Hurt and Forgiveness

Good morning, my name is Shawn I am the family pastor here at First Grace. If you would, please turn to 2 Corinthians 1. Before we jump in, we have been working our way though this book for the past several weeks, observing what the Spirit taught the church in Corinth through the apostle Paul, seeking to understand what it meant for them and for us, then trying to put that into action. This is a tough letter to work through, but I hope it has been and will continue to be beneficial to all of us as we work through some tough things. I think I have said this before, but I will say it again. The hardest thing about studying the Bible and especially about preaching it to others, is it is a double edged sword. I have found that it cuts me deeper than it probably cuts you. The only way I have found to walk away form the Bible without being cut to the soul by it is by not taking it seriously, or not reading it carefully. Sometimes, it hurts, but the hurt is for the building up of our faith and the furtherance of our joy. Kids if you have one of our sermon notebooks, I have titled this sermon “Hurt and Forgiveness” Our main idea this morning is: “Sometimes we hurt one another, but should still offer forgiveness and comfort.”

2 Corinthians 1:23-2:11  23But I call God to witness against me—it was to spare you that I refrained from coming again to Corinth. 24Not that we lord it over your faith, but we work with you for your joy, for you stand firm in your faith. 2:1For I made up my mind not to make another painful visit to you. 2For if I cause you pain, who is there to make me glad but the one whom I have pained? 3And I wrote as I did, so that when I came I might not suffer pain from those who should have made me rejoice, for I felt sure of all of you, that my joy would be the joy of you all. 4For I wrote to you out of much affliction and anguish of heart and with many tears, not to cause you pain but to let you know the abundant love that I have for you. 5Now if anyone has caused pain, he has caused it not to me, but in some measure—not to put it too severely—to all of you. 6For such a one, this punishment by the majority is enough, 7so you should rather turn to forgive and comfort him, or he may be overwhelmed by excessive sorrow. 8So I beg you to reaffirm your love for him. 9For this is why I wrote, that I might test you and know whether you are obedient in everything. 10Anyone whom you forgive, I also forgive. Indeed, what I have forgiven, if I have forgiven anything, has been for your sake in the presence of Christ, 11so that we would not be outwitted by Satan; for we are not ignorant of his designs.

Prayer: Our Father in heaven, teach us according to your word. It is living and active sharper than any two-edged sword, piercing to the division of soul and of spirit, of joints and of marrow, and discerning the thoughts and intentions of the heart. Be with us to shape our hearts that they may produce the fruit of righteousness and of the Spirit. Help us to remember that man does not live on bread alone, but on every word which proceeds from the mouth of God in Christ Jesus our Lord, the true bread from heaven.

Lord Jesus, please be with us and those who are not here with us. Bless them with conviction according to your will that we all would seek healing from the hurts we have endured and to pursue reconciliation. Grant us all a deep desire to pursue forgiveness and to comfort one another in our sorrows and griefs.

Spirit guide us according to your will that we might be a church on the move. Thwart the works of our enemy. Focus our minds on what matters that we might Go and make disciples in your name. May this and everything be for your glory and honor and praise forevermore. AMEN

Main Point: “Sometimes we hurt one another, but should still offer forgiveness and comfort.”

I have 2 points, First: Sometimes we hurt one another

23But I call God to witness against me—it was to spare you that I refrained from coming again to Corinth. 24Not that we lord it over your faith, but we work with you for your joy, for you stand firm in your faith. 2:1For I made up my mind not to make another painful visit to you. 2For if I cause you pain, who is there to make me glad but the one whom I have pained? 3And I wrote as I did, so that when I came I might not suffer pain from those who should have made me rejoice, for I felt sure of all of you, that my joy would be the joy of you all. 4For I wrote to you out of much affliction and anguish of heart and with many tears, not to cause you pain but to let you know the abundant love that I have for you.

Sometimes we hurt one another

Remember last week we talked about Paul beginning to defend himself. He “boasted” in his conscience and his behavior toward the Corinthians when he was with them. Additionally, he said he would boast of them and they of him when they all stand before Jesus in the day of the Lord. Yet, there was still the issue they had with him. It seems he said he would come, but did not. Instead, he sent Titus to them with a letter, a painful one. Before giving any real explanation as to why he changed his plans, he focused on insuring they understood God’s faithfulness regardless of what they think of Paul. We talked about this last week. For today, in this section, the primary question Paul seems to answer is this: Why didn’t Paul come to Corinth when he said he would?

Paul begins in verse 23 to give his reasoning for not coming to Corinth as was originally planned.

He starts by calling God as witness against him. This was, in part, because there is no real way to prove to the Corinthians that this is true. He is revealing his reasoning and why his conscience was clear, something on which they would simply have to take his word. No one can see into the heart of man but God himself. In the end, God will vindicate him in his honesty, or judge him for his lie. Paul proceeds to tell them he didn’t come to Corinth because he wanted to spare them. The assumption commentators seem to make is he was sparing them from his own chastisement for their behaviors, or the behaviors they tolerated in their midst. This potential rebuke is still a possibility as we will see when we get to 13:2; where Paul tells them, when he comes he will not spare those who are living in unrepentant sin.

In verse 24 Paul says, “Not that we lord it over your faith, but we work with you for your joy, for you stand firm in your faith.” This is an odd statement, but it seems as though he is implying his respect for them and their faith. There was clear reason for rebuke in the Corinthian church. In fact, Paul did this in his previous letter (1 Corinthians). However, it is not his intent to Lord his position as an apostle over them or their faith, but to work with them for their ultimate joy and growth in Christ.

As we think about this section, until Jesus comes, as we are working out what it means to be a Christian, there will always be two sides of this proverbial coin, faith and works. One will never appear without the other. When we put our faith in Jesus Christ for our hope of salvation, he justifies us. As Paul says in Ephesians 2:8-9, “For by grace you have been saved through faith. And this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God, not a result of works, so that no one may boast.” Our faith is all that is required for our salvation given by grace in Jesus Christ. This faith is a belief in the death and resurrection of Jesus Christ and it is our certain hope in his future return and the fulfillment of all God’s promises.

However, this is not just simple belief as some sort of mental exercise. James 2 makes this clear; faith is more than something happening in our heads and hearts. In fact, if our faith does not lead to good works, then James questions if the faith is real at all. He asks, “Can that faith save him?”

This is something Jesus also speaks to, He says this in Matthew 15:17-19 18But what comes out of the mouth proceeds from the heart, and this defiles a person. 19For out of the heart come evil thoughts, murder, adultery, sexual immorality, theft, false witness, slander.

He also says this in John 7:37-39 37 On the last day of the feast, the great day, Jesus stood up and cried out, “If anyone thirsts, let him come to me and drink. 38 Whoever believes in me, as the Scripture has said, ‘Out of his heart will flow rivers of living water.’” 39 Now this he said about the Spirit, whom those who believed in him were to receive, for as yet the Spirit had not been given, because Jesus was not yet glorified.

Here is my point here, your heart will produce fruit in your life. You cannot help it. However the type of fruit is somewhat determined by what is happening in your heart. All of your actions spring forth from the “water” in your heart. If this water is polluted with sin, you will bear the kid of fruit which comes from that spring of water. However, if you have come to Christ to drink the living water only he can give, the Holy Spirit comes to reside within you and produces the kinds of fruit you which spring from a redeemed heart. To be clear, these works by themselves save no one. There are many good things we all ought to do and teach our kids to do. These works can teach us valuable lessons and can even inform our faith as we grow in maturity. However, there is no work we can do to earn God’s favor much less earn salvation. There is also the risk of performing these works to be seen by others, but they do no come from a heart filled with the Spirit of God, but out of a heart of sin. Only you and God can determine if your motives are clear. That said, Paul says in Ephesians 2:10 that having been saved by grace we are created in Christ Jesus for good works. If I can jump back to Paul’s point, these works which proceed from our faith, they are a piece of our sanctification and are ultimately for our joy in the Lord. However, this doesn’t mean it is always easy. It is hard to relinquish our sin, but this is especially true when it comes to entrenched sin. These are the kinds of sin which have taken hold in our lives and maybe in our families between generations. This can also be true of sins that have cultural backing. How can it be bad if it is popular in the culture in which I lived? This was particularly true in Corinth. Paul made up his mind not to go to Corinth when he had originally planned because he expected, given their struggles with sin, that it would be another painful visit.

If he went, he would have to rebuke them again, but then would still be in need of comfort himself. He would be reliant upon them whom he had just inflicted pain, no matter how justified it may have been. This is why he sent the previous letter. I can only assume this is 1 Corinthians where he rebuked them all, and even had them discipline a man who was participating in grievous sin. The letter was written in love, but it was not easy to write and it was a difficult letter to receive. Yet, it was his hope that he could come back together with them when the Corinthians had corrected these significant issues and had reconciled with one another. Yet, it really didn’t matter, his staying away caused them pain as well. In a way, it was unavoidable. Speaking the truth, even in love can be painful. Even actions we take with good intentions can have painful consequences we didn’t anticipate. Sometimes, despite a desire to do what is right, or even to spare someone pain, we will still hurt one another.

First, a struggle with sin is not a lack of faith.

The reason I spent so much time reminding us of the balance, the tension between faith and works is because even Paul the apostle did not see his faith as greater than the Corinthians, but saw some behaviors that should be correcting. Regardless, he still affirmed their faith. He recognized the mistakes made were not a reason to discount their faith entirely. It is also clear that regardless of his intent with his actions, they still hurt them. He hurt them with the truth of his letter previous letter, and with his absence when they expected him to come to them. The place we wage our war with sin can take place in multiple fronts, it is a whole “soul” kind of war, but the hardest and most effective place to fight is in your heart. There are a lot of definitions for this, but for today let’s just think of it as the seat of you desires. This is where all sin starts. “When desire has conceived it gives birth to sin," as James says. This is a struggle we will all have. If we begin to see behaviors in ourselves, or if they are pointed out to us by others. Yes, that may hurt, but stopping and asking, “What do I desire?” Can help you identify where those behaviors are coming from. If you want to see what kinds of works to expect to come out of your faith versus the works that come out of your flesh, read and reflect on Galatians 5. Second, it is a sad truth that people in the church will hurt you.

I was talking with someone recently and she told me she has had more and worse experiences with people in the church than with those outside of it. This is sad because we know it shouldn’t be this way, yet it is all the same. It can hurt even more because of the expectation that this ought not be how it is, but while it shouldn’t be this way, it is; it always has been and always will be. This is because the church is full of sinners at various stages of their sanctification. What would be the alternative? Are we going to police behavior until everyone behaves perfectly? Will it not hurt others as we pass judgment on them? Perhaps you see this as worth it? While it isn’t a bad thing to have standards of behavior, if we never work to shepherd the heart, we will will shaping people to behave, but never have victory over their sin. In contrast, will we flee from causing people pain? Will we refrain from pointing out sin? Will we refrain from saying or doing what we know to be right to spare people? Will we refrain from visiting, like Paul, because of the pain we have caused? What will we do?

Ultimately, do do this will cause even more pain, not less. As we will see as we continue in this passage. Before we do,

Lets pray:

Sometimes we hurt one another, but should still offer forgiveness and comfort.

My first point was: sometimes we hurt one another

My second point is this: We should still offer forgiveness and comfort

5Now if anyone has caused pain, he has caused it not to me, but in some measure—not to put it too severely—to all of you. 6For such a one, this punishment by the majority is enough, 7so you should rather turn to forgive and comfort him, or he may be overwhelmed by excessive sorrow. 8So I beg you to reaffirm your love for him. 9For this is why I wrote, that I might test you and know whether you are obedient in everything. 10Anyone whom you forgive, I also forgive. Indeed, what I have forgiven, if I have forgiven anything, has been for your sake in the presence of Christ, 11so that we would not be outwitted by Satan; for we are not ignorant of his designs.

We should still offer forgiveness and comfort

It is the church, not Paul, who was hurt by this man’s unrepentant sin. Yes, Paul rebuked him and also the church for tolerating it, but it wasn’t him the man was hurting. His sin hurt the man himself, it hurt the church, it scandalized even Corinth (as we read in 1 Corinthians) and therefore hurt the witness of the church. The man was disciplined by the congregation, his punishment was enacted by the majority. It seems, though, at the time of this letter, the man must have repented because Paul says the punishment he has received was enough. Now Paul was requesting the corinthians forgive the man and comfort him so he wasn’t overwhelmed by excessive sorrow by his continued exclusion from the church with no recourse to return even upon his repentance. So, Paul begs for them to reaffirm their love for this man they had put out. This, in part, is why Paul is writing to them. At the same time, when they forgive, he forgives. He joins his voice with theirs in recognizing the repentance of this man.

It is common for human beings to desire justice, this is normal as image bearers of God. However, our sense of justice is always tainted by our sinfulness. For example, we all love justice until we are the ones who are on the receiving end, then we love mercy. Additionally, it can be hard to see things clearly when we are the ones hurt by the actions of another. So, it can be hard to forgive. When we have been wronged, we like to see a measure of punishment, myself included. Yet, there is no perfect human justice. The church of Corinth was correct in removing him from their midst because of his unrepentant sin, but were incorrect in understanding how long. Was it forever, or simply for a time until he repented?

Please don’t hear me say we should never pursue justice, we absolutely should, but don’t forget there is always room for grace and mercy for those who are repentant. This also does not mean there should not be ongoing consequences for the wrong that was done. Some things, we can forgive, but they are still crimes that ought to be passed onto police, those who are truly repentant should understand this. Yet, we must be willing to offer forgiveness. The kind of forgiveness we would want to be given. This is so important that Jesus includes it in his example prayer to his apostles: Forgive us our trespasses as we have forgiven those who have trespassed against us. Just think about how backwards it is to ask for forgiveness and yet be unwilling to forgive, yet we all do it from time to time. Paul concludes this section with an admission that the enemy has designs even in the midst of the church wrestling with a man repenting from significant sin.

First, when we forgive it is not only for ourselves, but for the sake of Christ our redeemer. We are participating in the example he has set. When we forgive the repentant, he is there with us as Matthew 18 teaches. He is honored by repentance. He is honored by our grace and mercy for one another. He is not honored by us forgiving, he is not honored by us being unrepentant.

This might be the time to mention, not every hurt inflicted is because of sin. It is possible in these circumstances we must forgive when a person has no reason to apologize. This is sometimes very hard to do, but it is necessary. To hold onto these sorts of hurts divide you from your brother or sister. This is the sort of things which lead to separations over time. We can ask for explanations, but maybe they won’t satisfy us.

At some point we are left with the choice, will I forgive? Did this person do this intentionally to hurt me, is this just a genuine disagreement? Can I let this go? If not, why not? What do I desire here? When we forgive it should be genuine, permanent, and corporate.

It should be genuine. Don’t just say it, mean it. If you cannot mean it, don’t say it. Don’t continue to consider it in your heart, put it out of your head. Begin to reshape how you see the person without the pain of the wrong between you. It should be permanent. We do not bring out again and again to use it against our brothers and sisters. If we forgive, truly let it go, and don’t let it back in. It should be corporate. This is true when anyone else knows of the wrong and the forgiveness offered. If I forgive someone, and you know I have, you should no longer tolerate me rehashing it with you. I need to let it go. Bring it up again and again prevents forgiveness. At some point, if I refuse to let it go, I myself have moved into sin. Second, our unforgiveness can play into our enemy’s designs. If we live in ignorance of him, then we can be outwitted by him.

In everything we have discussed, it is important to recognize that our enemy is for the extremes. Our struggle to find balance between faith and works. He would shove us toward one or the other. Faith as a mental thing, divorced from works. Works, divorced from faith. Justice without mercy, Mercy without justice. Unrepentance. Forgiveness without letting it go.

When I think about this, I think about two men fighting one another. Think of one man using his opponents momentum against him. Instead of stopping a punch, he might add energy to his swing directing it away from himself and throwing his opponent off balance. I had to do some research on this, but this principle is what the martial art Aikido is built upon. This is what our enemy does. He sees me pursuing justice and shoves me so that I go too far. I correct and move toward mercy and so he shoves me so that I go too far. I want to work on my faith, so he shoves me so I neglect the fruit of good works. I want to work on my behavior so he shoves me into neglecting my heart. If we are not aware of how he might be at work, we will lose the battles. Remember, he doesn’t need to defeat us, he is the one with the stronghold. All he has to do is redirect us. If we are distracted from our mission, we will not be storming his stronghold to rescue those he holds hostage. So what will we do? Will we hold onto our hurts? Will I? Will we refuse to forgive? Will we refuse to ask forgiveness? Will we constantly rehash old things, refusing to let them go? What will we do? Will we constantly fall into the traps of the enemy, or will we press forward following the example of our Savior who forgave his enemies at great cost to himself?

Conclusion

Sometimes we hurt one another, but should still offer forgiveness and comfort.

What will we do?

If you haven’t hurt someone in the church, you will. What will you do about it, will you attempt to reconcile, will you work to restore it the way we see Paul and the corinthians attempting to do? Or will you avoid it because it is difficult, will you run? This temptation exists for all of us, but we there is beauty and blessing in reconciliation. If we run, if we refuse to forgive, it hurts us and the church, and the enemy wins. If you haven’t been hurt by people in the church, you will. I hate that this is a reality, but it is. What will you do? Will you hold onto it like a weight or work toward forgiveness? Will you run toward you brothers and sisters or away from them? If we run away, the enemy wins and we are unable to storm his gates and take down his strongholds. What will you do? What will I do? I have taken on some hurts, wounds that make it feel as if my heart is in my throat just at the thought of them. I have wounds that would have me wanting to leave the ministry and never look back. Yet, something tells me, I assume the Holy Spirit, that if I were to do that, only one person wins, my enemy. He would then proceed to attack me with accusation and guilt, I would never be able to move on.

What about you? What should you do? Are there people you ought to apologize to for your actions, your words, or your