Berda Cole Celebration of Life

PRELUDE

Katie Howard: Hymns on the violin

WELCOME AND OPENING PRAYER

Welcome to all of you and thank you for being here this morning as we remember and celebrate the life of Albertie Mae Cottee Cole.

We have known her as a mom and a wife.

We have known her as family and as a friend.

We have known her as a servant of Jesus.

And for most of us, we have known her not as Albertie Mae, but simply as, “Berda.”

Today we want to honor her Lord and King, Jesus Christ, the Ruler of all creation.

Secondly, we want to honor the life of a woman who lived well before Him.

Let’s pray together and ask God for strength.

Lord God—for whatever sorrow we feel today in the face of death, we know that You are with us.

Christ wept as Lazarus’ tomb and now we weep today over what death has done in our own lives.

We weep for the loss of a dear friend. A dear woman.

And we despise this unnatural thing called death once more and look forward to the day when you will destroy it.

But holy God, as we wait on Your promise of the new heaven and the new earth, we need You here on this earth and this age.

We need your strength. We need your comfort. We need your grace and mercy. We need your love.

Hold us close today Lord as seek to honor you and Berda.

And open the eyes of hearts that are closed to you and show them the glory of Jesus Christ in the midst of grief.

In Christ’s name—Amen.

SCRIPTURE READING: HOPE HOLLOWAY *explain how it calmed Berda*

Psalm 84 ESV

To the choirmaster: according to The Gittith. A Psalm of the Sons of Korah. How lovely is your dwelling place, O Lord of hosts! My soul longs, yes, faints for the courts of the Lord; my heart and flesh sing for joy to the living God. Even the sparrow finds a home, and the swallow a nest for herself, where she may lay her young, at your altars, O Lord of hosts, my King and my God. Blessed are those who dwell in your house, ever singing your praise! Selah Blessed are those whose strength is in you, in whose heart are the highways to Zion. As they go through the Valley of Baca they make it a place of springs; the early rain also covers it with pools. They go from strength to strength; each one appears before God in Zion. O Lord God of hosts, hear my prayer; give ear, O God of Jacob! Selah Behold our shield, O God; look on the face of your anointed! For a day in your courts is better than a thousand elsewhere. I would rather be a doorkeeper in the house of my God than dwell in the tents of wickedness. For the Lord God is a sun and shield; the Lord bestows favor and honor. No good thing does he withhold from those who walk uprightly. O Lord of hosts, blessed is the one who trusts in you!

EULOGY

EARLY DAYS AND WORK LIFE

One day I went to the hospital in Williamsburg and I asked to see Berda Cole. They told me no one by that name was in the hospital.

I called Kenny and he said, “Tell them you are here for Alberdie.”

That was the day I found out Berda’s full name.

Alberdie Mae —Berda—was a one of a kind wife, mother, grandmother, great-grandmother, friend and church member.

Berda’s life was one that was marked by service and love to the people that were around her.

Even as a young girl, she worked alongside her mother, folding bandages for the wounded with the Red Cross during World War II.

Her professional career began in the Civil Service field after she graduated from Botetourt High School.

SIDENOTE: Berda started the Botetourt Belles, an alumni group for women who graduated from Botetourt High School

She was very proud of that group and her involvement in getting it off the ground

She worked for the Army out at Fort Eustis for a bit before stepping away to start a family.

She became a resident of Dandy, just down the road from Seaford.

However, it wasn’t too long before she was called to duty once more.

After volunteering with the Red Cross—certainly something that must have been ingrained in her from those early days with her mother—she ended up being hired.

This is when you know you are good at something. When you do it so well people approach you and say, “Can we pay you for this?!?”

Berda ended up working her way into the Assistant Executive Director role with the Red Cross in Yorktown.

Berda was very proud of this work.

It was rewarding to know that the lives of families in the community were touched by the first aid programs, blood drives and swimming instruction.

Berda eventually ended up returning to Civil Service career after her work with the Red Cross.

After years of serving at Fort Monroe, Berda retired in 1991.

Berda’s work life featured some of the greatest friendships she would ever make.

Her friends Catherine and Betty were so close to her that her family knew them as Aunt Catherine and Aunt Betty.

They loved to load up together and disappear to the Outer Banks for a couple of days.

MARRYING KENNY AND RELATIONSHIPS

One night Berda came home to her family, who were all ready to eat some seafood (one of Berda’s favorite things) and said she would not be eating with the family.

Lo and behold, she had a dinner date with Kenny Cole.

Kenny met Berda through their children.

From the time he first saw her, he doesn’t think a day went by where he wasn’t with her.

He said it was like love at first sight.

As they dated, they went to Hardee’s every morning for breakfast. They were there so much, someone even put a plaque up for them in “their booth,” which said:

RESERVED: 6:45-7:15am Monday-Friday for Kenny and Berda

Why did it work so well?

They had the same work ethic.

Equally yoked from the very beginning when it came to spirituality and values.

They got married four days before Renee’s daughter, Sallie, had her “Gotcha Day”

They were married on February 9th, 1991.

This means they celebrated 33 years of wonderful marriage to each other earlier this year.

It did not come easy.

They had dated for 12 years.

Kenny was like Jacob in Genesis, waiting on Rachel!

But when you add up the years of dating and the years of marriage, Kenny and Berda spent 45 years loving one another

Initially they moved to Lanexa, where Kenny had built a wonderful home for them.

They thought they would be there for the long-term.

However, Berda had led Kenny to Seaford Baptist.

And as they became more and more engaged with the church, they desired to be closer to it.

This is what ultimately led them to move to Seaford—into the current home in Port Myers.

Kenny says that besides Jesus, Berda is the greatest thing that ever happened to him

He said she was so smart and brilliant

I asked, “Did that attract you to her?”

He said, “No–I was attracted to how pretty she was.”

But Kenny said she cared for him

She would hang new clothes for him in the closet that he didn’t even ask for

She would stock his drawers and make him food.

And this is a love Kenny returned.

He stayed by his wife in her dying hours.

He stayed by her in her cancer diagnosis.

He stayed resolved to love her well, even through his own health issues

He encouraged her.

He prayed with her.

He watched sermons with her.

He showed us all what it looks like to be the Ephesians 5 man.

Ephesians 5:25 ESV

Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her,

Kenny regularly gave himself up for his bride

But let’s be clear—these two loved life together.

Their Hobbies Together included:

They loved going to Williamsburg

They loved to garden together. Both of them have green thumbs.

They loved 1000 piece puzzles–no less and no more

They loved going to Nagshead and the Outer Banks

She loved to be on the beach and in the sun

They also loved Florida with Bill Davis and Mary-Katherine

They loved cruises with the Donadios

They enjoyed spending time with the Hudgins and Powers and they would go to the Apple Festival together

They loved their friendship with Alice and Wallace Tucker

And they loved their friendship with many, many more of you

In fact, Berda’s family found out just how much you all mean to her.

They were going through her things and found these boxes where she kept every card you ever sent her.

They found countless mementos she held onto to remember people and moments.

She was clearly sentimental and her sentiments were for you all.

She loved you.

And she truly loved the family she built.

I want to read the names from the obituary because I think Berda would have wanted that:

Of course she leaves behind our brother, Kenneth Cole Sr.

Then there are her children:

Kenneth Cole Jr. and his wife Susan

Charles Thomas Akins

Renea Suttle

Marguerite Pastella and her husband, Tim

Her legacy grew further with eight grandchildren:

Aaron, Emily, Katelyn, Lorie, Sallie, Savannah, Billy and Hannah.

And then, to deepen her joy and legacy even more, she was blessed with six great grandchildren

Berda was also preceded in death by some important people including her parents, her daughter Debbie and her two brothers, Alfred and John.

BERDA THE CHURCH MEMBER

The last time I saw Berda, I told her that getting to pastor her for the last 13 years has been one of the great honors of my life.

I mean that.

Let me tell you why.

First of all, when I came to this church, it was obvious that Kenny and Berda were stalwart members of our church.

Berda and Kenny have been at the church for about 35 years. Faithful members throughout.

Initially, They drove to Seaford from Lanexaevery week

When they saw Port Myers was being built, they got in so they could be closer to their church

I just want to say that again—they moved their entire lives to be closer to their local church

Berda loved doing fun things with the women of the church and had a particularly close relationship with Hope Holloway

They enjoyed playing pranks on the women of the church

They even put poppers under the toilet seats on a church trip in order to scare some of the ladies

They sang in the choir together, participated in Christmas productions, they helped facilitate baptism by providing towels and laying down plastic to protect the carpet and she was a part of the prayer chain ministry

They were hospitable with their home by opening it up to other church members

When they couldn’t go to church anymore, they would watch our services online and watch David Jeremiah at night as they went to sleep

Even in her death, she wanted to support the food pantry by forwarding all donations there

So if you had planned to buy flowers or give to a charity in her name, the family asks you would instead honor her wishes by giving toward the SBC Food Pantry

Personally, my own family have been touched by Berda and Kenny and their great love for their church

When Katie and I came to the church, we were struggling to make ends meet

It was very difficult.

But who was there for us?

Berda and Kenny blessed us during tax return season one year and it enabled us to get a mattress

When we moved into the parsonage, they gave us a housewarming gift—a brand new grill that we still have

We will never forget these acts of generosity toward their pastor

And in the end, Berda’s church was there for her:

Many women would come and help

Jeanette Hollowell brought her food

Karen Hair came and made food for her and Kenny

Donald Hair was also quick to provide help for anything necessary

Shirley Napier would bring food and supplies

Michael and Hope would have dinners with them

In fact—one of the last good meals Berda ate was ribs with Michael and Hope a couple of weeks ago

Michael would come and pick her up and carry her to her bed if she fell

Beth Jackson would bring potato salad

Debbie Herren would provide Easter dinner

And there were so many others. Certainly we have forgotten names, but the love is not forgotten

It has been a blessing that you really can’t even articulate

The women of the church were a huge blessing to her

HER FAMILY

Last but not least, I want to say a word about Berda’s children.

Renea was telling me about the way they all pulled together to help their mom in their own unique way.

Marguerite was in the background, administrating and arranging things.

Amazon orders

Keeping up with Berda’s health portal

Helping with finances

Kenny Jr. was the taxi man, providing rides for Kenny

Thomas’ work would keep him away during the week, but he would show up with her favorite thing on the weekends—all types of awesome seafood

Renea said his arrival was like a prince coming to the house because he had the golden seafood in his hands!

And then there is Renea.

She put a lot of time in as the boots on the ground

She was by her mom’s side for a lot, including her final hours

And from the outside looking in, it was all done with dignity, class and most importantly, love

I have been with saints who are alone as their life is coming to an end.

Not Berda.

She was surrounded by the lover of her family, her church and her friends

PILGRIM’S PROGRESS

This year, Berda did something that we encouraged many in our church to do—she read The Pilgrim’s Progress by John Bunyan.

As the cancer caused more problems, and Berda became more sure that her days were short, there was some fear.

Fear that she hadn’t done enough for her church.

Fear of the actual act of dying.

Fear of leaving Kenny behind.

But in our last back and forth conversation, she told me of a dream.

She saw a dark ditch and a hand reaching out to her.

She told me she thought it might be the hand of her mother, Lessie.

I told her that I am no interpreter of dreams, but I suggested that maybe it was the hand of Jesus.

Regardless, the conversation reminded me of a scene that Berda read just a few months ago.

Here is Bunyan talking about his main character, Christian, crossing the river of death and heading to heaven.

Christian becomes scared at the end of his life. He forgets all that he had learned about the King and the Kingdom and the grace of God.

He can only remember his sins and his failures.

With that, a great darkness and horror fell upon Christian, so that he could not see ahead of him. He also, in great measure, lost his senses—so that he could neither remember, nor talk coherently of any of those sweet refreshments which he had met with along the way of his pilgrimage. But all the words that he spoke still tended to manifest his horror of mind and heart-fears—that he would die in that river, and never obtain entrance at the gate.

But then, Christian’s friend Hopeful, who is dying with him, reminds him:

My brother, you have quite forgotten the text where it is said of the wicked, 'They have no struggles in their death—but their strength is firm. They are not troubled as other men, neither are they plagued like other men.' These troubles and distresses that you are going through in these waters, are no indication that God has forsaken you. Rather, they are only sent to test you—as to whether you will call to mind what you have hitherto received of His goodness, and live upon Him in your present distresses."

And then, just like that, Christian’s fears are relieved:

Then they both took courage. After that, the enemy was as still as a stone, and could no longer hinder them. Christian therefore felt firm ground to stand upon—and found that the rest of the river was but shallow. Thus they both crossed over the river.

The waters swelled. The enemy tried to discourage her. Fear rose up like a falcon to peck at her.

But with her family and friends and church by her side, encouraging her, Alberdie Mae found the rest of the river to be shallow and she crossed over into the eternal Kingdom of rest—the heavenly mansion of Christ.

CONGREGATIONAL SONG: AMAZING GRACE (Led by Ben Little)

SERMON

Sermon

INTRODUCTION

It would be hard to find anything that God has created that is valued as much as time.

Time is something you cannot get back.

You can be rich and lose your money and declare bankruptcy and then get your money back and be rich again.

You can do that and even be the President one day!

You can lose things of great value and have them end up back in your hands if you or someone else finds them.

In fact, you often see people putting up pictures of their pets and offering a reward if you can find them.

But you have never seen anyone put up an ad that says, “My time is missing. If found, a $50 reward will be given upon return.”

We would all be putting that ad up and offering a lot more than $50!

Time is a limited commodity that is gone once it is gone.

“It is better to lose anything than to lose time; we can recover lost money, but time is irrecoverable.” John Chrysostom

That gives is a level of value that is almost impossible to articulate.

You only have so much of it. Once it is gone, it is gone.

It is precious.

And it is a good thing for us to think about on a day like today.

I want to speak to you from the book of James this afternoon. We will be brief.

But there is a passage at the tail end of the chapter 4 that has something to say to us about time on a day where we contemplate the brevity of our lives.

READ James 4:13-17

James 4:13–17 ESV

Come now, you who say, “Today or tomorrow we will go into such and such a town and spend a year there and trade and make a profit”— yet you do not know what tomorrow will bring. What is your life? For you are a mist that appears for a little time and then vanishes. Instead you ought to say, “If the Lord wills, we will live and do this or that.” As it is, you boast in your arrogance. All such boasting is evil. So whoever knows the right thing to do and fails to do it, for him it is sin.

TIME AND ASSUMPTION (v. 13-16)

James wants to speak to people who say things like, “Tomorrow, I will do this,” or “Next week, I will do that,” with no thought to whether or not they will even be alive to do it.

They assume they have time in front of them, just like they have time behind them.

Admittedly, younger people among us are probably most guilty of this because when you are young, you feel invincible. You think life will never end.

You think you have an infinite number of tomorrows to do all the things you want to do.

I have just turned 38. Many of you have had more birthdays than me.

But if the averages about American male life expectancy are correct, I am halfway done, even if I live to an old age.

I have started to realize that I won’t do some things I assumed I would do when I was younger.

I will probably never go to Australia. I will probably never see Mt. Rushmore. I will probably never go to the World Cup.

These are things I assumed I would get to do when I was younger, but now I am realizing that I only have but so much time.

James wants to speak to anyone who assumes they have all the time in the world.

In James 4:14 he tells us that we simply do not know what tomorrow is going to bring.

And in light of that, we should not assume that we even have tomorrow.

After all, tomorrow could bring death. In fact, we know for certain that one of these tomorrows will.

So James tells us what the proper biblical attitude should be. Instead of assuming we have tomorrow, we should say:

James 4:15 “If the Lord wills, we will live and do this or that.”

That is an attitude of humility that doesn’t assume our right to live tomorrow.

It is an attitude that assumes God’s right to number our days.

It leaves authority where it belongs—in the hands of God.

There are so many who do not do this.

Instead, they arrogantly take the days for granted. They assume there will be more.

They boast in their ability to have control of their lives and do what they want, when they want.

In some ways, that is what all of this comes down to.

Those who say, “I will do this tomorrow,” or “I will do that tomorrow,” are living as if their lives are their own.

As if they don’t have a Maker who is in control of all things.

Those who say, “If the Lord wills, we will live and do this or that,” are admitting the obvious—we are not in control.

Our Creator has made us in His image and He owns our lives.

We should think and talk and act with His authority in mind and that includes time. That includes our tomorrows.

Our friend who we are remembering and mourning the loss of today is out of time.

There is no time left for ______________.

And I don’t say that to make you sad. That is just the reality.

And the finiteness of _____________’s life should cause us to stop and consider are own lives.

That we are not promised tomorrow and there is a Maker we are accountable to.

TIME AND LIFE (v. 14)

If we take a closer look at verse 14, we will see that our understanding of time will not only keep us humble, it will help us understand our lives.

James 4:14 “yet you do not know what tomorrow will bring. What is your life? For you are a mist that appears for a little time and then vanishes.”

People say all the time that life is short. James 4:14 tells us that it truly is.

The Psalms echo James’ words here:

English Standard Version Psalm 90

For all our days pass away under your wrath;

we bring our years to an end like a sigh.

10  The years of our life are seventy,

or even by reason of strength eighty;

yet their span is but toil and trouble;

they are soon gone, and we fly away.

11  Who considers the power of your anger,

and your wrath according to the fear of you?

12  So teach us to number our days

that we may get a heart of wisdom.

If you want to have a heart of wisdom, we must number our days.

That doesn’t mean that we spend wasteful time trying to figure out when we will die or even worrying about it.

It does mean that we are aware that we get a finite amount of time on this earth to believe God and know God and serve God and we must use the time wisely.

And I think we have to take the the request of the Psalmist to heart in Psalm 90.

Teach us to number our days.

We need God to teach us about the shortness of life if we are going to use time wisely.

Plenty of people have bucket lists. A bucket list is an admittance that our days are numbered.

But if you look at someone’s list and it is filled with nothing but thrills and sightseeing, you know that their awareness of life’s shortness still hasn’t led to wisdom.

Does God want us to know life is short so that we skydive and see the Louvre before we die or He returns?

It has to be more spiritual than that if we are to have real wisdom.

Therefore, GOD must teach us.

When God teaches us to number our days, He doesn’t just show us that life is short—He shows us that we should fear Him.

After all, life is a mist, but it is a mist in the hands of God.

A God we must fear.

We must fear Him enough to recognize Him as God.

We must fear Him enough to agree with Him about that which is sin and that which is good.

We must fear Him enough to repent of evil things.

We must fear Him enough to believe in His plan of salvation:

That He has sent His Son, Jesus, to die in our place, as if He did the evil that we have done as sinners

We must fear Him to the point of calling Him Lord and following Him.

This is the sort of godly, reverent fear that leads to wise living.

Unless Jesus returns first, there will be days like this in all of our names.

We will die like our friend _______________.

They will tell stories and laugh.

They will sing.

They will say goodbye.

They will go and eat and drink in our honor.

But what will they say of us on that day?

That we lived life to the fullest

Or that we lived life wisely

A full life could be very empty if not filled with the wisdom of God

May they speak of us as wise men and women who learned from God how to number our days in a manner that brings honor to Him.

…In a manner that leads to holy living.

TIME AND HOLINESS (v. 17)

Which brings us to our final subject matter today.

We have seen how we cannot assume we have more time.

We have see how we must number our days and live wisely.

But in James 4:17, we see exactly what a proper understanding of time and life leads to.

It leads to holiness.

“So whoever knows the right thing to do and fails to do it, for him it is sin.”

This is the practical application of what we have talked about this afternoon.

If time is short and life is a mist, then there is all the more urgency to do the right things with the time we have.

There is all the more urgency to live holy before the Lord.

Remember your ultimate purpose, and when you set yourself to your day’s work or approach any activity in the world, let HOLINESS TO THE LORD be written upon your hearts in all that you do.

Richard Baxter

This is why you are alive. To worship God with a holy life that He has made through the salvation of His wonderful Son.

This is the best thing you can do with the years of your life—Live holy.

In how you worship God.

In how you treat your neighbors.

Holiness is not a feeling. It is not a state of mind.

It is the act of obeying God.

Holiness is not an experience you have; holiness is keeping the law of God.

David Martyn Lloyd-Jones

Understand that this pastor is not telling you to react to our friend’s death by grabbing the wheel of your life and white-knuckling your way toward a life that is meaningful and pleasing to God.

No—you will end up giving up or thinking that your right living is a result of your own willpower and strength.

What I am calling you to today is this:

A recognition that your life is short and it doesn’t belong to you. It belongs to the One who gave it to you. You are made in His image.

You have sinned in this life and in our sinning, we are not only unwise—we are separated from God and deserving of divine punishment for our sin.

But God sent His Son to die in your place and to resurrect to prove that His sacrifice for us was sufficient and totally accepted by God the Father.

And now, here is the best thing you can do with your time:

To admit your sin before God and turn from it

To believe in His Son as your Savior and turn to Him in faith—trusting in Him alone to save you from the divine punishment you deserve

And to give Him the rest of your days

To say, “You are Lord. I want to know and love You. And I want to honor You by knowing and loving my neighbor.”

This is a wise use of our days and our years.

And it is a life that will end in eternal reward.

English Standard Version Chapter 1

3 Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ! According to his great mercy, he has caused us to be born again to a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead, 4 to an inheritance that is imperishable, undefiled, and unfading, kept in heaven for you, 5 who by God’s power are being guarded through faith for a salvation ready to be revealed in the last time.

We cannot get time back, but we have eternity to gain.

Number your days. Turn from sin. Worship the Son. Love your neighbor.

This is the life God desires for His children.

SONG: IN THE GARDEN (Ben/Charlene or Ben/Katie)

SCRIPTURE READING (PASTOR MICHAEL) *explain it calmed her in the final hours*

Psalm 23 ESV

A Psalm of David. The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want. He makes me lie down in green pastures. He leads me beside still waters. He restores my soul. He leads me in paths of righteousness for his name’s sake. Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me. You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies; you anoint my head with oil; my cup overflows. Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life, and I shall dwell in the house of the Lord forever.

SONG: I’LL FLY AWAY (led by Ben/Charlene or Ben/Katie)

CLOSING INSTRUCTIONS

Meal afterward you are all invited to

Private Burial today for the family only at Peninsula Memorial Garden; Please pray for the family today at 3pm

CLOSING PRAYER

May your goodness and mercy follow us as we leave Lord.

Sustain this family.

Sustain our church.

Glorify Your Son in our mourning.

Thank You for the good provided in this lunch. Please bless us as we eat it.

In Christ’s name, Amen.