Honor your parents

My Parents Just Don’t Get Me: Honoring Your Parents is Old Fashioned

Before I begin I find it fitting that I was given this topic. At first I thought why didn’t Mike or Josh take this one, they have years of experience parenting and wisdom from their upbringing they can share but the more I thought about it the more it made sense for me. I don’t have children in this group, I’m not necessarily close friends with a lot of your parents so I hope you take this as an encouragement and challenge rather than personal attack on you.

I will say from the onset, some of you need to feel personally attacked. Under the heading “Lies We Believe” I could argue for all the lies were covering that its a problem, thats why we are teaching them. But I believe we, myself being chief among us, have failed as this and have subscribed whole heartily into this lie.

We think that this is a new issue—that this generation of parents just doesn’t understand our world of instant communication (which disappears after we read it or only lasts for 24 hours). They don’t get the pressures and issues we are dealing with, that you are dealing with, and so how can they possibly ascribe restrictions or rules over us?

There was a song from 1980’s that is not a good song but two stanzas of the song stick out to me:

“You know parents are the same No matter time nor place They don't understand that us kids Are going to make some mistakes So to you, all the kids all across the land There's no need to argue Parents just don't understand”

“For the next six hours I tried to explain to my Mom That I was gonna have to go through this about 200 more times So to you all the kids all across the land There's no need to argue Parents just don't understand”

They just don’t get us. They don’t understand our pleas and requests.

Video from John MacArthur.

Our culture is attacking children full on. The fight on gender & sexuality at this point is not that it is right or wrong, our culture has embraced the merits of it, but its that children know best and can make their own decisions without the parents knowing.

It centers around this idea: my parents don’t understand me.

I am actually for lack of better terms, going to ignore that statement. Let’s say that even if that is true, which I will argue is not, these are not cause & effect related—even if they don’t understand you, you still must honor them.

Your parents probably understand you more than you think. They experienced the push to be in with the trends. They had friends be mean to them. They went through relationship issues. They struggled with not having the latest and greatest.

We have seen in Ecclesiastes that the items change but the issues stay the same. Each generation comes and goes striving after the same things with no results.

Turn to Exodus 20. We are going to read 3 passages as we jump into this idea of honoring our parents.

We don’t have time to read them all but what is happening in Exodus 20? The Ten Commandments are being given.

Exodus 20:12 ESV

12 “Honor your father and your mother, that your days may be long in the land that the Lord your God is giving you.

Commandment #5: Honor your father & mother.

Ephesians 6:1–3 ESV

1 Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. 2 “Honor your father and mother” (this is the first commandment with a promise), 3 “that it may go well with you and that you may live long in the land.”

Children, obey your parents.

Paul reiterates this in Colossians 3.

Colossians 3:18–22 ESV

18 Wives, submit to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord. 19 Husbands, love your wives, and do not be harsh with them. 20 Children, obey your parents in everything, for this pleases the Lord. 21 Fathers, do not provoke your children, lest they become discouraged. 22 Bondservants, obey in everything those who are your earthly masters, not by way of eye-service, as people-pleasers, but with sincerity of heart, fearing the Lord.

I am going to hover over this passage because of the context and we will develop that.

In these passages children are commanded to do two things, which are what?

Honor & Obey

Honor in Hebrew Kabod which means heaviness or weight.

Honor your father and your mother, obey your parents.

In each of these passages there is a effect to the obedience or honor which is what?

“That your days may be long in the land that the Lord your God is giving you.”

“that it may go well with you and that you may live long in that land.”

“for this pleases the Lord.”

When you honor your parents you find favor with God.

You have probably even asked the question how can I please God or make him happy or satisfy the standard and here is one of the answers—Honor your parents for this pleases the Lord.

We are not going to be perfect by any means but this is the standard.

Before we dive into “honor” and “obey” lets look again at Colossians 3. Paul is writing here about a series of relationships

Wives submit to your husbands

Husbands love your wives

Children obey your parents

Fathers do not provoke your children

Bondservants obey your earthly masters

Throughout the New Testament we see this affirmation of authority structures that have been put into place in the created order.

The family structure was established all the way back in Genesis 2 that a man shall leave his father & mother and hold fast to his wife and they shall become one flesh.

We see the institution of marriage as well as direct implication of children being under their parents prior to this point. The authority over the women is transferred from the dad to the husband.

We must acknowledge this authority is good and right and designed by God.

In 1 Peter we are admonished to be subject to human instritutions—the things the Lord has set up.

1 Peter 2:13–14 ESV

13 Be subject for the Lord’s sake to every human institution, whether it be to the emperor as supreme, 14 or to governors as sent by him to punish those who do evil and to praise those who do good.

1 Peter 2:17 ESV

17 Honor everyone. Love the brotherhood. Fear God. Honor the emperor.

Perhaps your sitting here saying my parents don’t serve my obedience—they are wicked and evil. They certainly don’t deserve honor.

If we are to honor the emperor which has often been wicked, vile, evil—how much more should we honor our parents who provide for us richly.

Perhaps they truly are unworthy of honor from our perspective—

Philippians 2:3 ESV

3 Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves.

Philippians 2:5–7 ESV

5 Have this mind among yourselves, which is yours in Christ Jesus, 6 who, though he was in the form of God, did not count equality with God a thing to be grasped, 7 but emptied himself, by taking the form of a servant, being born in the likeness of men.

Humble yourselves, count others more important than yourselves—show honor to those who you don’t feel deserves it as a mark of humility and grace. Jesus gave up equality with God taking the form a servant and took the likeness of men.

So what does it mean to obey our parents?

We are to obey at all times that do not contradict our faith.

We are to obey at all times that do not contradict our faith.

We are to obey at all times. that do not contradict our faith.

Be home by 10 PM means be home by 10 PM.

Don’t go to this place means don’t go to this place.

Clean your room means clean your room.

If your parents say you cannot go to church, Sunday morning gathering of the body, that is contrary to scripture—Do not forsake the fellowship.

I clarified that for a reason—do not say Caleb said I have to be able to come to the Winter Retreat because I cannot forsake the fellowship so I can disobey your parent saying you can’t go.

The number of times your parents give you instruction that is contrary to the word of God is little to nonexistent.

If they say you have to use the NKJV, use the NKJV, it is not violating the word of God and you are to obey your parents.

We are also called to honor our parents. This one carries weight with it, like I told you the Hebrew word literally carries the meaning of weightiness. We can honor our parents even if they are non-believing, even if they are evil, even if they have passed on, even if we disagree them or have to disobey them, even if we are no longer under their authority.

There is a tremendous weight and burdan that your parents carry. It is a heavy thing to be entrusted with these precious lives and to raise them in the wisdom and adomition of the Lord. It’s hard—and mine are under 3. I can’t even imagine 10 years from now.

Don’t get me wrong—its a great joy—but its hard. Disciplining is hard, correcting is hard, instructing is hard, teaching is hard. I speak for all parents when I say we don’t take it lightly and we don’t enjoy making your miserable.

You don’t believe me but your parents don’t set out to make your life hard and unfair. They don’t.

We are to honor our parents in how we speak of them.

In how we react to them.

In our actions.

Set the example to the believe in our conduct, in our speech.

I just heard an interaction between a student and a parent on Wednesday night after youth. I won’t say who it was and generalize the conversation:

Parent—”be home by 10:30”

Student—”10:45”

Parent—”10:15”

Student—”10:30”

I may not have the exact times right but the point was it was this negotiation, I know you said this but I am going to do this.

Your parents have been placed over you and you are to honor them.

You can honor them if they seem unworthy. Every life is valuable and has been esteemed by God.

There is common grace in every single human—even unbelieving parents.

Find ways to honor who they are, what they love, how they live—celebrate the common grace in their life. Honor them for the role that they have been placed in.

Honor your parents in how you disagree with them. You will disagree at times but honor them in your response.

Jonathan Edwards said this, “Love is the ground of honor because true love for someone disposes us to honor them.”

1 Corinthians 13:4–7 ESV

4 Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant 5 or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; 6 it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. 7 Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.

If you are patient, kind, humble, kind, not insist on your own way, not irritable, forgive wrongdoings and rejoice in the truth. If you bear all things—believe all things—hope all things—endure all things—honoring your parents will be easier.

We are broken vessels so it will never be easy but when we are humble & kind it will be easier to honor them.

In way of application I have 2 truths and a couple reminders for us as we close.

First two truths: I am going to let you all know a fact about your parents.

Are you ready: I have two things I believe is 100% true about your parents or guardian.

They are fallen

They make mistakes. They get angry. They sometimes are wrong. Your parents may be entangled in the snares of the devil or mess up. You parents are human and with humanity comes a fallen nature that is wicked and deceitful. They will not be perfect and we need to stop holding them to such an impossible standard.

2. They are wise.

Your parents have years of experience to share with you. Your parents want your protection. They have forethought of things to come. They love you and want the long term best for you. They think about things and consider things that you don’t.

Have you asked your parents about things you are struggling with? Your parents have had trouble with friends, trouble with relationships, trouble fitting in, trouble discovering the direction for life.

Have you asked your parents about these things?

Several months ago a student wanted to get together to discuss a situation in their life and get some guidance. Ultimately it had to do with what direction to go. My initial response was simple—what do your parents say?

Your parents are wise and probably have more experience in that area than you think.

And so now what? What are some takeaways from this? Here are five encouragements I got from Dannah Gresh that can help serve you.

Accept your parents decisions even if you don’t love the decisions they make.

One of the ways you can honor your parents is to accept the decisions they make. You can make appeals respectfully and ask questions but once they decide something you are called to accept it.

Ask for their advice because they are wise.

We just talked about this but seriously. Mom—I am having difficulty with such and such a friend, what should I do? I can’t decide if I should take this job, what should I do?

Speak well of them in front of others.

“My parents”. Those two words with the right expression can just reek of disrespect. We all struggle with this. I would love to that do but my parents won’t let me.

You can honor your parents in how you speak of them. This doesn’t go away when you move out of the house by the way. I would say it gets harder.

My parents claim to live one life but walk a different life. They have done things that have been really hard and had serious immediate consequences for me. In the middle of a semester at college my mom moved to Indiana and I had no place to go home at break in a couple weeks. But that does not and did not give my license to publically bash them. Even in sharing those factual statements I have to be careful about defaming them.

Next time your with your friends or with a family member or at the break table at work—think about how you speak of your parents.

Be respectful when you disagree.

Its okay to disagree at times, as you mature and grow in your faith and as a human you may disagree and there is a way to disagree and still be respectful.

There is a very real possibility for some of you that you are a believer and they are not or they are a young believer and you surpass them in maturity—you are still to respect and obey them. You may be able to point things out to them that you have come to understanding but you still have to be respectful.

Forgive them when they sometimes get it wrong.

Parenting is hard. There is very little instruction on how to do things in the bible. We know what to do but how to do it is hard. Where do you draw the line. How do you protect your children while still allowing them to be a part of the world. When do they get access to certain technology, how do you develop guidelines and freedoms. Its hard and they will make mistakes.

Forgive them. Be kind and gracious to your parents. They are trying to figure out what to feed you, how to get you where you need to go with the things you need and making sure its all clean and ready and that you have all you need and get proper sleep and the house is taken care of and by the way they are doing that times 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, kids. On top of caring for themselves. On top of their daily walk with the Lord on top of instructing you in the ways of the Lord. Be kind & gracious. Forgive them.

We do all of this not because our parents earned it. We don’t do this because they are worthy of it all. We do this because God has commanded us to do so.

And in doing so we find favor with God—there are positive results from being faithful to this command.

If we think parenting is hard now by the way—this command given at a time when your parents were taking you through the wilderness with no direction and unknown where your next camp or meal would be. Pressing toward a promised land with no timeline known.

Its really not that much different now right? We go through this journey of life knowing the end result—the final destination but with little to no direction on the best way to get there with the fewest amount of battle wounds thinking that just about every step may be a pothole, a pit or a landmine. But by the grace of God we press on.

Obey your parents—honor your father & mother.