Genesis

Dealing with conflict well.

God has given us all we need to deal with conflict through forgiveness in Jesus

Who loves a bit of conflict? There is something captivating about watching conflict in movies and TV Shows. Just have a think about your favorite movie, or show and think about what the base issue is for the main character. (SLIDE) In the Gladiator, it’s Maximus against Ceasar. In the Lord of the Rings, it’s the fellowship against Sauron. In the Notebook, its Noah against Allie.

In the movies, we always anticipate the breakthrough moment, the moment that one rises above the other or some sort of compromise is made and and the conflict is solved so everyone lives happily ever after.

But I wonder, do movies ever teach or model to us the proper way to deal with conflict? Is resolving conflict always about winning?

(SLIDE)Well our passage today is set in the context of Jacob’s conflict with his brother. Today we will explore Jacobs side of the conflict and how he moves from trusting in himself and his own plans, to truly trusting in God and his plans, while facing the biggest conflict of his life.

We will walk through the narrative through these three main sections: (SLIDE)

Jacob fears Esau

Jacob meets God

Jacob unites with Esau

This chapter in Genesis will give us an important understanding of how we too are to deal with the conflict in our lives, as we anticipate Jacob’s breakthrough moment.

(SLIDE)A quick recap on Jacob for our passage today, We remember the relationship with his brother Esau that has been one of rivalry and lies. Remember Jacob tricked his brother into selling his birthright. Then with the help of his mother, Jacob tricked his father into blessing himself, not Esau.

This led Esau to make a vow to kill Jacob. So Jacob ran away.

The last few Sunday’s we’ve traveled with Jacob and we’ve seen him be tricked by his father in-law into marrying Leah and then Rachel for 14 years of service. And then witnessed the break up with Laban after another 6 years of labor tending the flocks.

Then we heard that God want’s Jacob to return home (31:3), and after a heated settlement with Laban at the end of chapter 31, Jacob is now a wealthy man eager to return to God’s land, to begin God’s work of starting a nation of God’s people.

Now at this point it all looks like Jacob is heading in the right direction!

or is he? Well, let’s find out together as we look to the first section of the passage.

(SLIDE) Jacob fears Esau - 32:1-21

As Jacob enters the land, something significant happens, and Jacob knows it. As he heads towards God’s promised land,(SLIDE) the angels of God meet him, rightly Jacob identify’s that this is the camp of God, Jacob is now walking into the place that God has prepared. This little moment is a throwback to Adam and Eve and how they had to walk out of the place God prepared for them, the place that God put his angels on the border of to protect the people from the tree of life. Jacob now walks passed the angels into the place that God has provided, into his protection, provision and presence.

Basically, this is a sign that Jacob is on the right path.

And so with a strong sense of things going well for him, Jacob makes the decision to inform his brother of his return.(SLIDE) Now, informing his brother is not out of necessity, see Jacob is not planning to pass through Esau’s land, in fact Jacob could very well get to where he’s going and live quietly for some time before Esau would even know he’s there. However, New year, new Jacob. He’s doing things right now. He’s going to deal with his conflict and so he’s telling Esau of his plans.

See Jacob has grown out of being shy of conflict, he dealt with Laban and he’s prepared to deal with Esau. Jacob is certainly providing a good example what to do about conflict in our lives. We ought to take a moment to note that the bible teaches us strongly to dealing with conflict. To not let it fester and brood.

See In the Gospel of Matthew,(SLIDE) Jesus teaches: “if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother or sister has something against you, 24 leave your gift there in front of the altar. First go and be reconciled to them; then come and offer your gift.”

Interesting that Jesus’ words ring true for Jacob’s experience. We may have noticed that Jacob will only come before an altar at the end of Chapter 33.

But before we go there, In Chapter 32, verse 3, Jacob is proactive, (SLIDE) giving a well informed message to state his intention to find favor in Esau’s eyes. And so Jacob starts out as a great example to us. That we today should apply this teaching to our lives, let us like Jacob, that we too would be proactive in dealing with conflict.

However, Jacob’s good example doesn’t last long. (SLIDE) He hears that Esau is heading towards him with 400 men. and so fear overcomes him. (SLIDE) Distress infact (v7.) And so we might ask, what will Jacob do now, that resolving the conflict peacefully, seems to be futile.

And true to form, Jacob does what Jacob knows best, he makes a plan to run… (SLIDE)He divides the group, and plans for escape, trusting in himself to solve the problem.

Except this time, he’s no longer the young man working with his mother to help him scheme. No now he’s an older man who looks to God to help. see Jacob knows that God keeps his promises. Jacob felt this truth in the previous few chapters, he’s experienced God’s blessings. He knows now God is in this, and so he prays to God for help.

Making a second example for us to model after Jacob. That is, when involved in conflict, Pray to God for help! As that is an important life principle to follow. In all circumstances pray to God for help.

However, like the first principle that Jacob showed us in being proactive about conflict, where soon trusted himself and planned an escape. the second principle is the same, Jacob rightly prays to God, However notice the content of his prayer.

In verse 10,(SLIDE) Jacob rightly recognizes who he is, unworthy of God’s kindness and faithfulness, Jacob has felt it and sees how much life has changed thanks to God, and so recognizes how undeserving he truly is. And then we see Jacobs heart,(SLIDE)“Save me from Esau, I am afraid, he will attack me, the mothers, their children.” Jacob here is focused on the apparent outward issue, because according to Jacob, Esau is the problem. Esau is the one who will kill and Esau has made Jacob afraid.

Then in verse 12(SLIDE) what ever good was said in Jacobs prayer, is properly undone by the use of that tiny three letter word.. But… But God.. You said. But God, you need me for your plans to come true… But God this is your problem.

That three letter word is the undoing of any effort to apologize or fix conflict.

Mum I’m really sorry that I ate the last slice of cake. But it was left out and besides it was made for the family. So not really my fault

Hey mate, I’m really sorry I cut you off at the lights. But you didn’t indicate, so really its your fault.

See Jacob’s view of God is not centered the grace and mercy that God has shown. Rather it’s centered on what God has promised. Making this God’s problem. Not Jacobs.

furthermore Jacob rewords what God had actually told him.

A quick look back to Chapter 31 God spoke to Jacob and said: (SLIDE)

The New International Version Chapter 31

Then the LORD said to Jacob, “Go back to the land of your fathers and to your relatives, and I will be with you

But here in (SLIDE) Chapter 32 verse 9 and verse 12, Jacob has interpreted God’s presence as prosperity, See Jacob, we might say is the first victim of prosperity gospel preaching. Jacob has understood God’s presence as a bringing material gain. Which shows us that Jacob isn’t trusting God but rather, Jacob seeks to use God for his benefit.

and you know what, aren’t we just so like Jacob sometimes?

How often are we in a difficult situation, times when we fear others and what they might do. Just as Jacob has done, we say things to God like… God please change the other person, they are the problem. God make this situation just go away!

And so, let us apply the principle of going to God in prayer, but may our hearts not be like Jacob at this point, may our hearts not make demands that God would be a servant of our plans.

For we can see that Jacob doesn’t trust God in his heart because, straight after Jacob prays, Jacob goes back to his planing again. Back to Jacob doing what Jacob knows best… (SLIDE) He prepares gifts, and sends them off to Esau in order that they will ‘Pacify’ (v20) Esau...

I mean, you gotta say, Common Jacob! Stop it! Stop doing things your way. Trust God.

And it must have been at that point that God felt like saying that to Jacob,

Because that night when Jacob was alone. A random man started wrestling with him. And not just a little tussle, but a really long wrestle. I mean, 10 minutes of wrestling my children takes it out of me, but this engagement between Jacob and the stranger went all the way to day break.

Which is the second point of the sermon today,

(SLIDE) Jacob meets God - 32:22-32

This meeting with God, is Jacob’s breakthrough moment. See many times Jacob has expressed his knowledge of God, He’s known that God’s always there with him. However, from this point on, Jacob will trust God in his heart, he won’t simply trust in his knowledge of God and in his heart trust himself, no Jacob will from this point on, trusts God with his heart. That is such an important distinction to understand.

You see the wrestle he has is an image, and the image is not just two men in a spontaneous wrestle moment. Rather this is an image of Jacob and his struggle against his brother (in chapters 25, 27), his struggle against his father (chapter 27), his struggle against his father in-law (chapters 29-31) and now his struggle with God (32).

See all these narratives of Jacob are summed up in verse 26 (SLIDE) “I will not let go unless you bless me”

It is here that Jacob finally admits what he’s wanted all along! What his heart has desired from a young age. This is ultimately Jacob’s surrender.

And so God, does what God does so often. God does something physical to show that he has done something spiritual. God touches Jacobs hip, forcing Jacob to limp. Or in other words, making sure Jacob can no longer run away. because more than touching his hip, God touches his heart. And a heart touched by God, cannot simply turn away.

God also gives Jacob a new name (SLIDE), for that also will be a sign of his heart change. Jacob will no longer be known as the deceiver, from now he will be remembered as overcoming his struggle against God and humans, his name is Israel.

This profound moment for Jacob is a beautiful image of the human struggle against God. For It is in this moment that Jacob receives a heart operation, a heart change that fixes him from trusting in his own ways, to trusting in God’s ways.

See God has been with him all along, yet only now, after wrestling with God over all these struggles in Jacobs life, will Jacob truly trust God.

I mean, is that not the picture of every second generation Christian. Those who grew up in Christian families, learning about the wonder and beauty of the God of creation. Learning about the saving grace of Jesus and his rule over the kingdom of Heaven. Knowing the gospel, yet not understanding Jesus. Walking our own path, expecting God to make life work out for our benefit.

Now you might not be a second or third generation Christian, you might not feel the reality of Jacobs struggle in growing up to know God, while not yet trusting God. That’s ok, because I’m confident that all of us will understand the reality of conflict. And that’s why we are focusing on God’s work in shaping Jacob’s heart.

For it is through God’s work in reshaping Jacobs heart that gospel shaped outcomes happen. (SLIDE) For such is the experience of seeing the face of God and living in verse 30. Jacob has experienced the grace and mercy of God through the sparing of his life as Jacob knows too well, that to encounter the holy God with his sin is nothing short of a death sentence. Yet God is merciful.

And so changed by his encounter with God, we will see how Jacob now approaches his impending date with Esau and engages in his conflict. Our third section

(SLIDE)Jacob unites with Esau - 33:1-20

Now, the sight of 400 men, approaching you must be intimidating, especially when the last you heard of their leader, he was planning to kill you.

Notice now, the difference in Jacobs thinking Chapter 33 verse 3 (SLIDE). He lines all his family up and he goes on ahead. Regardless of the order of his family, clearly protecting his favorites, which will be an issue for Jacob later, the difference now, however, is that Jacob is no longer looking for a crafty way to escape. Rather He went on ahead. He now owns his part of the conflict and so he approached his brother

And what a shock, verse 4! (SLIDE)Esau ran towards Jacob, like the prodigal sons father running to meet his long lost son in the Gospel of Luke, Esau breaks with societal norms and runs at his brother to embrace him warmly. (SLIDE) And so they wept.

This bonding moment with his brother is huge pivot from what Jacob was expecting. A beautiful moment of reuniting two former rivals.

And after the pleasantries of introducing the family, (SLIDE)Esau asks, what of all the gifts?

Which is a nice way of saying, Jacob your plans were useless. Your scheming didn’t pacify me as you thought it would.

Yet graciously, Esau (SLIDE) also says to Jacob, “mate, I’ve got plenty of my own stuff, you keep yours.”

Now Jacob, he is no longer the schemer he once was, and he accepts now that God’s kindness extends beyond just material stuff, so he lets it go. For Jacob knows now that God’s prosperity is found not in things but in life lived with God.

So Jacob, says, (SLIDE)to see your face is like seeing the face of God, in other words, twice in one day, I should be dead, yet thanks to the mercy of God, who has clearly worked in Esau’s heart also, Jacob’s life is spared again.

See by reading chapters 32 and 33 together like this, we see how all of Jacobs scheming and plans are nothing. Rather we see that God has prepared Jacob’s way. We see that God has transformed Jacob and Esau’s hearts.

Because the reality for Jacob’s side of the conflict is that Jacob came to know that while he thought he was in conflict with Esau, he was actually in conflict with God.

Which is another example for us in how to deal with conflict. That is, rather than praying for God to sort out the other person. We ought to ask God to sort out ourselves. For we must see that in God’s way of helping Jacob and Esau’s conflict, we learnt nothing of Esau’s side. We got no indication that Esau had changed, we simply witnessed Jacob’s heart transforming moment. So transforming that Jacob could no longer run away, but rather hope to receive grace and mercy.

Friends we, need to understand that in the conflicts we face, it is not that we need to hear the other person to say they are sorry. No, we really need to hear God say.

I forgive you. (Slide)

We need to hear that God took our sin from us, God took our sin to the cross where He was nailed to the tree and died that we would be set free from our sin. That we would be forgiven of our sin.

Because when we see our conflict against God, our rebellion, our anger, our lust, our lies, when we see all of the ugliness of our hearts, taken up by an innocent man, taken up by God who did not deserve to be punished for our sin, but took our sin and died because of his love for us.

Then that same God rose from the grave and ascended to heaven where he declares us forgiven. Friends, when we see what God went through for the forgiveness of our sin, for how then are we to withhold the forgiveness of other peoples sin from them.

For conflict is a very complicated mess. But know that the forgiveness of others is the pathway to gospel, grace fulled outcomes. Because when you forgive others, as Jesus forgives you, God’s face shines through.

Unlike the movies that teach us to over power the other, and prove our cause. God teaches us to be humble before him. God teaches us trust him, for he is the one at work in our hearts and the hearts of others.

See Jacob, at the end of chapter 33, is united with his brother, by the grace of God. We then finish this short story with (SLIDE) verse 20 where Jacob now comes before God to offer his sacrifice as as he sets up the altar outside the city of Shechem. Jacob is now free from the conflict with his brother and rightly comes before the lord, just as (Slide) Jesus will teach his followers many years later in the book of Matthew to reconciled before coming to the altar.

For such is the hope of God’s grace and mercy to us. May we like Jacob trust God with our hearts and deal with conflict by first confessing our sins and desires to God. that he would transform our hearts by his grace, and we would forgive the sins and desires of others.

For God has given us all we need to deal with conflict through forgiveness in Jesus

Let’s pray.