Marriage on the Rock.

4. Leadership

Regardless of how passive or dominant a woman is, she has a deep desire to be led by a caring, righteous man. She naturally wants to find a man who will care for her an lead her through life. This doesn’t mean she wants to be dominated or controlled. In fact, a woman feels violated and insecure when a man begins to dominate her.

The same is true when a man doesn’t properly lead in every area of the marriage. A woman desires her husband to lead in the spiritual life of the family, the finances, discipline and training of the children, in romance and in every other area. When a man does not exercise such leadership, his wife becomes insecure and frustrated.

Lack of leadership is one of the more common complaints I have heard from women in marriage counseling. Many women have complained that their husbands will not help with the children, help take care of the money, pray with them and be a spiritual leader in the home, and so forth. The husband often resents the wife’s expectations of leadership.

Interestingly, men who will not lead usually are the very ones who deeply resent their wives challenging them by stepping into the void of leadership they have vacated. Again, I want to stress that men and women are totally equal and leadership by men doesn’t mean we are better or have greater rights than our wives. We lead because it is God’s design and it meets a deep need in our wives as long as we treat them with equality and respect.

So, use the authority God has given you to lead. As you become responsible for the leadership of every area of your family, your wife will love it, and she will give you the response you are looking for but will never get by being passive.

Listen carefully to what your wife says and how she feels about issues in your marriage. Ask her advice and pray with her about major decisions. Then make the decisions together you believe God is telling you to make. I can assure you, your wife is going to be very supportive as you take this attitude and action. Not only that, God is going to reward you more than you can imagine for taking your rightful position in the home.

I hope this chapter has helped men to understand their wives’ needs better and how to meet them. In addition, I hope it has helped women to understand themselves better. Husbands, when you understand how to apply yourself in an energetic way to fulfill your wives and then do it, both of you will be blessed beyond your wildest dreams. Without question, the best thing God did for all mankind was to send Jesus to die for us on the cross and then raise Him up again. But besides that, creating women ranks way up there.

Why should men lead in the marriage?

What are some of the areas she desires for you to lead in?

When husbands don't take on a leadership role in the marriage, women may experience a variety of emotions and challenges, which can vary widely based on individual personalities, cultural backgrounds, and the dynamics of their specific relationship.

How does not leading make your wives’ feel?

Here are some common feelings and experiences that women might have:

1. Frustration

Unmet Expectations: If a woman expects her husband to take on a leadership role and he doesn't, she might feel frustrated by the gap between her expectations and reality.Decision-Making Burden: Constantly having to make all the decisions can be exhausting and lead to frustration.

2. Resentment

Perceived Laziness or Lack of Initiative: A wife might resent her husband if she feels he is not contributing equally to the partnership.Increased Stress: Handling all or most responsibilities can cause stress and resentment towards the husband.

3. Loneliness and Isolation

Lack of Partnership: Without a sense of partnership, a wife might feel lonely in the marriage, feeling like she is carrying the load alone.Emotional Disconnect: If a husband is not engaged, emotionally or otherwise, it can lead to a sense of isolation.

4. Loss of Respect

Erosion of Trust: If a husband consistently avoids leadership, a wife might lose respect for him, questioning his reliability and dependability.Challenge to Authority: If leadership is expected but not delivered, it can undermine a wife’s respect for her husband’s authority in other areas.

5. Disappointment

Unfulfilled Roles: Disappointment can arise when a husband does not fulfill the leadership role that might have been anticipated or discussed before marriage.Unmet Needs: Emotional and practical needs might go unmet, leading to feelings of disappointment.

6. Empowerment or Resilience (in some cases)

Increased Independence: Some women might feel empowered to take on leadership roles themselves, developing resilience and independence.Skills Development: Managing more responsibilities can lead to personal growth and skill development.

7. Confusion

Role Clarity: There can be confusion about roles and responsibilities within the marriage, leading to misunderstandings and conflict.Expectations vs. Reality: Differing expectations about leadership roles can cause confusion about how to move forward together.

How can we address this Issue in our marriages?

Open Communication:

Couples should discuss their expectations and feelings openly and honestly. Understanding each other’s perspectives can help in finding common ground.

Shared Leadership:

Recognizing that leadership can be shared and is not confined to traditional roles can help distribute responsibilities more evenly.

Personal Development:

Both partners can work on personal development to enhance their capabilities and understanding of what effective partnership and leadership look like in their marriage.

Counseling or Therapy:

Seeking professional help can provide a neutral space to address issues and develop strategies for better partnership and leadership balance.

Support Networks:

Women might seek support from friends, family, or support groups to share their experiences and gain advice.

Conclusion

The feelings women experience when their husbands don't lead in the marriage can be complex and multifaceted.

Open communication, mutual understanding, and a willingness to adapt and grow together are essential for addressing these challenges and fostering a healthy, balanced partnership.