Colossians 3:18-19 The Christian Home: Marriage

Intro

Two elderly people were living in Trailer Estates, he was a widower and she a widow, had known each other for a number of years.

One evening there was a community supper in the big activity center.

The two were at the same table, across from one another. As the meal went on, he took a few admiring glances at her and finally gathered the courage to ask her, ”Will you marry me?"

After about six seconds of ’careful consideration,’ she answered, "Yes. Yes, I will."

The meal ended and, with a few more pleasant exchanges, they went to their respective places.

Next morning, he was troubled. "Did she say ’yes’ or did she say ’no’?" He couldn’t remember.

Try as he might, he just could not recall. Not even a faint memory.

With trepidation, he went to the telephone and called her. First, he explained that he didn’t remember as well as he used to.

Then he reviewed the lovely evening past. As he gained a little more courage, he inquired. "When I asked if you would marry me, did you say ’Yes’ or did you say ’No’?"

He was delighted to hear her say, "Why, I said, ’Yes, yes I will’ and I meant it with all my heart."

Then she continued, "I am so glad that you called, because I couldn’t remember who had asked me."

Colossians 3:18–4:1 could well be titled, “How to Have a Full, Rich Family Life.”

The text contains three sets of exhortations: verses 18 and 19 to wives and husbands, verses 20 and 21 to children and parents, 3:22–4:1 to servants and masters

The teaching here is for Christians who want to live as Christians within the home and experience all the fullness God intended for them

Read Colossians 3:17-19

Transition:

Under Jewish law a woman was a thing; she was the possession of her husband, just as much as his house or his flocks or his material goods were.

She had no legal right whatever.

For instance, under Jewish law, a husband could divorce his wife for any cause, while a wife had no rights whatever in the initiation of divorce

In Greek society a respectable woman lived a life of entire seclusion.

She never appeared on the streets alone, not even to go marketing.

She lived in the women’s apartments and did not join her menfolk even for meals.

From her there was demanded a complete servitude and chastity; but her husband could go out as much as he chose, and could enter into as many relationships outside marriage as he liked and incur no stigma.

Both under Jewish and under Greek laws and custom, all the privileges belonged to the husband, and all the duties to the wife

The domestic rules given here in Colossians were vastly different from those of the day.

Wives here were addressed equally with their husbands, something radically new.

Also, both husbands and wives had duties—not just the wives.

This brought a vast dignity to both men and women.

They were both under the Lordship of Christ as equals.

Submit to Your Husband vs. 18

The first Rule that Paul mentions is for the Christian Home is for Wives to submit to their husbands

The ancient Greek word translated submit is essentially a word borrowed from the military.

It literally means “to be under in rank.”

It speaks of the way that an army is organized among levels of rank, with generals and colonels and majors and captains and sergeants and privates.

There are levels of rank, and one is obligated to respect those in higher rank.

Paul further explains this in Ephesians

Ephesians 5:22–24 ESV

Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands.

Submitting to husbands is likened to submitting to the Lord

God looks at the husbands as the head of the house who submits to Christ’s leadership of the church

Submission is putting yourself under someone else’s authority

Submission is voluntary

Submission means partnering alongside

Genesis 2:18 ESV

Then the Lord God said, “It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper fit for him.”

Genesis 2:21 ESV

So the Lord God caused a deep sleep to fall upon the man, and while he slept took one of his ribs and closed up its place with flesh.

God did not create Eve out of his head so that she might be over him

God did not create Eve out of his foot so that he might be over her

He created her out of his rib so that she might come alongside him

Submission is coming alongside your husbands leadership and being a helpmate

Men and Women are not the same and that is a good thing

He provides and protects, She prepares a home

He is the head of the family, she is the heart

He provides the ingredients, she makes the meal

He provides the house, she makes it into a home

He takes care of the outer world, she takes care of the inner world

He gives love, she gives life

Your roles compliment rather than complete

Equal value, equal honor

Genesis 2:24 ESV

Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.

When a couple works within God’s divine design there is unity and they work as one

Becoming One is the penultimate goal of every couple

This can only accomplished when there is biblical submission

As is fitting in the Lord

This is a crucial phrase. It colors everything else we understand about this passage.

There is some wrong thinking on this phrase

Some think it means that a wife should submit to her husband as if he were God himself.

The idea is “you submit to God in absolutely everything without question, so you must submit to your husband in the same absolute way.”

Simply put, in no place does the Scripture say that a person should submit to another in that way.

There are limits to the submission your employer can expect of you.

There are limits to the submission the government can expect of you.

There are limits to the submission parents can expect of children.

In no place does the Scripture teach an unqualified, without exception, submission – except to God and God alone.

To violate this is to commit the sin of idolatry.

As is fitting in the Lord does not define the extent of a wife’s submission. It does not define the limit of a wife’s submission.

It defines the motive of a wife’s submission.

When you submit to your husband it is an act of obedience to Jesus

For wives, submission to their husband is part of their Christian life.

When a wife doesn’t obey this word to submit to your own husband as is fitting in the Lord, she doesn’t just fall short as a wife. She falls short as a follower of Jesus Christ.

Love Your Wife vs. 19

The second rule of the Christian Home is for Husbands to love their wives

The is a two part rule

Love your wife and do not be butter towards them

Let’s focus on the first part

There are four Greek words for love, three that really matter

Phileo = brotherly love

Eros = Sexual love

Agape = Unconditional love

Guys, as much as we want this word love to mean Eros, it doesn’t

It is the Unconditional love

It means to esteem, finding one’s joy in someone

The old generation used to say, “I said I love you at the altar and if anything changes I’ll let you know.”

That’s the John Wayne approach to love

The new generation takes the Shakesphere approach, “How do I love thee, let me count the ways” and then proceeds to focus on the fun part of love; dates, gifts, & obnoxious photos on social media.

I know Elizabeth Barrett Browning wrote those lines but it is from the same era

Very little of which has anything to do with the other person and has more to do with enjoying yourself

There is a godly model of a loving marriage that is quickly being forgotten

Ephesians 5:25–26 ESV

Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word,

There are three areas of love that I want the men of this church to show to their wife

Jesus is our model here

He shows his love to us in three ways

Sacrifice

Jesus gave up his life for the church, which is described as his bride

The first act of love we are going to look at is the need to sacrifice for our wives

Dennis Rainey says it perfectly

“When I got married I lost half of my life, when I had children I lost the other half.”

Marriage is continual acts of sacrifice on the part of the husband towards the wife

It means listening to her talk about her day when you’d rather be watching the game

It means going shopping for flowers when you’d rather be in the tool isle

It means getting off of work when your family needs you

Service

The second act of love is service

While sacrifice is giving something up, serving is something to

A question on your mind should be, “How can I serve my wife and family?”

You should do it without thinking or fanfare, but as an act of love

Sometimes that act is going to be done with grumbling just because its the right thing to do

Jesus gives us the model to follow

Philippians 2:6–7 ESV

who, though he was in the form of God, did not count equality with God a thing to be grasped, but emptied himself, by taking the form of a servant, being born in the likeness of men.

The greatest act of love is a husband humbling himself and serving his wife and family

Sanctification

The final act of love is sanctification

Ephesians 5:26 ESV

that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word,

Sanctification is the ongoing supernatural work of God to rescue sinners from the disease of sin and to conform them to the image of his Son

Guys, you play a role in your wife’s relationship with Jesus

Your job is to provide spiritual leadership, a godly example to follow, and Biblical encouragement

How do develop this?

Pray

Read the Bible

Attend Church

Serve

Don’t Be Bitter

I know the ESV says, “do not be harsh” but the word in the Greek means bitter

Do not be bitter towards your wife

Over the long haul of a relationship there are going to be times where you are annoyed or angry

The key is to make sure it doesn’t turn into bitterness

Ephesians 4:31 ESV

Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice.

For most guys they are volcanos

They take things that annoy them and hold back getting angry and don’t say anything

After a while you become Mount Vesouvious and explode

And your wife is standing there looking at you like what happened

Your reaction is over the top and you become the bad guy

Over time you just become silent because stewing and making snyde comments are better that getting upset

Bitterness has set in