Learning to Lament: Godly Complaint
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How do we deal biblically with our pain and our grief? We asked this question several weeks ago as we began this short series on the biblical idea of lament.
Is there a way to rightly give voice to your pain?
Is there a path that gives you permission to wrestle with sorrow instead of rushing to its end? Yes, the Bible gives it a name, it is called a lament.
What is a lament?
Dark Clouds Deep Mercy
“Every lament is a prayer. A statement of faith. Lament is the honest cry of a hurting heart wrestling with the paradox of pain and the promise of God’s goodness.”
You have the paradox of pain on one side and the promise of God’s goodness on the other. Lament is the vehicle that moves us from one to the other.
Our goal in this short study is to cover four key elements involved in a biblical lament.
Four Key Elements of Biblical Lament
Turn
Complain
Ask
Trust
Last time we looked at the first element of biblical lament: the idea of turning.
To do that we went to Psalm 77 and examined five essential aspects of the prayer of lament that turns our hearts to the Lord. If we are to lament and deal biblically with our pain and our sorrow, we must first turn our hearts to the Lord in a biblical prayer of lament.
This morning we are going to move on the second key element of biblical lament and that is the idea of godly complaint. Godly complaint.
Now from the start those two words do not seem to go together. We were taught early on from a small child that complaining is bad. We don’t like complainers, God doesn’t like complainers. We were always taught to be content and thankful.
Is complaining always wrong?
As we study the Psalms the answer must be no. To be clear there is a right way and a wrong to way to complain. Yet the authors of Scripture over and over again bring their complaints to the Lord, especially in the book of Psalms.
This morning we want to examine of those complaints from Psalm 10.
What does godly complaint look like?
I. Godly Complaint is anchored in truth about God (1, 16-17)
I. Godly Complaint is anchored in truth about God (1, 16-17)
Biblical lament and thus godly complaint is only something a Christian can do. Why? Because to lament requires faith. And to complain rightly requires trust in the truth about who you believe God to be.
To lament properly requires that you know something about God. Lament is for those who know what God is really like and for those who believe that He can help them in their pain.
Lament is for Christians who understand that God is good, but life is hard.
Lament is for Christians who trust in God’s sovereignty, yet recognize they still live in a world filled with tragedy.
Godly complaining is first and foremost based on our belief of who God is and what He can do. Godly complaint allows the Christian to be honest about their disappointment while moving toward a resolution.
Stacey Gleddiesmith, in an article on lament, says this, “A lament honestly and specifically names a situation or circumstance that is painful, wrong, or unjust—in other words, a circumstance that does not align with God’s character and therefore does not make sense within God’s kingdom.”
So, if we are to learn to lament, if we are to exercise godly complaint, we must first and foremost always anchor our complaints in truth about God.
1 Why, O Lord, do you stand far away? Why do you hide yourself in times of trouble?
Right away the Psalmist begins complaining. And he does it by bringing his open and honest questions to the Lord.
Think about these questions:
1). Why do you stand far away?
IN PARALLEL WITH / Intensification!
2) Why do you hide yourself in times of trouble?
Which question is harder to ask? The first or the second?
What is the situation? Times of trouble.
In the first question the Psalmist says, “I’m in trouble, and God it seems like you are standing far away.” Is this a passive or an active response by God? Passive- he merely stands by in the distance during times of trouble.
What about the second question: “I’m in trouble, and God is seems like you are hiding yourself” Is this active or passive? Now its active. God isn’t merely standing by, He seems to be actively hiding himself.
And notice the word WHY? This is an important word. This is a word of faith that is anchored in truth about God.
Why is that? God WHY does it seem that you are acting this way? Standing far off, hiding yourself in times of trouble? I know that is not the kind of God you are.
Even the name the Psalmist uses in v. 1- LORD, shows his faith in God. What name of God is this? YAHWEH. This is the name God gave Moses at the burning bush. This is the name the people of Israel came to marvel over as he freed them from Egyptian captivity by means of 10 awesome plagues, and parted the Red Sea, and led them through the wilderness. This name became synonomous with a faithful deliverer. This is the God who keeps his covenants with His people. Who shows Himself strong time and time again, even when Israel did nothing to deserve His favor.
This is the God that the Psalmist complains to:
In fact the Psalmist bookends this Psalm with truth about God.
Psalm 10:16 (ESV)
16 The Lord is king forever and ever;
17 O Lord, you hear the desire of the afflicted; you will strengthen their heart; you will incline your ear
Godly complaint is rooted in the Christian’s trust about God— His sovereignty, His faithfulness, His goodness, His power.
Any complaint we make that is disconnected from our knowledge and truth about who God is, is not a godly complaint. And it does no good in helping the believer deal biblically with pain and sorrow.
The Scriptures never give us permission to vent self-centered rage at God when life has not turned out the way we want it to. None of us have the right to be angry with God—that is always wrong.
Many Christians, when they go through suffering, fall into one of two camps.
1). Anger- God allows trials and suffering in their life and they become so filled with anger and rage and bitterness that their spiritual lives never recover. They end up living in self-made, self-imposed prisons of despair and bitterness for the rest of their lives. Sometimes that pain and bitterness lead even further into unbelief and they reject God all together.
2). Denial- Some falsely assume that godliness in the face of pain means stoicism. The put on a good face. They act like their pain is no big deal, “Everything is fine” they tell you, and you know its a lie. They never allow themselves to bring their pain to God in faith so there can be real resolution.
Mark Vroegop tells the story of he and his wife sitting in the car in the parking lot of the hospital devastated once again and in tears.
Two years earlier they had suffered a horrible miscarriage. Sarah carried their daughter Sylvia almost 9 full months. But, several days before the delivery they lost their baby. That is what began Mark’s study of the lament Psalms.
Two years and multiple miscarriages later, they had just been to the doctor for another ultrasound. This time everything seemed promising. They were past the dangerous early period of the pregnancy and everything seemed to be going well.
They can both recall the look on the doctor’s face during the ultrasound that morning. Sarah had what doctors call a blighted ovum—or a false pregnancy. There was a home for the baby developing, but there was no baby.
As they sat numbed in the car, Sarah prayed this, “God, I know you’re not mean, but it feels like you are today.”
She offered to the Lord in a prayer of lament a godly complaint. It was rooted in truth about God, yet was open and honest about the pain.
1 Why, O Lord, do you stand far away? Why do you hide yourself in times of trouble?
“God, I know you’re not mean, but it feels like you are today.”
Godly complaint gives voice to our hard questions.
How about you? Do you feel comfortable bringing your complaints to God?
Why questions:
Psalm 22:1 (ESV)
1 My God, my God, why have you forsaken me? Why are you so far from saving me … ?
Psalm 44:23–24 (ESV)
23 Awake! Why are you sleeping, O Lord? … Why do you hide your face? Why do you forget our affliction and oppression?
Psalm 80:12 (ESV)
12 Why then have you broken down its [Jerusalem’s] walls … ?
14 O Lord, why do you cast my soul away? Why do you hide your face from me?
How questions:
Psalm 13:1–2 (ESV)
1 How long, O Lord? Will you forget me forever? How long will you hide your face from me? … How long shall my enemy be exalted over me?
Psalm 35:17 (ESV)
17 How long, O Lord, will you look on?
10 How long, O God, is the foe to scoff? Is the enemy to revile your name forever?
3 O Lord, how long shall the wicked, how long shall the wicked exult?
4 How shall we sing the Lord’s song in a foreign land?
Do questions of complaint like these jump off the pages of your bible? These and many other heartfelt question, rooted in the truth of God, are all over your bibles. Do we see the value of bringing our questions to God?
Do we even think we are allowed to do so?
These Psalms of lament give the believer permission to lay out our struggles before God! He knows them already anyway!! Even if our struggles are with God Himself!
Friend are you struggling with grief and pain? Maybe you need to take your bible, turn to the Psalms and spend some time pouring out your heart to the Lord in lament. Offer up to God your godly complaint. Allow that to be the vehicle that God uses to draw you closer to Himself.
This is what godly complaint looks like:
1. It is anchored in truth about God
II. Godly Complaint brings honest frustrations to God (2-11)
II. Godly Complaint brings honest frustrations to God (2-11)
Telling God your honest frustrations is an important biblical way of dealing with pain and grief. This is more than merely laying out a series of grievances before God. It is more than merely letting off steam. When done properly, bringing your honest frustrations to the Lord becomes a path for reorienting your thinking and your feelings.
2 In arrogance the wicked hotly pursue the poor; let them be caught in the schemes that they have devised.
Frustration: The wicked are fully of pride, they arrogantly chase the poor and oppressed. They are full of wicked schemes.
3 For the wicked boasts of the desires of his soul, and the one greedy for gain curses and renounces the Lord.
Frustration: “the wicked boasts of the desires of his soul” i.e. Whatever the wicked person desires he gets! And because he gets what he wants he boasts about it. He praises the evil desires of his own heart. And not only that but this wicked, boastful, greedy person also has the audacity to curse and rejects the Lord!!
4 In the pride of his face the wicked does not seek him; all his thoughts are, “There is no God.”
Frustration: Wicked people don’t seek after God. In fact all of the schemes of the wicked, that seem to bring them nothing but success, all their schemes are based on this one thought, “there is no God.” The idea is that “There is no accountability wanting for me one day, because God doesn’t exist.”
5 His ways prosper at all times; your judgments are on high, out of his sight; as for all his foes, he puffs at them.
Frustration: Why do wicked people like this succeed at everything in life? All of his wicked schemes and plans are prosperous at all times. To the wicked person God’s judgments are high and out of sight. If there even is a God, his decisions are unrelated to me, not only that, but they seem to be ineffective. The wicked, because of his continuous success in life sneers and scorns at any and all of his foes.
Do you ever become outraged when you see the wicked person succeed in life? Do you every become angry when time and time again it seems like there is no real justice in the world?
6 He says in his heart, “I shall not be moved; throughout all generations I shall not meet adversity.”
Frustration: Why does the wicked person act as if he’ll never experience adversity?
7 His mouth is filled with cursing and deceit and oppression; under his tongue are mischief and iniquity.
Frustration: Every time this person opens their mouth it is filled with vile cursing, lies, harmful words, his tongue only injures and destroys.
8 He sits in ambush in the villages; in hiding places he murders the innocent. His eyes stealthily watch for the helpless;
9 he lurks in ambush like a lion in his thicket; he lurks that he may seize the poor; he seizes the poor when he draws him into his net.
Frustration: These are the kinds of people that only seem to prosper?
10 The helpless are crushed, sink down, and fall by his might.
Frustration: Vulnerable people are obliterated by his actions.
11 He says in his heart, “God has forgotten, he has hidden his face, he will never see it.”
Frustration: Do you struggle when wicked people, who proudly boast that God has forgotten about them. Who think that God has hidden his face from their wicked deeds, that he will never see, never bring to justice, never act, do you struggle with people like that?
The practice of lament, and here of godly complaint, can be so very helpful when we are going through times of pain and sorrow.
Sometimes when we are going through times of extreme sorrow and loss we can wake up in the morning and feel totally frustrated. Days feel dark. The first thing that assaults you when you get out of bed is discouragement. The pain can make you short sighted. All you can focus on is the sorrow that is taking over your life. After a time it seems like nothing else in life matters. You become preoccupied with the weight of sorrow, the unfairness of life, or the fear of never being happy again.
Mark Vroegop
“Discovering this practice of laying out my frustrations in candid terms has been life-giving. There were some days after the loss of Sylvia when I would wake up feeling frustrated. My first emotions of those days were dark. Few things are more unhelpful than being assaulted with discouragement as you climb out of bed. But through this, I learned the value of simply telling the Lord what was running through my soul. The more clear and blunt I could be, the better. Sometimes, I wrestled to put words to what I was feeling because, frankly, I was embarrassed.”
That is so interesting. But, I think we can all relate to that thought. I can’t complain to God, I can’t tell God exactly how I am feeling. That would be too embarrassing! That wouldn’t be very Christian! What is the problem with that kind of thinking about God?
4 Even before a word is on my tongue, behold, O Lord, you know it altogether.
Our struggles never take God by surprise! We need to remind ourselves often of that.
7 casting all your anxieties on him, because he cares for you.
What does the second word of this verse mean? But sometimes in our head we spiritualize this word don’t we. Well, not all my anxieties. Not all my cares. Only the spiritually sounding ones.
Why are we sometimes afraid to tell God all our cares? We think maybe God will think less of us. What is the error of that kind of thinking? This is the old lie of performance-based acceptance.
What is the truth? Why does God love you? The only answer is because God chose to! If you have received God’s gift of salvation through Christ Jesus, then you have entered into a grace filled relationship with God. And nothing can separate you from that!
38 For I am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers, 39 nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord.
“This means that we are secure in the Lord’s unconditional love; since we belong to Christ, nothing we do can cause God to love us more, and nothing we do can cause God to love us less.” — Kenneth Boa, Conformed to His Image.
So why do we sometimes feel embarrassed to tell God our honest frustrations?
We need to get past that if we are to deal biblically with our pain and grief. God wants us to bring to him our honest frustrations. He wants us to cast ALL our cares upon him.
Mark Vroegop
“Some days I would list in a journal everything that was troubling me. My practice was to write out a list of complaints and then to talk to God about them… As I wrote out my complaints and talked to the Lord about them, it was surprising how they lost their hold on me. Sometimes I even found myself laughing at the silly things I listed. Complaint helped me see myself and my situation more clearly. Since then I’ve made it a regular practice to talk to God quickly about my questions and frustrations.”
How about you? Do you need to spend sometime this week writing down in a journal all your honest frustrations to the Lord? Do you need to bring your anxieties to the Lord so that they will begin to loose their hold on you? Do you need to put into action the biblical idea of lamenting and godly complaint?
This is what godly complaint looks like:
1. It is anchored in truth about God
2. It brings honest frustrations to God
III. Godly complaint ends by pushing our hurting hearts toward God (12-18)
III. Godly complaint ends by pushing our hurting hearts toward God (12-18)
Godly complaint, when done biblically, has the great potential of pushing our hurting hearts into the next steps of lamenting: asking and trusting.
We are going to spend several more weeks on those topics, but for now I want you to see that this is exactly what happens in Psalm 10.
After the Psalmist spends the first 11 verses in godly complaint, then his heart is pushed into asking God boldly to act in his trouble.
12 Arise, O Lord; O God, lift up your hand; forget not the afflicted.
13 Why does the wicked renounce God and say in his heart, “You will not call to account”?
14 But you do see, for you note mischief and vexation, that you may take it into your hands; to you the helpless commits himself; you have been the helper of the fatherless.
15 Break the arm of the wicked and evildoer; call his wickedness to account till you find none.
Then the Psalm ends by with a series of confident statements of trust.
16 The Lord is king forever and ever; the nations perish from his land.
17 O Lord, you hear the desire of the afflicted; you will strengthen their heart; you will incline your ear
18 to do justice to the fatherless and the oppressed, so that man who is of the earth may strike terror no more.
Both of these actions, asking boldly and confidently trusting, first required that the psalmist offer a godly complaint to the Lord. Through the process of lamenting the Psalmist was moved to both ask and trust God with the pain and grief that he was experiencing. That is the power of lament, and of godly complaint.
How can you Complain the Right Way?
How can you Complain the Right Way?
There is a right way and wrong way to complain. When done correctly godly complaint will reorient your heart to the Lord. What are some practice steps we can take to make sure our complaint is godly complaint?
Mark Vroegop:
1. Come Humble
1. Come Humble
Check your arrogance at the door. If you come to the Lord with an angry proud heart you will never learn to truly lament.
God wants us to come Him with our pain-filled questions as long as we come in humility.
6 But he gives more grace. Therefore it says, “God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble.”
“Proud, demanding questions from a heart that believes it is owed something from God will never lean into true lament. Before you start complaining, be sure you have checked arrogance at the door. Come with your pain, not your pride.”
2. Pray the Bible
2. Pray the Bible
One of the best ways to exercise godly complaint before the Lord is to memorize one of the lament psalms. God’s Word, unlike anything else, has a way of capturing our struggles. Also, when we are deep in our pain and grief we need the boundary of biblical language to keep our heart on track.
11 I have stored up your word in my heart, that I might not sin against you.
Resource sheet: 20 complaint lament psalms. Grab one and stick it in your bible.
And the next time you are struggling in your soul- start complaining by praying the Bible!
3. Be Honest
3. Be Honest
Biblical complaint doesn’t work if you aren’t honest with God about your pain, your fears, or your frustrations.
Talk to God as your heavenly Father. Remember we have a Savior that knows and understands our weakness.
15 For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but one who in every respect has been tempted as we are, yet without sin.
Even Jesus brought his questions of pain to his Father while he was in-fleshed on this earth.
46 And about the ninth hour Jesus cried out with a loud voice, saying, “Eli, Eli, lema sabachthani?” that is, “My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?”
Take comfort from that. We also have the Holy Spirit within our hearts making intercession for us!
26 Likewise the Spirit helps us in our weakness. For we do not know what to pray for as we ought, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groanings too deep for words.
The triune God is not surprised by your struggles and frustrations. So tell him, Tell all of it—humbly and honestly.
4. Don’t Just Complain
4. Don’t Just Complain
Again- a word of caution. Biblical godly complaint is necessary and if you are struggling with pain and grief you should not skip this step. But, neither should you get stuck here!
Complaint is not an end in itself. It is a means to an end.
Lament is not an excuse to wallow in your questions and frustrations. Just like a surgeon doesn’t make cuts in someone body for fun. The surgeon make cuts to heal. So godly complaint is designed to move us along in our lament.
God does not want us to linger in complaint. If you never move beyond complaint, lament loses its purpose and its power.
Conclusion:
What does godly complaint look like?
Three truths about godly complaint:
1. It is anchored in truth about God
2. It brings honest frustrations to God
3. It ends by pushing our hearts toward God.
I don’t know what each of you are going through right now. I don’t know what challenges and pain and sorrow you are facing. But, maybe this week you need to practice the godly prayer of lament. Maybe you need to spend sometime in godly complaint, so that you can move past your pain and to God.
Maybe you need to sit down and pray this, “God, I know that you are not ___________, but if feels like you are today.”
Maybe you need to find a prayer of complaint in the psalms and use its langue to guide your prayer in lament. Go to God, humbly and honestly, and let lament be the vehicle that moves your from your pain to the goodness of your loving God.