A Mature Church Knows How To Treat Each Other

If you were going to describe the perfect family, what would you make that family look like? In other words, what characteristics would the perfect family possess?

Loving not Indifferent, Cold-hearted

Kind not Cruel, Mean, Harsh

Supportive not Neglectful, Dismissive, Oppositional

Encouraging not Critical, Discouraging, Demeaning

Truth-filled not Dishonest, Deceptive, Misleading

Gracious not Rude, Abrasive, Ungrateful

Servants not Self-centered, Dominant, Authoritarian

Joyful not Miserable, Gloomy, Despondent

Now, there is no perfect family but every Christian family should strive for these characteristics.

The Church of Jesus Christ is also known as the family of God and so we should strive for these qualities as well, as we deal with one another. In short, within the family of God we must treat one another decently and with respect.

Paul, in these two verses wants Timothy and the church to know the best practices with one another.

And this leads us to the main thought for today…

Main Idea: Be Respectful of One Another

Why should we respect one another?

If for no other reason, that other churchgoer in your life is not only created in the image of God, but he or she is redeemed through the sacrificial gift of Christ’s blood on the Cross!

These are pretty powerful reasons to treat one another with decency and respect within the church of God.

How should we show this respect?

This is what Paul deals with in these two verses.

There are four groups of people in the family of God and Paul gives some simple instructions on how to deal with each.

Just because these instructions are simple doesn’t mean this is easy.

Our flesh rebels against such instruction.

But by the power of the Holy Spirit, the family of God can be a little bit of heaven here on earth.

1. Respect Older Men (vs.1a)

When I was younger it was very easy for me to look at older men and despise them because they were out of touch regarding my generation, ridicule them because they were so not cool, disrespect them because my generation and I were so much more intelligent, intuitive, and savvy than those that had gone before us.

How arrogant! Now, in my defense, I was not a believer at that stage in my life.

But Paul wants to make sure that all believers, all those part of the family of God to treat the older men with dignity and respect.

This is why he writes…

1 Timothy 5:1 (ESV)

Do not rebuke an older man but encourage him as you would a father…

Here we see exactly what Timothy is supposed to do if he has an elder (elder meaning someone older, not the office of elder) that is functioning in a way that is ungodly and contrary to the Scriptures.

“Do not rebuke” - literally the word means “to strike”

But what Paul is saying to Timothy is do not verbally abuse the one who is older. Don’t talk down to him. Tear him apart verbally.

Moses was clear about how the children of Israel were to treat their elders…

Leviticus 19:32 (ESV)

“You shall stand up before the gray head and honor the face of an old man, and you shall fear your God: I am the Lord.

The writer of Proverbs was clear on how the elderly are to be revered…

Proverbs 16:31 (ESV)

Gray hair is a crown of glory; it is gained in a righteous life.

Even Daniel when speaking to the older King, Nebuchadnezzar, was sure to be respectful and honoring.

Daniel 4:27 (NASB95)

‘Therefore, O king, may my advice be pleasing to you: break away now from your sins by doing righteousness and from your iniquities by showing mercy to the poor, in case there may be a prolonging of your prosperity.’

Instead of rebuking the older man, Timothy was to encourage him as he would his father.

In a perfect family, the children would talk with their father, even when the father was wrong about something, in a very respectful way.

So it is in church. We the leadership as well as the congregation must never let our sinful attitudes get in the way of treating the older men with proper respect.

But instead we should speak with them, even when we must rebuke them, with a gentle spirit and a soft answer.

This does not mean we allow them to function in sin because they are older. We deal with their sin, but we do it with honor and respect.

Dr. Laura Schlessinger

I once read about a converted Rabbi sitting next to an atheist on an airplane. Every few minutes, one of the rabbi’s children or grandchildren would inquire about his needs for food, drink, or comfort. The atheist commented, “The respect your children and grandchildren show you is wonderful. Mine don’t show me that respect.” The converted rabbi responded, “Think about it. To my children and grandchildren, I am one step closer in a chain of tradition to the time when God spoke to the whole Jewish people on Mount Sinai. To your children and grandchildren, you are one step closer to being an ape.” (Source: Laura Schlessinger, The Significance of God’s Laws in Everyday Life, p. 13).

How can we apply this to ABC?

Model Respect in Conversations

Seek Their Wisdom

Mentorship and Discipleship

Promote Intergenerational Activities

Pray for and with Them

Addressing Sin with Grace

Review - Be Respectful of One Another

Respect Older Men

2. Respect Younger Men (vs. 1b)

Just like it is easy for younger men and women to disrespect the older generation, so it is easy for the older generation to be dismissive and critical of the next generation of men. This ought not to be.

Here are several examples of the older generation mocking or criticizing the younger generation that have circulated online. These often take the form of memes, social media posts, or opinion pieces. Here are a few common examples:

The "Millennials are Entitled" Narrative: One common criticism from older generations, especially toward Millennials and Gen Z, is that they are perceived as entitled or lazy.

The "Technology Dependency" Critique: Another frequent critique is that younger generations are too dependent on technology, particularly smartphones and social media.

Work Ethic and Career Expectations: Older generations sometimes mock younger generations for their approach to work and careers.

Criticism of Cultural Preferences: Cultural preferences, such as fashion, music, and entertainment, are also areas where older generations often mock younger ones.

But look at what Paul desires for Timothy and the church at Ephesus…

1 Timothy 5:1 (ESV)

Do not rebuke an older man but encourage him as you would a father, younger men as brothers,

Just like they are to encourage an older man like a father, so Pastor Timothy and the church are to encourage and treat younger men as brothers.

How should we treat our blood related siblings? A christian home should be a place of joy and safety, not physical and emotional harm.

And it is the same in God’s church…

Leviticus 19:17 (ESV)

“You shall not hate your brother in your heart, but you shall reason frankly with your neighbor, lest you incur sin because of him.

Cain hated Abel

Jacob’s sons hated Jospeh

We cannot hate our brother.

1 John 2:9–11 (ESV)

Whoever says he is in the light and hates his brother is still in darkness. Whoever loves his brother abides in the light, and in him there is no cause for stumbling. But whoever hates his brother is in the darkness and walks in the darkness, and does not know where he is going, because the darkness has blinded his eyes.

John goes on to make his point in…

1 John 3:11–15 (ESV)

For this is the message that you have heard from the beginning, that we should love one another. We should not be like Cain, who was of the evil one and murdered his brother. And why did he murder him? Because his own deeds were evil and his brother’s righteous. Do not be surprised, brothers, that the world hates you. We know that we have passed out of death into life, because we love the brothers. Whoever does not love abides in death. Everyone who hates his brother is a murderer, and you know that no murderer has eternal life abiding in him.

Do you see how serious this is? Hating or loving your brother is a barometer for your salvation.

Hating or loving your brother is an indicator of everlasting life for you.

How can we show hate towards our christian brother?

Gossiping and Slander

Speaking negatively about a fellow believer behind their back or spreading rumors can be deeply hurtful and damaging. This behavior sows discord and can destroy trust and relationships within the church.

Harboring Unforgiveness

Refusing to forgive a brother or sister in Christ, holding onto grudges, or treating them with coldness and distance is a form of relational harm. Unforgiveness fosters resentment and creates division within the body of Christ.

Excluding or Ignoring Them

Deliberately excluding someone from fellowship, activities, or conversations, or ignoring their presence or contributions, can make them feel unloved and unvalued. This can be particularly hurtful in a community that should be marked by love.

Judging or Condemning Them Harshly

Being overly critical, judgmental, or condemning of another believer’s actions or spiritual walk without offering grace or understanding can harm their spiritual and emotional well-being. This creates an environment of fear rather than one of love and support.

Being Passive-Aggressive

Engaging in passive-aggressive behavior, such as giving the silent treatment, making sarcastic remarks, or being deliberately unhelpful, can communicate hostility and create an atmosphere of tension and distrust.

Refusing to Help in Times of Need

Ignoring or refusing to help a brother or sister in Christ when they are in need, whether it’s a physical, emotional, or spiritual need, can be seen as a lack of love. The Bible calls us to bear one another's burdens and care for each other.

Acting with Pride or Superiority

Treating others as inferior, looking down on them, or being dismissive of their opinions or feelings can create a barrier between believers. This behavior stems from pride and is contrary to the humility that Christ modeled.

Rejoicing in Their Failures

Taking pleasure in the misfortune, mistakes, or failures of a fellow believer is a clear sign of malice and ill will. This attitude is the opposite of the love that rejoices with the truth and seeks the good of others.

Not Confronting in Love

Avoiding difficult conversations when a brother or sister is in sin or error, or confronting them harshly without love and compassion, can cause harm. Loving confrontation is necessary, but it should always be done with the intent of restoration and healing.

And we are not just to not hate, we are to love.

Friends, the older men must love and respect the young men of this church.

Frankly we must all walk in respect for one another.

1 Peter 2:17 (ESV)

‌Honor everyone. Love the brotherhood…

Romans 12:10 (ESV)

Love one another with brotherly affection. Outdo one another in showing honor.

Hebrews 13:1 (ESV)

Let brotherly love continue.

This is how the body of Christ, the family of God is supposed to function.

Men and women of the church are to encourage the younger men because they are their spiritual brothers.

Even when there is sin going on, we are to pursue a right relationship with one another.

Luke 17:3 (ESV)

Pay attention to yourselves! If your brother sins, rebuke him, and if he repents, forgive him,

And we do not do this with a spirit of frustration, anger, passive aggressiveness, but we lovingly and gently try and solve the problem.

Galatians 6:1 (ESV)

Brothers, if anyone is caught in any transgression, you who are spiritual should restore him in a spirit of gentleness. Keep watch on yourself, lest you too be tempted.

Notice Paul is talking about sin and not preference. That is an important distinction.

2 Thessalonians 3:6 (CSB)

Now we command you, brothers and sisters, in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, to keep away from every brother or sister who is idle and does not live according to the tradition received from us.

2 Thessalonians 3:14–15 (CSB)

If anyone does not obey our instruction in this letter, take note of that person; don’t associate with him, so that he may be ashamed. Yet don’t consider him as an enemy, but warn him as a brother.

The point? We must look at those around us, if they claim to be a Christian, as our brothers in Christ. We MUST walk in love. We MUST not walk in hate.

If we consistently walk in hate toward our brother (or sister) we are not a christian.

And remember we are masters at justifying our actions and rationalizing our attitudes. “I have the right to feel this way because of how they have treated me…”

Nope!

In your heart of hearts, do you love or hate this person. Be honest with yourself and with the Lord. And then, pursue LOVE.

Whatever a person maybe like, we must still love them because we love God.

John Calvin

And when we love we will pursue good.

Love is the sum of all virtue, and love disposes us to do good.

Jonathan Edwards

Application Treat as Brothers, Not Rivals: Encourage Rather Than Criticize: Be Patient with Their Growth: Offer Guidance and Mentorship: Create Opportunities for Leadership: Addressing Mistakes with Grace: Pray for Their Development:

Review - Be Respectful of One Another

Respect Older Men

Respect Younger Men

3. Respect Older Women (vs. 2a)

In a time when women were not regarded well socially, Paul wanted Timothy to elevate and respect women as fellow heirs of eternal life and therefore worthy of dignity and respect.

And so, Timothy and those in the church at Ephesus were to treat and encourage…

1 Timothy 5:2 (ESV)

older women as mothers…

Who doesn’t love and honor their mother?

I realize that there are som that do not.

I realize that some mothers have done some terrible things.

But, for the Christian, we are to honor women as we would a godly Christian mother.

Again, in the Jewish culture, honoring mothers was part of their law.

Exodus 20:12 (ESV)

“Honor your father and your mother, that your days may be long in the land that the Lord your God is giving you.

To revere the teaching a mom gives is expected.

Proverbs 1:8 (ESV)

Hear, my son, your father’s instruction, and forsake not your mother’s teaching,

Proverbs 6:20 (ESV)

My son, keep your father’s commandment, and forsake not your mother’s teaching.

The women of this church are to be revered, honored, and respected.

Certainly the expectation is they are to live in such a way that warrants such treatment.

But the default culture of any church - especially ABC is that older women are to be treated the same way one would treat their mother.

I learned more about Christianity from my mother than from all the theologians of England.

John Wesley

Value Their Wisdom and Experience: Engage in conversations with older women, listening to their stories, and learning from their insights into faith, family, and life.

Support and Care for Them: This can include practical help like providing meals, offering transportation, or simply spending time with them. Caring for older women in this way reflects the family nature of the church.

Encourage Their Involvement: Encourage older women to stay involved in the life of the church

Promote Intergenerational Relationships: Suggest initiatives that foster relationships between older women and younger women in church.

Addressing Sin with Compassion: When issues arise that need to be addressed with older women, remind the church to do so with the utmost compassion and gentleness, just as one would approach a beloved mother. The focus should always be on restoration and encouragement, rather than harsh correction.

Publicly Recognize Their Contributions: Consider ways to publicly recognize and celebrate the contributions of older women in the church. This could be through testimonies, special events, or simply acknowledging their service and dedication during gatherings. Public recognition reinforces their value and sets an example for others to follow.

Pray for Their Well-being: Lead the congregation in praying for the older women in the church, asking for God’s blessings on their health, peace, and spiritual life. This collective prayer not only supports them but also reminds the church of their important role within the community.

Folks, when we do these things, our hearts for the older women grow in appreciation and care. Our respect for them grows as we get to know them better and better.

Review - Be Respectful of One Another

Respect Older Men

Respect Younger Men

Respect Older Women

4. Respect Younger Women (vs. 2b)

Paul wanted Timothy and the church in Ephesus to have a proper and pure view of the younger women in the church.

1 Timothy 5:2 (ESV)

older women as mothers, younger women as sisters, in all purity.

The church is to do what she can to protect the purity of the younger women.

We are to look at them as our sisters!

Deuteronomy 27:22 (ESV)

“ ‘Cursed be anyone who lies with his sister, whether the daughter of his father or the daughter of his mother.’ And all the people shall say, ‘Amen.’

This is a shocking thought - that someone would lie with their sister. And it is sad that the mosaic law needed to point this out. But, because of the sinfulness of hearts, God did place this moritorium on sexual relations between siblings.

And we are wise to take this principle and apply it to our relationship with our sisters in Christ.

I as a man do not have the right to pursue the women of the church in a sexual way.

This kind of relationship is reserved ONLY for marital relationship.

All the women in the church are my sisters in Christ and I MUST treat them as such.

Paul stresses that he must be indifferent to them in terms of lust. There are few things as evil as a pastor who sins mentally or physically with a young woman he had been helping spiritually. That is nothing less than incest in the spiritual family. For that reason, Paul adds the phrase in all purity.

Nothing so easily makes or breaks a young pastor as his conduct with women. Thoughtlessness or indiscretion, as well as outright immorality, violate his calling to lead the flock to purity. Younger women must be confronted with their sin and encouraged to godliness. They must, however, never be led into sin, but be treated as beloved spiritual sisters whose purity is the highest consideration. - John F. MacArthur Jr., 1 Timothy, MacArthur New Testament Commentary (Chicago: Moody Press, 1995), 189–190.

There is a sense in which the younger women of the church should be under the protection of the men of this body. Younger women should not ever fear of being sexualized or looked at as sexual objects.

This should be protected and appreciated like an older brother protects, appreciates, and loves his little sister.

“Purity does not happen by accident; it requires discipline and a conscious effort to maintain it. Young women should be treated with the same respect and care you would afford your own sister.” - Elizabeth Elliot

"To look at a woman in a way other than as a sister is to forget the holy reverence due to her as God's creation." - Dietrich Bonhoeffer

Treat with Purity and Integrity:

Foster a Safe Environment: They should feel respected, valued, and secure, knowing that the church is a place where they are protected and cherished as part of God's family.

Encourage Their Spiritual Growth: Remind the church to support and encourage the spiritual growth of younger women. This can involve inviting them to participate in Bible studies, prayer groups, or other ministries, as well as offering mentorship and guidance as they navigate their faith journey.

Affirm Their Gifts and Calling: Encourage the congregation to recognize and affirm the gifts and callings of younger women, providing them with opportunities to serve and lead in the church. This helps them feel valued and encourages them to use their God-given talents for the benefit of the community.

Provide Mentorship and Role Models: Suggest connecting younger women with older, more experienced women in the church who can serve as mentors and role models. This can help younger women navigate the challenges of life and faith, offering them guidance, wisdom, and support.

Support Their Life Stages: Acknowledge the different life stages younger women may be in—whether single, married, mothers, or professionals—and offer support that is relevant to their unique situations. This could include providing resources, creating support groups, or simply offering prayer and encouragement.

Promote Healthy Relationships: Encourage the church to promote and model healthy, respectful relationships among younger women and the broader church community. This includes teaching about biblical relationships and creating a culture where respect, kindness, and love are the norms.

Pray for Their Future and Well-being: Lead the church in praying for the younger women, asking for God’s guidance in their lives, wisdom in their decisions, and protection over their spiritual and physical well-being. This shows the church’s commitment to their flourishing in Christ.

Review - Be Respectful of One Another

Respect Older Men

Respect Younger Men

Respect Older Women

Respect Younger Women

Conclusion

What if we were a church where we genuinely respected one another? Where we thought of others first. Where we thought of others as more significant than ourselves? If we did, we would be thinking like Jesus.

Philippians 2:3–8 (ESV)

Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others. Have this mind among yourselves, which is yours in Christ Jesus, who, though he was in the form of God, did not count equality with God a thing to be grasped, but emptied himself, by taking the form of a servant, being born in the likeness of men. And being found in human form, he humbled himself by becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross.

You see folks, when we respect each other in this way, we are actually living out the gospel we say we believe.

“Truth not lived is truth not believed.” - Paul David Tripp

If you believe the gospel, you will treat people, especially those within the family of God, with dignity and respect.