Wisdom Toward Others

Call to Worship: Psalm 100:1-3 // Prayer

Adoration: Father, we have come into your presence with singing. We worship you with joy. You have made us, and we are yours; you have redeemed us, and we are your people. You are the one WHO IS—you are eternally blessed in the infinite fulness of your own being: perfect in your essence, and perfect in all your ways as you govern and give life to the universe you’ve made.

Confession: And we have been taught about your perfections: your infinite glory, which our sin violates; your infinite mercy, that receives our confession. And so we acknowledge that we have broken your law and denied your love this past week, in our thoughts, our words, and our actions. Forgive us, Father, for we have sinned against you.

Thanksgiving: But you are the God who has loved the world in this way: you gave your only begotten Son for us, so that whoever believes in him will not be destroyed, but instead will be lifted up to the glory of eternal life. We are astounded to see this: that in your Son, by his blood shed for us, you have forgiven sinners like us!

Supp: And so here we are: Your people, forgiven. You have made us a people through the gospel. But we are still weak, and prone to sin. And so we ask for your power and help as we attempt to use our gifts to serve one another. Father, fill us with wisdom and love, and give us endurance as we serve; may we do everything for your glory // and we ask for this same grace for Laural Community Church: as they work together for your glory and to spread your gospel, give them love, unity, and holiness, that your name might be magnified through them // and we ask for Uganda: as Jeff, Fay, and Brian prepare to travel there, that you might use them to bless the saints of that country; and that you would strengthen the hand of your people there, as they battle against especially the false prosperity gospel—that you would dismantle that false gospel in Uganda, that you might be truly know by many there who are now in darkness // and in our own community, we bring before you the matter of countless children and youth, being raised in darkness and confusion—we ask that you would have mercy on them, and make us faithful to take your gospel to our community, that many might hear and believe and be transfered to the kingdom of your beloved Son // and now, as we turn to your Word, we ask that you would open our ears and grow our wisdom, for your glory...

Family Matters

Next week: back to our 1st Sunday potluck; refrigerator restored!

Next week’s adult Sunday School: missionaries from France will be here, and will give us a presentation on the church in France and the work they do there.

Benediction

2 Corinthians 13:11 ESV

Finally, brothers, rejoice. Aim for restoration, comfort one another, agree with one another, live in peace; and the God of love and peace will be with you.

Sermon

Read: Ecclesiastes 7:19-29

Intro

Should you have high standards for other people? Or is that prideful?

Would mercy dictate low standards? Or is that foolish?

As we’ve followed Solomon across these first seven chapters of Ecclesiastes, he’s been closing off a variety of foolish paths for us—he’s been roping off trailheads that would lead us to some journey of trying to fix or control the world around us, as if we could. He’s shown us the foolishness of trying repair the world’s crookedness, or find personal satisfaction, through achievement, through going it alone, through wealth, and more. And just last Sunday, he showed us that even wisdom itself can’t do these things. Wisdom IS valuable, we learned, but it can neither fix the world nor be perfected in this life.

And so even wisdom itself is vain, in the sense that it’s a vapor. [And if that’s a weird thought to you—yes, it is a strange truth. But stay with us. I’ll help you make sense of that from Scripture in just a moment.] But if that’s true—if wisdom is both vain and valuable at the same time—how should that effect the way we live? How should that effect the way that we relate to other people?

So, Solomon has been roping off these trailheads to foolish paths. But at the same time, he’s also started building a picture of the one wise path—what it looks like to live with wisdom in our crooked world. And so, as we finish Ecclesiastes 7 this morning, we’re going to lay some bricks along that path: How do we relate to others, knowing that wisdom is both so valuable and so limited?

What we’re going to see is this:

First, when we understand the limits of wisdom in ourselves and others, that should compel us to treat others with mercy when we notice their foolishness.

But second, when we understand the value of wisdom, this should cause us to place a high premium on wise friends, and even to avoid friendships with folks who have embraced foolishness to the point of madness.

So, to sum that up, we’ll see that we should relate to others knowing both wisdom’s vanity and wisdom’s value.

Review: Wisdom’s Value and Limits

But I want to pause here and take a moment to orient ourselves on this. We did see what it means to say that wisdom is both valuable and vain last Sunday, and how the Bible could say such a thing. But it’s still so counterintuitive, it will be helpful to pause and think about it again for a moment.

How could Solomon teach that wisdom is vain?

Well, earlier in chapter 7, he showed a couple of traps that wise folks can fall into: First, you can expect your wisdom to fix the world around you—or at least, to solve your life’s problems. Then, when that doesn’t happen, you feel that wisdom has failed you. And so you become bitter and embrace foolishness instead. Second, you can set your heart on perfecting your own wisdom—on becoming perfectly wise and righteous. Then, when you look into your heart and see that you are still so far from wisdom, you can fall into exhaustion and despair. As Solomon would say, you’ll destroy yourself.

But what we saw was that you can avoid these roads of bitterness and despair. How so? By remembering the vanity of wisdom. And how do you do that? Well, Solomon gave us a very particular formula: spend time in the house of mourning—the house of sorrow, the place where you remember death. Why? Because this increases your wisdom: it brings you face-to-face with death and pain and sorrow and all the world’s crookedness, which we love to forget. It causes us to lay these things to heart.

And the result of that should be that limitations of human wisdom become clear to you. Why is the world crooked? Because of human sin, and because of the divine curse as a response to sin. Death came into the world because of sin, and no human wisdom, no matter how godly it is, can reverse that fact. And so verse 13 says:

Ecclesiastes 7:13 ESV

Consider the work of God: who can make straight what he has made crooked?

God will redeem the world some day. But for now, it sits under the darkness of human sin and the sorrow of the curse. And the wisdom in your own heart is not exempt from that—which means that your wisdom will always be far from complete in this life, and will always be completely unable to fix the world.

And that is a heavy truth. But it is extremely valuable, because it will prevent you from becoming bitter about all the sorrow and evil in the world which is un-fixable, and it will prevent you from destroying yourself by trying to gain a perfection that you’ll never reach in this life. And, as we’ll see today, it will help you to show mercy to others when they are foolish. And we’ll get to that in a second.

But then, is Solomon saying that we should just give up on wisdom?

Absolutely not. In fact, even as he works to show us, throughout chapter 7, that our wisdom cannot achieve these ultimate kinds of goals, he still takes great care to say that it is extremely valuable. For example, in verse 12 he says that, “wisdom preserves the life of him who has it.”

And in verse 17 he indicates that if you give up on wisdom and turn to foolishness, that will bring death into your life.

And so, ultimately, Solomon is teaching that wisdom is vain, and yet valuable. Valuable, and yet vain. It cannot be perfected in your heart, or repair the world’s crookedness; yet, it does tend to bring life to those who have it. And so, while wisdom is limited in what it can be or do in your life, it is still essential to live well in a fallen world. And this is just as vital to understand: it will save you from the dangers of foolishness. And, as we’ll see today, it will help you to choose your companions in a way that brings you life, and not death.

But now, if you grasp this way in which wisdom is both vain and valuable, you can now make sense of what may be the strangest command in the Bible:

Ecclesiastes 7:16–17 ESV

Be not overly righteous, and do not make yourself too wise. Why should you destroy yourself? Be not overly wicked, neither be a fool. Why should you die before your time?

What’s Solomon saying? The danger of trying to be too wise or righteous is that you’ll destroy yourself through exhaustion and despair. But on the other hand, if you ignore wisdom, you’re inviting death.

And this itself is a critical bit of wisdom: to live well in this world, you must take into account both the vanity and the value of wisdom. Or, to be more specific, when you are relating to other people, you must take into account both the vanity and the value of wisdom.

But what does this look like in practice? That’s our focus this morning. And again, we’re going to see that remembering the limits of wisdom will cause you to treat others with mercy, and remembering the value of wisdom will cause you to choose friends who help you honor God rather than pulling you off into foolishness and death.

How to Live in View of Wisdom’s Limits

***So first, mercy in view of wisdom’s limits***

Well, the tension we just saw between wisdom’s value and vanity is repeated in 19-20…

Ecclesiastes 7:19–20 ESV

Wisdom gives strength to the wise man more than ten rulers who are in a city. Surely there is not a righteous man on earth who does good and never sins.

Now, the concept is slightly different there—the power of wisdom is contrasted with the impossibility of true righteousness. But wisdom and righteousness are closely related. And so this is the same basic thought:

Wisdom is so valuable, so critical for living well and for God’s glory...

And yet, our hearts are so infected with sin and foolishness. We are very, very far away from being who we should be. There is so much unrighteousness, foolishness, irreverence, selfishness, pride, lust, anger, cowardice—and so much more—in our hearts

And what does that mean about how we should relate to other people?

Ecclesiastes 7:21–22 ESV

Do not take to heart all the things that people say, lest you hear your servant cursing you. Your heart knows that many times you yourself have cursed others.

So there you are, an ancient Israelite, walking quietly through your house. Suddenly, you hear a whispered conversation. You stop and listen. In the next room are two of your servants. One is making fun of you—just saying the worst kinds of things about you to the other. Even cursing you.

What does Solomon say you should do? Don’t take it to heart. Why? He’s cursing you because his heart is crooked. So is yours.

How many times have you insulted someone, or said unfair things about that person when he or she wasn’t around? Your servant’s insults were coming out of a foolish heart. But how many foolish words have you spoken from your own foolish heart?

And that’s not hard to apply to our own day. I’m sure you been in this situation: either you overhear someone else speaking poorly of you, or you hear about it through the grapevine. “Did you hear what he said about you in the meeting last week?” “Oh, she was just trashing you last night!”

And what’s our natural reaction to such things? Offense. Bitterness. Anger.

=> Now: there can be a place to confront harmful words. And I think that Solomon has in mind here words which are careless and foolish—when someone is actively trying to destroy you by repeating lies and gossip about you, that’s a different circumstance—addressed by Scriptures like Psalm 62 and Psalm 120.

But what’s Solomon’s wisdom for careless words that hurt you? Don’t take it to heart. Why? Because you yourself know how many times you’ve been guilty of the same thing. Yes someone’s cursed you. But you know how many times you’ve cursed others. They are fools; but so are you.

And just to hammer the point home, Solomon—one of the wisest men who’s ever lived—said this:

Ecclesiastes 7:23–24 ESV

All this I have tested by wisdom. I said, “I will be wise,” but it was far from me. That which has been is far off, and deep, very deep; who can find it out?

So Solomon—King Solomon of legendary wisdom—set out on a quest to be wise. But after years and years of searching, what did he find? Perfect wisdom was totally beyond him. It was buried very deep in the past—by which I think he means, “since the day, so long ago, when the human race turned away from God, wisdom has escaped us.”

So, it’s not just that Solomon’s wisdom was slightly imperfect, or just half-perfect, or something like that. Rather, it’s that perfect wisdom was extremely far from him—utterly beyond his capacity to reach.

Now someone might say, “Yes, that was true for Solomon. But believers today have the Holy Spirit in a way that he didn’t. So maybe it’s no the same for us.”

That’s a fair thought. But let me put it to you this way: Yes: the Holy Spirit makes a huge difference in many ways. Yes, he helps us to grow in wisdom. You might say, he causes believers in this age to reflect the true, heavenly wisdom of God’s Kingdom in a way that Solomon never could. And yet, isn’t it also true that we still remain far from perfection in this life? We who live after Jesus’ triumph on the cross have great spiritual advantages—yet, ultimately we are in the same basic state: knowing the supreme value of wisdom, and yet so very far from perfecting it in this life.

And that’s why Jesus gives the citizens of his kingdom the same basic wisdom:

Matthew 7:1 ESV

“Judge not, that you be not judged.

So mercy, patience, withholding judgement—these are vital parts of life in a crooked world… and even in the church, right? We will not be able to walk in unity as Scholls Community Church if we lay it to heart every time one of us offends another.

The trouble is that our crooked hearts resist the idea that we ourselves are foolish. We’re willing to see it in others, but we’re blind to it in our own hearts. This is called pride. And it leads to spiritual self-sufficiency/self-righteousness. “I’m a good person.” That’s what the average American thinks. And if you’re a good person, why should you spare any time or patience for a fool? Why should you have any mercy when a fool says foolish words to hurt you? And so the attitude of a person who thinks, “I’m a good person,” is: “I can’t believe he said that about me. I’m going to hold a grudge. I’m going to get revenge, if possible.”

But what happens when you back up and see how foolish you are? — and BTW, that’s not a hypothetical: every person in this room is extremely far from the wisdom you ought to have — But what happens when you see how very far you are from living by wisdom in your own life? How very unrighteous you are?

You become humble. Your pride wilts as you see the crookedness of your own heart. And then you begin understand why the Son of God had to die — God treated him who was the very incarnation of perfect wisdom as though he was a wicked fool. And so the Wise One, King Jesus, died in place of us fools, so that in him we might live.

And if that is true of you—if you are a fool saved by the wisdom and mercy of Jesus—first of all, your foolishness really has been forgiven forever, and your destiny is a world where all has been set right, and where you will gaze in astonishment at the beauty of the wisdom and the mercy of your crucified Savior forever.

But while you’re still in this life, around the rest of us knuckle heads, and we foolishly say things that hurt you—if you are living by the gospel of grace, you’ll remember the truth of your own foolishness. And so your heart may groan, the words may really sting and hurt, but by the grace of God, you’ll remember Solomon’s wisdom, and not lay these things to heart. You’ll have a profound patience with those around you, in the church and in the world.

You’ll remember the vanity of wisdom in this age, and you’ll be merciful to others.

But that can be flipped around, also. Which is to say: when someone says words that hurt—or types them in an email, or sends them in a text—and you find out about it, and then your own heart begins to stew on those things… what does that say about you? Or when a friend or family member is rude to you, and you start to become bitter over it… what does that say about you?

It says, when you’re doing that, you’ve forgotten two things: first, the gospel—Jesus has shown limitless mercy to you, but you’re unwilling to turn around and show that same mercy toward others.

And second, you’ve forgotten your own foolishness. Pause, and remember: you yourself have said hurtful and unfair things about others. Don’t lay it to heart.

And then, of course, this same concept applies to any kind of foolishness.

Parents, critiquing the errors of their children, as if they themselves had never been foolish you children. Children, criticizing their parents—assuming that they will, of course, make no mistakes when they have their own families.

One congregation criticizing the errors of another congregation. Of course, there is a place to call out unhealthy practices in churches. But if we do it acting like we ourselves have no issues, we’ve become fools.

And the list could go on, but the point is this: each one of us is, at best, a fool saved by grace. The wisest person here—like King Solomon—is so very far from the perfection of heavenly wisdom. And if we remember that, it will help us to have patience with our fellow fools when their words or actions hurt us.

In relating to others, we must remember the limits—the vanity—of wisdom, and therefore be merciful.

How to Live in View of Wisdom’s Value

***OK. But if that’s true, then should we give up on wisdom completely? If wisdom in this life is so limited, should we give up seeking wise friends and companions?***

The answer is: No! That would be the opposite error. On the one hand, you must be merciful to those around you, knowing how limited human wisdom is in this age. But on the other hand, you must value and cherish a wise friend when you find one, and you must avoid friends who try to lead you away from wisdom—such friends are leading you toward death.

To help us see this, Solomon turns to describe a quest he went on to understand extreme foolishness, which he calls madness:

Ecclesiastes 7:25 ESV

I turned my heart to know and to search out and to seek wisdom and the scheme of things, and to know the wickedness of folly and the foolishness that is madness.

And he describes for us one of the most hideous creatures you could find on such a quest:

Ecclesiastes 7:26 ESV

And I find something more bitter than death: the woman whose heart is snares and nets, and whose hands are fetters. He who pleases God escapes her, but the sinner is taken by her.

So the height of foolish madness, for Solomon, is a woman who sets out to seduce men in this particular way. She’s an extreme example of a foolish companion, who brings death.

Now, I think it would be helpful to pause here for a moment, and address something. This particular set of verses, running from verse 25 to verse 29, has been accused of being anti-woman. So, is it? Now, here’s my experience:

Often, when someone accuses the Bible of being anti-woman, they are not interested in a discussion, and not truly open to reasonable explanations.

However, sometimes people do that kind of question with a genuine desire to know. And if that’s you, I want to say to you, feel free to ask the question.

On the one hand, the Bible does not match the spirit of our age. It has a completely different approach to questions of manhood and womanhood and the value of both genders. And if you try to make it fit the modern way of thinking, you’ll have to mangle it—which is a very common approach today.

Yet, if you will take the Bible on its own terms, humbly receive its answers, you’ll find that it stands up quite well to such questions. The Bible does NOT demean women or single them out for criticism.

“Well it sure seems to here,” you might say. “Solomon wants to give us an example of ultimate foolishness, and he chooses a woman to do it.” True. But in the book of Proverbs, the ultimate example of wisdom is also a woman. And as it turns out, it just depends on where you happen to be in Scripture, whether the villains are male or female. The Bible is not anti-woman.

But unlike us today, the Bible is not afraid to be gender specific. To recognize the differences between male and female. And this includes when the Bible addresses sin: it’s not afraid to describe particularly masculine or particularly feminine versions of sin. And so, the feminine character of this sin, that Solomon’s describing here, is important to see in order to get what he’s saying. Here’s what I mean:

The Biblical portrayal of women is that women are glorious life-givers. There’s the faith of Eve as she gives birth to Seth; there’s the joy of Sarah as she gives birth to Isaac; there’s the wisdom of Abigail as she intervenes to stop King David from an unjust slaughter; and we could go on with Naomi and Ruth, Esther, Jael, Hannah, Mary—all noble women who brought life to those around them in a variety of ways, through faith and courage.

Now, in contrast to all those women, consider the woman here: “her heart is nets and snares.” To state it plainly, she’s a hunter. She didn’t come to give life, but to take it. In that sense, you could even say she’s an anti-woman. A horrific perversion of true womanhood. I’m sure she appears quite womanly to the men she targets—but her heart is utterly selfish—her aim is to chew them up and spit them out.

And so, as you look at this, one thing is clear: any man who becomes her companion will have the life sucked out of him. He may not die physically, but he’ll experience a taste of death. And so the point here, especially for young men, is to take strong measures to avoid this kind of woman—wisdom matters in a companion, and she has carried her foolishness to the point of madness.

And so, Solomon has given us this specific case to illustrate the broader principle that foolish companions are dangerous, but wise companions are extremely valuable:

Proverbs 13:20 ESV

Whoever walks with the wise becomes wise, but the companion of fools will suffer harm.

So the aim is not just to avoid companions who would drag you into foolishness, but also to find wise friends, since wisdom is so valuable. In view of that, here’s what Solomon says next:

Ecclesiastes 7:27–28 ESV

Behold, this is what I found, says the Preacher, while adding one thing to another to find the scheme of things— which my soul has sought repeatedly, but I have not found. One man among a thousand I found, but a woman among all these I have not found.

In other words, Solomon’s own quest to perfect his wisdom failed. He was not able to find the scheme of things. But along the way, he did learn something: wisdom in a companion is rare and valuable.

Now, once again, we may ask, is Solomon degrading women here? He says that out of a thousand people, he expects to find only one wise man, and no wise women. Is he saying that men are wiser then women?

Again, let’s read carefully and let the Bible answer on its own terms.

The context here is very personal—it’s from Solomon’s perspective as a man, and probably influenced by his life journey. As a King, Solomon had many, many wives. Over time, women became to him objects to acquire. And it’s a simple truth that when a man views women as objects, he is unlikely to find a wise woman. And in fact, it was his wives that led him into the madness of idolatry.

So once you remember that, you can see that the point isn’t that men are wiser than women. The point is that a wise friend is very difficult to find, but a wise wife is even harder.

So I think, in that sense, you could flip this around if you’re applying it as a woman: a truly wise friend is hard to find, but a wise husband is even rarer.

So the point, then, is the high value of a wise friend, and the even higher value of a wise spouse—and how difficult to find!

Proverbs 20:6 ESV

Many a man proclaims his own steadfast love, but a faithful man who can find?

Proverbs 31:10 ESV

An excellent wife who can find? She is far more precious than jewels.

And the younger you are, the more vital this is for you—you have a whole life in front of you of making and keeping friends. Who should you befriend? What friendships should you work to keep? Not so much connections with the flashy or impressive or popular, but friendships with those who are wise. And what sort of person should you seek as a spouse? Charm is deceitful. Beauty is vain. But wisdom in a wife or husband is a treasure that will defend you and give life to you until death do you part.

But if you are older...

So then: when you understand the critical value of wisdom in this life, you will avoid companions who drag you into foolishness, but treasure friends who are wise. Wisdom is vain in this age, and yet also valuable—well worth pursuing not only in ourselves but also in our companions!

Conclusion

Solomon brings chapter 7 to a close with this thought:

Ecclesiastes 7:29 ESV

See, this alone I found, that God made man upright, but they have sought out many schemes.

God did not create the human heart crooked. But when the first man, Adam, turned away from God, the whole human race fell with him into crookedness and foolishness; wisdom became rare. Again, it’s a heavy truth. But if we’re willing to see it, it will give us the wisdom we need for relating to others in this crooked world.

I began the sermon by asking whether we ought to have high standards for those around us, or low standards. As it turns out, that’s not quite the right question. Why? Because both we and our friends live in a world where wisdom is vain, though also valuable. All of us have a great deal of foolishness left in our hearts. If you hold your friends to an inflexibly high standard, you’ll be holding them to a standard that you yourself cannot match. Yet, if you have no standard of wisdom for how to choose friends, you’ll end up with companions that lead you into foolishness and death.

So the solution is this: in view of wisdom’s vanity and value, show extreme mercy to everyone around you. Yet at the same time, seek wise friends and avoid friends that try to lead you away from God and into foolishness. In this way, you’ll be able to honor God in how you relate to others.