Lookin' for Love in All the Wrong Places

Prayer of Preparation

Oh, Gracious God, may the words that are spoken build up this community. May the ears that hear receive the good news of God’s grace. And may the Holy Spirit move us to action and life-giving practices that bring us closer to you. Amen.

Life Limiting Practices

It was 1980 when John Travolta, an Urban Cowboy, was looking for love in all the wrong places. For those who don’t know the storyline, Bud Davis is a country boy who moves to Pasadena, Texas, to visit his uncle and family. He starts hanging out at Gilley’s, a popular nightclub, where he meets Sissy. They fall in love, marry soon after. Although they love each other, Sissy is feisty and independent, while hot-tempered Bud believes in traditional gender roles, causing frequent quarrels. Bud enjoys riding the mechanical bull at the bar, but when Sissy wants to try, Bud forbids it. Sissy ends up learning how to ride the bull with another man, and Bud gets jealous. They fight throughout the movie. Bud’s uncle tries to encourage Bud to put his pride aside and reconcile with Sissy. After some cowboy shenanigans, Bud and Sissy end up together. Why do we let our pride and jealousy get in the way of having life-giving relationships?

Whether it’s romantic, between friends, or even at work, have you ever talked with a colleague or supervisor where they shot your idea down, or maybe they didn’t recognize your accomplishments and instead focused on what went wrong? Those moments can dampen your mood. I know there have been moments where I have been caught in a cycle of just ruminating on those negative emotions that came up in a conversation where I didn’t feel valued. So much so that I would look for love in all the wrong places, I wouldn’t be able to focus for the entire day—I’d get home and binge-watch a series on Netflix, go down the YouTube rabbit hole, or vent to friends. I’d end up going to bed so angry and frustrated. The wisdom Paul brings to the Ephesian community to not “let the sun set on your anger” rings true today. We certainly should give ourselves the space to process our anger. Still, we shouldn’t allow ourselves to fall into a pattern of rumination and behaviors that interfere or get in the way of working through our issues and developing meaningful relationships with God and our neighbor.

Luckily, I can barely remember what I wore the day before, and my anger subsides when my head hits the pillow. But think of all the things I missed out on during the day when we let the anger fester inside and couldn’t focus on other tasks. Sometimes, we want to eat or be alone—losing out on meaningful conversations. Sometimes, we delay important tasks and procrastinate—just adding to the stress in our lives. Sometimes, we even shorten our daily routine to go to bed early, which shortcuts our prayer life and limits us from deepening our connection with God. When we let the anger fester, we allow these emotions to become life-limiting.

We live in the digital age where sometimes we don’t even realize the life-limiting practices we engage in. How many of you have fallen into the trap of watching those short clips on Facebook or TikTok? I am telling you, there is Teddy, a golden retriever who is the most adorable dog ever and loves to play pranks with his human friend. I could spend hours watching the countless pranks they play on each other. I’d argue that this is a life-giving practice because it brings me so much joy. But it can quickly become a life-limiting practice if we’re avoiding something and allowing it to interfere with our ability to develop relationships with God and neighbor. How many of you have missed a morning or evening devotion because you had such a busy day... You’ve all heard the line from people selling you subscriptions: “for just the price of a coffee a day.” Well, my friends… missing a morning or evening devotion—ask yourself: “for just the amount of time it takes to watch a Teddy Tik-Tok.”

Speaking of Facebook or social media, we’re in the midst of an election season. I have seen some posts and comments where friends have disagreed and then resolved the issue by saying, “I didn’t realize that was your position. I am going to have to delete you from my friend list.” When I read this public exchange, I felt a sense of loss and sadness for the two individuals. There seems to be a growing need for people to only associate with others who look and think like them. In this modern age, especially with COVID-19, we have lost the true sense of what community looks like…. Letting our pride and egos get in the way of diverse and authentic relationship-building is life-limiting.

Why can’t we create space for diversity of opinions in our lives? Do we need all our friends to think and act like us? God did not make creation unchanging—God’s creation is diverse and constantly vivified by the Holy Spirit. When we limit our space—we engage in life-limiting practices. When we expand our space for belonging—we engage in life-giving practices.

Paul tells the Ephesian community to put aside all these life-limiting behaviors and points us towards a road map to embrace more life-giving behaviors. Over the last three years, I have adopted a practice—you might call it a Millennial spiritual practice… What I have been practicing in the previous three Lenten seasons is paying more and more attention to a report on my phone called “Screen Time.” It breaks down the time I spend on each application on my phone. How much time do I spend on my Bible Application, Facebook, YouTube, three various news apps I use, email, text messaging, phone, and the such… I reflect on how I use my time and whether I am creating space for life-giving or life-limiting practices.

Life Giving Practices

Paul encourages the Ephesian community to set aside these life-limiting practices and “be kind, compassionate, and forgiving to each other in the same way God forgave you in Christ.”

Research demonstrates that higher levels of self-compassion are linked to increased feelings of happiness, optimism, curiosity, and connectedness, as well as decreased anxiety, depression, rumination, and fear of failure. When we can be more compassionate towards ourselves, we can create a space for community, which can be messy sometimes if we’re honest. But when we dwell in God’s love, know our self-worth in God’s eyes, and refuse to allow ourselves to be defined by negative thoughts, we grow in our self-compassion. We're able to extend this love and compassion to others. We can respect and appreciate the diversity of the body of Christ.

What does this self-compassion look like? What does it mean to develop self-compassion? St. Paul tells us to be kind and forgiving. Starting there is a good place. Self-compassion is a way of showing kindness and care for yourself, especially during difficult times. It can include feelings of warmth, understanding, and compassion towards yourself. Self-compassion can be developed by practicing self-kindness, mindfulness, and humility. We do this by praying, reading the scriptures, meditating, breathing exercises, and journaling.

Setting aside life-limiting practices, behaviors, or emotions creates more room for life-giving practices that enrich our lives. It’s okay to be angry; it’s OK to experience these negative emotions. However, we have to be able to forgive. When we forgive—we can heal. The experience of forgiveness is being forgiven. We love because God first loved us, and we forgive because God forgave us. When we embody forgiveness, we create a more expansive space for others to belong and enrich our lives in the body of Christ.

Have you noticed a theme here? Belonging. Belonging is the feeling of security and support when there is a sense of acceptance, inclusion, and identity for a child of God. It is when a person can bring their authentic self to the body of Christ. When people feel like they belong in the kingdom of God, they experience an inward and outward transformation that glorifies God.

Ultimate Life Giving Practice

Jesus tells the crowd, “I am the bread of life. Whoever comes to me will never go hungry, and whoever believes in me will never be thirsty.” Jesus is creating belonging—a space large enough for anyone and everyone.

Sometimes, we go looking for love in all the wrong places. Jesus tells the grumbling Jewish leaders that their ancestors ate manna in the wilderness, and they died. Today, we might look for love in a bar, or, I guess nowadays, it’s swiping photos on an app. We might look for love by escaping on Netflix, going down the rabbit hole of social media memes, closing our circle, or self-isolating to preserve our ego and pride.

But my friends, our beloved Lord Jesus, in his first “I am” statement, boldly declares, “I am the bread of life.” Jesus presents himself as the revelation of the life-giving God. Jesus further tells us, "I am the living bread that came down from heaven.” God communicates himself in Jesus as life-giving food that endures eternal life.

This affirmation by Jesus discloses that the bread of God has already come down in human form to manifest God’s love for humanity and give them divine life. St. Paul reminds us that this holy life is not for us as individuals but that “we are parts of each other in the same body.” Paul tells the Ephesians to “imitate God like dearly loved children. Live your life with love, following the example of Christ, who loved us and gave himself for us.”

The ultimate life-giving practice is to feast on the bread and cup of Jesus Christ, the Word of God, in community with one another. Jesus claimed his agency; Jesus refused to be defined by the Jewish elders or the Romans. Jesus reminds us of our agency when he says, “No one can come to me unless they are drawn to me by the Father who sent me, and I will raise them on the last day.” As Methodists, we recognize that God works through prevenient grace, constantly drawing us close and offering us this life-giving nourishment.

Jesus has provided the way for our salvation and given us another wonderful gift—the gift of community. You’ll notice Jesus is sharing this teaching amongst a community. In the other gospels, gathered around a table of fellowship—Jesus knows what is coming, gets together relationally with people, and passes his life force symbolically through bread and cup. As disciples of Jesus Christ who are charged with caring and holding each other accountable, who are charged with making disciples for the transformation of the world—we too need to focus on gathering relationally with others and sharing in this feast the Word that is Jesus.

I admit I don’t often get to the community breakfast as often as I would like. However, I recall the last time I was able to volunteer, and I met a woman who was waiting in line to complete a prayer request. When I asked her about her story, she told me that she had been battling cancer and had lost her job. She needed the support of her family, so she moved to Lockport two years ago to be closer to her family. As we talked more and more about her family, she began to share what attracted her to Emmanuel—she shared with me that she enjoyed the hospitality and friendliness of the servers. She went on to tell me about the connections she had made with other people gathered together for breakfast and how it made her feel an even greater sense of community. As she has begun to recover from her cancer, she has chosen to stay in Lockport because of her family and this newfound community. She knew where to look for love.

The ministries of this church offer opportunities for people to feast on the bread and cup offered through Jesus Christ. Church… by creating these spaces of belonging and providing hospitality to all individuals without regard to their socioeconomic background, race, gender, ability, or sexuality, and seeing them as children of God, we create a transformative space where people can cultivate a love of God and neighbor.

To be Emmanuel is to have God with us. You are reflections of the light of Christ. Your loving, caring, and sharing creates a space of belonging where everyone can live more into Christ and experience life-giving transformation.

It’s up to us to choose whether to participate in life-limiting or life-giving activities. God loves us so much that we have the agency to choose… I invite you to take a moment and reflect on the life-limiting practices you need to set aside. What is getting in the way of you accepting God’s grace? As a follower of Christ, how might you support your neighbor in experiencing this life-giving bread?

God is drawing us in, and Jesus has paved the way—this grace is offered to everyone. We all have good and bad days, but when we set aside those life-limiting behaviors and engage in more life-giving activities, we create a space to cultivate a love of God and neighbor. Now, it’s up to us to embrace the life-giving grace that God gives freely and to allow ourselves to be transformed and live more into the embodiment of Christ—love in human form. In the name of our Creator, Redeemer, and Sustainer who makes us whole, Amen.