Toward and Understanding of Forgiveness

Introduction

I have found that many of us don’t have a biblical understanding of what forgiveness actually is and it has hindered our abilities to live at peace with one another. So I am going to give a pop quiz tonight and see how you do: I got this quiz and many of the thoughts from one of my biblical counseling books called unpacking forgiveness by Chris Brauns.

Where deep wounds between people are concerned, forgiveness can be unpacked in a moment? False

Most pastors and counselor agree about what forgiveness is and how it should take place? False

Forgiveness properly only occurs when certain conditions are met? True

Jesus said little about how to resolve interpersonal conflicts? False

There are times when it is wrong to forgive? True

As I give you the answers you may be surprised by them. Don’t feel bad if you missed any because as question two shows us there is a lot of disagreement and lack of clarity about forgiveness. My goal tonight is to help us to move towards a biblical understanding of what forgiveness is and I think as we go through the outline you will see why some of the answers are the way they are.

Why should I forgive?

Before we get into what forgiveness looks like I want to tackle the why question. Why should I forgive? The simple answer is Jesus tells us to do so, but there is a better answer. I think the answer is love. As believers we are called to love each other. In fact love is a sign of a true believer. 1 John 4:7 “Beloved, let us love one another: for love is of God; and every one that loveth is born of God, and knoweth God.”

Love was the motivation behind God sending his Son to die for our sins thus providing the means of forgiveness for our sins.

1 John 3:16 “Hereby perceive we the love of God, because he laid down his life for us: and we ought to lay down our lives for the brethren.”

The manifestation of love for others is seen in not holding grudges.

1 Corinthians 13:5 “Doth not behave itself unseemly, seeketh not her own, is not easily provoked, thinketh no evil;” It does not hold grudges.

I cannot say I am loving others as God desires me to if I am harboring ill feelings toward another brother. If I have a running tally of all the things wrong that they have done in my head and if I am not willing to forgive.

Jesus says he won’t forgive us if we won’t forgive others

Matthew 6:15 “But if ye forgive not men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses.” This issue of forgiveness is very important to Jesus Christ.

How should I forgive?

Matthew 6:12 “And forgive us our debts, as we forgive our debtors.”

Ephesians 4:32 “And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ’s sake hath forgiven you.”

Colossians 3:13 “Forbearing one another, and forgiving one another, if any man have a quarrel against any: even as Christ forgave you, so also do ye.”

God’s forgiveness is gracious but not free- it cost Christ something. As Christ hung on the cross, he prayed Luke 23:34 “Then said Jesus, Father, forgive them; for they know not what they do. And they parted his raiment, and cast lots.” Jesus offer of forgiveness was gracious gift offered to us and it cost Him something. Meditate with me on this aspect of God’s forgiveness.

Jesus Christ pursued forgiveness even when we didn’t want it.

Jesus offers that forgiveness to everyone even those who will reject it.

Jesus took on the pain and cost of accomplishing our forgiveness.

When ever someone sins against another, a debt is created. If you steal from me, you owe me what you took. If you slander me, you owe me restitution of my reputation. In order for that sin to be made right, someone has to pay the penalty. Forgiveness is the believer taking on the penalty for the other person. Sin hurts. You hurt me, but if I forgive, I bear the hurt rather than make you suffer for the sin. I relinquish my right to seek vengeance and instead bear the cost myself. In this way forgiveness always begins in the heart. Matthew 18:35 “So likewise shall my heavenly Father do also unto you, if ye from your hearts forgive not every one his brother their trespasses.”

God’s forgiveness is conditional- repentance and faith- One of the blessings of salvation is the forgiveness of sins. But let me ask you this, did God forgive everyone of all their sins across all of time and the whole earth? No, forgiveness of sins is limited to those who repent and place their faith in Jesus Christ. Acts 26:18–20 “To open their eyes, and to turn them from darkness to light, and from the power of Satan unto God, that they may receive forgiveness of sins, and inheritance among them which are sanctified by faith that is in me. Whereupon, O king Agrippa, I was not disobedient unto the heavenly vision: But shewed first unto them of Damascus, and at Jerusalem, and throughout all the coasts of Judaea, and then to the Gentiles, that they should repent and turn to God, and do works meet for repentance.” Consider also for the believer 1 John 1:9 “If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.”

Many have mistaken forgiveness as merely an attitude of the heart, but forgiveness is more than that. It is a transaction between two people. And that transaction is conditional. Sometimes full forgiveness cannot be fully experienced. Now we as believers ought to continue to offer forgiveness, we ought to have a heart of love that is willing to forgive; but if there is to be the experience of forgiveness and its intended result; some conditions have to be met.

Going back to what we talked about this morning. Jesus wants us to forgive and he wants things to be set right again. Sometimes the other person may not even know they have hurt you, if you can’t move on in forbearance then you need to seek loving confrontation. Jesus said Luke 17:3 “Take heed to yourselves: If thy brother trespass against thee, rebuke him; and if he repent, forgive him.” We must in love seek the fixing of those relationships and ask for confession and repentance from the other person.

God’s forgiveness is a commitment- If that person confesses and repents, then forgiveness is a commitment to release them from their debt. The Greek word for forgive is aphiami which means to release from legal or moral obligation. It is a legal term. Its like settling the issue in court. I am in agreement that I will not hold this sin against this person any more. This takes work because our lives are messy. Thoughts about what they did come to mind randomly. Forgiveness is a commitment that whenever those thoughts and feelings arise I choose to renew my mind, cast down those negative thoughts about the person and choose not to seek vengeance for their actions. If I am still punishing the person, I have not forgiven them. Imagine God saying I forgive you but I am still sending you to hell. How often have we sinned since salvation, and yet God has committed to forgiving us.

God’s forgiveness lays the groundwork for reconciliation- Forgiveness also begins the process of reconciliation. No one is forgiven by God without being reconciled to God. 2 Corinthians 5:17–21 “Therefore if any man be in Christ, he is a new creature: old things are passed away; behold, all things are become new. And all things are of God, who hath reconciled us to himself by Jesus Christ, and hath given to us the ministry of reconciliation; To wit, that God was in Christ, reconciling the world unto himself, not imputing their trespasses unto them; and hath committed unto us the word of reconciliation. Now then we are ambassadors for Christ, as though God did beseech you by us: we pray you in Christ’s stead, be ye reconciled to God. For he hath made him to be sin for us, who knew no sin; that we might be made the righteousness of God in him.” If you are not willing to make the relationship right and restore if they repent and confess, then you have not truly forgiven the other person. Sometimes reconciliation may be impossible or even dangerous and so wisdom needs to be taken when dealing with certain situations. We wouldn’t want a sexually abused person putting themselves back in contact with an abuser. A counselor can help navigate some of those dicy waters, but when there is a heart that doesn’t want to see reconciliation, there is no forgiveness.

God’s forgiveness does not eliminate all consequences- We are not condemned according to Romans 8:1 “There is therefore now no condemnation to them which are in Christ Jesus, who walk not after the flesh, but after the Spirit.” but that doesn’t mean there are no consequences for our actions. We know in Heb 12, that we face chastisement. Consider the example of David 2 Samuel 12:13–14 “And David said unto Nathan, I have sinned against the Lord. And Nathan said unto David, The Lord also hath put away thy sin; thou shalt not die. Howbeit, because by this deed thou hast given great occasion to the enemies of the Lord to blaspheme, the child also that is born unto thee shall surely die.” This is important for the situation with the abuser I mentioned earlier. The goal would be to see that person confess, and repent; but just because we forgive doesn’t mean they get off scott free. He would have to face jail time potentially.

What is forgiveness?

Definition of God’s forgiveness : a commitment by the one true God to pardon graciously those who repent and believe so that they are reconciled to him although this commitment does not eliminate all consequences.