*****Matthew 18:28-35 unforgiveness

Matthew 18:28–35 (NRSV)

28 But that same slave, as he went out, came upon one of his fellow slaves who owed him a hundred denarii; and seizing him by the throat, he said, ‘Pay what you owe.’ 29 Then his fellow slave fell down and pleaded with him, ‘Have patience with me, and I will pay you.’ 30 But he refused; then he went and threw him into prison until he would pay the debt. 31 When his fellow slaves saw what had happened, they were greatly distressed, and they went and reported to their lord all that had taken place. 32 Then his lord summoned him and said to him, ‘You wicked slave! I forgave you all that debt because you pleaded with me. 33 Should you not have had mercy on your fellow slave, as I had mercy on you?’ 34 And in anger his lord handed him over to be tortured until he would pay his entire debt. 35 So my heavenly Father will also do to every one of you, if you do not forgive your brother or sister from your heart.”

The Bible gives great commands to us about forgiving and gives great contrasts between being forgiving and unforgiving. As Christians we have a responsibility before God to be forgiving of others because God has forgiven us of all our sins against Him.

A little four year old boy was overheard praying before bedtime by his mother. The little boy concluded his prayer saying, “And forgive us our trash baskets as we forgive those who put trash in our baskets.”

In the last study on forgiveness we learned about the principle of forgiveness and the power of forgiveness. Forgiveness from God is offered to all, but not received by all. As followers of Jesus Christ we are not to withhold forgiveness from those who have hurt us, mistreated us, or injured us, but rather, we are to offer forgiveness. Mac Brunson, pastor of FBC Jacksonville, Florida, said, “It is always right to extend grace and forgiveness even before it is sought or asked for. We should keep short accounts with each other.”

God does indeed extend His forgiveness to lost sinners. He gave His only begotten Son for the world so that those who come to God through Jesus Christ will receive free and full pardon of their sins. But, God does not automatically forgive the world just because Jesus died on the cross for the world. Forgiveness is available to all, but only activated and appreciated by those who turn to God and trust in Jesus Christ for salvation. Are we to forgive everyone of everything that they have or will do to us? What if they don’t want our forgiveness or do not desire our forgiveness? What if they reject our forgiveness?

Robert McQuilken in his book “The Two Sides of Forgiveness” questions the conventional wisdom that we should forgive everyone of everything. He writes, “God’s love is unlimited for everyone. Ours ought to be. But God’s forgiveness is strictly limited to those who repent. Confusion and guilt overwhelm many of God’s people who demand that we do what God does not do—pardon everyone for everything. We can justify this distinction by returning to the two basic meanings of forgive: to remit the guilt and to relinquish resentment. In the sense of remitting guilt, God, in love, forgives a specified few and, in love, does not forgive the majority of humankind. In the sense of relinquishing resentment, however, God forgives everyone. He never for a moment felt bitterness or ill-will against anyone … love should also shape the way we relate to people, whether friend or enemy. Does love cancel the debt? Sometimes. Does love let go of the resentment? Always.”

The Bible commands us to be forgiving of others and be willing to give up resentment in our hearts. Having an unforgiving spirit is detrimental to a person:

→ holding the grudges,

→ hanging on to the resentment, and

→ harboring the bitterness.

Matthew declared the signs, the seriousness, and the sentence of an unforgiving person. Withholding forgiveness to others who seek forgiveness from us shows that God’s forgiveness for us has never been received. Are we willing to forgive? Are you like the king in this parable or like the unforgiving servant? Would you examine your heart today to see if you are right with God? Are you a forgiving person or an unforgiving person? This passage gives us some insights into what the Bible says about being unforgiving.

I. The practice of being unforgiving. (28–30)

A. The response of the man. (28)

In this parable Jesus tells about how the king forgave the servant of a 10,000 talent debt. He forgave him of a debt that he could never repay. The man just asked for the king to be patient with him and not sell him, his wife, his children, his home, cattle, and land. The king was moved with compassion, released the man, and forgave the man the debt. This servant should have been the most grateful, humble, merciful, and forgiving person in the world. But how did this man respond? Jesus tells us an astonishing story of how this wicked servant responded.

1. He tracked down the man. (28a)

“But that servant went out and found one of his fellow servants who owed him a hundred denarii”

Jesus tells us how the unforgiving servant used his new found freedom. The Bible says that he tracked down a fellow servant that owed him a little money.

→ He didn’t track this man down to forgive him, but to apprehend him.

Most people are not after us to offer us forgiveness. People do not normally and readily chase us down to forgive us.

In 1960, Adolph Coors III, of the Coors Brewing Company, was kidnapped and held for ransom and then later killed. His son, Adolph Coors IV, then 15 years old, developed a hatred for the killer Joseph Corbett. In 1975, young Coors became a Christian and divested himself of his interest in the family brewery business. One day, he visited Corbett at the maximum security unity of Colorado’s Canon City penitentiary. Corbitt refused to see him. Undeterred, Coors left a Bible for him, inscribed with this message:

I’m sorry we could not meet. As a Christian, I am summoned by our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ, to forgive you. I do forgive you. I ask you to forgive me for the hatred I’ve held in my heart for you.”

Later Coors confessed, “I have a love for that man that only Jesus Christ could have placed in my heart.”

Not everyone is tracking down others to offer forgiveness. Neither did this man—he went out and found one of his fellow servants to get back at him. His heart had not been touched and his soul had not been changed by the king’s compassion, mercy, and forgiveness. The unforgiving servant had owed 10,000 talents. As I mentioned before, one talent equaled fifteen years of wages for a laborer. The king had forgiven this man a great debt. By the way our King has forgiven us a debt that we cannot not pay. This man went out and found one of the servants that owed him one hundred denarii.

The man’s mind was not on what he had been forgiven, but on what he was owed. This was a selfish, greedy, sinful, and hard hearted man. Denarii: (KJV: pence) denarion, day-nar’-ee-on; a denarius (or ten asses) pence, penny [-worth], A hundred denarii would represent 100 days wages for a common laborer. One talent represented fifteen years of wages. So we can easily detect the major contrast in what the man had been forgiven and what the man was owed. There was no comparison! This man tracked down his fellow servant who owed him one hundred denarii. The man responded in a negative and sinful way. We learn that he tracked down the man. We also see:

2. He took hold of the man. (28b)

“and he laid hands on him and took him by the throat”

The mean spirited and unforgiving man tracked down this fellow servant that owed him a little money and then he laid hands on the man. This man was full of anger and aggression towards the man that owed him money. He took hold of the man. Notice the picture Jesus paints here. The man took his fellow servant by the throat. This was not a friendly or cordial encounter. The man was full of unforgiveness, and he was going to get what was owed to him.

→ Those who have an unforgiving spirit will indeed get what is owed to them.

Ancient Roman writers tell that it was not uncommon for a creditor to actually wrench a debtor’s neck until blood ran out of their noses. Those were some hardnosed creditors back then. The Bible tells us that he tracked down the man, he took hold of the man, and we also see:

3. He threatened the man. (28c)

“saying, ‘Pay me what you owe!”

We’ve already seen that the man threatened his fellow servant physically and we also learn that he threatened him verbally. He took hold of the man by the throat and commanded him to pay the 100 denarii. The unforgiving servant reminded his fellow servant that he hadn’t forgotten about the debt that he owed.

→ He would not overlook it, cancel it, or delay it, he would require it.

I heard about the man who was telling his friend about the argument he’d had with his wife. He said, “I hate that every time we have an argument she gets historical.” The friend said, “You mean hysterical.” The man said, “No, I mean historical. Every time we argue she drags up everything from the past and holds it against me!” Don’t get historical on others!

The world we live in is full of people like this unforgiving servant. They have never been touched by or transformed by the forgiveness of God! This world is out for number one (themselves)! The world will get back or get even. There is not much compassion or mercy or forgiveness in the world.

Wednesday night (September 21, 2011) ABC launched its new series entitled “Revenge.” This show is about a mysterious woman, Emily Thome, who arrives in the “Hamptons” in New York, seeking revenge on the people who killed her father and destroyed her family. The commercial advertising the show depicts multiple ways and on multiple people that Emily will exact her revenge. In one scene it shows her pouring poison in someone’s soup and she says, “Revenge is a dish best served cold.” That’s the way the world is! Many are out for revenge. “You wronged me, hurt me, mistreated me—I’ll get you, I hate you, I will never speak to you again!” This man threatened the fellow servant and he made good on his threats. So we’ve learned about the response of the man. We also see:

B. The request to the man. (29)

“So his fellow servant fell down at his feet and begged him, saying, ‘Have patience with me, and I will pay you all.’

Jesus makes a comparison here to show how the fellow servant responded to the way the unforgiving servant had previously responded to the king. In verse 26 the Bible says that he fell down before the king and begged the king to be patient with him and he would pay back all that he owed. He made that request to the king—here we learn that he received the same request from the fellow servant. He fell down before the servant and begged the servant to be patient with him. How should this man have responded to the fellow servant?

The man ought to have learned from the king how to respond to those who ask for and beg for mercy. Begged: (KJV: Besought—NASB: Plead) parakaleo, par-ak-al-eh’-o; (kaleo); to call near, i.e. invite, invoke (by imploration, exhortation or consolation) beseech, call for, (be of good) comfort, desire, (give) exhort (-ation), entreat, pray. This is an urgent word and an urgent request. The fellow servant found himself in the hands of an unmerciful servant. It does little good to plead with an unforgiving man or woman! Their hearts are hard. The Bible tells us about the response of the man, the request to the man, and we also note:

C. The refusal of the man. (30)

“And he would not, but went and threw him into prison till he should pay the debt.”

The words “And he would not” are sad words. The man begged for patience, he humbled himself before the man, laid aside his dignity, self worth, and asked the man to be patient with him. The man would not be patient with him. He wanted his money and he wanted it now! He refused the man’s request whereas the king had heard his own request and granted him forgiveness of his debt. But the man showed no mercy. He went and threw him into the prison. Warren Wiersbe wrote, “The unjust servant was unwilling to grant to others what he wanted others to grant to him.” There are so many people, even in the church, that will not give forgiveness even though they claim to be forgiven. People will hold grudges, hang on to unforgiveness and hatred, and never move forward.

I heard about this visitor from across the mountain that leaned on the fence rail one day as he watched his old friend plow. The man said, “I don’t like to butt in, but you could save yourself a lot of work by saying, “ghee’ and ‘haw’ to that mule instead of just tugging on them lines.” The old timer pulled a big handkerchief from his pocket and wiped his brow. He agreed, “Yep, I know that, but this mule kicked me six years ago and I ain’t spoke to him since.”

The fellow servant owed the debt to the man, no question about it, but the man also owed so much more to the king. The man learned no lesson at all from what had just happened to him. He was unwilling to be patient with the man. He had him thrown in prison until the man could pay back his debt. Are you guilty of being unforgiving to others? The Bible tells us about the practice of unforgiving. We also see:

II. The punishment for being unforgiving. (31–35)

A. The report of his being unforgiving. (31)

“So when his fellow servants saw what had been done, they were very grieved, and came and told their master all that had been done.”

When we are unforgiving and mean spirited word, will get out. We do not live in a vacuum. How we treat others will be noted by others. The fellow servants saw how this unjust servant treated the fellow servant. The Bible says that they were very grieved. Very: sphodra, sfod’-rah; as adverb; vehemently, i.e. in a high degree, much, exceeding (-ly), greatly, sore, very. Grieved: (KJV: Sorry) lupeo, loo-peh’-o; to distress; reflexive or passive to be sad-cause grief, grieve, be in heaviness, (be) sorrow (-ful), be (make) sorry.

When we see injustice and iniquity it ought to grieve us. We ought to be very grieved at the mistreatment, abuse, and unforgiving spirit displayed in some so-called Christians. How did the fellow servants respond to what they saw? The Bible tells us that they came and told the king (the master) all that had been done. Told: This word means “they told in detail, they told thoroughly and clearly everything that happened.” They didn’t see the injustice and turn their heads or go their way. They were not gossiping, but they were telling what needed to be told. They reported what they saw. There are things that do not need to be told and there are things that definitely need to be told. John G. Butler wrote, “It makes a big difference who you tell the faults of others. It can either stop evil or spread evil. Those who are indiscriminate in whom they tell the faults of others are not trying to help the situation but are only enjoying gossiping about it. It is not wrong to tell others of the faults of others. In fact it is wrong to keep quiet on some occasions when evil needs to be reported.” The Bible tells us about the report of his unforgiving. We also see:

B. The result of his being unforgiving. (32–33)

1. He was called in before the king. (32a)

“Then his master, after he had called him”

The man’s attitude and actions toward his fellow servant came back to condemn him. Word got back to the king and the man was called in again to appear before the king. Those who show no forgiveness will be called before the King one day and they will have no defense. The result of being unforgiving is clearly taught by Jesus in this passage. The master of the servant will not put up with a wayward and wicked servant. Most of the time when people were called in before the king it was not for praise, but for punishment. The man was called in and he would be called out! He was not only called in before the king we also see:

2. He was charged by the king. (32b–33)

“said to him, ‘You wicked servant! I forgave you all that debt because you begged me. Should you not also have had compassion on your fellow servant, just as I had pity on you?”

The charge by the king was that this man was a wicked servant. He mistreated his fellow servant, had no compassion on his fellow servant, and incarcerated his fellow servant because he was a wicked servant. Wicked people do wicked things! The forgiveness the king showed him didn’t make a difference to him or in him. The king forgave the man the debt because the man begged him. The man wanted forgiveness from his debt for the wrong reasons. The king expected that servant to respond in kind. He was to learn from his master and be like his master. We ought to have pity on others because God has had pity on us! Someone said, “He that does not forgive bums the bridge over which he himself needs to pass.” We should have compassion and mercy on others just as we have had compassion and mercy shown to us.

Colossians 3:13 says, “bearing with one another, and forgiving one another, if anyone has a complaint against another; even as Christ forgave you, so you also must do.”

The Bible tells us the result of his being unforgiving in verse 34. The Bible says, “And his master was angry, and delivered him to the torturers until he should pay all that was due to him.” The master responded in righteous anger. There was an end to his compassion. His forgiveness did not overlook the sin of the man who never repented. John MacArthur wrote, “Nor does forgiveness involve excusing a sinful offense. Sin is always sin, and true love and mercy never try to make sin anything but what it is. But forgiveness does involve ending the bitterness, anger, and resentment that not only do not remove the sin but rather add to it.” The master would not over look the unforgiving actions of the man that he had forgiven. The master delivered him to the torturers. The man’s continual sin and rebellious heart landed him in prison and removed the forgiveness offered to him. Warren Wiersbe wrote, “The world’s worst prison is the prison of an unforgiving heart. If we refuse to forgive others, then we are only imprisoning ourselves and causing our own torment. Some of the most miserable people I have met in my ministry have been people who would not forgive others.” The man would be handed over to the torturer. Greek scholar Joseph Thayer said the tormentor was “one who elicits the truth by the use of the rack, an inquisitor, or torturer.” The punishment of the man would be exacted. Those who refuse God’s forgiveness and continue in their sins will one day be punished for their transgressions.

This man had been shown the forgiveness by the king, but he did not know the forgiveness of the king! John Phillips wrote, “This parable shows that an unforgiving spirit reveals an unregenerate heart, and an unregenerate heart eventually lands a person in the place of torment. Why would the Lord tell such a parable to His disciples? One of them had an unregenerate heart; he was a mere pretender and he ended up in perdition. His name was Judas. And why should the parable be told in the local church? The ranks of church members often include some who have never been truly regenerated.” Do you have an unforgiving spirit? Do you refuse to forgive those who have wronged you, hurt you, cheated you, or injured you? The Bible tells us about the punishment for being unforgiving. We’ve learned about the report of his being unforgiving, the result of his being unforgiving, and lastly we see:

C. The reminder about being unforgiving. (35)

“So My heavenly Father also will do to you if each of you, from his heart, does not forgive his brother his trespasses.”

In wrapping up this parable Jesus gives a warning by way of reminder. He reminds his disciples that forgiveness is not an option. It is not a take it or leave it proposition. The Lord says that His heavenly Father will exact punishment on each person that does not forgive his brother their trespass. Notice what Jesus says—forgiveness is a heart issue. Forgiveness issues from the heart and so does lack of forgiveness.

The unjust servant had a heart issue. His heart was not right before God! When we forgive from the heart we sincerely and genuinely forgive that person of that trespass. We do not remind them that we’ve forgiven them. We do not secretly hold feelings of ill-will towards them. When our brother sins against us or we sin against our brother we are to go and make things right! When we need to ask for forgiveness we do and when we need to give forgiveness we do. When someone offers us forgiveness we accept it! If someone has an offense against us we seek to be reconciled! Relationships are important to God and they better be important to us. We are not to let things set and fester when we can and should seek to be reconciled.

Give forgiveness today—from your heart release that person who has wronged you! Go to the person that you have hurt, or who has hurt you and make things right today! Do what you can to be reconciled to a brother or sister! If you have genuinely forgiven a person or sought forgiveness from a person and they will not receive it then God will not hold you responsible for that. We cannot make someone accept our forgiveness or give us forgiveness, but we can do our part and let God work. Would you repent of your sins today and trust in Jesus Christ alone for the forgiveness of your sins and eternal life? Would you go to a brother or sister and seek forgiveness? Will you receive a brother or sister and extend forgiveness? Are you a wicked and unmerciful servant? Do you want what is coming to you? You will get it!