Relationships are Messy...even as Christians
Acts (To Be Continued...) • Sermon • Submitted • Presented
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Please turn to Acts 15:22. Acts 15:22.
Conflict…how many of you have ever experienced conflict…in relationships?
this sermon will hopefully…help you.
Last week, we looked at what is called the Jerusalem Council and conflict—but also major unity.
Believers from these areas (see map) were meeting together in Jerusalem to discuss some MAJOR things.
For instance: Does a Gentile have to be circumcised to be saved? Answer: No!
For instance: Does a Gentile have to follow the OT Mosaic Law to be saved, that is the law in Exodus, Leviticus, Deuteronomy? Answer: No
look at verse 11: what Peter said...
11 No! We believe it is through the grace of our Lord Jesus that we are saved, just as they are.”
praise God we are saved by grace alone (it’s a gift) through faith alone in Jesus Christ alone… praise God.
There is not a Jewish Church or Gentile Church but ONE church.
now, let’s look at what the Jerusalem Council does—to spread this word...
Acts 15:22–29 (NIV)
22 Then the apostles and elders, with the whole church, decided to choose some of their own men and send them to Antioch with Paul and Barnabas. They chose Judas (called Barsabbas) and Silas, men who were leaders among the believers.
23 With them they sent the following letter: The apostles and elders, your brothers, To the Gentile believers in Antioch, Syria and Cilicia: Greetings.
(so look at on the map)—where they are sending this letter...
24 We have heard that some went out from us without our authorization and disturbed you, troubling your minds by what they said. (they were the ones who said you must be circumcised or obey the Law of Moses to really be saved)
25 So we all agreed to choose some men and send them to you with our dear friends Barnabas and Paul—
26 men who have risked their lives for the name of our Lord Jesus Christ.
27 Therefore we are sending Judas and Silas to confirm by word of mouth what we are writing.
28 It seemed good to the Holy Spirit and to us not to burden you with anything beyond the following requirements:
29 You are to abstain from food sacrificed to idols, from blood, from the meat of strangled animals and from sexual immorality. You will do well to avoid these things. Farewell.
it’s interesting that these 4 things are included…2 possibilities:
it’s possible that the Gentiles were asked to abstain from these 4 things—b/c the background is Lev. 17-18. levitcus 17-18 prohibits the Jews from doing those 4 things—and sexual immorality—that’s the surprising one since that is always wrong—in lev. 17-18—it is about marrying a close relative. so the Gentiles may have been asked to not do these 4 things—including marrying a close relative b/c it would offend the Jews and hurt the unity of the church.
or it may be possible—and I think this is more likely-that all these 4 things had to do with the Gentiles former way of life before they came to Christ. They would go to Pagan temples and worship by offering and eating meat to idols, sleeping with a temple prostitute, participating in the strangling of animals, and eating meat with blood in it. the Jerusalem Council says break off from that former way of life.
30 So the men were sent off and went down to Antioch, where they gathered the church together and delivered the letter.
31 The people read it and were glad for its encouraging message.
32 Judas and Silas, who themselves were prophets, said much to encourage and strengthen the believers.
33 After spending some time there, they were sent off by the believers with the blessing of peace to return to those who had sent them.
34
35 But Paul and Barnabas remained in Antioch, where they and many others taught and preached the word of the Lord.
what a great moment of unity in the early Church. though the letter doesn’t mention the grace of our Lord Jesus or the gospel per say—it undoubtedly would have been communicated because it was talked about earlier.
one scholar says:
The Gospel is reaffirmed!
The unity of the church—in Jerusalem and Antioch is preserved—one church! yes!
the Gentile mission could continue unhindered
the Gentile churches already established could be encouraged
the future of the church looks bright!
btw—this passage reminds us that we are not a church existing only for ourselves—but we exist with other churches in our community, county, state, even denomination—a network.
but let’s keep reading.
Acts 15:36–41 (NIV)
36 Some time later Paul said to Barnabas, “Let us go back and visit the believers in all the towns where we preached the word of the Lord and see how they are doing.”
good idea—this is beginning what is called the 2nd missionary journey but really is motivated to go back and check on each church they started.
37 Barnabas wanted to take John, also called Mark, with them,
38 but Paul did not think it wise to take him, because he had deserted them in Pamphylia and had not continued with them in the work.
39 They had such a sharp disagreement that they parted company. Barnabas took Mark and sailed for Cyprus, (the island)
40 but Paul chose Silas and left, commended by the believers to the grace of the Lord.
41 He went through Syria and Cilicia, strengthening the churches.
my goodness...
after a triumphant account of Gospel unity—now we have 2 prominent leaders—Paul and Barnabas who have been through thick and thin together—disagreeing and even parting ways.
they disagreed with whether they should take John Mark on their 2nd missionary journey.
If you recall in Acts 13—John Mark went with them on the 1st missionary journey.
5 When they arrived at Salamis, they proclaimed the word of God in the Jewish synagogues. John was with them as their helper.
but Acts 13:13
13 From Paphos, Paul and his companions sailed to Perga in Pamphylia, where John left them to return to Jerusalem.
so you can imagine what Paul and Barnabas might be thinking…and their conflict...
Paul’s like — “these missionary journeys are not for the faint of heart. We almost died several times. I was stoned by a crowd and left for dead. We need someone we can count on and rely on—not someone who is going to get cold feet and leave. This is life or death. Based on his past track record—we cannot invite him or trust him.” hmmm...
and Barnabas the ultimate encourager—his name means son of encouragement says, “Give him another chance. He has changed, repented, he is ready and willing. We need someone. Give him another chance—after all God gave you another chance, Paul.”
not to mention look at what Colossians 4:10 tells us about Barnabas and John Mark
10 My fellow prisoner Aristarchus sends you his greetings, as does Mark, the cousin of Barnabas. (You have received instructions about him; if he comes to you, welcome him.)
is it possible that being related affected Barnabas’ decision too? Does family and relatives ever affect our decision? (sarcastically… “of course not...”
so who was right? was Paul right? or Barnabas right—let’s take a vote. and I want you to vote...
some wonder that Paul and Barnabas—maybe the thing beneathe the thing—the real issue—goes back to Galatians—written near this time.
Galatians 2:11–13 (NIV)
11 When Cephas (Peter) came to Antioch, I opposed him to his face, because he stood condemned.
12 For before certain men came from James, he used to eat with the Gentiles. But when they arrived, he began to draw back and separate himself from the Gentiles because he was afraid of those who belonged to the circumcision group.
13 The other Jews joined him in his hypocrisy, so that by their hypocrisy even Barnabas was led astray.
maybe Paul is still mad at Barnabas for getting caught up in not eating with the Gentiles.
so who was right?
What would you have done...
so how to make sense of Acts 15—
“A Time to unite and Divide...”
How to make sense of conflict...
application:
Trust God’s Word even more.
that may seem like a weird statement—but the fact that the author of Acts —who is Luke—chose to write about this account—this embarrassing account…shows that we can trust the historical accuracy of the Bible.
Luke does not sugarcoat the problems of the early church.
Acts 5—Ananias and Sapphira—lie are are struck dead by God.
Acts 6 - some of the widows were being overlooked in the daily distribution of food—it threatened to divide the church
and now this—2 of the best leaders in the early church.
this reminds us that we can trust God’s Word b/c it includes some embarrassing accounts—Paul was a murderer. that’s included. Peter denied Jesus. that’s included. Jonah threw a pity party. and now Paul and Barnabas divide over a non-Gospel issue.
that actually makes me trust God’s Word more…start there...
There are appropriate times to fight and divide, and of course, inappropriate.
when is it appropriate—when the Gospel is at stake—the good news of Jesus—this is when we discuss, debate, and even divide. In Acts 15—the church overall took a great stand—you do not add to the sufficiency of Jesus Christ. It is not Jesus plus works that saves—only Jesus. When Jesus and the Gospel is threatened, we may have to divide within the church. it doesn’t mean we give up on relationships....but they took a necessary stand.
certainly you can think of other instances—when safety is at stake with someone or potential harm or danger or abuse—we get the victims help—we encourage division in some of those situations...
these kinds of division are needed for the benefit and health of all...
but then there are inappropriate times—unnecessary. This one with Paul and Barnabas by all accounts, seems unnecessary. we have the benefit of hindsight here—and historical perspective,
but when we are in a conflict in the heat of the moment—it feels very appropriate and very necessary—but if we step back—we have to really ask ourselves—what is our motivation for this conflict.
one of the passages I use in pre-marital counseling is from James 4.
1 What causes fights and quarrels among you? Don’t they come from your desires that battle within you?
so James says—when you fight and quarrel with others—who do you usually blame for the problem…the other person. “If they would just see my position. If they would just admit…if they would just change and not be so stubborn.”
but James says before you look out there—look in here. what desire do I have in my heart—that is not being met.
desires in and of themselves are not always bad—you can have good and bad. sometimes they can be good desires that are not being met. but when that desire turns to a demand— “I have to have this...” and someone else stands in that way…that’s when conflict happens.
Paul had a good desire—to have a team he can rely on.
Barnabas had a desire to restore John Mark.
both needed…but both became demands...
Expect relationships to be messy—even in the church or ministry or ESPECIALLY… why?
Kevin Deyoung—there are always conflicts in the church because Christians are still sinners. yes we are change and made new—we are new creations—but we will not be fully changed until Jesus returns or we go to heaven.
conflict may seem surprising in the church, we shouldn’t be surprised when it happens. even though Paul and Barnabas had been through so much together. Barnabas had vouched for Paul when he became a Christian in Acts 9. they went on the first missionary journey together. they almost died together. they were persecuted together. so it is surprising—yet if we step back—we shouldn’t be surprised b/c all of us are sinners who have been changed by grace but sometimes our old selves can crop up. so if P and B faced conflict, we will.
following Christ does not always mean that our personalities change...
furthermore, it takes time to mature and grow—so that we can process emotions in a healthy way, learn how to have healthy relationships…those things often are not automatic—they take work, time, and the HS and community.
conflict in the church or among Christians is not always over big things; it may be over small things…that’s why one theologian says conflict among Christians may not be over theology but over the small stuff like the color of the carpet. (which BTW-should always be coffee color and hot chocolate color so when we spill it—it blends right in)
sometimes separation may be the only way forward—but this is always a last resort…and does not usually apply to marriage unless there is abuse involved.
illustration - as I was thinking about the messiness of relationships…some of you may know the story of the 5 young missionary men in Ecuador who were killed, martyred for their faith—speared to death in the jungles of Ecuador in 1956—Jim Elliott, Nate Saint and 3 others. all in their late 20’s and early 30’s.
after their death, Elizabeth Elliot, now a widow, and Rachel Saint (sister to Nate saint)…ended up eventually working together to go to the tribe that had killed their loved ones. so Elizabeth and Rachel had to work together to do language work among the tribe. getting the Bible into their native language.
but their partnership - It did NOT go well.
Both had strong personalities and were not easy to work with.
some of their differences of opinions in missions work (remember this is almost 60 years ago) - one writer says this about them: Elliot was not interested in “westernizing” the Waodani while Saint encouraged clothes. Elliot did not wish to change the culture of the Waodani when it didn’t conflict with Scripture and worried about the tribe coming to depend on supply drops from missionary planes, which might change the tribe’s hunting customs, while Saint wanted to order food regularly. Elliot felt in at least one circumstance one young woman’s “confession of faith” was due to being put on the spot publicly, while Saint saw it as “sign”“ of God’s Spirit at work. In the end, Saint asked Elliot if she even believed in the Resurrection...At that point, Elliot considered their relationship unable to go forward and she ended up leaving missionary life and turning instead to writing and speaking.”
Elizabeth Elliott wrote her mother and said, “I have lost weight, sleep, and appetite agonizing over whether or not I was doing the right thing, praying to be shown if I am in the wrong...”
these 2 incredible missionary women couldn’t get along…this is written pretty honestly now…
it’s famously said that the #1 reason missionaries leave the field is…OTHER MISSIONARIES...
The longer I am in ministry, I am not surprised by these things.
before I came here to Berne, I was involved in church planting—starting new churches. and went to church planting conferences, talked with church planters. We would sit around tables discussing the best way to start new churches in our settings:
some would argue—house churches—they are the way to go...
some would argue—that will never work in American context—you need to start with at least 200 people—b/c you need enough “critical mass” of people to have children’s ministries and student ministries.
some would say you need certain metrics before you can launch an official worship service—some say—just get going…and the metrics will come.
Who is right?
these are not necessarily Gospel issues—but they are differences in opinions and leadership decisions and can cause conflict.
I see this in the church world all the time—what is the best way to do addiction and recovery ministry? yes—we need Jesus and the Gospel—but Christians disagree on this.
what is the best way to do children’s ministry…or student ministry…or adult ministry...
what makes for the best preaching at a church? Christians would say “of course the Word of God…and Jesus...” (that’s how we talk…) but do you need someone who is funny, relatable, a good therapist preacher, or really loud, someone with a good smile...
what is the best way to raise kids, or take care of aging parents, or educational choices for your kids...
all these are good discussions we can have…but can sometimes get really messy...
not to mention all of have personality quirks, may have had some generation-ally difficult things including trauma, don’t always know how to process emotions in a healthy way and build healthy relationships--
so expect relationships even in the church among Christians to be messy at best..
Live the Romans 12:18 principle
18 If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.
* praying for those you disagree with… not “Lord help them see they are wrong and I am right..>”
*giving the benefit of the doubt...
*when the Gospel is not at stake…trying to find compromise....
*not giving up at conflict---but staying at it—resolving to solve...
being quick to say 2 of the most powerful words in the English language “I’m sorry...” or 3… “I was wrong....” “Will you please forgive me?”
5. Trust a Sovereign God...
this was messy—but looked at what happened.
39 They had such a sharp disagreement that they parted company. Barnabas took Mark and sailed for Cyprus,
40 but Paul chose Silas and left, commended by the believers to the grace of the Lord.
41 He went through Syria and Cilicia, strengthening the churches.
instead of one missionary journey…we now have 2.
instead of just taking one person—John Mark—Paul now takes Silas who would be instrumental in spreading the Gospel.
so…more people reached…more people trained and empowered for leadership.
the Gospel spreads—nothing can stop it —not persecution—not even messy, human, division.
isn’t that amazing?
we must never use the excuse of God’s sovereignty or providence to excuse conflict. “Oh God will work through our division and conflict---it’s God’s will...”
but…this is remarkable.
One of the things I have learned from Max Haines…former pastor here—loves history...
most of our churches that started in Berne over the last 150 plus years—were not just church plants—they were either church splits or often people wanting something different.
why did our church start? we broke off 1st Mennonite Church...
we did not want to sprinkle in baptism but immerse fully under water. We also wanted more expressive style of worship (like raising our hands and saying “amen.”
and our founders JA and Katie Sprunger visited Europe, and came back with some new ideas on how to do ministry.
were our founders right to start something new? why not stay with the Mennonite Church back in 1893.
is it possible that other motivations existed to break off—like personality conflicts—you betcha. Max told me that 13 families left the Mennonite Church back then to start 1st Missionary. and Katie Sprunger was the cousin of the Mennonite Church pastor at that time…talk about messy.
and yet through that…messiness…God has worked.
whatever our motivations for doing what we do in the Christian life—we need to surrender them to God—but God is so amazing that He even works through that.
Elizabeth Elliott wrote as she left the mission field over not getting along with Rachel Saint… “Once more I have had to face the lesson that He works in most inscrutable ways…How can we see God’s hand in such a terrible thing as the lack of unity and understanding and tolerance between 2 fellow missionaries?”
and yet somehow God worked through that and led Elizabeth into new work.
not all stories will have a happy ending…but...
back to Paul and Barnabas...
later on…look at what Paul says about John Mark:
23 Epaphras, my fellow prisoner in Christ Jesus, sends you greetings.
Philemon 24 (NIV)
24 And so do Mark, Aristarchus, Demas and Luke, my fellow workers.
2 Timothy 4:11 (NIV)
11 Only Luke is with me. Get Mark and bring him with you, because he is helpful to me in my ministry.
It appears they patch things up—Paul, Barnabas and Mark
While conflict is surprising—and may be unavoidable at times (Kevin DeYoung), there is always a chance for reconciliation and to make things right.
b/c of the cross of Jesus Christ...
We are going to celebrate that right now through the act of communion.
Communion is open to anyone who is a believer in Jesus Christ.
you don’t have to be a member or regular attender.
and I want to think about conflict…as we think about the greatest thing that has ever happened—Jesus Christ and His death on the cross.
in 1 Corinthians 11…Paul was writing to the church in Corinth that was divided..and abusing the Lord’s Supper. Apparently, they would often eat together as part of it—and it says that they don’t wait for each other to eat.
This is causing conflict—because by the time some get there, there is no food. and for some that is life and death in poverty.
it also mentions people are getting drunk at these potlucks and communion times.
so Paul says this as part of our time of communion:
27 So then, whoever eats the bread or drinks the cup of the Lord in an unworthy manner will be guilty of sinning against the body and blood of the Lord.
28 Everyone ought to examine themselves before they eat of the bread and drink from the cup.
29 For those who eat and drink without discerning the body of Christ eat and drink judgment on themselves.
they are eating and drinking in an unworthy manner—they were not discerning what communion is all about. what is it all about?
look earlier
23 For I received from the Lord what I also passed on to you: The Lord Jesus, on the night he was betrayed, took bread,
24 and when he had given thanks, he broke it and said, “This is my body, which is for you; do this in remembrance of me.”
25 In the same way, after supper he took the cup, saying, “This cup is the new covenant in my blood; do this, whenever you drink it, in remembrance of me.”
26 For whenever you eat this bread and drink this cup, you proclaim the Lord’s death until he comes.
communion points to what Jesus did...
He gave it all his body—the bread—the bread of life...
his blood—beginning a new covenant with us—where our sins are forgiven by his precious blood
so as part of that examining—we examine ourselves, confess our sin to God and receive his mercy and grace...
but another part of communion—is community—relationships with others. we take time to think about the whole body of Christ—do we have conflict and problems with someone else.
is there someone that I need to forgive…or who may need to forgive me.
I am reminded—that Jesus was no stranger to conflict....the Pharisees despised him.
even his own family questioned him.
his disciples were often confused by him.
and I am reminded that Jesus—loved and prayed for his enemies…even on the cross—as he was hanging there dying for our sins—he prayed that we would be forgiven...
I am reminded that this good news—this Gospel—gives me the resources to mend broken relationships, to work for forgiveness and ultimately reconciliation with others. b/c God, though I am a sinner, gave me the opportunity to be forgiven and made right with him. where would I be if God had the same feelings towards me I feel towards others who I feel wronged me? but God in His grace pursued me…forgave me…loved me through Christ.
take a moment and confess sin...
and consider what relationships need mended in your life today...
i believe it is possible to forgive people from a distance…in your heart...
but true reconciliation takes a face to face meeting. reconciliation is not always guaranteed—but we can work with God’s help to forgive…communion reminds us of that.