God's Wisdom Concerning Intimacy (KJV)
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One of the jobs of pastors is to preach the word.
2 Preach the word; be instant in season, out of season; reprove, rebuke, exhort with all longsuffering and doctrine.
Sometimes that preaching is meant to encourage, or to exhort. Sometimes that preaching is meant to reprove and rebuke.
To reprove means to bring something to light, to expose, to prove or show to be guilty. To rebuke means to admonish or warn forcefully. This morning I want to preach a sermon that is aimed primarily at reproving and rebuking.
We all need to hear this kind of preaching from time to time. Why?
Paul tells us in v. 3
3 For the time will come when they will not endure sound doctrine; but after their own lusts shall they heap to themselves teachers, having itching ears; 4 And they shall turn away their ears from the truth, and shall be turned unto fables.
Reproving, rebuking, admonishing are necessary and biblical forms of preaching.
31 Therefore watch, and remember, that by the space of three years I ceased not to warn every one night and day with tears.
This morning I want to expose and warn forcefully about the biblical idea of intimacy. By intimacy, I mean the physical relationship that God intends for one man and one woman within the covenant of marriage. It is a good thing. It is something that God created for our good. It is also something that has been so polluted and mangled by the corrupt world’s system that we live in, it is almost unrecognizable.
This morning I want to warn primarily our young teenagers. You, perhaps more than anyone, are being attacked all the time by the ungodly wordly thinking of this age about this important topic of intimacy. And because of its sensitive nature, you don’t often hear preaching about it. So I am burdened to warn you, but also to show you God’s wisdom that you can apply to your lives right now that will allow you to enjoy life and, yes, intimacy, the way God intends you to enjoy it.
This message is also for parents. Parents just as it is the responsibility of the pastor to reprove and rebuke the flock, so it is your responsibility to reprove and rebuke your children. And we have not done a historically thorough or biblical job of this.
This message is also for anyone who wants to be a disciple-maker. If you grow and become a more mature believer who in time disciples a less mature believer guess what subject will come up? You need to be equipped to give young disciples of Jesus biblical wisdom when it comes to the area of intimacy.
So this morning I want to teach God’s wisdom concerning intimacy.
How can we learn and submit to God’s wisdom in this area instead of the worlds?
I. We must ensure our thinking about intimacy does not conform to the world
I. We must ensure our thinking about intimacy does not conform to the world
2 And be not conformed to this world: but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind, that ye may prove what is that good, and acceptable, and perfect, will of God.
Conform- lit. means to be molded to something. Example: Jello mold. What happens to the liquid jello when you put it in the mold and cool it down in the fridge? The jello looks exactly like the mold. We we are not to look like, or think like, or be molded to this corrupted world’s system.
How does the world think about intimacy?
A. How the ungodly system of this world thinks about intimacy
A. How the ungodly system of this world thinks about intimacy
Strange New World, how thinkers and activists redefined identity and sparked the sexual revolution, by Carl R. Trueman
In his book Trueman argues that in order to understand how this world thinks about intimacy you must first understand how this world thinks about the idea of the self. Our world has radically redefined the way everyone thinks about the individual and that corrupts and distorts the idea of intimacy.
Expressive Individualism- “holds that each person has a unique core of feeling and intuition that should unfold or be expressed if individuality is to be realized.” —Robert Bellah (American scholar)
Notice the words “feeling” and “expressed.” What is ultimately important is that your sense of individuality is to be realized and the only way to do that is to express your unique core of feeling and intuition.
“The culture of authenticity is one where each one of us who has his/her own way of realizing our humanity, and that it is important to find and live out one’s own, as against surrendering to conformity with a model imposed on us from outside, by society, or the previous generation, or religious or political authority.” —Charles Taylor (Canadian philosopher)
What Taylor is explaining is vastly different from the way our culture understood the individual throughout most of human history. The individual for most of history was shaped and effected by the community. His or her identity, morals, and virtues were shaped by looking out and around at others. Now, the way everyone in our society thinks about the individual, the way we live authentic lives is when each one of us has our own way of realizing our humanity. It is of the utmost importance that we live out our own humanity. We cannot surrender ourselves to conformity with any model imposed upon us from the outside, be that society, the previous generation, religion, or government.
“In short, the modern self is one where authenticity is achieved by acting outwardly in accordance with one’s inward feelings.” —Carl R. Trueman
This idea, that to be an authentic human being, one must act outwardly in accordance with one’s inward feelings, has led to the idea that sexuality is no longer something we do, but our very identity. This kind of erroneous thinking is what leads to such vicious backlashes the moment you attempt to put any kind of standard or rule that forces people to conform to anything other than their own feelings.
“If the individual’s inner identity is defined by sexual desire, then he or she must be allowed to act out on that desire in order to be an authentic person.”
Trueman traces this philosophy back to guys like Sigmund Freud, Wilhelm Reich, and Carl Marx, among others.
Did you know that our culture is dominated by the corrupted thinking of a man like Sigmund Freud?
“What do people demand of life and wish to achieve in it? The answer to this can hardly be in doubt. They strive after happiness; they want to become happy and to remain so.”
What is the American dream? Life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness.
This endeavor has two sides, a positive and a negative aim. It aims, on the one hand, at an absence of pain and unpleasure, and, on the other hand, at the experiencing of strong feelings of pleasure.” —Sigmund Freud
Now can you guess what Freud suggested as the strongest possible feeling of pleasure? Intimacy!
And if what it means to be an authentic individual is by acting outwardly in accordance with one’s inward feelings, what kind of world are we left in? Trueman calls it a strange new world.
Although, it is strange, the Scripture says there is nothing new under the sun. The Apostle Paul has something to say against this kind of thinking.
B. How God warns us about the world’s idea of intimacy
B. How God warns us about the world’s idea of intimacy
17 Brethren, be followers together of me, and mark them which walk so as ye have us for an ensample. 18 (For many walk, of whom I have told you often, and now tell you even weeping, that they are the enemies of the cross of Christ:
In what way are these “many” walking as enemies of the cross?
19 Whose end is destruction, whose God is their belly, and whose glory is in their shame, who mind earthly things.)
Notice the phrase, “god is their belly.” This is a very interesting Greek word.
In Greek thought they were much more specific about categorizing human emotions and passions that we are. They actually assigned different parts of the body to the different emotions or passions that we experience.
The head is where the intellectual thought occured. The heart were the more surface level emotions. Last week we talked about the bowels. They are were the deep affections come from. This word talks about the part of our body from our navel and downward to our pelvis. The base human emotions, those that are categorized by the idea of sexual immorality, come from this area.
So think about what Paul is saying here. The many, were walking as enemies of the cross of Christ, had turned away from the faith, and became enemies, why? Because Jesus was no longer their Lord, their master. What had replaced Him? Their god is their belly, the impure, immoral, sexual passions.
Think about that idea- their GOD is their belly. What is the idea here? Paul is saying that these enemies of the cross of Christ, looked inward, they looked to their inner person, and what did they do? They granted their inner person, with its desires and passion, total authority over them. That is the problem. There is nothing wrong with looking inward at our inner person and reflecting on our feelings and passions. But, what is the correct biblical response? To turn outward again! When the believer looks inward what do they find? They do not find sunshine and roses. They find the corrupted human sinful heart, that is deceitful and desperately sick. And what does that cause the believer to do? To deny themselves. To turn outward and to look to Christ.
Do you remember in Romans 7 when Paul looked inside himself. What did he find? An internal conflict. The things I want to do I don’t do, and the things I don’t want to do that I do. Do you remember his conclusion about his inner self reflection?
24 O wretched man that I am! who shall deliver me from the body of this death? 25 I thank God through Jesus Christ our Lord. So then with the mind I myself serve the law of God; but with the flesh the law of sin.
Friends, that is not the way the world thinks. The world says that in order to be happy you have to become the most authentic version of yourself. And that means acting on your feelings and desires. Do whatever is necessary to accumulate the most amount of pleasure and happiness possible. And anything that stands in your way is to be destroyed. Their god is their belly.
This kind of thinking permeates everything. Our young children are being indoctrinated with the blasphemes of thinkers like Freud and they don’t even know it! You might ask, “how is that possible?” It is possible because this godless way of thinking is constantly being bombarded down their thoughts through every media outlet possible.
I want to read for you the lyrics of a song. And I want you to try to guess where this song came from. I will read two verses and then the chorus.
The wind is howling like this swirling storm inside
Couldn’t keep it in, heaven knows I’ve tried
Don’t let them in, don’t let them see
Be the good girl you always have to be
Conceal, don’t feel, don’t let them know
Well, now they know
It’s funny how some distance make everything seem small
And the fears that once controlled me can’t get to me at all
It’s time to see what I can do
To test the limits and break through
No right, no wrong, no rules for me
I’m free
Do you know it yet? Here is the chorus.
Let it go, let it go
Can’t hold it back anymore
Let it go, let it go
Turn away and slam the door
I don’t care what they’re going to say
Let the storm rage on
The cold never bothered me anyway.
What is the song? “Let it Go” (Disney song from the movie Frozen)
I am not trying to tell you what movies you should or should not watch. I am warning you that the ungodly thinking of this world is everywhere. And you need to be aware of it and show it to your kids so they know to reject it.
Illustration: Worship yourself and the world will follow
19 Whose end is destruction, whose God is their belly, and whose glory is in their shame, who mind earthly things.)
Does that song sound like the “many” Paul is describing in this verse? Why don’t you want to think this way?
If you think this way and act this way. If you adopt the world’s view of intimacy then your end is what? Destruction. What kind of glory will it produce for you in the end? Shame. What will be your mindset? On earthly things alone! That have no value, that lead to judgement and condemnation. Friends this is a dangerous way to think about intimacy.
Young person if you have said something like this recently, “I hate having to always be the good girl/boy” “I can never be who I really want to be.”
If you have thought “No right, no wrong, no rules for me, I’m free.” You are in danger of destruction, shame, and judgment. I plead with you to repent! Change you thinking
2 And be not conformed to this world: but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind, that ye may prove what is that good, and acceptable, and perfect, will of God.
This morning I want to teach God’s wisdom concerning intimacy.
How can we learn and submit to God’s wisdom in this area?
We must ensure our thinking about intimacy does not conform to the world.
II. We must transform our thinking about intimacy and submit to God’s wisdom
II. We must transform our thinking about intimacy and submit to God’s wisdom
So, the first part of this sermon was all reproof and rebuke. It was a warning! Now I want to exhort you. I want to urgently plead with you to come over to God’s side and submit to God’s thoughts about the right way to think about and handle intimacy.
Where in the world can we go in the Scriptures to find biblical principles that will be helpful and practical for young people, old people, and every other kind of people in our thinking about biblical intimacy.
Did you know that there is an entire book of your bible dedicated to God’s wisdom about intimacy? It is the Song of Solomon or the Song of Songs.
Song of Songs for Singles and Married People Too, by Tim & Angela Little
There has been a lot of miss-understanding of this book over the years. Many people attempt to allegorize this book. The Jews make this an allegory about the covenantal love between God and His people. Christians have attempted to allegorize this book and make it about Christ’s love for the church.
But a straight forward reading of the book of Song of Songs shows that this is God’s wisdom concerning intimacy. And this wisdom is something that both married people and young singles need to understand. How many of you have read this book, scratched your head, and just moved on?
The problem is that this book is wisdom literature. It needs to be studied and understood because there is so much valuable information here.
God in his wisdom used Solomon to write on the topic of intimacy. But Solomon writes in veiled language. That means that those with experience will understand more than those without.
Solomon’s purpose is to describe the ideal kind of love, and Edenic or unspoiled love. Solomon does this through two imaginary characters—the ideal husband and the ideal wife. Young men you need to know and seek to marry a woman like the Song of Songs ideal wife. Young ladies you need to marry a man like the Song of Songs husband.
Now most people think that this book should only be read by married couples, but some scholars believe that Solomon was actually witting this love song primarily for singles, especially young women.
In seven verses Solomon addresses and instructs the “daughters of Jerusalem.” These ladies would have been young unmarried or single females. And through Solomon’s advice to these daughters of Jerusalem we find God’s wisdom concerning intimacy. And we find some very practical principles upon which we can develop standards that should be in place in the lives of every young single Christian lady or man.
And God’s wisdom flies in the face of the propaganda of the world.
How can we be transformed by the renewing of our mind concerning biblical intimacy?
A. We must submit to God’s authority
A. We must submit to God’s authority
Remember what the enemy of the cross of Christ turned to as his authority? Their god is their belly. They turned inward and gave all authority to their inward feelings and desires.
Instead of doing that, when we turn inward and see our inward self as corrupted by sin, we must determine to turn outward again, back to the Lord. We must submit our feelings and our desires to God’s wisdom, to God’s commands. And what are those commands concerning intimacy?
7 I charge you, O ye daughters of Jerusalem, By the roes, and by the hinds of the field, That ye stir not up, nor awake my love, till he please.
Song of Solomon 2:7 (ESV)
7 I adjure you, O daughters of Jerusalem, by the gazelles or the does of the field, that you not stir up or awaken love until it pleases.
This exact refrain is repeated three times in this small song: 2:7; 3:5; 8:4. It becomes almost like a chorus. A chorus emphasizes the stuff that is really really important. If you don’t get anything else get this...
Here is the command. Do not stir up or awaken love.
Notice here the married woman is speaking to the daughters of Jerusalem, the young unmarried singles, and she adjures them not to awaken love. Now that should cause you to stop and think. What does she mean by awakening love?
What is the biblical principle here? We get so heavily bombarded by sexually immoral practices in our culture that we can easily loose sight of God’s standard of holiness when it comes to intimacy.
We just finished the month of June, pride month. I most likely don’t need to preach a sermon to convince you that homosexuality is a sin. Read Romans 1, God makes it pretty clear. We are bombarded by the LGBTQ+ agenda, by the transgender debate, by the rampant use of pornography in our culture so much so that sometimes when it comes to setting standards for our young people for dating we set the bar far too low.
We plead with our young people, just remain pure until you are married. That’s it. Just stay physically pure in your relationship until your wedding day. And that is all we teach our kids. God’s Word has far more to say to our young people concerning the wisdom of intimacy.
God’s standard of holiness when it comes to intimacy is this, do not stir up love, do not even awaken love, until it pleases.
We need to answer a few more questions. 1). what kind of love is Solomon talking about?
There are different kinds of love described in the Bible. You ought to love your neighbor as yourself. You ought to love the Lord your God with all your heart. Every Christians should have this love in place in their life.
The love that the ideal woman speaks of here is a much different kind of love.
Dr. Tim Little says it “is a permanent, exclusive, jealous unquenchable kind of love. It is a love that is like death, as there isn’t any going back. This kind of love is permanent. The love in the Song is also a jealous kind of love. It’s a ‘He’s/she’s mine; back off’ kind of love. This Song of Songs love is an exclusive love for another person. Maybe another way to think of it is like an unquenchable fire. This exclusive, permanent kind of love for another is like a fire that is never supposed to go out. When this fiery kind of love is awakened, it isn’t meant to be put out. It rages within you and is designed to continue until one of you physically dies.”
Look at another place Solomon describes this kind of love.
6 Set me as a seal upon thine heart, As a seal upon thine arm: For love is strong as death; Jealousy is cruel as the grave: The coals thereof are coals of fire, Which hath a most vehement flame.
7 Many waters cannot quench love, Neither can the floods drown it: If a man would give all the substance of his house for love, It would utterly be contemned.
This is a powerful kind of love. It is hard to quench. Many waters cannot put it out. Even floods cannot drown it out. It is as strong as death, fierce as the grave. It is like a flashing fire.
I love this quote from Tim Little,
“Playing with this kind of love is like playing with fire. And it is quite likely that you and others will get burned.” —Dr. Tim Little
This kind of love is something that a person can stir up and awaken, or it is something that a person can choose to leave dormant or asleep.
Young people, in your dating relationships, you should strive in everything you do, to not stir up or awaken love.
How do we know how to do that?
B. We must submit to the wisdom of godly people
B. We must submit to the wisdom of godly people
The command is clear: do not stir up or awaken love. But how we implement that command can be difficult.
The question young people in a dating relationship always want to ask is, “how far can I go before it is too far?” Do you see how miss-guided that question is?
The right question is “does this awaken love?” Not awakening love requires that you take a very different approach to a relationship. Young people God never meant for you to develop these kinds of standards on your own. He has put older, wiser people in your life to help you with this process.
7 I charge you, O ye daughters of Jerusalem, By the roes, and by the hinds of the field, That ye stir not up, nor awake my love, till he please.
Song of Solomon 2:7 (ESV)
7 I adjure you, O daughters of Jerusalem, by the gazelles or the does of the field, that you not stir up or awaken love until it pleases.
Who is the “I” in this verse? It is the ideal woman. It is the older married woman. It is the more mature, more wise woman, who is giving some very strong advice to these daughters of Jerusalem.
Notice she says, “I adjure you.” This literally means, “I make you swear an oath.” What is an oath? It is a solemn promise. It is used to emphasize the importance and commitment necessary to fulfill the plea.
Why do you think the older wiser woman binds the younger woman with the power of an oath? Do you think this older and wiser woman understands something about the power of awakening love that the younger generation does not? Young people do you think the older more mature believers in your life might have some important things to speak into your life? Is it important to listen to and submit to their wisdom? How about your parents? Should you listen to the wisdom of your parents when it comes to dating?
7 I charge you, O ye daughters of Jerusalem, By the roes, and by the hinds of the field, That ye stir not up, nor awake my love, till he please.
Song of Solomon 2:7 (ESV)
7 I adjure you, O daughters of Jerusalem, by the gazelles or the does of the field, that you not stir up or awaken love until it pleases.
Notice the ones who bind the oath. “By the gazelles or the does of the field.” These are strange things to use to bind someone to an oath right?
Normally when you swear on an oath the lesser swears on the greater. Why? Because the greater thing binds the lesser thing to that promise.
How are gazelles or does greater than people?
Some have suggested that this is a metaphor for love itself. So the binding force would be love.
Again, Dr. Little suggests a different alternative.
The woman created a pun here. In Hebrew, the word for gazelles is exactly the same as the word for armies. The Old Testament regularly identifies God as the “Lord of Armies.” The original readers would have understood that gazelles stood for the Lord of Armies. Similarly, the phrase “does of the field” sounds almost exactly like “God Almighty” in Hebrew (El Shaddai). The woman is not asking the daughters of Jerusalem to swear by some animals but to make a solemn oath before the Lord of Armies, God Almighty!
This pun is important because God’s name is excluded from the Song of Songs. The pagan religions of Solomon’s day incorporated sexuality into their religions. It seems that Solomon intentionally omitted God’s name from the Song so people would not associate sexuality with religion.
Wow! That makes this oath even more significant right?
Song of Solomon 2:7 (ESV)
7 I adjure you, O daughters of Jerusalem, by the Lord of Armies by God Almighty! that you not stir up or awaken love until it pleases.
Young people, we who are older, who have experience in these matters, cannot make this point strongly enough! We put you under oath, by the Lord of Armies by God Almighty! Do not stir up or awaken love until it pleases.
I can guarantee you young people, you will have thoughts running through your head- it’s not that big of a deal. I can handle it. I am strong enough.
It is a big deal, you can’t handle it, you are not strong enough.
This is why, if you are to learn and to submit to God’s wisdom concerning intimacy you must submit to the wisdom of godly people in your lives.
C. We must submit to the wisdom of God’s plan
C. We must submit to the wisdom of God’s plan
There is one final idea that we have to discuss in this verse concerning intimacy and that is God’s plan.
7 I charge you, O ye daughters of Jerusalem, By the roes, and by the hinds of the field, That ye stir not up, nor awake my love, till he please.
Song of Solomon 2:7 (ESV)
7 I adjure you, O daughters of Jerusalem, by the gazelles or the does of the field, that you not stir up or awaken love until it pleases.
When exactly is the right time to awaken love? For how long should a Christian let love sleep? When is the appropriate time? 1 year into a relationship? 2 years, 3? When you get engaged? When is the right time?
The Hebrew word for “please” has the idea of something a person delights in or take pleasure in.
“One difficulty, or a peril, of love is that if you awaken it too early, it can create problems. You do not want to awaken love until you can take pleasure in it—until you can delight in it. The message of the adjuration refrain is clear—do not awaken love until you can go all the way.” —Dr. Tim Little
When is that time? God’s plan for intimacy is that it be enjoyed by one man and one woman exclusively within the confines of marriage.
24 Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh.
4 Let marriage be held in honor among all, and let the marriage bed be undefiled, for God will judge the sexually immoral and adulterous.
God’s plan for how long you should let love sleep is all the way until you can take pure and holy delight in it, all the way until you can take unashamed pleasure in it. In other words all the way until marriage.
That is God’s plan! Do not stir up or awaken love until it pleases.
That is the principle, but what about the application?
Should Christian singles kiss during the dating relationship? Hug? Hold hands? Use the “L” word? Be alone together? And the hundreds of other standards and questions that you might have?
As you think through these things keep in mind the biblical question, “Does this awaken love?”
We don’t have time to dive into this, but the Song of Solomon tells us that every one of our five senses has the ability to awaken love. Sight, sound, taste, touch, and hearing.
Young ladies how should you dress in your dating relationship? Well sight has the potential for awakening love. So you should dress in a way that allows love to stay asleep. Exactly what does that mean? Find a godly older woman that you can trust and ask her! Get advice? Get counsel? And determine to submit to that counsel!
Young men how should you communicate in a text message in a dating relationship? Well words have the power to awaken love! So you should only text words that allow love to stay asleep. I would encourage you not to use the “L” word too soon. Wait a long long time before you do that!
Let me also say this, what if it’s too late? What if you have already gone too far when it comes to intimacy? It is never too late to do the right thing. God’s grace is greater than all our sin. His grace is sufficient to cleanse you of all your sin and to forgive you of all unrighteousness. You are not washed out, or useless. You can start submitting to God’s wisdom today. And His grace will transform and use you for His glory.
If we want to find wisdom, if we want to live the good life, the truly blessed life then we must learn and submit to God’s wisdom concerning intimacy.
How do we do that? We looked at two ways in our time together.
We must ensure our thinking does not conform to this world.
We must transform our thinking about intimacy and submit to God’s wisdom.
How will you respond to God today?
Young people? Maybe you need to repent of some sin. Maybe you need to get things right in your life. You have bought into the lie of this world. You have allowed your god to be your belly and you need to turn from that sin, confess it and be forgiven. I invite you to do so today.
Young person, maybe you have not given much thought to any of this. You don’t yet have a plan for a dating relationship that fits with God’s wisdom. I invite you to make that plan. Find someone older and wiser than you. Your parents, your discipler, your pastor, who can help you implement God’s wisdom into your life.
Parents, maybe you need to sit down with you teenagers and have a heart to heart conversation. Maybe you need to regularly adjure them in this important area of intimacy.
However God has worked in your heart this morning I invite you to respond.