matthew 18:23–27 (LSB)

23 “For this reason the kingdom of heaven may be compared to a king who wished to settle accounts with his slaves.

24 “When he had begun to settle them, one who owed him ten thousand talents was brought to him.

25 “But since he did not have the means to repay, his lord commanded him to be sold, along with his wife and children and all that he had, and repayment to be made.

26 “Therefore, the slave fell to the ground and was prostrating himself before him, saying, ‘Have patience with me and I will repay you everything.’

27 “And feeling compassion, the lord of that slave released him and forgave him the debt.

Forgiveness means that the debt is considered paid in full. Forgiveness is not a loan that has been deferred. It does not sit in wait, it is saying you do not owe me anything.

For you to demand an apology before you can forgive, at its most basic level you are expecting some form of payment for what was done to you.

But how do I make myself forgive someone when I have been hurt so badly. How do I forgive if I am still hurting?

Counselors and therapists that work with couples and family therapy have identified 2 types of forgiveness.

2 types of forgiveness: Decisional and emotional

They are related to each other but they can occur separately. The forgiveness that is mandated in Scripture is decisional forgiveness because it is the one we can immediately obey. We cannot always control our emotions but we do have control over what we do or do not do. What does the decision to forgive look like?

Some people confuse forgiving with forgetting. Many well meaning God fearing Christians conclude that because they still remember the offence against them conclude that they have not forgiven… Only God can chose to forget a thing. Our brains are like computers.

I have forgiven, when I do not allow what was done to me yesterday to determine my decisions concerning how I am going to respond today.

I have forgiven, when I chose not to empower my memories of what was done

I have forgiven, when I deny myself the right to bring up what was done at every opportunity given.

We already saw an example of forgiveness, in the Lord’s first half of His parable, the second half paints the picture of what the decision not to forgive looks like.

Matthew 18:28–30 (LSB)

28 “But that slave went out and found one of his fellow slaves who owed him one hundred denarii; and he seized him and began to choke him, saying, ‘Pay back what you owe.’

29 “So, his fellow slave fell to the ground and was pleading with him, saying, ‘Have patience with me and I will repay you.’

30 “But he was unwilling and went and threw him in prison until he should pay back what was owed.

Everything that God asks you to do is because it is either in your power to do so, or better yet, because He has empowered you to do so.

Emotional forgiveness always comes after. Depending on the severity of the hurt it might take a while before you feel it. But it will come after and not before the decision to forgive

Emotional forgiveness comes when hurt feelings are replaced with empathy, sympathy, compassion, and love.

There is always the rule of first cause. Neither of us are the initiators of forgiveness the same way we are not the initiators of love. It is all reactionary.

1 John 4:19 (LSB)

19 We love, because He first loved us.

Ephesians 4:32 (LSB)

32 Instead, be kind to one another, tender-hearted, graciously forgiving each other, just as God in Christ also has graciously forgiven you.

It requires for you to acknowledge your own continuous need for the Father’s forgiveness for your to have it in you to forgive others. Conversely, refusal to forgive is an indication that you have refused or dismissed the Fathers forgiveness of your sins. This is serious because this is potentially a salvation issue.

The the model prayer the Lord’s says, “forgive our trespasses, as we forgive those who trespass against us.”

Matthew 6:14–15 (LSB)

14 “For if you forgive others for their transgressions, your heavenly Father will also forgive you.

15 “But if you do not forgive others, then your Father will not forgive your transgressions.

this brings us to the last portion of our passage

Colossians 3:13 (LSB)

13 bearing with one another, and graciously forgiving each other, whoever has a complaint against anyone, just as the Lord graciously forgave you, so also should you.

In Star Wars: The Empire Strikes Back Luke Skywalker is training with Yoda and struggling to believe he can complete the task of lifting his sinking ship out of the swamp. When he says he will try, Yoda replies with the now famous line “Do or do not. There is no try.”

When he fails, he declares the task impossible and Yoda proves that it is not. His response in seeing his ship on solid ground is “I don’t believe it,” to which Yoda responds, “That is why you fail.”

Too often believers are like Luke when it comes to approaching forgiveness. It is viewed as an optional virtue they’ll hopelessly try to do, but with little confidence that it is possible to truly forgive. However, God says we are to forgive, just as we have been forgiven (Matthew 6:14).

Until the forgiveness of God is fully realized in our lives, we may continually “try” to forgive others without ever truly succeeding