Ephesians 5:22-33

Ephesians 5

When will you understand christ and Him crucified? when will we get it?

Not just when you go to the passages about Christ but when you see Christ in every passage.

You are going to see the gospel in this passage. You are going to see Jesus in this passage. You ate going to see the church in this passage, you are going to see righteousness in this passage, you are going to see sonship in this passage, you are going to see prayer in this passage.

Gallilean wedding

In Galilean weddings, there were multiple phases. About a year before the wedding took place, the bride and the bridegroom would meet and the bride would have to sign a contract. A legal, binding contract. After this, the families would exchange gifts, which were costly. The bride would get the most valuable of gifts. Then, in front of witnesses, the groom would pour wine into a jar and hand it to the bride, at this point. She had the option to accept or reject this cup. Which was called the cup of joy. If she accepted, she would drink from the “cup of joy,” which would set in motion a series of events that both the bride and groom would do to prepare for the wedding. This custom was unique in Galilee, as it was not seen – the bride having a choice – in surrounding cultures. After she drank, the groom would seal the covenant by saying, “You are now consecrated to me by the laws of Moses, and I will not drink from this cup again until I drink it with you in my father’s house.” For every region surrounding Galilee, they had a designated day for their wedding. However, for the Galileans, their wedding was a surprise. For the Galileans, no one knew the day or the hour except the father of the bridegroom. Whenever the groom was ready, he would say, father, i want to go; I’m ready now, and the grooms father would say wait, I’ll tell you when.

The groom would purchase costly materials to build on his father’s house. The groom and groomsmen would not know the day or the time he would be allowed to collect his bride, but only the groom’s father would know and tell him (sound familiar?)

The bride would buy quality garments and prepare for when her groom would come and collect her – usually in the middle of the night. She was to be ready, as well as her bridesmaids.

The bride didnt know the day or the hour that the groom would return. So she ALWAYS had to be ready

WE MUST BE READY. It’s been 2,000 years. Thats about 740,000 days. WE BETTER BE READY

Jesus is preparing rooms for us in heaven

We don’t know the day or the hour, but we can know the approaching season that His return could take place

Intro

Today we are continuing through Ephesians, and this week we are on the verses that talking about Christian marriage. We’ve been going through Ephesians 5, from passage to passage and verse to verse. in an effort to not skip over anything in the bible. But if im honest, i was considering skipping over these verses, but the more I read through these verses, the more excited I got to teach through this passage today.

I know what you might be thinking. YOU’RE NOT MARRIED. Now i am no expert on marriage, not even close, but it doesnt take an expert on marriage to rightly exposit these 11 verses. I don’t need to be married in order to tell you what paul says about marriage, and remember paul wasnt married. paul doesnt need to be married in order to tell you what God says about marriage. God chose an unmarried man to tell the world how to live when youre married.

Remember the outline of Ephesians, does anyone remember it?

Chapters 1-3 Deep theology

Chapters 4-6 How to live a Christian life

Its fitting that right smack in the middle of the passages on how to live a christian life we find ourselves in a passage about marriage.

OUT OF ANYTHING GOD COULD HAVE PUT IN THE BIBLE ON HOW TO LIVE A CHRISTIAN LIFE, HE CHOOSES TO PUT MARRIAGE IN THERE. Marriage is important, its critical, and I can only imagine the hurt in the heart of God at how sideways it has gone in our world today.

I would hope that no one in this room would get divorced. and when i look around the room, i know most of you, i can say, ah i know these people, they won’t get divorced, they are going to have thriving marriages, with healthy families etc etc, BUT STATISTICS SAY OTHERWISE.

*** GIVE STATS ON MARRIAGE (even stats on marriage in the church)

Nearly 50% of marriages end in divorce

I don’t just want to teach on prayer and worship, our goal here is not to just pray and worship well, our goal is to be formed into christ likeness. And what will form us to look more like Christ is allowing Him to have EVERY area of our lives, not just while were here in the prayer room, but every hour, every minute, and every second of your life.

PRAYER:

Father, we want to give you all of us, help us to submit to the truths of scripture today, soften our hearts to be pierced with your word today that we might look more like you. Your word says let all who take refuge in you rejoice, so we do that today, In Jesus name, amen.

SCRIPTURE

Ephesians 5:22-33:

22 Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. 23 For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. 24 Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands. 25 Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, 26 that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, 27 so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish.[a] 28 In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. 29 For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church, 30 because we are members of his body. 31 “Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.” 32 This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church. 33 However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.

What is marriage?

IT IS A COVENANT THAT IS NOT TO BE BROKEN

You shouldn’t just get married because you are lonely. Really? Adam did Marriage is a great solution to loneliness, but you are far more lonely in a bad marriage than you are in a no marriage Divorced people who have pain around marriage may be viewing marriage through the lens of their memories rather than through the bible SELF CENTEREDNESS IS SINGLEHANDED THE BIGGEST ISSUE IN MARRIAGE. IT IS AND WILL ALWAYS BE THE BIGGEST REASON WHY COUPLES GET DIVORCED

Jesus did not love us because we were lovely he loved us to make us lovely You know its love when you don’t feel like it but still do it

Covenant is a binding, public, legal contract or agreement

Hymen breaking. Christ blood shed

I see the commitment of the father towards us, WHEN you find one worth committing to, commit.

jesus had a sex drive. As a single individual man, that he did not give into We can have a fully fulfilled beautiful life without having sex at all. Jesus did

So much scientific research goes against “test driving the car before you buy it.”

On a psychological level, this causes sex to become more about performance than faithfulness. This isn’t to shame anyone. This is to point out the cultural narratives that we have been taught If you are not moving towards marriage then step out of relationship. - Benji Horning

“There is no safe investment. To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything, and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly be broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give your heart to no one, not even to an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements; lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket – safe, dark, motionless, airless – it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. The alternative to tragedy, or at least to the risk of tragedy, is damnation. The only place outside Heaven where you can be perfectly safe from all the dangers and perturbations of love is Hell.”

― C.S. Lewis, The Four Loves

Gender Order

Verse 22-25

From the beginning I must preface with this, GOD DOES NOT COMMAND THINGS THAT ARE BAD FOR US. If we struggle with any of the Bibles commands, we must say, God why do you command this bad thing for me, we must say, God I KNOW THAT WHATEVER YOU COMMAND IS GOOD, BUT I STRUGGLE WITH THIS COMMAND. WHY IS IT GOOD?

John piper says, “Submission is a happy response to the husbands biblical leadership.”

It will be very difficult for you to live out your role to submit to your husband if your husband is not a godly leader. Its not impossible, the bible talks about that. But it will make it much harder, which is why we must be having these conversations now. To the woman in this room , i do not want any of you to feel like submission to your future husband is an uphill battle, there should be a grace.

Who says “lets.” If she is the one that constantly has to say, lets do this and lets do this, and he is just a lazy man, thats a problem, Husbands should be taking initiative, husbands should taking initiative in family devotion, in financial stability, in moral standards of the home, in patterns of giving, of church life. Taking initiative does not mean taking charge. Its not wrong to, but just in a generic way, leadership doesnt mean doing it all, it means putting things in motion to get the problem solved. If he is bad with numbers and she was a mathmatician, of course that doesnt mean the husband is going to crank out the numbers anyways because he is the leader, no it means the wife shouldnt have to be dragging her husband to the table trying to figure out finances.

“By leading, it does not mean he makes unilateral decisions without talking to you and caring about what you think. That would contradict your role as a fellow heir of the grace of life and it would contract his role as a fallible follower of the person of Jesus. HE IS NOT JESUS. HE IS NOT YOUR SAVIOR, JESUS IS.” - JOHN PIPER Equal value different roles Wives submit on the condition that husbands love Christ died for His bride,

Men when you get married, will you die for your spouse? Here we see that the submission of a woman does not denote ANY sort of entitlement. The example for husbands is to get up on a CROSS, not to sit on a high horse and boss their wives around. ITS TO DIE. WOMEN, find a men that would die for you. MEN, BE a man that dies. WE DONT UNDERSTAND! GOD GOT IN A MANGER, HE DIDN’T RIDE ON A DONKEY BUT ON A MULE. (AND THIS?!!) AND THIS IS THE BIBLICAL EXAMPLE OF HOW A HUSBAND SHOULD TREAT HIS WIFE. HOW COUNTERCULTURAL. Jews used to say thank God im not a gentile, a dog, or a woman. And IN THE MIDST OF THIS PAUL WRITES TO THEM AND SAYS NO HUSBANDS, LOVE YOUR WIVES AND GIVE YOURSELVES UP FOR HER AS CHRIST GAVE HIMSELF UP FOR THE CHURCH

Veres 26-30

Sanctify her through the washing of the water through the word. Christ sanctifies, a Godly husband can be an incredible means of their wives sanctification

So that He might present the church to himself in splendor. (another instance where we see the Bible being very clear that Christ is God.

“Marriage is not romance garnished with romance, it is friendship garnished with romance.” - Tim keller to be friends means you have to be ready to do the negative and the positive together. - tim keller Husbands should love their wives, no one ever hated his own flesh (talk about verse that says we must hate our father our mother and our spouse) We are members of the same body, TAKE CARE OF YOUR BODY This greek word for nourish (ektrephei) literally means to provide food, cherish literally means to take care of the way you get to the goal of presenting your body as blameless is by nourishing it and cherishing it

Ordinary generation

Verse 31

Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall BECOME one flesh.

Now we leave our old life of sin and become one flesh with Christ

We were born of ordinary generation. Christ was not. This is why Christ and Christ alone could become a faithful high priest to atone for our sins, because He was not born in sin. THE VIRGIN BIRTH matters. when we get married we symbolize being born again, its a symbol that we were once apart of our old family, but now in christ we belong to our new family, THIS IS THE GOSPEL. WE SEE THE GOSPEL IN EVERY PASSAGE OF THE BIBLE. ITS NOT TO BE SKIPPED OVER.

Verse 32

This mystery is profound, marriage unpacks a mystery about Christ and the Church, and I was getting convicted while preparing for this because I was about to just skip over it!!!! “Ah this doesn’t apply. WHAT!?? That is ridiculous. We must not idolize marriage, but we cannot overcorrect, we cannot allow our theology to be reactionary, we dont like something on the left so we swing way right. Dont do that. We must not idolize marriage, BUT WE MUST LOVE IT, and value it, and cherish it, whether you are married or not, and WE MUST know the beautiful mystery marriage unfolds about CHRIST AND HIS LOVE FOR THE CHURCH

BREAKUPS

Many of us in this room cant relate to marriage, but we can relate to breakups a bit more. I want to read this quote to you.

“This doesn’t mean every dating relationship should end in marriage, but it does mean breakups will hurt. Sorrow in the midst of the severed relationship is not only appropriate, but good. It’s nothing to hide or be ashamed of. God created you to enjoy and thrive in love that lasts, like Christ’s lasting love for his bride. So feel free to feel, and know that the pain points to something beautiful about your God and his undying love for you. And if it doesn’t hurt, it probably should. If you can come in and out of romance without pain or remorse, something sounds out of sync. This doesn’t mean you have to be ruined by every breakup, but there should be a sense that this isn’t right — it’s not how it’s supposed to be. Hearts weren’t built to be borrowed. God needs to show some of us the gravity of failed relationships because of what they wrongly suggest about him and his love for the church.” - Gary Thomas

LETS PRAY

Resources

Whats the difference? - john piper

The meaning of marriage - tim keller

Sacred search, sacred marriage - Gary Thomas

Marriage as friendship

Marriage is not romance garnished with romance, it is friendship garnished with romance. - Tim keller to be friends means you have to be ready to do the negative and the positive together. If you are going to marry someone, marry someone who is now or has the potential to be your very best friend. The structure of friendship: Friendship is not just a feeling of friendship, it is a form of love. Friendship is deep oneness that comes from two people journeying toward a common horizon. 3 components of this statement, One, walking, goal It is the job of the husband and the wife to sanctify one another Look beyond time. in the world, when i come up against imperfections, they just say, i just wish i had someone better. But christians are called to commit to the sanctifying of someone. Not to just up and leave. but to stick through dross and imperfections. Of course this isn’t always the case. There are certain things that are worth sticking through and certain things worth moving on because of. It would take years to go through the list of all these things, but heres a good general rule: Identity and character issues are breakup worthy, mistakes and mess ups are not breakup worthy. Why start with sexual attraction when marriage is built on friendship.

Your spouse will see the parts of you that no one else has seen, cleaning yourself is a private thing, it means you brush your teeth, clean your finger nails “To go where no man has gone before” - star trek.