The Betrothed and the Widow

Introduction

Good morning church and thank you for being with us today in worship. This week Adam, Amanda, Cheyenne, Anita, Cody, and I had the unique opportunity to serve at Baptist Hill for our associations Children’s camp. I say unique because any of you who have undertaken this task realize the toll it takes on your mind, body, and soul. I think I must have said the phrase, “I don’t know where your water bottle is” or “I’m not your mother and I don’t care”, at least 100 times by Monday night and the hits just kept on coming. I have no idea what everyone else’s experience was like but I’m thinking about marketing an new hyper-caffeinated form of coffee tailored especially for camp’s and vbs workers. It should be stout enough to stick to the cup, black as the depravity of sin, and have enough caffeine to rival 5 double AA batteries. We will call it “marinatha— come quickly Lord come.”

I think its a great idea. All joking aside, we got the hang out with the kids, do fun activities, and when you are able to spend time doing fun like this, you gain the unique ability to pour truth into these kids. This is a great thing and those of you who know, know that you get hooked and you keep coming back. Granted, I don’t want to think about camp for another year right now, but it will definitely go down as a week I won’t forget. Thank you to our church for sponsoring our kiddos and our leaders to make such discipleship and evangelism opportunities a reality and especially for praying this week.

I other news, today we are going to finish up our time in 1 Corinthians chapter 7 as Paul dives deeper into his instructions regarding singleness. In his address he really discusses the reasoning and how it interacts with widows and those who aren’t married yet.

There is a lot to cover. So, let’s pray together and get into it this morning.

Prayer

Exposition

1 Corinthians 7:25–40 (ESV)

Paul’s Advice. vs 25-28.

25 Now concerning the betrothed, I have no command from the Lord, but I give my judgment as one who by the Lord’s mercy is trustworthy.

26 I think that in view of the present distress it is good for a person to remain as he is.

27 Are you bound to a wife? Do not seek to be free. Are you free from a wife? Do not seek a wife.

28 But if you do marry, you have not sinned, and if a betrothed woman marries, she has not sinned. Yet those who marry will have worldly troubles, and I would spare you that.

Now, many over the years have found the language in these passages to be particularly problematic. Why? Well because of the what and how Paul is speaking here. First off, we all see that Paul, while addressing those who are engaged or betrothed or looking towards a union in marriage, that he immediately declares that he has “no command from the Lord” regarding what he’s about to say.

“Hold on a second Paul, is this just your best opinion or the word of God?”

Paul uses the word “epitage” (e-pit-a-jay), a word used 7 times in the NT, all of those times used by Paul. Basically, he is saying that in this matter Paul doesn’t have an authoritative word from Christ on the matter at hand. In contrast in 7:10, he did have an authoritative word from God. However, we find that the real reason that this falls into the category of Paul’s personal advice and can’t be given the same level as a command from the Lord is the reasoning. Paul is not outlawing marriage, nor is he claiming that he has the right or the desire. Instead he declares that because of the times, he believes that it would be best for those not married to stay that way.

Why?

Well, frankly, we don’t know. He cites in vs. 28 that those married will have worldly troubles that Paul would rather they didn’t have to struggle against it. Commentators discuss Paul’s views that the return of Christ could and would be likely any day now, not hundreds of years from now. Some talk about the air of persecution surrounding the area and the, as of yet, still disdain for most Christians as a potential security threat for such Christian families. It’s one thing to have to flee for your life and its another to have to move your wife and your kids constantly for fear of death. We don’t know much more than to say that whatever the crisis face looks like it is current and present. It’s not looming or theoretical but here and now.

Another point of struggle is found in Paul’s use of the word Parthenon (translated in the ESV as betrothed) but else ware as “virgins”. Interpreters are sharply divided on whether he’s referring to generically referring to unmarried males and females or referring to females only. It normally does translated to females even though its not required. This has led many to concede that he most likely is discussing those who have entered a formal engagement.

He finishes by conceding that even in the given situation, to marry or to seek to wed is not a sin. He encourages Christians to find solace in their current situations.

Paul’s Justification in the Lord’s Return. vs. 29-31

29 This is what I mean, brothers: the appointed time has grown very short. From now on, let those who have wives live as though they had none,

30 and those who mourn as though they were not mourning, and those who rejoice as though they were not rejoicing, and those who buy as though they had no goods,

31 and those who deal with the world as though they had no dealings with it. For the present form of this world is passing away.

Paul’s words in vs. 29 clearly speak towards his view of the return of Christ. In Romans 13:11

Romans 13:11 (ESV)

11 Besides this you know the time, that the hour has come for you to wake from sleep. For salvation is nearer to us now than when we first believed.

Paul saw the return of Jesus as immanent and wanted his followers to see it that way as well. To live as if Christ were returning tomorrow. He wanted the people to therefore live their lives in view of this and not to get bogged down in a swamp of meaningless pursuits. After all, if Jesu comes back tomorrow or next week or next month or next year will it really be a great use of our time to morn as if Jesus isn’t making all things new? To rejoice as if we even know the meaning of the word before we see Jesus face to face? That we would spend earthly Caesar money to buy earthly goods when Christ is going to make a new heaven and a new earth. The song echoes loudly in the back of our minds...

“Turn your eyes upon Jesus, look full in his wonderful face, and the things of Earth will grow strangely dim, in the light of his glory and grace.”

What things, what pursuits, what time spent could do justice to our lives given the magnitude of his return. A sober reality for all of us to consider as we weigh how we choose to use our time in the light of Christ’s glory.

Paul’s Justification in the divided man. vs 32-35.

32 I want you to be free from anxieties. The unmarried man is anxious about the things of the Lord, how to please the Lord.

33 But the married man is anxious about worldly things, how to please his wife,

34 and his interests are divided. And the unmarried or betrothed woman is anxious about the things of the Lord, how to be holy in body and spirit. But the married woman is anxious about worldly things, how to please her husband.

35 I say this for your own benefit, not to lay any restraint upon you, but to promote good order and to secure your undivided devotion to the Lord.

Jesus himself said a man cannot have two masters in Matthew 6:24 but while we might be quick to bust this similarity out, Jesus was talking about money. This is not apples to apples. In fact, by living our lives as married men, we honor God by thinking on ways in which we can please our wives and likewise, wives can please God by doing the same. We’ve discussed this many times and for a recap go read Ephesians 5. Paul is not making statements of sin or righteous but simply talking in reality. A man who is not tied down can devote all of himself, his time, his talents, his money, his calendar to the Lord and he need not check with anyone.

We can all admit this is true. Losing your job is hard enough when you’re on your own but truly terrifying when you consider hungry mouths of helpless babies.

One of my good friends Joe, who taught me a great deal about smoking and bbq-ing will forever be an example of this for me. Before I came on staff in a previous church Joe repented of his sin and dove head first into church and Christ had been impacting him in significant ways. But, one that he was greatly struggling with was his job. Joe was a beer man. He had ran deliveries for Budweiser for a number of years and made enough money to keep his family comfortable. However, as he’d accepted Christ, he had been finding it harder and harder to look the other way from some of guilt he’d been feeling. Funnier still, neither me or anyone else was laying down any source of guilt on him at all. He finally told our men’s group one day that the Lord had called him to change his job and he couldn’t sit back anymore pretending it wasn’t weighing on him. He had a mortgage, 2 kids, a wife, a new house, and in a week he’d put it all in the balance because he couldn’t deal with the hypocrisy he felt when his coworkers would ask him how he could pretend to live for Jesus when they really knew who he was.

Long story short, Joe took a pay cut delivering gas bottles for air-gas but he got to be home more and he and his wife took a Dave Ramsey class with us to learn how to stretch their money better and they made a plan. A year after the change, they had a savings, where debt free, and making 15k less a year but somehow ahead more than they were. Which was great because that's when they found our their daughter had Crone's disease. They’ve largely spent the last 5 years in and out of hospitals helping their daughter figure out how to be a kid.

Like I said, doing what you think God wants you to do doesn’t always mean you will be strife free. Imagine being that daddy, that mommy. Btw kids, give your parents a break. For real, this parent stuff is exhausting at a soul level. Its not to say it isn’t rewarding or that we don’t love you. It is terrifying and you spend a great deal of those years second guessing ourselves constantly. Did I do it right? Did I mess them up too bad? Was I enough. Its okay every once and a while to appreciate them and all the sacrifices they’ve made for us. What Paul is saying is that anxiety is real and it weighs a ton. He’s not saying we shouldn’t care for our families or love them sacrificially but that a single man can aim all of that strength, emotion, passion, love, anxiety, and devotion towards the Lord’s pursuits.

Paul’s advice for the Bride’s Father. vs 36-38

36 If anyone thinks that he is not behaving properly toward his betrothed, if his passions are strong, and it has to be, let him do as he wishes: let them marry—it is no sin.

37 But whoever is firmly established in his heart, being under no necessity but having his desire under control, and has determined this in his heart, to keep her as his betrothed, he will do well.

38 So then he who marries his betrothed does well, and he who refrains from marriage will do even better.

Now, in order to fully understand what is happening here you’ve got to deal with some difficult Greek. in our English readings these verse sound, well, clunky at best and definitely a little confusing.

The struggle is in the interpretation of the word “anyone”. We read this and the context of “behaving properly” and having “strong passions”. At first we see this as a passionate young bride groom without self-control. It could be very easy to see this as a weak or undisciplined young man who has control issues. As if something is wrong with him or he’s weak morally.

However, in your Bible’s notes you might see an alternate interpretation where the passions talk is replaced with “if she is getting along in years”. The ESV chooses to translate the word “betrothed” again here. Virgin in the NIV lends itself here to the idea of the “he” not being a “he” as in a engaged groom to be but an unmarried young woman. It is used 15x in the NT and half the time it is translated “virgin” and a little less than half its used as “betrothed or engaged.” You can see the fumble.

But, its most likely explanation, given the context is that this advice was being given to a father who likely was feeling guilty regarding taking Paul’s words at face value and denying his young daughter a marriage. Paul seeks to encourage the families that if the passion is burning too brightly to go ahead with the marriage and to know that they are not sinning in doing so. No guilt.

However, the father could feel free to follow through on his conviction to keep his daughter single if 3 conditions were made.

He had a settled and firm conviction about the propriety of her celibacy. (ie he was certain that she desired and could maintain a single lifestyle and thrive in that decision).

He was in a position where he was free to exercise his authority, that is, he was not a slave in which case the master could determine the daughter’s marriage rights, not him.

He was under no compulsion from evidence which suggested that his daughter was not able to remain single but required marriage instead.

If these conditions were met, he would do well to not give her in marriage.

Reading the interpretation regarding an unmarried young girl does little to change the advice, however. Get married if you need to, stay single if you can, whatever you do, glorify the Lord in how he’s called you. Married, single, whatever you choose give God glory and honor him in your life.

Paul’s consideration for Widows. vs 39-40

39 A wife is bound to her husband as long as he lives. But if her husband dies, she is free to be married to whom she wishes, only in the Lord.

40 Yet in my judgment she is happier if she remains as she is. And I think that I too have the Spirit of God.

Paul’s earlier counsel to widows in vs 8 and 9 was to remain single. In that previous context, however, he acknowledged that not all were equipped to do so. The only obligation given to remarriage was that he should be another Christian (only in the Lord). This consideration, while outlined here, is one that is no doubt levied at all marriages and marriage partners.

It is good to walk a mile in the shoes of the widow here, however. Remember that the world was such at the time that Christians were not just a minority, they were largely insignificant in number. To tell a widow that she must marry only another Christ follower was to take her pool of viable husbands from small to very small. Paul explains that, given the reality of the task, he believes she would be happier to remain single.

Remember, Paul’s advice has changed little but his personal opinions in these matters are influenced and guided by the Holy Spirit.

1 Corinthians 7:7 (ESV)

7 I wish that all were as I myself am. But each has his own gift from God, one of one kind and one of another.

Paul echos that we all have a gift from God in how we are wired for relationships. Some will find marriage and building a family to be the path that they can take to best honor God and find fulfillment in who He’s called them to be. Some will be wired best for singleness and they will have far more freedom and mobility to use their life for God’s glory.

With all this talk about marriage and singleness I want to take a moment and discuss this a bit more broadly in regards to selecting and pursing a marriage that lasts a lifetime. We have all heard that the divorce rates in the US hover at around 50% and for a long time we’ve also been told that that number is the same for Christians as well. However, we’ve been largely misled by that data. When those surveys are given people check their own boxes and as you may know, we live in a USA that 50-60% of people claim to be Christians. However, the reality of seeing that lived out tells the real story. When changing the questions from “are you a Christian” to “do you regularly live out your faith, have you shared the gospel, do you engage with scripture, do you regularly attend a church” the number come down to only 20-25% divorce rate.

But I think its important to have this conversation out loud and especially to talk openly about this one fact. Marriage is hard work. Really hard work. Its even harder to get right. We’ve all been lied too by our culture and our stories into believing that marriage will be easy and delightful if we find the right person. That if we have troubles its a sign that we must be doing something wrong. This is simply not the case. Trouble and trials are all normal. Struggles in relating, communication, and expectations will come in every relationship you have, even more so in your marriage. I want to say, emphatically, that despite what our culture says, Snow white doesn’t exist and prince charming isn’t coming. Even after they rode off into the sunset into the castle, I can guarantee that they fought.

Marriage is not as much about finding the right one. Your prince charming who is the amalgam of all the things you desire in a person. Marriage isn’t burger king and you don’t always get it your way. Marriage is far more about being the right person than it is about finding the right one.

In my premarital counseling with couples I do my best to destroy these myths because of the damage they can do. You see, if we feel like we will have success if we marry the right person, then when trials come and they will come, then we figure that we must have chosen wrong. Instead, we must realize that the relationship itself is meant to change and challenge us. We will need to shift, learn, grow, forgive, struggle, and give grace to survive it. None of those things are decisions our spouse can make for us. They aren’t their fault. They are on us. Will we rise to meat the occasion? Will we step in and step up.

With that said, as a pastor, I’d echo what Paul has said. Ladies, find yourself a man who loves Jesus. And I mean loves Jesus. He is in his word and not just when you’re watching. That he goes to church more than he doesn’t. That his relationships echo the fruit of the spirit. That he’s growing and maturing in his relationship with Christ. Such a man has access to the kind of love, grace, mercy, and humility required to be the kind of husband God demands. That is not to say he will be perfect and that you won’t have to house break him some. I used to leave socks laying all over the house and I thought for sure Amanda was going to kill me. However, God eventually sent grace along to destroy her resolve and now she can’t kill us both. Marriage is give and take and we need to realize this again. You can’t be successful accidently. It requires resolve and resilience. It hurts some days and some days its delightful. Let it change you and lean into the Lord for wisdom and guidance throughout.

Landing

But whatever gift God has given you, live it out for his glory. If marriage, love your husband and your family for his glory and raise them to know him and his love for them.

If singleness consider very seriously giving your freedom and mobility to the Lord and how he might be calling you to live for his glory. Many of my single friends chose to use their 20’s to serve on the mission field, bringing the gospel to un-reached peoples. I’m not saying that’s you or that it must be but only that you consider what could that look like.

Application

In your singleness or marriage right now, have you dedicated yourself to the Lord? What has that looked like in the past and how do you see it working in the future.

If you are married right now, have you dedicated yourself fully to it’s success? Often times we can only work on things when they’ve been broken. We can also do preventative maintenance before things get too bad. What do the following look like in your marriage:

Dates- how often and what do your dates normally look like.

Retreat/Enrichment- when was the last time you and your spouse did a marriage enrichment event?

1-10 rate your communication with your spouse. What’s it been in the past and what can you do to help it in the future?

How do you make your spouse a priority in the business of your lives?

For Paul, the return of Christ was an any moment thing. We too are called to be prepared for Jesus to return. Are you ready to stand before the Lord if he were to come back today? If not, why not.

vbs work day next Saturday 10-3pm

deonna will have food lists available