Deceptively Hard to Forgive

Who Can Know The Heart?

The heart is above all things deceitful.

I commonly make reference to Jeremiah 17:9 by stating “The heart is above all things deceitful”, but what am I referencing and what does it really mean? Digging into this verse reveals a lot more than you may first realize.

Jeremiah 17:9–10 CSB

9 The heart is more deceitful than anything else, and incurable—who can understand it? 10 I, the Lord, examine the mind, I test the heart to give to each according to his way, according to what his actions deserve.

Important to note: The “heart” includes more than just “feelings”; it’s thoughts and convictions as well. So what is this saying?

Our thoughts/feelings/intentions can fool us.

Our thoughts/feelings/intentions are sick.

Our thoughts/feelings/intentions are incurable.

You may say that sounds a little harsh, but what about these verses in Romans 3:23-24 that Christians quote all the time?

Romans 3:23–24 CSB

23 For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God; 24 they are justified freely by his grace through the redemption that is in Christ Jesus.

It’s not just about YOUR heart...

But this isn’t just about you and your heart. Instead, consider this about all of those around you: If our thoughts/feelings/intentions are all these things, so are the thoughts/feelings/intentions of others.

Jerome (4th and 5th Century theologian and Bible translator “Saint Jerome”) makes this connection to our inability to understand others earlier in Je 17:5

Jeremiah 17:5 CSB

5 This is what the Lord says: Cursed is the person who trusts in mankind. He makes human flesh his strength, and his heart turns from the Lord.

Jerome complements this with Je 17:7

Jeremiah 17:7 CSB

7 The person who trusts in the Lord, whose confidence indeed is the Lord, is blessed.

Temptation Warning: We are quick to acknowledge our own struggles and need for understanding, grace, and clemency, but we often withhold that gift from others.

Our inability to understand others should fundamentally change how we view conflict

Does the offender THINK they are doing the right thing and are just being deceive by their thoughts/feelings/intentions?

Does the offender SUFFER from some ‘heart sickness’ that would benefit more from compassion than from rebuke?

Does the offender REQUIRE GRACE for making a sin not unlike those that I and others commit?

Sensitivity for the Hearts of Others

How many times do we forgive someone?

This healthy sense of self-awareness that both WE and OTHERS suffer from these deceptive hearts should influence how we treat others, especially amidst offense and conflict.

Peter wrestles with this issue in Matthew 18:21-22

Matthew 18:21–22 CSB

21 Then Peter approached him and asked, “Lord, how many times must I forgive my brother or sister who sins against me? As many as seven times?” 22 “I tell you, not as many as seven,” Jesus replied, “but seventy times seven.

Two notes:

Peter more-than-doubled the convention of the Pharisees which called for being forgiven 3 times.

Jesus responds by transposing a call for revenge into a call for forgiveness: Lamech in Genesis 4:23-24

Genesis 4:23–24 CSB

23 Lamech said to his wives: Adah and Zillah, hear my voice; wives of Lamech, pay attention to my words. For I killed a man for wounding me, a young man for striking me. 24 If Cain is to be avenged seven times over, then for Lamech it will be seventy-seven times!

Jesus’ call for forgiveness links two powerful emotions: one of revenge and another of absolution.

But… what about JUSTICE?!

This is a challenge for many of us who have a “short justice fuse” and can’t bear to let an injustice slip by. We have a strong idea of what is “right” and what is “wrong” and feel justified in retaliation, isolation, or disengagement.

Jesus tells a parable about what happens when our deceptive hearts care more about

...our own desires for justice, than

…showing others the grace God showed us.

(It’s a lesson in empathy as much as hypocrisy)

Matthew 18:23–34 CSB

23 “For this reason, the kingdom of heaven can be compared to a king who wanted to settle accounts with his servants. 24 When he began to settle accounts, one who owed ten thousand talents was brought before him. 25 Since he did not have the money to pay it back, his master commanded that he, his wife, his children, and everything he had be sold to pay the debt. 26 “At this, the servant fell facedown before him and said, ‘Be patient with me, and I will pay you everything.’ 27 Then the master of that servant had compassion, released him, and forgave him the loan. 28 “That servant went out and found one of his fellow servants who owed him a hundred denarii. He grabbed him, started choking him, and said, ‘Pay what you owe!’ 29 “At this, his fellow servant fell down and began begging him, ‘Be patient with me, and I will pay you back.’ 30 But he wasn’t willing. Instead, he went and threw him into prison until he could pay what was owed. 31 When the other servants saw what had taken place, they were deeply distressed and went and reported to their master everything that had happened. 32 Then, after he had summoned him, his master said to him, ‘You wicked servant! I forgave you all that debt because you begged me. 33 Shouldn’t you also have had mercy on your fellow servant, as I had mercy on you?’ 34 And because he was angry, his master handed him over to the jailers to be tortured until he could pay everything that was owed.

Interpretation

God shows us mercy beyond mercies; not only 7, but 70 x 7!

If we can’t overcome our own heart’s desire for equitable justice, then we are treating ourselves as better than those who offended us (“I deserved grace, but this person was unreasonable!”)

It’s hard… of course it’s hard… because the heart is deceptive

Matthew 18:35 CSB

35 So also my heavenly Father will do to you unless every one of you forgives his brother or sister from your heart.”

When we are made new creations in Christ, we are made new creations in totality! That must include our hearts and transform everything about how we interact with others. This is especially true when it comes to how we respond to those who have hurt us or we perceive have wronged us.

The world, operating separate from God, attempts to discern it’s own policies towards right and wrong, just and unjust, equitable and inequitable. We understand the pitfalls of basing right and wrong on the heart. After all, the heart is deceitful above all things. Instead, follow after the unyielding mercy and compassion of Christ and see if your own life isn’t filled with far more joy and contentment, even if it comes at the expense of a little personal pride.

Home Church Questions

1. Read Jeremiah 17:5, 7, 9-10. Who, if anyone, is immune to the deception of the human heart? How can the heart fool us into thinking we are justified when we fight with family, coworkers, or friends? How does the deception drive us to act in ways different from Christ? Read Romans 3:23-24. Consider that both we and those who have trespassed against us are not really any more or less righteous than one another. How does our deceptive heart sometimes cause us to act as if we are somehow “the better person” or “more deserving of justice” than someone else?

2. Read Matthew 18:23-35. In this story we see Jesus explaining to Peter why there is no limitation on the mercy and forgiveness we should afford others. Consider the master’s servant (at the beginning of the parable) and the fact he was owed money. Was he “wrong” for wanting to be repaid? Was it “just” that he would simply lose his sum of money? The deceptive heart would have said he was justified in his anger against his “fellow servant” in verse 28, even if he demanded his money back in an overly aggressive manner. When you feel you are wronged, do you (like the master’s servant) have a hard time overlooking the offense? Is your first reaction to justify yourself or do you seek the opportunity to show compassion? What does your heart drive you to do?