The 6 Hardest Things (you'll ever try to do) #2- Not Commit Adultery; Build your Life #15

Intro: It’s not going out on a limb to say that most people, when they get married, do not plan on stepping out on their spouse. I believe they mean their promise “to forsake all others, as long as we both shall live."

Despite that promise, infidelity is cited as one of the most common reasons for divorce, accounting for almost 60% of divorces in the USA. Would it shock you to hear that, even if infidelity is the cause of 60% of all divorces in the US, almost 100% of married people are guilty of it?

I make that claim on the authority of Jesus’ teaching- Matthew 5:27–30, You have heard that it was said to those of old, ‘You shall not commit adultery.’ 28But I say to you that whoever looks at a woman to lust for her has already committed adultery with her in his heart. 29 If your right eye causes you to sin, pluck it out and cast it from you; for it is more profitable for you that one of your members perish, than for your whole body to be cast into hell. 30 And if your right hand causes you to sin, cut it off and cast it from you; for it is more profitable for you that one of your members perish, than for your whole body to be cast into hell.

The premise for our series is Jesus’ teaching in the Sermon on the Mount. He told his disciples that unless their righteousness was greater than that of the scribes & pharisees, they would not enter the kingdom of heaven (5:20). Then Jesus began teaching on 6 things that the scribes & pharisees had down pat. They kept the letter of the law, but missed the spirit of it, i.e., the heart. We want to get to the heart.

The background is Exodus 20:14, the 7th commandment- You shall not commit adultery. Adultery is having sex with someone other than your spouse. You may be thinking, I love my spouse & I would never do something like that to them. Or you may be single & think, I would never do something like that with a married person. ILL: president of my seminary had a radio program/podcast, on a live broadcast said he would never commit adultery b/c made a commitment to his wife.

Most people feel that way. They do not intend to break their vows. According to Jesus, adultery isn’t just something you commit with your body, it’s something that starts in the heart. Not committing adultery is one of the hardest things we’ll ever try to do, and here’s why:

1. Because We have a Creative DESIGN.

God made us to be sexual creatures. Men tend to be moved sexually by visual attraction. Women tend to be moved sexually by emotional intimacy. Differences in sexual attraction (matters of the body & mind) do not mean that men and women think differently about the marriage relationship, & that is by design. Whether it is physical or emotional, both men & women are hurt when their spouse cheats. That’s because it’s not just bodies involved; this is a matter of the heart.

Genesis 1:27–28, So God created man in His own image; in the image of God He created him; male and female He created them. 28Then God blessed them, and God said to them, “Be fruitful and multiply; fill the earth and subdue it; have dominion over the fish of the sea, over the birds of the air, and over every living thing that moves on the earth.”

God’s design is for people to be image-bearers, representing Him on the earth. God’s design is for men & women to display that image in a loving, complementary, & covenant relationship. His image is displayed in their creative acts of the marriage union and in exercising dominion.

Gen 2:7, the Lord God formed man of the dust of the ground, and breathed into his nostrils the breath of life; & man became a living being.

Gen 2:21-23, And the Lord God caused a deep sleep to fall on Adam, and he slept; and He took one of his ribs, and closed up the flesh in its place. 22 Then the rib which the Lord God had taken from man He made into a woman, and He brought her to the man. 23 And Adam said: (WO-MAN) “This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; She shall be called Woman (ishah), because she was taken out of Man (ish).”

Moses’ commentary- Genesis 2:24-25, Therefore a man shall leave his father & mother & be joined to his wife, & they shall become one flesh. 25 And they were both naked, the man & his wife, and were not ashamed.

God’s creative design is for marriage to be more than the union of two bodies- it’s the union of two minds, two hearts, and two souls into ONE being that displays the image of God in a complementary relationship.

Marriage is hard because what we experience now is not the way God intended it to be. Adultery happens because sin came in & corrupted God’s good design. Sin complicates the things that drive us in marriage.

2. We have Complicated DRIVES.

From the institution of marriage in Genesis 2, we move over to Genesis 3 where it all starts going wrong. This is where the breakdown of God’s good design began to erode into lust-ridden desires.

You know the story of the fall, God commanded them to not eat from the tree of the knowledge of good & evil, but Eve was tempted to eat the fruit forbidden by God. 1 John 2:15–17, helps us understand what happened there. “Do not love the world or the things in the world. If anyone loves the world, the love of the Father is not in him. 16 For all that is in the world—the lust of the flesh, the lust of the eyes, and the pride of life—is not of the Father but is of the world. 17 And the world is passing away, and the lust of it; but he who does the will of God abides forever.”

When Eve SAW that the fruit was good for food (lust of the flesh), that it was pleasant to the eyes (lust of the eyes), & would make her wise (like God, pride of life), she TOOK it & ate it. So did her husband.

The fall out of the fall was the curse of sin. They were exposed- shame, fear, & blame became the driving forces in their relationships with one another & God. The woman blamed the serpent, the man blamed the woman, God blamed them all- everyone was cursed.

ILL: If Adam & Eve had Facebook, they would have immediately changed their relationship status to- It’s Complicated. Relationships became more complicated because of sin- “your desire shall be for your husband, and he shall rule over you” (Gen 3:16). Eve’s desire (longing, craving) would be for Adam. Adam would rule (have dominion, reign) over Eve. Since the fall, women are driven to find someone to fulfill their desires, men are driven to find someone they can dominate.

What God created to be a good, mutually submissive relationship between husbands & wives, sin came in and complicated it, so that now men & women seek fulfillment not in the mutual sharing of God’s image, but in what they can get from one another. When a person feels like those needs aren’t met in marriage (emotional, physical, etc.), they go outside the marriage to have those needs met, i.e., commit adultery.

Jesus is telling us, you don’t have to go outside your marriage to commit the sin of adultery, you can do it in your heart.

3. We have Corrupted DESIRES.

Looks- merely means to see, to perceive, but this is a look that lingers.

Lust- to desire, to long for; to lust for is to crave a person sexually.

You can see the progression here- it starts with a look, then there is lingering, leering, & a longing for that is no longer satisfied with a look.

ILL: It’s like the old Police song- every breath you take, ever move you make, every bond you break, every step you take, I’ll be watching you.

The outcome of a lingering, longing, & leering look is adultery- even if it only happens in the heart. How does this work? What is the mechanism, the process, that can take us from a look to lust to an illicit affair (even if only in the heart) in the matter of just a few seconds?

James 1:14–15, 14 But each one is tempted when he is drawn away by his own desires and enticed. 15 Then, when desire has conceived, it gives birth to sin; and sin, when it is full-grown, brings forth death.

Temptation isn’t sin, Attraction isn’t sin, but when temptation & attraction become Action- sin happens. Every sin committed starts with temptation that comes from inner desire coupled with an external attraction (enticed= lure). When you marry internal desires to external attractions, they produce sin, and sin grows up & gives birth to death.

Adultery is the outcome of a lustful look,not because of something (someone) that is outside of us (not her fault) but because of something broken inside of us- desires. Lusts are God-given desires gone haywire.

E.g., You have a desire for food, God gave it to you. Sin takes that good desire & turns it into gluttony. You have a desire to influence others, sin turns it into a lust for power. You have a desire to be known by others, sin takes that desire & turns it into a drive for fame.

You have a desire for sex, that’s a good-God-given desire that He designed to be expressed within the marriage relationship. Sin turns God’s good design into something cheap & dirty. It’s going to be hard to not commit adultery because God designed us for sex, sin has complicated our drive for sex & corrupted our desires for sex. So, what do we do? Do we just give in to our desires and drives, or do we course correct? Can we do something to protect our marriages from adultery?

4. We have to CAST off the DEADLY CAUSESof our sin.

Jesus uses hyperbole to make a point- whatever causes you to sin, cast it from you(throw it away), because it would be better to lose a body part & go to heaven, than to keep your whole body, & go to hell.

Cause to sin (skandalizo from scandalon- snare, stumbling block)- cause to trip. What trips you up? What do you watch, what do you do, where do you go, who do you spend time with, that causes you to sin?

Whatever causes you to sin- the cost of getting rid of it is much less than the cost of keeping it. No matter what it is, no matter who it is, no matter how they look, or make you feel, it’s not worth losing your marriage over, much less going to hell for it. So, cut it out of your life.

All those things are outside of you, but your eye, your hand, your heart, that’s part of you. Our real problem is not out there, it’s in here- in our body, in our soul. This is why God gave us the commandments in the 1st place. The Law is holy, righteous, & good. It was designed to bring life to us, but because of sin within us, it actually brought death.

Jesus came to deliver us from this body of death. Romans 8:3-4, For what the law could not do in that it was weak through the flesh, God did by sending His own Son in the likeness of sinful flesh, on account of sin: He condemned sin in the flesh, 4that the righteous requirement of the law might be fulfilled in us who do not walk according to the flesh but according to the Spirit.

We are HARD-WIRED for God-given desires, but sin has HOT-WIRED those desires & HIJACKED them so that now, lust is driving the car. We need the Spirit of Jesus within to REDEEM the drive & REWIRE our desires for God’s good design. ILL: Seinfeld- Kramer driving the bus

We are designed for sex within a covenant, marriage relationship, but sin corrupts our desires, complicates our drives, & leaves us with no choice- we must cut off whatever causes us to sin. When we come to Jesus, we cut SIN off at the SOURCE. We do not have to obey its desires.

TOOL to redirect us to Jesus: THREE CIRCLES, whether you have never been saved, or have been saved but have fallen into sin, the right response is always to return to Jesus, repent & believe, recover & pursue God’s good design for us.