Untitled Sermon

INTRODUCTION

Can I get a show of hands,

who in here likes food?

Food is good! God has given it to us to be a blessing!

It tastes good…

It refreshes us and gives us energy…

It brings us together.

But food can be a problem as well…

if we eat too much of it!

Through our lack of discipline and obedience,

we ruin something God has made for us to enjoy.

Most of you have probably tried to discipline ourselves to eat less,

or eat healthier to lose some extra pounds.

It’s hard!!

Maybe you’ve thought or even said something like this…

“It’s easier for me to not eat at all, than to have a little bit and discipline myself.”

I know I’ve said this!

It’s easier to avoid certain foods, or just fast all day, because,

as soon as you allow yourself to take a bite, the floodgates open!

Now, we don’t mean that we would never eat again,

we just recognize that disciplining ourselves to avoid a certain kind of food,

is easier than eating that food and disciplining ourselves to only have a small portion.

Especially if it’s ice cream!!!

Now, imagine if someone said,

“I’m just going to stop eating altogether!

It’s better for me not to eat at all!”

I’m never going to eat again!”

You would have to begin preparing that person’s funeral,

because they are not far from death!

Transition

Now, we know that’s ridiculous.

Nobody would ever do that because we know we need food to live.

But that’s exactly what some of the Corinthians thought about sex!

After being saved and coming to faith in Christ,

They saw how big of a problem sexual immorality was in their city.

And some of thought it was better to avoid sex altogether!

BACKGROUND

Last week Pastor Jonah preached through 1 Cor 6:12—20,

where Paul rebuked and warned the Corinthians to flee sexual immorality.

The Corinthians had really messed up marriage, relationships, and sex.

They did not have a Jewish background,

they were Gentiles,

and they were influenced by the Corinthian culture.

There was no uniform marriage law,

so there were a number of different ways they lived.

Slaves

Slaves were forced to live together by their masters.

There was no ceremony…

Could be ended at any time if the master saw fit…

Common People

Common people had a sort of common law marriage.

After living together for a year, they are considered married.

Marriage by Sale

A man could sell his daughter if he needed some cash.

Upper Classes

More formal marriage practice.

Joined hands

said vows

prayed prayers

gave rings

wreaths, flowers, veils, and cake…

You can see where our wedding traditions came from!

With all of these different situations,

marriage was not held in honour,

and so… changing/switching partners was a real issue!

Much like in our day,

the Corinthians had really messed up views of marriage and relationships!

Divorce happened all the time.

I read of a historical document this week that talks about a lady who was getting married for the 27th time…

and she was the 26th wife of her soon to be husband.

Not only was divorce common, but…

Sexual immorality was rampant.

Pastor Jonah talked about how they had wives for raising kids and taking care of the home,

and then they went to concubines for pleasure.

There was polygamy, homosexuality, prostitution,

and all kinds of rampant sexual sin.

CONTEXTUALIZING TO 1 CORINTHIANS

These are the people to whom Paul is writing!

He is responding to a letter that the Corinthians had written him,

and he answers their questions about what they are supposed to do!

They had accepted the gospel,

came to know Jesus,

and wanted to obey Him.

“I’m divorced...

I’m single…

I’m married…

I’m married to an unbeliever…

I’m a virgin…

I’m a widow…

What am I supposed to do?”

In this passage, Paul seeks to answer their questions.

DISCLAIMER

This sermon is going to touch on divorce and remarriage,

which I know is a controversial topic.

I have been wrestling with this passage all week… literally!

I am not 100% confident that I understand all the aspects and nuances of Paul’s reasoning.

Because of that, I have dreaded coming up here this morning.

I realize that as a preacher, I am speaking not my words, but God’s.

I take that very seriously, and so should you!

We should have incredibly humility and grace whenever we share our beliefs about the Bible,

because we are not simply sharing our opinions…

we are in fact making statements about

who God is, and

what He believes, and

how He thinks and operates.

Every single week I prepare a sermon I plead with God:

to protect me from error.

to lead me by His Spirit into a right understanding of His Word.

to help me say only that which is true.

I recognize that I can be wrong,

and that’s why you need to be careful listeners,

trained by God’s Word through His Spirit.

Ultimately, you should not listen to a pastor or anyone else just because they said something.

You need to go to God’s Word and see for yourself what He says!

We have discussed divorce and remarriage as pastors,

and we don’t align in every aspect,

but still love and respect one another,

and are happy to work together for the kingdom of God!

It is our prayer that you will have the same grace and charity for us,

and others who disagree with you on certain issues.

We will never see eye to eye on every issue,

but we can still strive together for upbuilding of God’s kingdom!

MY BELIEF

Later in my sermon, I will make the case for why I believe:

God makes allowance for divorce and remarriage in certain circumstances.

This is not going to be a comprehensive study on the issue.

I am limiting myself mostly to what Paul says here in 1 Corinthians 7 as we continue through this letter.

There are far more texts we can use to go into this topic,

and maybe we will do that at another time.

I hope that you will patiently hear me out so that you understand why I believe what I do.

I have been privileged to know incredibly knowledgable, and experienced men,

who have been humble enough to admit when they were wrong,

and changed their minds.

I hope and pray that I am not wrong, lest I lead someone astray,

but I am open to the fact that I may be wrong,

and would willingly admit that if I was strongly convinced.

As of right now, this is my conviction,

and I must preach it,

because God has placed me here,

and in His sovereignty,

I am the one who got this passage!

I am a steward, and I am not to be concerned with what you think of me…

it is my duty to be found faithful before God.

1 Corinthians 4:2–4 ESV

2 Moreover, it is required of stewards that they be found faithful. 3 But with me it is a very small thing that I should be judged by you or by any human court. In fact, I do not even judge myself. 4 For I am not aware of anything against myself, but I am not thereby acquitted. It is the Lord who judges me.

PRAYER FOR ILLUMINATION

Father…

SCRIPTURE

1 Corinthians 7:1—16

1 Corinthians 7:1–16 ESV

1 Now concerning the matters about which you wrote: “It is good for a man not to have sexual relations with a woman.” 2 But because of the temptation to sexual immorality, each man should have his own wife and each woman her own husband. 3 The husband should give to his wife her conjugal rights, and likewise the wife to her husband. 4 For the wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. Likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does. 5 Do not deprive one another, except perhaps by agreement for a limited time, that you may devote yourselves to prayer; but then come together again, so that Satan may not tempt you because of your lack of self-control. 6 Now as a concession, not a command, I say this. 7 I wish that all were as I myself am. But each has his own gift from God, one of one kind and one of another. 8 To the unmarried and the widows I say that it is good for them to remain single, as I am. 9 But if they cannot exercise self-control, they should marry. For it is better to marry than to burn with passion. 10 To the married I give this charge (not I, but the Lord): the wife should not separate from her husband 11 (but if she does, she should remain unmarried or else be reconciled to her husband), and the husband should not divorce his wife. 12 To the rest I say (I, not the Lord) that if any brother has a wife who is an unbeliever, and she consents to live with him, he should not divorce her. 13 If any woman has a husband who is an unbeliever, and he consents to live with her, she should not divorce him. 14 For the unbelieving husband is made holy because of his wife, and the unbelieving wife is made holy because of her husband. Otherwise your children would be unclean, but as it is, they are holy. 15 But if the unbelieving partner separates, let it be so. In such cases the brother or sister is not enslaved. God has called you to peace. 16 For how do you know, wife, whether you will save your husband? Or how do you know, husband, whether you will save your wife?

EXPOSITION

1. Physical Intimacy in Marriage

Verse 1

Paul begins by addressing a statement it seems some Corinthians were using…

1 Corinthians 7:1 (ESV)

1 “It is good for a man not to have sexual relations with a woman.”

Last week Jonah talked about those who thought they could do whatever they wanted with their bodies,

and so sexual immorality was rampant!

It seems there were others who were on the opposite end of the spectrum,

and thought it was better to avoid it altogether!

As we’re going to see,

Paul has no issue with this statement…

in fact, he would prefer if all people were single!

Verse 2

But he goes on to say in verse 2…

1 Corinthians 7:2 ESV

2 But because of the temptation to sexual immorality, each man should have his own wife and each woman her own husband.

Last week pastor Jonah told us to “Flee sexual immorality!”

Here is one way to do it…

Get married!

Marriage is the God-given fulfilment for God-given desires

The desire for physical intimacy has been given to us by God.

But Satan puts temptations all around us to satisfy that desire in sinful ways.

The way to avoid those sins, is by getting married.

We also notice here that marriage is between a man and a woman,

and they are devoted to one another, and no one else.

“each man should HAVE HIS OWN wife, and each woman HER OWN husband.”

Verse 3

Paul goes on to say in verse 3…

1 Corinthians 7:3 ESV

3 The husband should give to his wife her conjugal rights, and likewise the wife to her husband.

Physical intimacy is a right of both the man and the woman in the marriage.

As Jonah mentioned last week,

it was not uncommon for men to go to concubines,

but in doing so, they were not giving their wives the right of physical intimacy they deserved!

Physical intimacy is something to be enjoyed by both the man and woman,

and they owe it to one another because of their union.

Paul goes on to tell us why in verse 4…

Verse 4

1 Corinthians 7:4 ESV

4 For the wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. Likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does.

When you get married,

you give up your rights and authority over your body.

You willing serve one another…

and Paul is here specifically talking about the area of physical intimacy.

Now, we’re not talking about forced intimacy or anything like that,

but rather two people who willingly give themselves to one another to be enjoyed!

Like Solomon’s bride says in…

Song of Solomon 6:3 (ESV)

3 I am my beloved’s and my beloved is mine

Because of their love and desire for one another,

they LONG to give themselves to the other!

This is good and pleasing to the Lord.

Some Corinthian may have thought sex was wrong,

and therefore tried to avoid it!

They may have even been avoiding physical intimacy in their marriages,

But Paul tells them that’s not true!

God has designed it as a fulfilment of the desires he has placed in us.

Paul takes his point a step further in verse 5…

Verse 5

1 Corinthians 7:5 ESV

5 Do not deprive one another, except perhaps by agreement for a limited time, that you may devote yourselves to prayer; but then come together again, so that Satan may not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.

Rather than physical intimacy being sin,

Paul says a marriage WITHOUT physical intimacy is sin!

“DO NOT deprive one another”

One person doesn’t get to withhold from the other.

Paul says you can abstain but he gives restrictions. It must be:

By agreement…

mutually decided.

For a limited time…

decide an end date

For the purpose of devoting yourself to prayer…

there are times physical intimacy is less than important than a great spiritual matter.

Then you must come together again…

So that Satan may not tempt you.

A marriage with no physical intimacy is an invitation for Satan to come and tempt you to sexual immorality!

Illustration — Premarital Counselling

One of the things I get to do as a pastor is premarital counselling for those seeking marriage.

During the counselling we have them fill out an assessment.

They answer 200 questions about themselves and their relationship.

In the section is on physical intimacy,

they are asked to rate their desire out of 10.

As you can imagine, it’s always high… between 8—10.

Maybe you remember yourself at that age and can remember how high your desire was!

Maybe your desire is still that high! Lol

They also have to answer a question about how often they expect to have physical intimacy,

and it too is high…

sometimes they say they expect to have physical intimacy once a day!

Point

I sort of chuckle to myself because I know that’s not realistic,

but it’s common to have those desires,

and for those desires to grow as you get closer to marriage!

Application

Single

If you are single,

and have longings and desire for physical intimacy…

you’re struggling not to give in to sexual sin,

GET MARRIED!

This is one of the ways we flee sexual immorality,

by getting married and fulfilling that desire in marriage.

If you’re wrestling with temptation in this area,

maybe you need to start taking the pursuit of a spouse more seriously…

maybe you need to lower your standards of what the world says you need in a spouse and seek someone who is godly.

I’m not telling you to marry anybody,

you need to be cautious, because marriage is serious,

but stop messing around with your sin, and pursue holiness and satisfaction in marriage.

Married

Think back to when you were dating your spouse…

What would you have rated your desire?

Has that waned since then?

Maybe something from your past makes you feel like physical intimacy is wrong, or sinful.

It’s not!

Marriage is the God-given fulfilment for God-given desires

It pleases God, and helps us stay pure!

For that reason, we must pursue a mutually satisfying physically intimate relationship in marriage.

We should not withhold from one another,

but should willingly give ourselves to one another!

Find ways to rekindle the romance in your marriage.

Date one another…

Pursue one another…

Do kind things for one another…

Love and sacrifice for each other,

and enjoy the fulfilment that marriage can bring,

including the blessing of physical intimacy!

SATAN WANTS TO STOP YOU FROM FULFILLING YOUR DESIRES IN A GOD-HONOURING WAY,

AND INSTEAD HAVE YOU TRY AND FULFILL THEM IN A SINFUL WAY.

We need to be aware of his schemes.

I realize there are a lot of factors that go into why a couple does or does not have intimacy more.

There are mental and physical issues,

and I’m not claiming to know your situation.

You may need to seek spiritual or medical help…

But God’s design is for a married man and woman,

to bring glory to Him,

by fulfilling their God-given desires for physical intimacy with one another.

Next, Paul is going to address…

2. Singleness & Remarriage

In…

Verses 6-7

Paul says…

1 Corinthians 7:6–7 ESV

6 Now as a concession, not a command, I say this. 7 I wish that all were as I myself am. But each has his own gift from God, one of one kind and one of another.

Paul can’t command this, but he sees the blessing of singleness,

because someone can devote themselves wholeheartedly to the Lord.

Paul was able to give 100% of himself in service to the Lord.

He went over the place,

being mocked, beaten, shipwrecked, imprisoned…

all to share the gospel with those who hadn’t heard.

This would not have worked with a wife and kids at home.

Paul recognizes singleness and marriage are both gifts from God.

Those who can remain single have the privilege of serving God with undivided attention.

Those who cannot remain single have the privilege of serving God through a wife and maybe children.

He goes on to say in verse 8…

Verses 8-9

1 Corinthians 7:8–9 ESV

8 To the unmarried and the widows I say that it is good for them to remain single, as I am. 9 But if they cannot exercise self-control, they should marry. For it is better to marry than to burn with passion.

We see again that Paul prefers singleness,

because a single person can devote themselves fully to God.

But he recognizes most will not be able to resist the desire for physical intimacy,

so they should get married,

rather than burn with passion and risk falling into Satan’s trap of sexual immorality.

“Unmarried”

But we have to ask WHO Paul is speaking to.

He says “unmarried and widows.”

We know that widows are those who have lost a spouse through death.

Who are the unmarried?

He’s going to address virgins later in this chapter,

so he can’t be talking about those who have never been married.

The word Paul uses for “unmarried” here is only used 4 times in the whole NT,

and all 4 times are here in this chapter.

We don’t have to wonder what Paul means,

he gives us the meaning of the word in verses 10—11.

1 Corinthians 7:10–11 (ESV)

10 To the married I give this charge (not I, but the Lord): the wife should not separate from her husband 11 (but if she does, she should remain unmarried

Here, Paul calls a divorced person “unmarried”.

That word for “unmarried” is the exact same word as in verse 8.

In verse 8-9 Paul addresses “the unmarried and widows…” (don’t read verses…)

1 Corinthians 7:8–9 ESV

8 To the unmarried and the widows I say that it is good for them to remain single, as I am. 9 But if they cannot exercise self-control, they should marry. For it is better to marry than to burn with passion.

the “unmarried” he’s referring to are those who have been divorced before they came to Christ.

We already talked a bit about how messed up the Corinthian’s relationships were.

It was very common for them to move from relationship to relationship.

There were people in the church who lived this way,

and had been married and divorced.

They didn’t follow God’s law, or even know about it.

But now they are believers, and they are not married…

what are they supposed to do?

Paul encourages these divorced and widowed people to stay single as he is.

He really thinks this is the best way to live life.

A single person can really live their lives for the Lord!

But Paul knows this is a gift,

and not everyone will be able to accept it.

So he tells them to marry,

since that is better than living a life of frustration,

trying to keep your desires under control.

Paul would prefer them to stay single,

but he knows that if they have a strong desire for physical intimacy,

Satan will exploit that and tempt them to give in to sexual immorality.

Application

So to those of you who were once married,

maybe you were divorced before you came to know Christ,

or you have lost a spouse to death…

Paul’s encouragement to you is to stay single.

Give your life to God in an unhindered way.

Serve Him with your whole heart!

Find any and every opportunity to serve Him and His church!

But if you do not have the gift of singleness,

and you have strong desires for physical intimacy,

Paul’s encouragement is to marry.

This is better than trying to fight that temptation for the rest of your life.

But as Paul encourages later in this chapter, “only in the Lord.”

Now that you are a believer,

you must marry another believer!

We are not to be unequally yoked to those who do not belong to Christ.

The last thing we are going to address this morning in this section is Paul’s stance on…

3. Marriage and Divorce

Paul begins in verse 10…

Verse 10-11

1 Corinthians 7:10–11 ESV

10 To the married I give this charge (not I, but the Lord): the wife should not separate from her husband 11 (but if she does, she should remain unmarried or else be reconciled to her husband), and the husband should not divorce his wife.

Paul says here that this is a direct command from the Lord…

A husband and wife should not get divorced.

It makes the most sense to see Paul as talking to two believers,

because he’s going to address “the rest” in verses 12-16,

and there he is talking about an unequally yoked marriage.

So here Paul says to two believing married partners,

“You should not divorce!”

God hates divorce.

Marriage is to be a union for life before God.

What God has joined together let not man separate.

Paul goes on to say, “but if she does…”

We should not see Paul as making allowance for divorce,

he is simply acknowledging that some people will.

If you do get divorced, you have two options:

remain unmarried/divorced…

give your singleness to the Lord…

This may have been a motivation for some to get divorced.

be reconciled to your spouse…

get back together with your spouse.

Paul is saying it would be a sin to get a divorce,

but then stop right there and don’t continue to sin more!

Give your life to the Lord as a single person,

or else go back to your spouse if you can’t handle being single.

Paul goes on to address the unequally yoked marriage…

Verse 12-13

1 Corinthians 7:12–13 ESV

12 To the rest I say (I, not the Lord) that if any brother has a wife who is an unbeliever, and she consents to live with him, he should not divorce her. 13 If any woman has a husband who is an unbeliever, and he consents to live with her, she should not divorce him.

Most commentators believe that the situation Paul is addressing here,

is a married couple where one person has become saved.

The question then becomes,

“Do I need to get a divorce?

Is my marriage in sin

Am I defiled?”

Paul says so long as the unbelieving partner consents to live with you,

you should not seek a divorce.

Because…

Verse 14

1 Corinthians 7:14 ESV

14 For the unbelieving husband is made holy because of his wife, and the unbelieving wife is made holy because of her husband. Otherwise your children would be unclean, but as it is, they are holy.

Rather than the believing partner being defiled by unbelieving partner,

the unbelieving partner is sanctified by the believing partner,

and so are the children.

This is not talking about salvation.

We are saved through faith in Christ alone.

I believe Paul is saying that God is pleased with that marriage.

It’s not evil, it’s not wrong, and He will bless your marriage,

because of the believing partner,

an when He does, those blessings will spill over onto the unbelieving partner and the children.

Paul goes on…

Verse 15-16

1 Corinthians 7:15–16 ESV

15 But if the unbelieving partner separates, let it be so. In such cases the brother or sister is not enslaved. God has called you to peace. 16 For how do you know, wife, whether you will save your husband? Or how do you know, husband, whether you will save your wife?

If the unbelieving partner seeks divorce,

they cannot tolerate your faith,

then you are free to let them go… let it be so…

You are not enslaved.

God does not want you to fight till your dying breathe,

and refuse to divorce if that’s what they want.

God has called you to peace.

You may want to stay together because you may bring them to faith.

But Paul says you don’t know that.

Marriage is not an evangelistic tool.

If they insist on leaving, then let them, you are not enslaved.

Free to Remarry?

Now when Paul says you are not enslaved, what does that mean?

Is this person now free to remarry?

Some believe they are free to divorce, but not remarry…

Others believe they are free to divorce and remarry.

I believe they are free to remarry.

If they were enslaved before, they would have been obligated to stay married,

but now that they are not enslaved, they are free to remarry.

Andrew David Naselli says…

“Neither the ancient Greco-Roman world nor the Jewish world had a category for a lawful divorce that excluded remarriage.”

I believe this is one of the exceptions God gives for lawful/legitimate divorce.

Another is sexual immorality…

Matthew 19:9 ESV

9 And I say to you: whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another, commits adultery.”

To divorce your wife and marry another is adultery,

except when sexual immorality occurs.

Then the bond is broken, and you are not enslaved.

John MacArthur says…

“The bond of marriage is broken only by death, adultery, or an unbeliever’s leaving. When the bond is broken in any of those ways, a Christian is free to marry another believer. Throughout Scripture, whenever legitimate divorce occurs, remarriage is assumed. When divorce is permitted, so is remarriage.”

Application

So if you are in an unequally yoked marriage,

you both got married before you were believers,

but now you are a Christian but your spouse is not,

you may be wondering if this is sin…

Paul is saying here that it is not!

If your non-believing spouse is happy to live with you,

don’t seek to get divorced.

You as the believer bring a sanctifying effect to the marriage,

and your children.

But if they want to leave, you should not hang on with everything you’ve got!

Don’t fight them tooth and nail to stay together.

God wants you to strive for peace,

and you have no way of knowing they will be saved if you stay together.

You are not enslaved, and are free to remarry in the Lord.

But you should strongly consider if God is calling you to a life of singleness.

This would be a great opportunity for God to use you in incredible ways for His kingdom!

CONCLUSION

All of these topics are very heavy.

I have felt the weight of them all week!

These are massive, life altering decisions that should not be taken lightly.

I believe there is wisdom in many counsellors,

and that you don’t have to do this alone!

Seek wise advice from godly friends, family, church family and pastors.

It’s easy for us to be led by our flesh,

so we need counsel from those outside our situation.

What We Pastors DO Agree On

Now, as I mentioned earlier, not all of us pastors agree with this statement.

I do want to share what we DO agree on.

Marriage is a covenant before God.

It is not to be taken lightly.

Marriage is to be held in honour.

You should think deeply and prayerfully before getting married.

Seek a godly spouse who is pursuing Christ.

Even when sin like sexual immorality happens in marriage, you should seek counsel and fight for your marriage, and not immediately jump to divorce.

There is grace and forgiveness for divorce, remarriage, and adultery.

We all agree that God’s grace covers sin through faith in the Son of God.

We would baptize and accept as members those who have sinned by divorce or remarriage or adultery,

so long as they confessed and repented of their sin, and put their faith in Christ alone for their salvation.

We are committed to every believer, and helping them grow in maturity in Christ.

And I am grateful that God has mercy for those who have committed adultery,

because I have a confession to make…

I am an adulterer!

Jesus said in Matt 5:28

Matthew 5:28 (ESV)

28 But I say to you that everyone who looks at a woman with lustful intent has already committed adultery with her in his heart.

I am guilty of this sin,

and I am guessing that many of you are as well…

you may even have committed this sin this week!

Christ/Gospel

But thanks be to God!

That when we come to Christ, He makes us clean!

Mark 1:40–42 ESV

40 And a leper came to him, imploring him, and kneeling said to him, “If you will, you can make me clean.” 41 Moved with pity, he stretched out his hand and touched him and said to him, “I will; be clean.” 42 And immediately the leprosy left him, and he was made clean.

All through the OT, to touch something unclean would defile you.

But rather than Jesus being defiled after touching the leper,

His cleanness was transferred to the leper!

When we come to Christ in faith and repentance,

we are cleansed through His blood!

Praise God for His incredible grace!

If you are here this morning,

and you have not trusted in Christ as your Lord and Saviour,

why are you resisting Him?

God has created you, and loves you…

so much that He sent His own Son to die in your place!

If you will call on Him as your Lord today,

confess and repent of your sin,

He will cleanse you of all your sin!

Do not harden your hearts to Jesus,

but call on Him and you will be saved!

Closing Prayer