Losing God

A few weeks ago I mentioned that I started back doing Jiu Jitsu. If you don’t remember this is the art of folding clothes while people are still in them. The point of this is to make people uncomfortable. It includes various chokes, shoulder locks, and what is known as an arm bar. Sadly, I am still out of shape, inflexible, and it takes years to get “good” so I find myself in uncomfortable situations when I go train. However, I find it a lot of fun. I enjoy it. I have lost a lot of weight and I feel better. It has been exciting. I even signed up for a tournament. Yesterday, I was in Birmingham for this tournament. I trained really hard for this tournament. There was one week that I trained 8x in one week. I am having a ton of fun. I really enjoy it, and I am losing some weight. However, my body is exhausted. My shoulders hurt. My hips are stiff. My body was telling me that I needed to take some days and rest. Yet, I was training for this tournament. I was losing weight. I was getting better at Jiu Jitsu. I am doing good things. Why would I need to rest?

Barbara Brown Taylor, in her book, Leaving Church, uses the first several chapters to set the stage as to where she is and what led her there. She could classify herself as Spiritual but not religious. She fell in love with the Episcopalian church and even went to seminary, but did not want to be ordained. She just wanted to seek the spiritual matters of things. She wanted to be close to God. For her, experiencing God was laying on the dirt and seeing nature. She felt connected to God in this way. She quotes one of the Canticles out of a prayer book which read,

“Let the earth glorify the Lord, praise him and highly exalt him forever. Glorify the Lord, O

mountain and hills, and all that grows upon the eart praise him and highly exalt him forever.”

She just loved nature. She is whimsical and in my opinion could easily be a hippy. Except she did end up pursuing ordination. There is a whole chapter about her clergy collar and how she dreaded it, but now embraces it. She was ordained twice, once as a deacon and the other as a priest. She wanted to serve and grow closer to God and thought the church was the best place to serve and do that. She wanted to be the hands that fed the communion. She wanted to speak the words that would touch the hearts of the people with the wonderful Gospel. She wanted to share the love of God. She was successful but to a cost. She writes, “I spent a great deal of time trying to be good but is good the same as being whole?” She goes on saying, “By all accounts, loving God and my neighbor as myself was supposed to be enough to make me whole. My wholesome example was Christ, who didn’t have cottages, or all night cafe’s. Instead he was always feeding people, helping people and when he withdrew, they followed.” What she found out was that God wants us to both serve and be whole.

Sadly, she lost sight of the wholeness factor. She didn’t take a sabbath. She was always on. She was always doing. She had her priorities mixed up and she misplaced serving God to being more important than her relationship with God. When this happens, things get a little tricky. The same sort of thing happened to Mary and Joseph in our passage in Luke. They were doing all the right things. If you didn’t know, Luke 2 is a birth narrative. Jesus is born. Then 8 days later he is circumcised, as he is supposed to be. Then he is presented to the Lord where Anna and Simeon see him. All this is in keeping with the law. Mary and Joseph did everything right! Then we come to our story today. It is the only story of Jesus being a child. The text says that he was 12 years old. Joseph and Mary come to Jerusalem because of Passover. It says they went up, “as usual.” This was a common occurrence. They started to head home when the festival was over, as they should. They assumed Jesus was with them, but he wasn’t. They went a day’s journey. Now, let me pause here and tell you I, like most people, have panicked when I could not find my kid at the store. I remember how my heart felt when I found one of them hiding under the clothes racks or in the toy section. I cannot imagine how Joseph and Mary must have felt when they went a day's journey away and could not find their kid. In fact, it took them 3 days to find him. They finally found him in the temple talking with the teachers. These teachers were amazed at this 12 year old boy. Joseph and Mary were much nicer than I would have been. Our story tells us, “Child, why have you treated us like this? Look, your father and I have been searching for you in great anxiety.” I would have said where the ______have you been? Let me tell you something. I often wonder about some of the questions in the Bible. Jesus’ question is one of those. He says, “Why were you searching for me? Did you not know that I must be in my Father’s house?

Why were you searching for me? Um, well you’re my kid. We were heading home and you weren’t here. Why were you searching for me? Kid, are you serious? Except, while I think some of these questions in the Bible are ridiculous. I have to recognize that they are there for a reason. Jesus asks them a simple question. Now, you will have to give me a bit of interpretive liberty here, but here is how I think the conversation could have possibly gone. Hey kiddo, you gave me a heart attack. We have been looking for you. To which Jesus replied, “Why? I have been here, right where you left me. This is a lesson that I got from Taylor’s Leaving Church. See, Rev. Taylor is quite talented. She is charismatic and really good at showing genuine compassion. This has helped her be very successful. She was so successful that her church had 4 services. The problem was she was so busy serving God that she forgot to take a minute and hear from God. For her, hearing from God meant lying on the ground and experiencing nature. She was so busy she felt like she couldn’t do it. She was doing the right, Godly thing to do, except she left Jesus behind. She may have even gone on a day's journey.

I know this feeling. See, I am a workaholic. I have told Tammy that before she and I got together, I really didn’t take vacations. I mean I would get weekends away but I would find some way to do work while I was gone. I took my kids to the beach but I had to work an MMA show while going. I even told the search committee that one of my weaknesses is that I will sign up to do too much. Sadly, I won’t even know that I did it until I am exhausted with my shoulders hurting and my body all stiff. I would work and work and work. It is as if I was like the Israelites back in Egypt. My whole worth was how many bricks I made. Tammy helps me slow down and experience and hear from God in ways I neglected previously. Here is the thing I have to constantly remember and Joseph and Mary probably needed the reminder as well. Jesus hasn’t gone anywhere. In fact, he is right where we left him.

So, I will not ever defend a theology that teaches that God’s love is dependent upon my works and what I do, but I sometimes feel and even behave as if I get closer to God if I am doing God’s work. If I am a good, God will love me more. This belief is not completely unfounded. I mean hear the Psalmist say, “Who shall ascend the hill of the LORD? And who shall stand in his holy place? Those who have clean hands and pure hearts, who do not lift up their souls to what is false, and do not swear deceitfully. They will receive blessings. I mean it is right there! Who can stand in his holy place? Those who have clean hands and pure hearts. Those who are good and do not lie. They will receive blessings!

Except we cannot neglect the other verses of the Psalm. Specifically, the very next verse. It reads, “Such is the company of those who seek him, who seek the face of the God of Jacob. Selah” Here is why this verse is important to the previous one. See, we can’t be good enough. The whole Bible paints this picture. There are the laws in Leviticus. If that wasn’t enough Jesus raised the standard even more saying If you get angry with someone it is as if you committed murder. There are all kinds of laws and rules and things we are supposed to do that we don’t. We can’t be holy and we cannot have clean hands. However, the Psalmist joins the rest of the Bible saying the way we obtain holiness. The way we are good is by seeking God. That is the lesson that both Mary, Joseph, Rev. Taylor, and myself have had to learn.

We could be serving God and doing all kinds of good things, even Godly things, but still leave Jesus behind. Sadly, when we realize he isn’t with us. It might even take 3 days to find him. But, he is right where we left him, doing his father’s business. Sometimes we have to pause all our serving to see it. That is something else the Psalmist teaches us. There is this Hebrew word found in several Psalms. It is the word Selah. According to the Brown Driver and Briggs Lexicon it indicated some kind of interruption or change in the regular rendering. It is a kind of break.

Rev. Taylor ended up stepping down as Rector of Grace-Calvary Church. She needed a break to experience and hear from God. So, she needed an interruption or a Selah. After her interruption she likely could join the praise of the rest of Psalm. Lift up your heads, O gates! and be lifted up, O ancient doors! that the King of glory may come in. Who is the King of glory? The LORD, strong and mighty, the LORD, mighty in battle. Lift up your heads, O gates! and be lifted up, O ancient doors! that the King of glory may come in. Who is this King of glory? The LORD of hosts, he is the King of glory.

So, let me address something I heard from several people and I see it as well. All of you love this church, there is no doubt about that. That love will lead you to serve it and do so with a diligent heart and I am thankful. Some have mentioned to me that they are either tired, or getting tired. To which I say, please take a sabbath or a Selah. But, 3 things. Don’t let your Selah be permanent and go back to the reason you served in the first place, your love for God and your love for this church. And one more thing. Please do not all take Sabbaths at the same time. I need you. However, as much as I need you. I need you to experience your relationship with God in a new and exciting way. We should never get so distracted by our serving and doing good that we end up losing God in the process. If we have, there is good news, God is right where we left him, doing his father’s business, loving each and every one of us.

Believe me, I am grateful for that! Amen