Learning to Love God’s Design

For Marriage

Genesis 1:26–27 ESV

Then God said, “Let us make man in our image, after our likeness. And let them have dominion over the fish of the sea and over the birds of the heavens and over the livestock and over all the earth and over every creeping thing that creeps on the earth.” So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them.

Genesis 2:20–24 ESV

The man gave names to all livestock and to the birds of the heavens and to every beast of the field. But for Adam there was not found a helper fit for him. So the Lord God caused a deep sleep to fall upon the man, and while he slept took one of his ribs and closed up its place with flesh. And the rib that the Lord God had taken from the man he made into a woman and brought her to the man. Then the man said, “This at last is bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man.” Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.

MESSAGE

Why do Christians take marriage so seriously (Or why they should)? These days, sadly, marriage has lost much of the esteem it should hold. This institution, this holy institution, this sacred institution, is no longer considered to be important or even necessary to many people. Sadly, even among those who consider themselves Christians, many have caved in to the trend of being dismissive of marriage; its design for the union of one man and one woman, its status as the basis of human civilization. However, many still take it seriously, and Christians, and all people, should take marriage very seriously, honoring it, celebrating it, supporting it. But why should everyone take marriage so seriously?

Why should We take marriage seriously? Because God does!

He invented it. God created this institution of marriage in the very beginning. For the good of the man, he created the woman, and they were the first human couple, the first married couple. God being the creator of all, he gets to decide the rules by which the world, and his special creation, humans, must operate. The creator of something is the owner of it. The owner of something gets to decide the rules. Since God is the creator he gets to make the rules that govern this world, including the rules that govern human relationships. God has declared that marriage is good. He invented it, so He gets to define it God designed marriage for one man and one woman. We don’t get to change definitions that God himself has made. Just as it is illogical to say that a fish is the same as a bird, we do not get to say that a man can take the role of a woman, nor a woman as a man. Neither can we say that marriage can be redefined to mean whatever depraved people want it to mean. God alone gets to define what is good, and he has declared marriage, that is, marriage His way, is very good. No matter what a state legislature may say, or even the Supreme Court, humans do not have the right to change the definition God gave. Marriage belongs to God, and therefore he gets to set the terms of it.

There are a number of reasons that we should take marriage very seriously

It reflects the unity found in the Trinity Genesis1.26-27

Genesis 1:26–27 ESV

Then God said, “Let us make man in our image, after our likeness. And let them have dominion over the fish of the sea and over the birds of the heavens and over the livestock and over all the earth and over every creeping thing that creeps on the earth.” So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them.

This is the first reference of the Trinity in scripture, let us make man in our image. God’s image, or the imago dei, is in all of us, and the relationship found in the Trinity is reflected in our ability to enter into bonded, covenant relationships, of which marriage is the premier example in this life.

Another reason to take marriage seriously is because: It is a metaphor for Christ and the Church When I counsel couples looking to get married, I always begin with Ephesians 5. Time does not allow me to read the whole chapter in this moment, but Ephesians 5 is all about relationships. The Apostle Paul charges Christians to walk in love, and then gives practical ways in which this works itself out. First he points out that walking in love is reflected in holy living, not doing the things that worldly people do. He speaks of walking in the light and not the darkness. He says much more, including that we ought to be submitted to one another out of reverence for Christ.

And then Paul gets to this passage that makes many people in our world today uncomfortable, or even mad. He gives instructions both to wives and husbands. To the wives, he says they must submit to their husband as their leader within the marriage. Many people hate this passage for that reason. But they shouldn’t. For the husbands have a charge as well, the charge to love their wives as Christ loved the church. And who could live up to that love? Christ’s love for the church is a sacrificial love that only seeks the best for those who he calls to himself.

As much as people focus on this passage on the duties of husbands and wives, a very important point is sometimes skipped over. And that is that marriage between a husband and wife is a metaphor for the relationship between Christ and the church.

Ephesians 5:22–33 ESV

Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands. Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish. In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church, because we are members of his body. “Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.” This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church. However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.

You see, wives are to submit to their husbands as the church submits to Christ. The husband is to love the wife as Christ loves the church. And this is a mysterious thing, but Paul makes clear that it refers to Christ and the church.

In todays world, the idea that a wife should be submitted to her husband conjures up awful thoughts of patriarchy and anger that anyone would even suggest that this part of the bible is relevant today. I would ask you, though, what wife, whose husband perfectly obeyed this command of scripture, and loved his wife as Christ loved the church, nourishing and cherishing her, what wife whose husband did this perfectly, would not willingly submit to him and be pleased to do so?

And what husband, whose wife perfectly obeyed this, and submitted to him as the church should be submitted to Christ, what husband of that wife would not nourish and cherish her? Yet no one does this perfectly, but in their deepest heart’s desire, many greatly desire this sort of relationship.

Sadly, we live in a fallen world. No husband loves his wife with the perfect love of Christ. No wife is submitted perfectly to his leadership. And so we will see that mankind’s being at odds with God’s design began all the way back in the garden, and that helps us to begin to answer the question:

Why is marriage being assaulted?

The fall (Genesis 3)

It began with the first sin and the consequences of that sin. When the first humans rebelled against God, there were consequences, which we take part in. From that time to now, these consequences are being felt. There were consequences specific to men and women.

Genesis 3:16–18 ESV

To the woman he said, “I will surely multiply your pain in childbearing; in pain you shall bring forth children. Your desire shall be contrary to your husband, but he shall rule over you.” And to Adam he said, “Because you have listened to the voice of your wife and have eaten of the tree of which I commanded you, ‘You shall not eat of it,’ cursed is the ground because of you; in pain you shall eat of it all the days of your life; thorns and thistles it shall bring forth for you; and you shall eat the plants of the field.

Actions have consequences. Rebellion against God brought a curse, and this is seen in its effect on marriage. Pain in childbearing is still a consequence. We try to offset these curses with medicine and technology, but these results are still there. And certainly the other curses, such as having to labor to live, are still true, though we try to offset these as well.

But one of those curses was specific to marriage. To the woman he said, “Your desire shall be contrary to your husband, but he shall rule over you.” In other words, there will be a battle of wills in marriage, and women will not want to submit, because her husband’s will often is opposed to her will.

You may ask, “why should I have to be part of this curse? The answer to that question explains another reason why people are often opposed to marriage. that is because by our very nature, we are in open warfare against God, because Adam, being our first representative, made a decision for all mankind, which at the time was only 2 people. By deciding to rebel and eat the fruit, we all entered into the fallen state of mankind with him.

All sinned in Adam (Romans 5:12)

Romans 5:12 ESV

Therefore, just as sin came into the world through one man, and death through sin, and so death spread to all men because all sinned—

So whether you think this is fair or not, it is a fact. Our first parents sinned, and we inherited their nature. Sin is in our genes, so to speak, and so are the consequences. Just as someone with a genetic disease will suffer the consequences of that disease, so do each of us inherit a nature that is bent against God.

People sometimes say that all people are good, but the bible says all people are fallen from grace. We don’t need to be taught to sin; It is our natural state. Just ask any parent of a toddler. I haven’t met one yet who had to be taught to be naughty. It’s the other way around. You need to train children in the good, and train them to resist their sinful desires. Sin is built in, a battle must be fought to kill it.

Those who continue to rail against God get worse and worse.

They do not acknowledge God (Romans 1)

People often ask me how the world got as bad as it is today. I tell them the answer is in Romans 1, especially towards the end of that chapter. Paul writes about how the wrath of God is being revealed against the unrighteousness of men who suppress the truth. They do not acknowledge God, they ignore the clear signs of his majesty and power that can be seen in his creation, they don’t honor him or thank him, they would rather worship the things he created instead of the creator himself.

The result? Rom1.24-27

Romans 1:24–27 ESV

Therefore God gave them up in the lusts of their hearts to impurity, to the dishonoring of their bodies among themselves, because they exchanged the truth about God for a lie and worshiped and served the creature rather than the Creator, who is blessed forever! Amen. For this reason God gave them up to dishonorable passions. For their women exchanged natural relations for those that are contrary to nature; and the men likewise gave up natural relations with women and were consumed with passion for one another, men committing shameless acts with men and receiving in themselves the due penalty for their error.

In other words, part of the assault on God’s design for marriage is a direct result from people’s rebellion against him as God. In fact, you could say that the punishment for these things is that God just gives them over to the wickedness they want to do. His punishment for those hell-bent on defying him is to let them do what they want. This is why you see what you see in our world today, this is why the people who have railed against traditional values have such hate and vitriol for those who try to do good. God is already punishing them for their wicked behavior by letting them do more wicked behavior until the day of his wrath, when they will no longer have a chance to turn form those ways.

Another reason people do not honor marriage is because they just find it too hard, since God’s standard is one of monogamy and purity and life-long commitment. For this reason, when we talk about marriage, and the importance of honoring it,

People find it to be a hard teaching

In fact, Jesus, after teaching about marriage, and how God does not want marriages to end, some disciples said it would be better not to marry than to be in a situation where you are expected to stay married to your spouse. In other words, even Jesus had people who did not like his teachings. So Jesus answered those who said it would be better not to marry, saying not everyone can receive this saying. and let the one who is able to receive this receive it.

(Matthew 19:10 “The disciples said to him, “If such is the case of a man with his wife, it is better not to marry.””

So there are many reasons why marriage under assault. But today we come with great joy and celebration, because we here today will declare with great enthusiasm, that marriage is worthy of celebration. We understand that marriage is serious, that it is for life, that it represents Christ and the Church, and the Trinity itself, and is a holy institution. We can make marriage God’s way beautiful again!

How can marriage be made beautiful again?

Decide in your hearts to not get divorced (divorce violently rips apart families)

Malachi 2:16 ESV

“For the man who does not love his wife but divorces her, says the Lord, the God of Israel, covers his garment with violence, says the Lord of hosts. So guard yourselves in your spirit, and do not be faithless.”

Many of us have been the sad witnesses of this truth. Divorce rips apart people, and the ripple effects on family, friends, and the community are felt for entire lifetimes. So anyone getting married must take seriously these vows, and decide from the beginning that they will keep their covenant.

This idea is sometimes misunderstood by those who would excuse abuse, and forbid someone from leaving a wicked spouse who has broken the covenant. These sad cases happen. No one should ever excuse abuse, and we should protect women and children and men who are in abusive situations. However, for the Christian couple, who have taken their courtship seriously, and sought counsel from wise people, and met with their pastor, having determined that their spouse is like-minded in the things of faith, they must begin with the thought that no matter how frustrated they may be with each other, that the idea of divorce is never on the table.

Having made this choice, the next one will dovetail nicely with it.

Choose to live for Christ who died for us. (Brief overview of salvation - Repent, believe, obey Christ)

All have sinned. All deserve the wrath of God, because sin is cosmic treason against our Holy God.

No act of goodness or good works can make up for our sin. Only a perfect, sinless sacrifice can pay the price for our sins.

Jesus on the cross was our propitiation. This means that he turns away the wrath of God from those who put faith in him And he took that wrath upon himself on the cross. He helps us to make peace with God.

We can be saved by repenting, or turning from, a sinful life, and putting faith in Christ for salvation. Freedom in Christ is freedom from sin, and he will grant you eternal life.

If you have not trusted in Christ, don’t let the moment pass without you doing so. Today is the day of salvation.

These must be the priorities of life for the couple who marry in Christ.

Christ first, spouse second, children next, others after.

All should celebrate marriage, encourage it, support it. We should not make flippant jokes about marriage, or husbands or wives, but honor those who have made this commitment for life.

Things we must not do:

Make rude jokes about marriage, or join the world in making it a joke.

Speak ill of our spouses in conversations. Honor your own marriage by always speaking well of your spouse.

Things we must do:

Promote marriage in the church and in the community

Remember that marriage is a metaphor for:

The Trinity

Christ and the Church

In Christ is salvation, in Christ’s church is submission, in Christ’s church is sacrificial love. And these must be found in the Christian family as well. May God bless our marriages with all good things, and may God be glorified in your lives as you attempt to live a life that is a testament to His grace in your lives.