The Crown, Season 2, Episode 7 – Absalom, Absalom

Today our text is 2 Samuel 13-19 as we near the end of David’s life and reign but first let’s look at last week

Remember last week, Nathan as he confronted David had prophesied that this sin will have dire consequences. I want to especially point out Nathan’s words in 12:10:

2 Samuel 12:10 (NIV) — 10 Now, therefore, the sword will never depart from your house, because you despised me and took the wife of Uriah the Hittite to be your own.’

2 Samuel 12:10 (MSG) — 10 And now, because you treated God with such contempt and took Uriah the Hittite’s wife as your wife, killing and murder will continually plague your family.

Truer words were never spoken. These next 7 chapters focus on the chaos that is David’s family. David was a great leader politically (reunited the nation, expanded the borders, victor against enemies especially the hated Philistines); spiritually (returned the Ark of the Covenant to prominence, established Jerusalem as a political and spiritual center, inspired people with his poetry, worshipped with reckless abandon); but as a husband and father, it doesn’t look good.

There’s no outright statement that David was a bad family man but there are several clues one of which is early on in Season Two back in 2 Samuel 3:1-5:

2 Samuel 3:1–5 (NIV) — 1 The war between the house of Saul and the house of David lasted a long time. David grew stronger and stronger, while the house of Saul grew weaker and weaker. 2 Sons were born to David in Hebron: His firstborn was Amnon the son of Ahinoam of Jezreel; 3 his second, Kileab the son of Abigail the widow of Nabal of Carmel; the third, Absalom the son of Maakah daughter of Talmai king of Geshur; 4 the fourth, Adonijah the son of Haggith; the fifth, Shephatiah the son of Abital; 5 and the sixth, Ithream the son of David’s wife Eglah. These were born to David in Hebron.

That’s six sons and six wives. He had at least 2 more wives not mentioned here – Michal and Bathsheba. It’s also noted he had 10 concubines, aka woman on the side. He had as many as 20 children that we can track.

This is not what God’s king should be. Way back in Deuteronomy Moses gave these instructions:

Deuteronomy 17:17 (NIV) — 17 He must not take many wives, or his heart will be led astray. He must not accumulate large amounts of silver and gold.

Not to mention that God’s plan for sexuality from the beginning is one man, one woman, for life as we see in Genesis:

Genesis 2:24 (NIV) — 24 That is why a man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife, and they become one flesh.

And repeated by Jesus:

Matthew 19:4–6 (NIV) — 4 “Haven’t you read,” he replied, “that at the beginning the Creator ‘made them male and female,’ 5 and said, ‘For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh’? 6 So they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore, what God has joined together, let no one separate.”

We should suspect that David is going to have some family problems. Problems are inevitable when we disregard God’s plan and instruction. And boy, does David have some family trouble. These chapters play out like the most sordid of soap operas.

Read it yourself but for now here’s the Reader’s Digest version:

His son Amnon falls in love, actually it appears just lusts after her, his ½ sister Tamar. He lures her into his bedroom and rapes her.

Tamar has a full-blooded brother Absalom. He plays a significant role in the rest of this story. He is described as a good looking, charismatic man with flowing hair. That too comes into the story later on. He is outraged at Amnon and after holding a 2-year grudge has Amnon murdered.

If you’re keeping score – a daughter raped, a son murdered, another son a murderer.

Absolom flees Jerusalem and is gone for 3 years. He has no contact with David but after the three years David seems ready to put the past behind them and at the urging of others invites Absalom back to Jerusalem.

Absalom returns to Jerusalem but for 2 years he never talks to or sees David. There is no attempt at reconciliation until eventually they meet and on the surface they are reunited but as we see it is only superficial.

Absalom begins setting the stage for a coupe, a takeover. He camps out at the city gate and whenever someone comes by seeking the king to resolve a problem, Absalom says the king doesn’t care. He won’t give you justice. But if I were ruler, I could solve all your problems. Absalom is shaking hands, kissing babies and soon wins over the heart of Israel.

2 Samuel 15:5–6 (NIV) — 5 Also, whenever anyone approached him to bow down before him, Absalom would reach out his hand, take hold of him and kiss him. 6 Absalom behaved in this way toward all the Israelites who came to the king asking for justice, and so he stole the hearts of the people of Israel.

Absalom then retreats to Hebron – where his father first anointed king over Judah before he was anointed king over all Israel. There he gathers up an army and prepares to take the crown from his father David.

David fears so he and his people flee Jerusalem. Here’s the sad scene:

2 Samuel 15:30 (NIV) — 30 But David continued up the Mount of Olives, weeping as he went; his head was covered and he was barefoot. All the people with him covered their heads too and were weeping as they went up.

As he leaves, he is met on the road by the man who curses him:

2 Samuel 16:7–8 (NIV) — 7 As he cursed, Shimei said, “Get out, get out, you murderer, you scoundrel! 8 The LORD has repaid you for all the blood you shed in the household of Saul, in whose place you have reigned. The LORD has given the kingdom into the hands of your son Absalom. You have come to ruin because you are a murderer!”

Absalom comes back to Jerusalem and the scene is set for a showdown between David’s men and Absalom’s men. David gives this one instruction:

2 Samuel 18:5 (NIV) — 5 The king commanded Joab, Abishai and Ittai, “Be gentle with the young man Absalom for my sake.” And all the troops heard the king giving orders concerning Absalom to each of the commanders.

The battle will take place in the Forest of Ephraim. There are trees everywhere making the battle extremely dangerous and difficult. Here comes Absalom riding on his mule with his hair flowing when suddenly his head and hair are caught up in a tree and he’s left there hanging, still alive but hanging there.

David’s commander Joab finds him and, ignoring David’s instruction, kills him!

If you’re keeping score – a daughter raped, a son murdered, another son a murderer, that son organize a coup and killed in battle. Sin is costly.

David gets word of his son’s death and we have one of the most heartbreaking passages of this entire story if not the entire Bible:

2 Samuel 18:33 (NIV) — 33 The king was shaken. He went up to the room over the gateway and wept. As he went, he said: “O my son Absalom! My son, my son Absalom! If only I had died instead of you—O Absalom, my son, my son!”

David was a great leader politically and spiritually, but as a father I don’t know how you can call this a success.

Let’s now let this story go to waste. What can we learn about parenting and family?

First, I want to say in the end we cannot control how our children turn out.

Earlier this year I taught a Sunday morning class based on a book by Larry Osburne called Ten Dumb Things Smart Christians Believe. One of those things was this statement:

A godly home guarantees godly kids.

When I read that out loud there was collective laughter from the class. We all know this is not true. In that chapter Osburn reminded us of this:

Parents will be held accountable for how they raised their children, not how they turned out. Bottom line: children aren’t a mindless lump of wet clay. The products created by a potter might well reflect his skill as an artisan. But the accomplishments or sins of our children don’t necessarily reflect our parenting skills or godliness any more than the output of the annual harvest necessarily represents the skill or godliness of a Christian farmer. There are way too many variables that come into play. All we can do is our best. The final outcome is ultimately out of our hands.

- Larry Osborne

So, if your children/grandchildren are not believers please do not necessarily come to the conclusion that you are or were a bad parent. But, we still need to remind ourselves that we need to do what we can to point our children to the Lord and in this story we can learn some things from the failures of David.

David disregarded God’s plan for sexuality.

We mentioned this already but we need to be reminded again in a world of sexual confusion. The Bible teaches one man, one woman, for life.

Genesis 2:24 (NIV) — 24 That is why a man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife, and they become one flesh.

And repeated by Jesus:

Matthew 19:4–6 (NIV) — 4 “Haven’t you read,” he replied, “that at the beginning the Creator ‘made them male and female,’ 5 and said, ‘For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh’? 6 So they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore, what God has joined together, let no one separate.”

If you are married, be faithful to your spouse. If you are not married, pursue and maintain sexual purity until marriage. A disregard for God’s plan will always reap chaos.

David appears to be a passive parent.

When David hears about the rape of Tamar, this is his response.

2 Samuel 13:21 (NIV) — 21 When King David heard all this, he was furious.

That’s all! Classic passivity. Incredible paternal preoccupation. His head is somewhere else. It has been for a long time. These kids have raised themselves without the proper paternal authority and discipline.

Charles Swindoll, David

There seems to be no attempt at working through this terrible situation. He just gets mad. What would have happened if he dealt with this situation as tragic as it was? We have a counselor especially for church members. Seek out help before the situation gets even worse.

David was manipulated by his children.

2 Samuel 13:23–27 (NIV) — 23 Two years later, when Absalom’s sheepshearers were at Baal Hazor near the border of Ephraim, he invited all the king’s sons to come there. 24 Absalom went to the king and said, “Your servant has had shearers come. Will the king and his attendants please join me?” 25 “No, my son,” the king replied. “All of us should not go; we would only be a burden to you.” Although Absalom urged him, he still refused to go but gave him his blessing. 26 Then Absalom said, “If not, please let my brother Amnon come with us.” The king asked him, “Why should he go with you?” 27 But Absalom urged him, so he sent with him Amnon and the rest of the king’s sons.

Didn’t David suspect what would happen? Why was David manipulated by his son? This lead to the murder of Amnon. David needed to be a father here. There are too many homes that are being run by children rather than parents.

I believe we are in the middle of a great crisis of families. They are falling apart and when the family fails not only are there consequences for that particular family but society will feel the devastating effects as well.

Parents need to be parents. Perhaps so much of the chaos could have been avoided if David was more focused on his family.

Spouses, stay faithful to your spouse. Parents, lead your families. Your home is your mission field.

Let me close with these words from Max Lucado from his book on David, Facing Your Giants:

Quiet heroes dot the landscape of our society. They don’t wear ribbons or kiss trophies; they wear spit-up and kiss boo-boos. They don’t make the headlines, but they do sew the hemlines and check the outlines and stand on the sidelines. You won’t find their names on the Nobel Prize short list, but you will find their names on the homeroom, carpool, and Bible teacher lists.

They are parents, both by blood and deed, name and calendar. Heroes. News programs don’t call them. But that’s okay. Because their kids do … They call them Mom. They call them Dad. And these moms and dads, more valuable than all the executives and lawmakers west of the Mississippi, quietly hold the world together.

Be numbered among them. Read books to your kids. Play ball while you can and they want you to. Make it your aim to watch every game they play, read every story they write, hear every recital in which they perform.

Children spell love with four letters: T-I-M-E. Not just quality time, but hang time, downtime, anytime, all the time. Your children are not your hobby; they are your calling.

Your spouse is not your trophy but your treasure.

Don’t pay the price David paid. Can we flip ahead a few chapters to his final hours? To see the ultimate cost of a neglected family, look at the way our hero dies.

David is hours from the grave. A chill has set in that blankets can’t remove. Servants decide he needs a person to warm him, someone to hold him tight as he takes his final breaths.

Do they turn to one of his wives? No. Do they call on one of his children? No. They seek “for a lovely young woman throughout all the territory of Israel … and she cared for the king, and served him; but the king did not know her” (1 Kings 1:3-4).

I suspect that David would have traded all his conquered crowns for the tender arms of a wife. But it was too late. He dies in the care of a stranger, because he made strangers out of his family.

But it’s not too late for you.

Make your wife the object of your highest devotion. Make your husband the recipient of your deepest passion. Love the one who wears your ring.

And cherish the children who share your name.

Succeed at home first.

Lord, use this tragic story of David to ignite within our hearts a passion to be faithful to you and faithful to our families. Use us as husbands and wives and mothers and fathers and sons and daughters and brothers and sisters and grandmothers and grandfathers and aunts and uncles to honor and glorify you through these relationships – as beautiful and as difficult as they can often be. And Father, bless this church with a thirst to pass on this beautiful faith to generation after generation. Through Jesus we offer this prayer, Amen.