Relating in Christ - Col. 3:18-4:1

‌Welcome‌

Guests - Welcome.

We are Harvest Bible Church, so we take the Bible very seriously

Because we take the Bible very seriously, let’s all have a copy of God’s word open in front of us

And turn to Colossians 3

Continuing our series “Fully Alive”

Last week we saw in v. 12-17 that putting on the new self means being clothed in Christ, and we know that we have been clothed in Christ when our lives are marked by what he says in v. 12-13

Colossians 3:12–13 “Put on then, as God’s chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience, bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other…”

Now, it might be easy to read those words and think about how we relate to one another in here or out in the world, but being clothed in Christ starts in our homes.

You and I have no chance of reflecting Christ out there if we do not first reflect him in our homes.

D.L. Moody once said, “The fact that you are a Christian should be evident to the world. But the fact that you are a Christian should be most evident in your home.”

If we are to hope to live lives that reflect Christ, we must first be able to live those lives with our families.

But too often, because we listen to other voices and follow people with other opinions on social media, our marriages, our parenting, and our work often look more like the world than like Christ.

[Hook] And because of it, our relationships are just as broken as everyone else’s

We have divorces in the church just like they do in the world

We have broken relationships between parents and kids just like they do in the rest of the society

We have dysfunctional attitudes toward our work in the home and outside of the home, just like our nonbelieving neighbors and coworkers.

And it is all because we have not sought to be distinct from the world, but found ourselves very much at home in it.

And the only way for our marriages to thrive, for our children to thrive, for our work inside and outside of our homes to thrive is if we will clothe ourselves in Christ and embrace the fact that our homes will look different from the rest of society.

And Paul is going to show us what our homes must look like if that is going to be the case

So let’s give these words our full attention.

[Col. 3:18-4:1]

These are God’s words for us, even if the world disagrees.

Big Idea: Our relationships will flourish when they are counter-cultural.

If we go along with culture and with what culture says our homes should look like

If we go along with the same attitudes, beliefs, and values of the culture about how we relate in our homes, we will not flourish - We will flounder

No, to flourish is to live according to God’s design and God’s design is always counter cultural.

Now, often when people come to passages in scripture like this, and some of the words rub them the wrong way, they will explain it away by saying that Paul was simply speaking to a cultural expectation at the time and that it does not apply anymore because we don't live in that culture.

This is actually very incorrect!

Paul is certainly speaking into a cultural expectation, but Paul is not affirming cultural expectations. He is correcting them, as we will see.

Paul is actually making incredibly counter-cultural statements, because he is appealing to God’s timeless design for these relationships, not the cultural expectations.

And God’s design will always be counter-cultural in a world that rejects him.

But if we will embrace God’s counter-cultural design for our relationships, we will flourish.

[Bridge] What does it mean to be counter-cultural in our relationships? How does God’s design for relationships go against a worldly culture?

3 Counter-Cultural Relationships:

Now, I want to say at the outset that we are not going to do a deep dive on these - We could do a sermon on each one and maybe one day, we can.

Paul himself does not do a deep dive - He has built up what it looks like to grow in Christ and to live for him and now he is going to give us the primary ways that will work itself out.

Paul is going to give us the big picture view rather than the specifics.

So we are going to talk about the big picture as well.

Make sense?

The first counter-cultural relationship is

Complementary Marriages (18-19)

The cultural expectation for marriage in Rome was that marriage was for the sole purpose of having children

Any other benefit that it brought was a bonus.

Marriages were not loving either - It was considered a stroke of luck if a husband loved his wife.

Marriage was for conceiving children, it was not complementary

Today, marriage is treated as nothing more than a way of having your own needs met

This often leads to the husband and wife competing for whose needs will be met and how

But God’s design is counter-cultural to both the ancient and the modern view of marriage!

God made men and women in a way that would complement one another

Not compete

Not coexist

Complement - They would bring things to the table that the other one would need.

We see this in the creation account in Genesis chapter 1-2.

In Gen. 1:26-29 God makes the man and the woman in his image and gives both of them the mission to be fruitful, multiply and fill the earth, and subdue it and have dominion.

To put it simply: He made them equally to reflect him and gave them the same mission: reflect him to all creation to bring him glory.

Then, in Gen. 2, we read how he made them different from one another.

He made the man first, gave the man the job to work and keep the garden and gave the man the command about not eating of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil

Then, after that, God made the woman from the man.

This means that she would be dependent on him to know God’s commands and to know what to do in the garden.

But God made her as a “helper suitable for him”

Not less than him - She would be equal to him as a human, but suited for him as a helper.

Not a servant - A helper - She would be his support

She would be what he needed and would provide what he lacked.

She would provide the support and help that he would need as they worked together toward the mission that God gave to both of them.

Though they had the same mission and were equal in the mission, God made them distinct so that they would complement one another as they carried out the mission together.

And that mission has not changed

We who are in Christ have been recreated in his image and our marriages have the shared mission of reflecting Christ in our homes.

God’s saving work and conforming us to the image of Jesus is the same for men and women - We are equally given the task of reflecting Christ

But we are different and have distinct roles so that we can accomplish that mission of reflecting Christ together.

So what does a counter-cultural, flourishing complementary marriage look like?

The complimentary design for husbands and wives is this: Wives, submit to your husbands. Husbands, love your wives.

The first thing we need to do is turn the temperature down on the way we understand that word

The word means “cooperate.”

It is the NT version of the word that God uses for the woman in Gen. 2, “helper”

Paul is saying, “Wives, cooperate with your husband, support him, help him. Don’t fight him, don’t criticize him, don’t belittle him, don’t talk bad about him.”

See his leadership in your home as good and cooperate with him.

What it is not saying is that a man can dominate a woman and she must do whatever he says

No, the word is actually a state of mind that the woman chooses, not the man

To translate the meaning would be, “Wives, become the kind of woman who gladly cooperates with her husband.”

It is so counter-cultural!

And it doesn’t come naturally - Because of the rebellion of the man and the woman in the garden, one of the consequence for the woman was that she would desire to overtake her husband’s role, but it wouldn’t work.

When you want to push back in frustration or you want to criticize his leadership

When you cut him down for what he isn’t doing and see yourself as the one driving the ship

That’s the old self with its practices

But the wife who is clothed in Christ sees God’s design as good.

And God’s design for a flourishing marriage is that the man carries out his designed role to lead and the wife brings everything to the table to help him to do that well.

That is what Paul means when he says, “Wives, submit to your husbands.”

But that doesn’t mean you just go along with anything

“As is fitting in the Lord”

Jeannie has a phrase that I appreciate. She says, “I will follow you anywhere, just not into sin.”

And that is a very helpful approach.

In a Christian household, a wife should never be compelled against her will to do something that makes her uncomfortable.

Instead, as the husband seeks to lead the household toward Jesus, she gladly cooperates in the shared mission of their home to reflect Christ

Where the husband is not leading toward Jesus, she graciously points him to Jesus to help him get back on track

Paul is framing the wife's glad cooperation with her husband as allegiance and obedience ultimately to Jesus

And so when she cooperates with her husband, she is actually obeying and honoring Christ in her home.

So:

Cheer for your husband

Support your husband

Encourage your husband

Follow his lead as he leads you toward Christ; encourage him toward Christ when he leads you astray.

And it will honor Christ when you do!

So a complementary marriage means that the wife gladly cooperates with her husband as they share the mission of reflecting Christ in their home.

But Paul is not only talking to the wives, he address the husbands too

“Husbands, love your wives”

Last week, I mentioned that the Bible defines love for us into places: John 3:16 and 1 John 4:9.

In both of those verses, we read that God loves in such a way that he gave his Son so that we can have life

So Love is The giving of yourself so that others might have life

And Paul tells husbands in Eph 5:25-29 to love their wives just as Christ loved the church and gave his life up for her.

So Paul has the same definition in mind here

Give of yourself so that she might flourish

It is all too common today for men to be more in love with themselves, then they are their wives and children

And to make matters worse, they demand that their wives enable it and become bitter when their wives aren’t excited to do so.

And so Paul’s words to husbands are incredibly counter-cultural.

But if a husband is following Christ, clothed in Christ, being renewed in Christ, it will be evident through the love they show their wives.

He will not prioritize himself, he will give of himself so that his wife will thrive.

Men, you must be willing to give up whatever is necessary in your life so that your wife can flourish in your home.

She is your helper, made specifically for you - She is going to cooperate on the mission of reflecting Christ, she is going to cheer you on and support you

And you know what is going to help her to be excited to do that?

That you love her - That she sees daily how you are sacrificing of yourself so that she can thrive under your care.

I love how David Garland puts it - “A husband is not to exercise his rights over his wife but his love, which means he never thinks in terms of rights and is always willing to forego them…. If a wife is asked to submit, it is to the husband’s love, not to his tyranny.”

It is much easier for her to submit and support when she know she’s safe in doing so.

and she will know she is safe when you stop demanding and start loving.

And young men, you’re not removed from this - We practice how we play

if you want to be the kind of husband who lays his life down for his wife, you need to start practicing how to lay your life down for others now.

Living for yourself now will mean living for yourself later

Now is the time to start practicing being clothed in Christ so that you be that man for your future wife.

If we don’t start with loving our wives, if we don’t start with giving of ourselves so that they can thrive under our leadership, we will instead see them through the lens of what they give us, rather than what they need from us

And the result will be bitterness - That’s why Paul admonishes the husbands in v. 19, “Don’t be harsh with them.”

The actual phrase is literally “Don’t become embittered toward them” and that bitterness manifests itself in harshness, hence the ESV translation here.

Bitterness takes root when things aren’t the way you want them to be

It is a sign that you are loving yourself - I want my wife to be this way, she isn’t, and so I am embittered against her and I treat her poorly for it.

But when I embrace God’s design for a complementary marriage, I don’t get bitter that my wife isn’t what I want her to be.

I am thankful that she is what I need her to be.

[Summary] A complementary marriage, a marriage in which you work together, the wife supporting and the husband leading, is counter-cultural. But it is a relationship that will flourish according to God’s design.

Wives, support and cooperate with your husband. Men, make sacrifices that enable your wife to thrive at home.

So that is the first counter-cultural relationship.

Second is…

Consistent Parenting (20-21)

Cultural expectation (ancient and modern)

Ancient - Children were not valued and were just the property of their fathers

Modern - Today it is the opposite - Parents in many ways make their children an object of worship, and rather than instructing their kids, they allow the child to direct the home.

But neither of these are God’s design - God’s design is that the home, specifically the family, is the primary place of the formation of children

Deuteronomy 6 “And these words that I command you today shall be on your heart. You shall teach them diligently to your children”

And Paul is admonishing the families in the church to not only reflect Christ in their marriages, but to then extend that to their children.

And it has to be consistent - Nothing is more destructive to the worldview of a child than to have parents who are inconsistent

When we look like the perfect American family on Sunday morning, but Sunday afternoon and the rest of the week our home looks nothing like Christ, our kids see right through that.

But when we can be consistent in our home, living out the Gospel together, pursuing Jesus together, putting on compassion, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience, putting up with one another and forgiving one another, our home will model the Gospel and our Kids will be shaped according to the Gospel.

And so Paul simply tells the families in the church, live in your homes like the Gospel is true!

So what does that look like?

Children, obey your parents in everything

Now, for the next few moments, I am going to talk to our young people - If you still live at home, you count as a child, no matter your age. Young people:

Your parents have lived more life than you, they have walked in your shoes, even if you think they have no idea… They have also lived on the other side of being your age, so they actually have a fuller understanding than you could ever imagine.

They are also the parents God gave you

Therefore, as they pursue Christ, you obey them.

And you might be asking why? Why do I need to obey my parents in everything?

Because when you obey your parents, you are obeying God!

Look what he says, “For this pleases the Lord”

Those of you who are young:

If you desire to honor God

If you desire to live for Christ

Then obeying your parents is the first step in doing that.

If you are not honoring and obeying your parents, nothing else about your life is honoring to God.

Now why would I say that?

Because how you respond to your parents’ instructions is how you will respond to God’s commands

You think your parents’ rules are dumb, start the clock until you think the same thing about God’s commands.

But as your parents pursue Christ, and you see their rules as being for your good, then you will also be able to trust that God’s commands are for your good.

Parents, when it comes to your children, it is right and good and pleasing in the sight of the Lord for you to expect and require obedience.

You are the representative of Christ in your home - And Christ expects obedience.

Do we show grace? Yes, but grace is not passivity and grace is not giving license.

Remember, Jesus is the fullness of grace and truth

Parents, stand for truth, expect obedience, show grace, and pursue Christ in your homes.

But as you do that…

Colossians 3:21 “Fathers, do not provoke your children, lest they become discouraged.”

There is a way to stand for truth and show grace as you lead your family toward Christ

And there is a way that is void of grace and distorts the truth and will drive them away from Christ.

Discipline and correction are necessary and good for your children

But they also need to know that you love them and are for them

Parents, If it is true that how your children respond to your instructions is how they will respond to God, then it is equally true that how you speak to your children is how they will think God views them

And if we as parents are pursing Christ, and clothed in Christ, then our parenting of our children should reflect the truth about who God is and how he views them.

Nothing is more discouraging to a child than a parent who is relentless in breaking them down.

But when our parenting is consistently clothed in Christ, our children will not be discouraged, but will be built up in the instruction of the Lord.

Does it mean that you will always get it right? No!

But a home that is clothed in Christ, will live out the Gospel

When we are too harsh or too passive, we ask for forgiveness and keep pursuing Christ together

Some of the most powerful words you can say in your home are “I was wrong. I am sorry. Will you forgive me?”

Because it puts the Gospel on display and shows that you need Jesus too.

[Summary] Consistent parenting means that we instruct our children in the Lord, we hold them accountable to it, and do so with the grace that reflects Christ in our home.

Okay - Those are the first two counter-cultural relationships. The last one is:

Conscientious Vocation (3:22-4:1)

The ancient cultural expectation for work was that you had no choice in your work. Servants or slaves were seen as property and had no rights.

Today, work is seen as something to avoid at all costs - Comfort is the highest value

People want to work as little as possible, retire early, and when not at work, just relax.

The most common attitude today is that when I am at home, i don’t want to have to do anything

But God’s design for work is something much greater than either of these.

In Genesis 2:15 we read “The Lord God took the man and put him in the garden of Eden to work it and keep it.”

Life in the garden was lived in the presence of God and there were things that needed to be done to spread God’s creation to the ends of the earth.

And this work is a part of what God described as "very good"

This is known as the doctrine of Vocation - That whatever work is before you is your calling.

And it is a holy thing because it was done in God’s presence for his glory.

Whatever work is before you, paid or not, is part of your vocation, your calling

Some of you work jobs - That is a calling

Some of you work in the home, for free… That is a calling.

Some of you work a job and have work at home… All of that is your calling.

It is all done in the presence of God for his glory.

This why Luther could say

“A mother changing a baby’s diaper is a more holy work than any work that a priest can do when she does it in God’s presence as part of her calling.”

This is counter-cultural - To be conscientious about your work - To see your work, the tasks that are piled up, as a fragrant offering to God

Moms - Those babies are a holy calling. That home is a holy calling

Working women - That job is a calling and so is your family at home

Men - Your job is a calling, that lawn is a calling, those things on that honey-do list are a calling

Especially when you love your wife as Paul commands you to.

If you’re retired - You still have a calling

Everyone one of you has a vocation - Paid or not - You have work to do

So Paul’s commands to these servants are just as applicable to you and I today as they were to them back then

Now, i want to address something really quick - The word here is often translated “slaves” - That’s what it means.

Slavery in the first century was not like the slavery that we know of in America

However, it also was not God-honoring - To own and exploit people for your own gain is wrong in every culture.

So Paul’s words are not endorsing slavery in the first century, they are counter-cultural showing that Christ transforms the cultural norms into something new.

And it is this awareness of that transformation that Christ brings to our vocation that makes Paul’s words just as counter-cultural to the modern view of work as well.

So what does it look like to be conscientious about work, any work, whether it is paid or not, in the home or outside of the home:

v. 22 - Obey in everything your earthly masters - Whatever work needs to be done, do it

22c - But do it sincerely, out of devotion to the Lord

This means that if you are asked to do something unethical, you are right to decline, because your work is ultimately for God.

22b - Not the bare minimum and not with ulterior motives

v. 23 - Work heartily - Whatever your best is, give it

As for the Lord, not for men

You have an inheritance from God, even if you have none on earth (since you are owned)

v. 24b - Serve Christ - Whatever your work situation is, serve Christ in it

It might be tempting to bend the rules or mail it in because your work situation is not ideal, but Paul is warning not to do that.

It is also common to cut corners when no one is watching - And you might have coworkers or friends who do that and expect that

But Paul is saying If you do wrong in your work, God will be impartial in doling out the consequences.

But if you serve Christ, then you know that you are doing what is right in God’s eyes

And he also has words for the masters too

Colossians 4:1 “Masters, treat your bondservants justly and fairly, knowing that you also have a Master in heaven.”

It is the cultural expectation that bosses either be overbearing or overly accommodating

God is neither and he does not call us to either of those.

And you are accountable for how you steward those he has entrusted to your care

If you are in charge of people in your work, remember how God treats you and you go and do likewise.

Application

What ties all of this together is that whatever your work is, it is your vocation, your calling.

And it is done in the presence of God - So it is holy work

Clean the messes at home in God’s presence

Do the paperwork at the office, in God’s presence.

Mow the lawn in God’s presence

And in all of it God will be glorified.

[Conclusion] - IF THERE IS TIME, ADDRESS THE PEOPLE IN THE ROOM WHO DO NOT HAVE ONE OR MORE OF THESE RELATIONSHIPS

What is it that makes these relationships counter-cultural? The Lord 7 times in this passage, Paul appeals to Jesus as Lord and master for their motivation

The world denies Jesus as king, so the world’s way of relating to one another will not be in line with his design.

But we are people who have put off the old self with its practices and have put on the new self, clothed in Christ, we will be motivated, not by popular opinion or cultural expectations, but by a desire to honor our Lord in all of our relationships.

Complementary marriages

Consistent parenting

Conscientious vocation

These are the counter-cultural relationships that will thrive according to God’s design.

Amen.