Glimpses of the Ideal

Proverbs And Song of Solomon

The Excellent Wife

Proverbs 31:10–31 “A capable wife who can find? She is far more precious than jewels. The heart of her husband trusts in her, and he will have no lack of gain. She does him good, and not harm, all the days of her life. She seeks wool and flax, and works with willing hands. She is like the ships of the merchant, she brings her food from far away. She rises while it is still night and provides food for her household and tasks for her servant-girls. She considers a field and buys it; with the fruit of her hands she plants a vineyard. She girds herself with strength, and makes her arms strong. She perceives that her merchandise is profitable. Her lamp does not go out at night. She puts her hands to the distaff, and her hands hold the spindle. She opens her hand to the poor, and reaches out her hands to the needy. She is not afraid for her household when it snows, for all her household are clothed in crimson. She makes herself coverings; her clothing is fine linen and purple. Her husband is known in the city …”

Some have said this woman was phenomenal. Verse 15 tells us that she rises up early and verse 18 tells us that her lamp doesn’t go out at night. So, when did she sleep?

Rather than viewing this as a day in the life of the ideal woman, one should view these attributes as having developed over a period of time and as being exhibited in a woman’s life during different occasions and seasons of life.

This woman is a major asset to her husband (10, 11)

Is a trusted companion (11)

Is for and not against her husband (12)

Is industrious and hardworking (13, 27)

Procures and prepares food for her household (14, 15)

Rises early (15)

Locates and purchases real estate (16)

Reinvests in home business (16)

Is vigorous and energetic (17, 25)

Produces clothes for her family (18, 19, 21, 22, 24)

King to the poor and needy (20)

Oversees her household so husband can work (23, 27)

Ready for the future (21, 25)

Displays wisdom in speech (26)

Praised by her children and husband (28, 29, 31)

Doesn’t rely on her physical beauty (30)

This woman seems unattainable, but we can aspire to her today.

This isn’t a woman who is diminished in her personhood. She is resourceful, strong, and a blessing.

The Beauty of Sex in Marriage (The Song of Solomon)

This book celebrates the beauty of marital love.

Proverbs also includes a section that speaks of a faithful, committed marriage relationship and warning against adultery. Proverbs 5:15–20 “Drink water from your own cistern, flowing water from your own well. Should your springs be scattered abroad, streams of water in the streets? Let them be for yourself alone, and not for sharing with strangers. Let your fountain be blessed, and rejoice in the wife of your youth, a lovely deer, a graceful doe. May her breasts satisfy you at all times; may you be intoxicated always by her love. Why should you be intoxicated, my son, by another woman and embrace the bosom of an adulteress?”

Proverbs warns us to guard our hearts and for men to keep away from adulterous women.

This tells us that we are to build strong spiritual hedges around our relationships and to nurture our marriage commitments with diligence and devotion.

Song of Solomon is a collection of love poems celebrating the strength and passion of married love. It also anticipates the restoration of the relationship between the first man and the first woman.

Song of Solomon speaks of desire in 7:10, I am my beloved’s and his desire is for me. This looks to a restoration of the original state in which the husband’s desire is purely for his wife.

The wife can rest in the assurance that she is her husband’s and the husband doesn’t dominate his wife but desires her.

This restoration of perfect love is predicated upon the coming of the messianic king.

Contrary to the world’s notion that truly exciting love is found outside of marriage, the Bible makes it clear that the only exciting love is found inside an exclusive, lifelong marriage.

This type of marriage is liberated from the self-centeredness of sin and from the desire to manipulate each other. The marriage partners are free to love each other in a spirit that is completely self-giving and able to love and enjoy each other without fear of rejection, abuse, or domination.

Married love is the fulfillment of every man’s and woman’s dream.

Insights from Old Testament Marriages

Adam and Eve

Genesis 2:23–25 “Then the man said, “This at last is bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; this one shall be called Woman, for out of Man this one was taken.” Therefore a man leaves his father and his mother and clings to his wife, and they become one flesh. And the man and his wife were both naked, and were not ashamed.”

We can assume because they were perfect in a perfect environment that they enjoyed marriage as no one else ever has.

When Adam and Eve partook of the forbidden fruit, that changed. Eve would now give birth in sorrow and she would try to dominate Adam.

Adam would experience pain as he worked, and in the end, both would physically and spiritually die.

Abraham and Sarah

In one incident, Abraham wanted Sarah to identify as his sister so he wouldn’t be killed. This was later repeated with Abimelech. Sarah apparently went along with Abraham’s scheme and had to suffer the consequences for her husband’s cowardice and dishonesty.

Lesson to be learned: if your husband wants you to go against God and into sin, don’t do it. It is better to obey God than man.

Sarah then tries to fix their family by giving her handmaid, Hagar, to have the “promised son”. This caused problems between Hagar and Sarah.

Lesson to be learned: do not seek to remedy a situation out of unbelief, or the consequences of sin will further complicate the situation.

Isaac and Rebekah, Jacob and Rachel

One thing we know about Isaac: he loved Rebekah. Genesis 24:67 “Then Isaac brought her into his mother Sarah’s tent. He took Rebekah, and she became his wife; and he loved her. So Isaac was comforted after his mother’s death.”

Isaac and Rebekah’s son, Jacob, fell in love with Rachel and worked for her for 14 years.

Rachel and Isaac turned on one another when she couldn’t have children. Genesis 30:1–2 “When Rachel saw that she bore Jacob no children, she envied her sister; and she said to Jacob, “Give me children, or I shall die!” Jacob became very angry with Rachel and said, “Am I in the place of God, who has withheld from you the fruit of the womb?””

Eventually, Rachel bore children to Jacob.

Lesson to be learned: Married couples must face difficulties together in prayer and reliance on God rather than arguing and discord.

Samson and Delilah

Samson is an example of someone who didn’t properly guard his heart and who was seduced by a woman who robbed him of his strength, and eventually his life.

Lesson to be learned: even a man as strong, capable, and powerful as Samson can be brought down by a seductive woman.

Ruth and Boaz

Ruth and Boaz is an example of a godly love relationship. Ruth is a wonderful example of a woman’s trust in God in the midst of adverse circumstances. Boaz worked to do what was right for Ruth.

Lesson to be learned: it is possible to be a godly couple in the middle of a degenerate society.

Hannah and Elkanah

Hannah and Elkanah were in a polygamous marriage. The other wife was Peninnah. Peninnah had children; Hannah didn’t. Hannah persistently prayed for a child and God answered her prayer.

Lesson to be learned: God answers earnest prayer.

David and his wives

First, David should have only had 1 wife. David’s first wife was Michal who fell in love with David and was given to him in marriage. Michal, for a while, was an example of loyalty and solidarity with her husband.

David married Abigal who had been married to Nabal before he died. Abigail was a wife who treated her husband in a sensitive and respectful and way and is loved by him in return. Her wisdom and humility make her a prime example of the Proverbs 31 woman.

David and Bathsheba’s origins are well-known.

Lesson to be learned: marry only one wife.

Solomon’s Foreign Wives

Solomon loved many foreign women and clung to them in love. His wives turned his heart away from God and he built high places for his wives to worship their false gods.

Lesson to be learned: do not marry unsaved spouses.

Ahab and Jezebel

This is probably the worst recorded marriage. Jezebel controls and dominates Ahab throughout the whole account.

Lesson to be learned: do not control or dominate the other spouse.

Esther and Ahasuerus

Esther was so humble and gracious that she won Ahasuerus’ favor. God used Esther to save her people.

Lesson to be learned: you never know when God will use you.