Godly Family Legacy

When I sit down with a couple for premarital counseling, I cover a lot of topics, coming back to the concepts of oneness, communication, and expectations a lot. Through the conversations, invariably, we circle around to their family of origin. Probably because I ask them about it. I can be evil like that.

The family we come from colors how we interact with the family that we are starting.

Moses tells the people of Israel

Deuteronomy 12:28 NIV

Be careful to obey all these regulations I am giving you, so that it may always go well with you and your children after you, because you will be doing what is good and right in the eyes of the Lord your God.

And then the book of of Proverbs:

Proverbs 20:7 NIV

The righteous lead blameless lives; blessed are their children after them.

When we follow God in all areas of our lives, including our marriages and our families, we pass on a lifestyle, an understanding, a faith to the generations after, whether those generations choose to follow that legacy or not.

When we don’t follow God in all areas of our lives, including our marriages and our families, we pass on a lifestyle, an understanding, a faith to the generations after, whether those generations choose to follow that legacy or not.

The legacy that is left, is normally the legacy that is followed, though not always. What legacy do we want to leave?

I was listening to my old pastor preach on Father’s Day. And he turned to the grandparents and said: what are people going to say at your funeral? How are you going to buried? Are they going to put you in your favorite sports jersey because you talked about sports all the time, or are they going to put your favorite Bible in the casket, because you were always calling to their heart and pushing their heart towards Christ?

What legacy are we leaving?

We are walking through the Song of Solomon. We’ve see the ups of the relationship of the beloved and her man. And we’ve seen the downs of the relationship, to the point that she locks him out of the house, choosing her own convenience and selfishness over love for him.

She realizes her love for him, but he is gone and she begins to search for him to restore what was.

We left her in the streets of Jerusalem, asking the women in Jerusalem to find her husband that she has spurned. She describes his beauty and his character, finishing with the claim:

Song of Solomon 5:16 NIV

His mouth is sweetness itself; he is altogether lovely. This is my beloved, this is my friend, daughters of Jerusalem.

We will dive into chapter 6 where they restore their relationship and them talk about the next part of our defense of marriage: the godly family legacy.

Pray

Exposition: Restoration

Let’s read the passage:

A. Song 6:1-3

Song of Solomon 6:1–3 NIV

Where has your beloved gone, most beautiful of women? Which way did your beloved turn, that we may look for him with you? My beloved has gone down to his garden, to the beds of spices, to browse in the gardens and to gather lilies. I am my beloved’s and my beloved is mine; he browses among the lilies.

The beloved had been crying and calling in the streets for the ladies of Jerusalem to find her beloved. After describing his beauty to them, reminding them, and her, of why she loves him so much, they ask her where they can find him.

In that moment, after reflecting on her love for him, she knows exactly where he is. He is in his garden.

Some people take this verse: “My beloved has gone down to his garden to gather lilies” as a description of sex. However, that does not fit in the narrative. I believe she is reflecting on him going to his actual garden.

And as she reflects on him, she adds to her confession. Not only this man her beloved, her friend, but she says that she is his. Just as he belongs to her, she confesses that she belongs to him, he is part of her definition.

B. Song 6:4-10

After that reflection, she remembers how he describes her earlier. It’s almost word for word at the beginning:

Song of Solomon 6:4–10 NIV

You are as beautiful as Tirzah, my darling, as lovely as Jerusalem, as majestic as troops with banners. Turn your eyes from me; they overwhelm me. Your hair is like a flock of goats descending from Gilead. Your teeth are like a flock of sheep coming up from the washing. Each has its twin, not one of them is missing. Your temples behind your veil are like the halves of a pomegranate. Sixty queens there may be, and eighty concubines, and virgins beyond number; but my dove, my perfect one, is unique, the only daughter of her mother, the favorite of the one who bore her. The young women saw her and called her blessed; the queens and concubines praised her. Who is this that appears like the dawn, fair as the moon, bright as the sun, majestic as the stars in procession?

For most of their betrothed relationship, she did not consider herself worthy of his love. And then, there was a moment when she did not consider him worthy of her love. And here, she remembers again his love, despite what she thought or felt, he loved her deeply. His love was deeper than just physical attraction, encompassing her character in terms reflecting of God’s covenant.

C. Song 6:11-12

With that reflection, she goes down to the garden to reconcile with her husband. Now, you might have a Bible that gives little headings to say who is talking. If you do, your Bible might point to the man as talking for these two verses. I believe that is wrongly labeled.

I believe that this is the woman. I’ll read it and then explain why I think so:

Song of Solomon 6:11–12 NIV

I went down to the grove of nut trees to look at the new growth in the valley, to see if the vines had budded or the pomegranates were in bloom. Before I realized it, my desire set me among the royal chariots of my people.

The beloved is now leaving the streets of Jerusalem to find her husband, herself. She doesn’t want to the ladies of Jerusalem to do it, because her beloved is hers and she is his.

She goes down to the garden, the grove of nut trees, to look at the new growth. To see if the vines had budded or if the pomegranates were in bloom. Throughout the book of Song of Solomon, garden is used for sex, it is used for a real garden, and it is used for the vitality of their relationship, especially when growth is referred to.

She went to his garden, not to see if his garden was growing, but to see how their relationship was doing. As Maggie and I ask each other: are we okay? Is the marriage okay?

And, what did she find when she went there?

Song of Solomon 6:12 NIV

Before I realized it, my desire set me among the royal chariots of my people.

That is a poor translation by the NIV. In fairness, this is one of the hardest verses in the Old Testament to translate and interpret. But, I believe the ESV translation is better:

Song of Solomon 6:12 ESV

Before I was aware, my desire set me among the chariots of my kinsman, a prince.

She is rushing down to the garden, and before she knows it, she is swept up by her husband, into his chariot.

D. Song 6:13

Song of Solomon 6:13 NIV

Come back, come back, O Shulammite; come back, come back, that we may gaze on you! Why would you gaze on the Shulammite as on the dance of Mahanaim?

When she is with her beloved, she starts glowing. And everyone sees her beauty so much more as she is enveloped in his love.

She doesn’t understand it, so she asks why they see her as so beautiful.

A note about the word Shulammite. This is the only time in the poem that the term is used.

The beloved is married to King Solomon. It just so happens that the female form of Solomon is Shulammite. This is the final statement of oneness in this passage. Earlier, she confesses that she belongs to him. Now, she takes his name as her own. She is holding on and will not let go.

I wish that all marriages would go through conflict this well.

There is a deeper meaning to this all, as Song of Solomon goes: We are called to pursue Christ. Even after we have slammed the door on his face, he is there for us to come back to. When we seek him, we will find him. And in that moment, we should realize how much we need him. Confessing that we are his, we take his name for ourselves: Christians, little Christ’s, his identity becomes ours. and it is so sweet. We hold on and will not let go.

2. Defense of Marriage: Godly Family Legacy

Let’s go back to the discuss of the Godly family legacy. Couples who pursue unity with each other and unity with Christ will pass a legacy down to their kids. Unfortunately, these couples will be few. Most couples leave a worldly legacy, even couples who confess to be followers of Jesus Christ.

A. The Worldly Legacy

What is that worldly legacy? Well, I’m glad you asked. It’s pretty self-explanatory, but sometimes it is necessary to have someone spell it out so that we can see whether that is the legacy that we are leaving.

a. Broken Covenants

The world leaves a legacy of broken covenants.

Two weeks ago, I relayed some statistics about the average divorce rates. 50% for first marriages, 60% for second marriages, and 73% for third marriages. 93% of fourth marriages end in five years.

Jesus tells us that Satan is

John 8:44 NIV

You belong to your father, the devil, and you want to carry out your father’s desires. He was a murderer from the beginning, not holding to the truth, for there is no truth in him. When he lies, he speaks his native language, for he is a liar and the father of lies.

Those that are of the world, his kingdom, follow him in those lies. They stand up at an altar confessing a life-long covenant, and they lie.

c. Lack of Love

Some couples actually keep their covenant. So-to-speak. They don’t get divorced. So, according to statistics they have kept their covenant, according to the letter of the law.

However, according to the spirit of the law, they have not kept their covenant. They have chosen to be dedicated to each other, but they have not chosen to love. They have not chosen to seek oneness.

As one of my seminary profs described: they have remain dedicated to misery until death do them part.

Because instead of seeking to glorify God in their marriage, they are seeking to glorify themselves, their pleasure, their dreams, their convenience.

d. Forsaking of Marriages

When a generation breaks covenants and refuses to love, do you know what happens to the next generation?

They stop wanting to get married. There was a period recently where the marriage rate was actually dropping, because young adults were deciding to live together without marriage. So many reasons were given, but one was that living together was a lot easier to dissolve if something happened to the relationship.

They are merely acting on what has been given to them.

I know a man whose parents didn’t believe in divorce. However, they also didn’t show love to each other well. He began to date a girl, but was gun-shy about actually pursuing that relationship. Why? Because if all marriages were like the pain in his home growing up, he didn’t want to get married.

e. Wrong Perspective of God

What happens to the kids of a generation who breaks covenants and refuses to love spiritually?

Well, if God designed marriage to be an image of himself, and those images are wrong, all these kids are getting a wrong image of the one true God. They see an image of a God who does not keep covenants and a God who loves on a whim. Who is conditional on showing his pleasure and giving his blessing.

We have a whole high school of those kids. And unfortunately, we have churches filled with those kids.

B. A Godly Legacy

But, parents can choose, no matter how late, to leave a different legacy. Remember that man who was gun-shy about pursuing a relationship? Well, his parents did come around and start pursuing oneness and love for each other. They have a great marriage now and he does too.

What does a Godly legacy look like?

a. Kept Covenants

A Godly legacy is a marriage that is kept. When someone makes the covenant of marriage, as I say in the wedding ceremony: what God has joined together, let no man separate. Just as God is the God of covenant loyalty, so we should be people of covenant loyalty.

Now, I did preach in the past that in some situations, because of the brokenness of our world, divorce is the only best option, as a last resort. But, that is because of the brokenness of our world, not because of God’s perfect plan.

We are called to be people of covenant loyalty. Both in letter of the law, and in spirit of the law.

b. Chosen Love

Because the marriage covenant is not just about only having sex with one person. It is about oneness and intimacy with your chosen.

So, you may not be divorced, but if you are not pursuing oneness and intimacy with your chosen, you are not fulfilling your marriage covenant.

Face it, we are not always going to feel love to someone. But, we are called to choose love. I really appreciate the Hebrew word that is translated “love” so often:

Psalm 136:1 NIV

Give thanks to the Lord, for he is good. His love endures forever.

That word can actually be translated covenant loyalty. I am going to act a certain way toward you because of a choice I am making based on a covenant that was created.

And the thing is, the more we make the choice when we don’t feel love, the more we will actually feel love.

c. Embracing Marriage

As we keep covenants and choose love, we create a culture and a legacy of embracing marriage.

Titus 2:3–5 NIV

Likewise, teach the older women to be reverent in the way they live, not to be slanderers or addicted to much wine, but to teach what is good. Then they can urge the younger women to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled and pure, to be busy at home, to be kind, and to be subject to their husbands, so that no one will malign the word of God.

He is talking about legacy. Living in a way that shows God, that is the Word of God put into action, living in such a way that the next generation is spurred on to live it as well.

One pastor put it this way: Do our daughters know how to respect their future husband by how their mom or grandma respects her husband? Do our sons know how to love their future wives by how their dad or grandpa loves his wife?

Marriage will only be valued and embraced if we value and embrace marriage.

d. Correct Perspective of God

And then, as marriage is embrace, covenants are kept, love is chosen, God is pictured. A God who keeps covenants. A God who loves unconditionally. This God is shown, for the world to see.

Now, no one is completely perfect in how they do marriage. No one is completely perfect in how they reflect God. So you can look at your life and say: I’ve blown it. And you probably have, just like I have blown it. Or in a different way.

Perhaps you have gotten divorced. Perhaps you have consistently not chosen to love your spouse over 20 years of marriage.

God gives grace and he can redeem our situations from the sin committed, if we would humble ourselves and turn to him.

What legacy are we leaving? Is the legacy that we actually want to leave? Or do we need to change?