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We’ve been talking about the flesh vs the spirit… now we talk about this in the context of relationships.

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Within our relationships we have such power to reach deep into others hearts and make them feel safe, and happy, and desire good for them. But that often costs us something.

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And we also have such power to damage deep at the heart level. Relationships, give us capacity to really reach into peoples hearts and love them deeply and make them feel like all is ok, and they also give us the capacity to make them very dark places.

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How do we as Christians yield that capacity? In our marriages, in our friendships, in our co-working relationships, in random encounters at the store and on the road, even online.

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So how do we think about our relationships and how God uses them within the Christian community? How should they work if we live by the spirit ? That’s what we’ll explore today.

Read text

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Now, This is a dangerous verse, it has been so abused in some Christian circles to just absolutely humiliate people. You can do all these things that Paul is talking about with wrong motive and heart. This is why Paul brackets his main imperative with some helpful qualifiers about the foundation we need to live in the Spirit with other people, humility.

‌2. The foundation we need, humility (v26, 6:3)

‌Outward actions reveal inward beliefs

To begin to live in right relationship with others, we must work internally and understand how we view others and how we view ourselves. “Our conduct towards others is determined by our opinion of ourselves” -J. Stott

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Look at v26 - let us not become conceited, puffed up, arrogant. He is talking about the inward way we view ourselves. This is something we may not always be mindful of, and yet the scriptures would have us right now examine, how do I view myself?

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Here are some diagnostic questions to see if you view yourself too highly, in a conceited way:

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Do I ever sacrifice for someone else? In small or big ways?

Do I listen and ask questions when I communicate to others? Or do I only desire to be heard?

Do I secretly feel a little bit of joy when I see someone else sin, because it makes me feel better about myself?

In family or friendships, do I make every decision based on my preferred timeline, or do I ever ask what works for others?

When was the last time I asked someone, “How can I help you”?

Do I get upset when others think poorly of me?

Do I feel jealousy in regards to others who are successful in areas in which I have not been able to succeed?

During times of group prayer, do I avoid praying about my weaknesses, failings, and sins in order to protect my good reputation?

Do I recognize that any gifting, talent, money, or success I have in this life is ultimately owed to God and not primarily myself?

These are some questions that can help you recognize, maybe pride runs deeper in you than you may believe. And Paul starts off this section by saying, pride is the great obstacle to loving relationship.

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Our pride can really harm our relationships with others.

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How you think about yourself will change for the good or worse, how you treat others. How can your grow in this?

See yourself in light of God (v3)

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Why would you be any better than anyone else? You were created, you need help, if God doesn’t give you breath, you don’t breathe. What good thing in your life have you not been given by God? All of it finds its source in God, why are we so arrogant?

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We are not the ultimate authority in the world, God is. He created us. He is like the empire state building and we are an ant. There is no comparison. We become conceited when we compare ourselves to others but we become healthily humbled when we compare ourselves to God and remind ourselves he is God and we are not.

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This is the foundation we need.

‌Learn from Christ’s humility

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Consider what Phillipians 2 says:

Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. 4 Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others. 5 Have this mind among yourselves, which is yours in Christ Jesus,[a] 6 who, though he was in the form of God, did not count equality with God a thing to be grasped,[b] 7 but emptied himself, by taking the form of a servant,[c] being born in the likeness of men. 8 And being found in human form, he humbled himself by becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross.

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Pride it runs deep in us all, but if we meditate and consider the life of Jesus, how he was able to not neglect his own needs but also spent himself for the sake of others, we can learn from his humility.

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Primarily, as we meditate on Christ’s humility and service to us, we can extend that to others. It’s like we talked about with the fruit of the Spirit. If you want to grow in them, remind yourself in prayer and meditation how at the cross of Jesus Christ He has exhibited every spiritual fruit towards you though you are undeserving, and you will grow in that fruit.

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The same with Christs’ humility. He came to not be served, but serve you. He came to not enslave you for his gain, but give you freedom. He came not to cause you pain for your sins, but bear the pain you deserved for your sins.

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If that really captures your heart and you sense how much Christ dwelt in humility to love you, that changes your heart to care for others in a new way, the way of living in the Spirit.

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That’s his guardrails in v26 and v3.

3. Practically our relationships with others

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We who follow Jesus have three responsibilities when it comes to our lives together.

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1- We are responsible to be courageous enough to help others with their sin.

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2- We are responsible to be humble enough to ask others to help us against our sin.

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3- We should be patient in bearing one others burdens.

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1- We are responsible to be courageous and gentle in helping our brothers and sisters with fighting sin. (v1)

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Paul is telling this community of followers of Jesus, in your battle with the flesh and the Spirit, sometimes you will misstep, you will get caught in sin. And you will need others around you to help.

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Is this text just telling us we are to go around and just call people out on their sins all the time, no matter what? Thankfully no, but there is a level of sin in our christian relationships that can rise up that Paul says is good for us to deal with.

What sin should we call out

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So what would the filter look like of types of sins we should confront of christian family on?

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Is this sin something that publically dishonors Christ?

Is this sin habitual? Repeated and overtaking - mostly what the word means. Caught means to be “overtaken” on a road. Or ensnared.

Is this person unrepentant? vs Is the person trying to work on it?

Is this sin causing others to stumble because of its nature/the level of influence the person has?

Is this sin hurting others?

Do I have an appropriate relationship with this person to speak to them about this?

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No, we aren’t to be detectives, just waiting for someone to slip up and remind them… no. But let this be a filter. Let the holy spirit be the holy spirit in peoples lives, that isn’t you. But use these as filters and see if a sin

Who should call out who?

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Those who are spiritual - those who are exhibiting the fruit of the spirit found above. Who yield to the prompting of the spirit in those ways. They are to call out who? “Anyone” In the context of Christian community.

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We need this in our friendships.

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We need this in our marriages.

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We need this in our small groups and sunday schools.

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We need this in our parenting.

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We need this in our families.

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Summary: In instances where the relationship is appropriate to the level of confrontation you are doing, and you speak gently and humbly, you have a Christian responsibility to love your Christian brother or sister enough to risk a hard conversation and bring up sin with the goal of mending and restoring.

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Two key phrases

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Two key phrases in our text help us understand what we say when we notice sin in someone that we feel God prompting us to talk to :

Spirit of gentleness

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If we feel God calling us to confront someone on their sin, we must do it from a spirit of gentleness.

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What helps us have a spirit of gentleness? Our own humility knowing we are sinners, we are needy, and God has been gracious to us. Those who are driven by their love for the other, not their pride. A good test of that, can you speak the confrontation gently?

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If you are trying to talk to your partner about something, or your child, that you feel is sinful in them and you cannot stay calm, exhibit the fruit of the spirit… you’ve either not waiting long enough to approach it gently because you’re acting out of your frustration more than a place of mending, or you’ve waited too long to address the sin and the end of v1 has happened, you’ve been tempted to sin as you’ve brooded over it.

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A spirit of gentleness considers:

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Have I reminded myself of my sinfulness and my need of God’s grace so that I am humble in approaching this person?

Am I approaching with a heart that desires restoration of the person, not humiliation of the person?‌

When is the best time to have this conversation so the other person is most free to consider, process, and feel less threatened.

Seeks to understand first. Most of us sin out of pain and wounds, those are not excuses but explanations. To help restore we do not want to come off condemning or insensitive, but aware of the pain that often leads us into sin. If you want to confront sin but not apply love to the wound that led someone to sin, you may not be working in a spirit of gentleness.

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If someone is struggling with sin, and you want to confront them but you do not want to put any effort or time in to seeking to understand what got them there and how you can help, you will most likely just humiliate them and turn them away.

Restoration - say hard things

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Secondly, the goal is restoration. When you are talking to someone and trying to bring up… hey I notice this thing in your life and I just don’t think it is the way He is calling us to live… what is your goal?

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It should be to restore, to bring back into peace with God and others. To “set on the right path”.

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Now, don’t hear all that and think you should not ever say anything difficult. The word for restore here was also used in the medical world, to mend a broken bone. Also used in mending a broken fishing net. In both instances you must be gentle and delicate, but you must also do severe things. To set a broken bone is no fun matter, to cut and stitch rope requires some strength.

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Just because we have a spirit of gentleness does not mean we must not say hard things. You can say severe, tough loving words, out of a gentle place. I would say, in most instances that is the only God honoring way to say tough, severe, loving words.

Keller on work addiction

“But the three-year mark came and went, and Kathy asked me, as we agreed, to cut back on my work hours. ‘Just a couple more months,’ I said. ‘I have this and that commitment that I have to see through. Just a couple more months.’ I kept saying that. The months flew by with no change.

“One day I came home from work. It was a nice day outside and I noticed that the door to our apartment’s balcony was open. Just as I was taking off my jacket I heard a smashing noise coming from the balcony.

“In another couple of seconds I heard another one. I walked out on to the balcony and to my surprise saw Kathy sitting on the floor. She had a hammer, and next to her was a stack of our wedding china. On the ground were the shards of two smashed saucers.

“’What are you doing?’ I asked.

“She looked up and said, ‘You aren’t listening to me. You don’t realize that if you keep working these hours you are going to destroy this family. I don’t know how to get through to you. You aren’t seeing how serious this is. This is what you are doing.’ And she brought the hammer down on the third saucer. It splintered into pieces.”

Keller goes on: “I sat down trembling. I thought she had snapped. ‘I’m listening. I’m listening,’ I said. As we talked it became clear that she was intense and laser focused, but she was not in a rage or out of control emotionally.

“She spoke calmly but forcefully. Her arguments were the same as they had been for months, but I realized how deluded I had been. There would never be a convenient time to cut back. I was addicted to the level of productivity I had achieved. I had to do something.”

As their conversation continued, Kathy noticed something: For the first time in a long time, Tim was really listening. They hugged.

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This is such a difficult verse to apply because it’s so specific to specific circumstances… but I’ll just say this and trust the Spirit to work and lead us. Not every sin in someones life, even if it is big, is your responsibility to deal with. But there are instances where God will ask you to be faithful to his prompting, and with courage and deep humility talk to someone about sin.

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2- We must be humble enough to allow others to help us against our sin. (v1)

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Now verse one Paul is speaking to those who are restoring but for that to happen it requires people to allow themselves to be restored.

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‌Are you humble enough to allow others to help you with your own sin? Read verse 1 “keep watch on yourself” and v 3 “deceives himself…”

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If you are not able to allow others to help you against your sin you are in no place to help others with theirs.

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You lie to yourself more than anyone else, we talked about two weeks ago that place of the choice and how we can get so pulled by the flesh by lies. You need other people in your life who help you keep a watch on yourself and aren’t afraid to call you out in love and gentleness.

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Think about how healthy and beautiful and safe and stable this practice makes relationships. My marriage is most healthy when I walk with God and live in His grace in such a way that the fruit of the Spirit are cultivated in my life, to where when my wife comes to me and says: “Hey Josh, there’s something I want to talk to you about…” and she explains how some sin that I’ve done has effected her or someone else. And I don’t just fly off in anger and defensiveness, but in humility, even if I’m having to push down and kill every defensive thought rising up, I can go… “Ok, I hear you. Let me process that.”

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Our marriage is most healthy when in the power of the Spirit, she can with courage and gentleness point some sin out in my life, and I by the power of the Spirit in humility listen.

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My friendships are healthiest when in the power of the Spirit, my best friend can pull me aside after an event and say: “Josh, the way you spoke about that person behind their back is not who you usually are… and I’ve noticed it a few times now so I just wanted to call you up, to better things, rather than call you out” and I, in the power of the Spirit, in humility, can go… “Man.. you are right.” And I don’t dwell on it, but I move on.

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Do our relationships have any kind of cadence like that? And again, this is a dangerous text, because it would be miserable if every sin I ever did someone was calling me out on, that’s not what Paul is asking of us here. In appropriate moments.

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So have you given your spouse, or your friends a hunting license for your heart? Maybe even explicitly, you go and say: “I give you permission, if you see something persestant, please talk to me.” I would challenge you, who in your life will you give permission to this? And will you walk in the humility to listen?

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3- We should be willing to bear others burdens

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Look at verse 2 and 3.

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If you want to confront peoples sin but never bear their burdens, you are not a true friend. True friends put others before themselves. Consider your heart when it comes to service.

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If a man is going along with a 100lb burden and he needs help and you take some of it, what is the reality? The reality is that now you are, to an extent, burdened. To bear others burdens is never easy.

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Do you help people when it costs you?

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Time

Money

Energy

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Where has God called you to give up something for the sake of bearing someone else's burden? Your time, your money, your energy are not primarily yours. They are gifts from God.

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It is ok to enjoy all three of those, but we must be growing in giving them away too.

Do you Allow others to bear you?

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Why don’t we? Bc we don’t like to be a burden, but this is masked arrogance. Our pride. Maybe God is trying to teach us a humility in our need for others. Receiving.

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Perhaps one of the reasons some of us struggle so deeply to grasp the grace of God is because we are not comfortable receiving.

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The same is true from love of others, can you receive from others?

Story of will

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In college I had this friend who I grew pretty close to and I could start to tell things were not really ok with him, just seemed down and struggling. And over time he started to tell me he was really struggling with depression. And I didn’t know what to do, but I just tried to be there with him. And we’d meet to read the bible, go eat sometimes to just have fun. And things got worse. I started to doubt if I was doing anything right, or if God was hearing my prayers. I just wanted to help my friend. He would often say he felt like God was so far from him in his darkness, and so we’d pray but nothing ever changed.

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But we both just kept showing up and spending time together, praying, reading, having fun. Crying. But I just don’t put much thought into them after a while because I feel like they aren’t helping or important.

Towards the end of my last year there, I’m hanging out with him and he kind of gets serious for a moment and starts crying. And with tears in his eyes he looks at me and says: “Josh, you know I’ve been praying and asking God to be near to me, but he has seemed so far. But it finally hit me, in you I’ve seen Christ tangible love for me.”

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It’s as if he was saying, when you let me sit and cry, it’s as if Christ let me sit and cry. When you prayed, it was as if Christ was there praying for me. When we just went on walks and laughed, it’s as if Christ just went on a walk with me and laughed.

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Friends, in your love of others you are an expression of the hands and feet of Christ to each other. Bear one another burdens.

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Sometimes Christ carries us in the arms of others. (Piper)

Law of Christ

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“Bear one another's burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ.“ Galatians 6:2

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When we bear others burdens with them, we live into our discipleship of Jesus. If you are a disciple of Jesus, following how he lived his life, trying to learn from Him, you must be learning to bear one another burdens. We are immature disciples when we want to follow Jesus but do not want to bear peoples burdens with them.

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Why is bearing burdens the law of Christ? Was not Christ the ultimate burden bearer?

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He, with all authority, above us all, did not come to be served, but came to serve. He sat with sinners, he served women, he loved and was playful with kids, he took on the pressure of ministry to heal people, he takes our burdens… ultimately he took the heaviest one when he went to the cross for us.

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4. Carry your own load

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Verse 4 - don’t compare yourself here to others as a way to justify what you do or do not give. Examine your own work “for” each person will have to carry their own load. Don’t compare, do what God has called you to do based on your current capacity. We are all in different seasons.

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I end with this: v5

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We all have to carry our own load, this word load is different than burden. This load is like something that is my responsibility. You have something in your life, that maybe others can help with some, but ultimately, God has assigned for you for reasons we may not know.

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Maybe this is a health diagnosis, maybe a particular battle with temptation, maybe a disability, maybe to raise your children and your in a season where your children are hard or to work on your difficult marriage or a specific assignment from God. Maybe work is just hard and you don’t want it anymore. For Paul it was his thorn in the flesh, whatever it is, I feel two words from the Lord as I contemplate the loads I feel God has given to me as my unique responsibilities in this season of my life:

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1- Let it keep you humble. We all have our loads to bear that are our own, those who are most aware of their own pain and burdens are most sensitive to others.

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2- Embrace the life you have

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Oh how it can be tempting, under the weight of our own load that we do not want, to look at others lives and go… their load looks easier than mine, more fun. I know that temptation.

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You might not like what load God has given you right now to carry. I often find this quote from John Piper helpful: “Occasionally weep deeply over the life you hoped would be. Grieve the losses. Then wash your face. Trust God. And embrace the life you have.”

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If the load you are carrying right now seems hard, I remind you of these words from Jesus:

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28 “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. 29 Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. 30 For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”

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A yoke is a device placed on cattle to help them shoulder the large loads they pulled. Christ is saying, in my, you can have a yoke that makes burdens lighter. In me, I will help you carry on when you are weary and burdened. For I am gentle and humble in heart.

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Go to him friends, Christ is nearer to you in your difficulty than you may imagine. You have not left his mind or his care, he is doing 1000 things to help and minister to you, and you may be aware of 2 of them.

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