FCC Love One Another Series: The Gospel Changes Your Home (Ephesians 5:21-6:4)

Andy Griffith—Andy the Marriage Counselor

Fred and Jennie Boone

every try to get along with a rattlesnake

Fred—morning honey, Jennie—morning dear

as their marriage got better, treated others poorly

conclusion—let them fight for sake of everyone else

should we settle for a loveless marriage?

FCC Love One Another Series (1 John)

the gospel creates a community

the gospel changes our love for our church family

The Gospel Changes Your Home

the gospel (JESUS) changes our love for those in our home

subsidiarity

family = building blocks of human society

determines how healthy a society is

but the family is under attack…right here in America

marriage is under attack

death of traditional marriage

redefining marriage as anything other than man/woman (homosexual, in God’s eyes—NOT REAL MARRIAGES)

infidelity, sexual sin (pornography), abortion, sexual revolution all contributed to downfall of marriage

new era where marriage is not valued—becomes optional

people living together without the covenant of marriage

loose commitment = easy separation

nothing new

NT times

Jewish men

prayed “God, thank you not a Gentile, slave, or woman.”

divorce and remarriage distorted (any offense)

Greeks

concubines were common

wife’s role to bear legitimate children and keep house

Roman society worse

marriage like legalized prostitution

because divorce happened as often as desired

women didn’t want to have children

because ruined looks of their bodies

marriage has been under attack for ages

time for followers of JESUS to look to the Scriptures for marriage

NOT TO OUR CULTURE

our marriages should look radically different than our culture

no longer self-centered but Christ-centered

Ephesians 5 pew # 1162

5:22 no verb—NASB/LSB (italics means not in original)

go back to 5:18 for verb—be filled with the Spirit

the gospel changes our marriage

GOSPEL = recipient of HS

5:21

mutual submission towards our fellow church members

now applied in a marriage relationship

Husbands and wives

who you marry is the 2nd most important decision of your life

to the youth and young adults—don’t tune out…how is God wanting to shape your understanding of marriage?

wives, willingly submit to your husbands

5:22-24

submit

not popular in our society

used in wrestling match when surrendering

conjures up visual images of masters/slaves

BUT I take refuge in God’s unchanging Word

wives are not commanded to obey their husbands

as children obey their parents

husbands are not to treat their wives like children or servants

but as equals

Paul is describing how to live a Spirit-filled life in submitting to one another

here Paul is indicating what that looks like

Christians submit to God’s plan

here the husband is the head of the wife

just as Christ is the head of the church

function, not value

both of equal value, made in image of God

role and function is where God made distinctions

husband—leader

wife—help mate

this is where the result of the Fall plays a part

when sin entered, the wife would have desires to usurp her husband

Genesis 3:16b (more at 9a—Special Track BS)

ongoing struggle between man and woman for leadership in the marriage

the woman will desire to be the head

the man will desire to rule in a tyrannical manner

submission is not a dirty word

think of Jesus submission to the Father (not my will but your)

it made Him no less God

here Paul asserts God’s design in marriage

so husband

you make it far easier for your wife to submit when you love like Jesus

in submission to the Lord

wives your submission is less about submitting to your husband

and more about submitting to God’s plan for your marriage

remember the gospel changes your marriage

purpose is for your marriage to reflect Christ’s relationship with the church

He lays down His life for the church

the Church willingly submits to His leadership

wives you do not submit to your husband BECAUSE he is lord, but as to the Lord

wives how is the Lord wanting your posture/attitude/actions to reflect His plan for your marriage?

twice as much space devoted to the husbands

husbands, love your wives

5:25-31

sacrificially

as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her (5:25)

husbands, we must look to the gospel to understand how we are to love our wives

not because our wives are lovely, beautiful, witty

I hope they are, but they are not all the time (neither are we)

more so, what happens if these characteristics disappear

your love is not based on what you get out of the marriage

our example of love is Jesus

who loved sinners and died for us

that means our love cannot be fickle (only when feel like it)

we need the HS to empower us to love supernaturally, like Jesus who laid down His life

spiritually

that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word (5:26)

husbands we should care about the spiritual wellbeing of our wives

knowing that the God uses His Word for sanctifying and cleansing

are you leading according to the Word?

are you leading her to be more devoted to Jesus?

OR are you leading her away from Jesus?

does the Word guide your marriage?

are you clinging to the things the Word tells you to?

are you running from the things the Word tells you to avoid?

eyes for one woman

affectionately

husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. (5:28)

care for body

bathroom bag as big as Amanda

do I care for her the same way I care for my own body?

better now

bachelor mentality when first married

you wife is not your maid

she is a God-given treasure to be nourished/cherished

just as Christ does the church

does she know she is a treasure to you?

unconditionally

“Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.” (5:31)

Gen 2:24

leave and cleave

in marriage, a new family begins

the relationship of marriage is binding and permanent

vows—good/bad, richer/poorer, sickness/health, until death do us part

be committed to your wife like Christ is to the church

husbands how is the Lord wanting your posture/attitude/actions to reflect His plan for your marriage?

your marriage is to be a reflection of the gospel—Christ’s relationship with His Church

5:32-33

there are blessings and advantages to marriage

Get Married by Brad Wilcox

“success sequence is idea that if students, young adults get at least a high school degree, work full-time in their twenties and get married before having children, their odds of being poor just 3%, and their odds of reaching kind of the middle class or higher are 86%”

accumulate more wealth

more meaningful lives

committed—sharing life (checking accounts) less divorce prone

family-centered—date nights, family fun time, chores with kids = happiest marriages

all this indicates is that God knows what He is talking about

BUT your marriage is not about what you get out of it

it’s not about you being happy, but holy

it is about displaying God’s glory in your marriage

as you look to Christ’s relationship with His Church

2 becoming 1 = mystery

BUT NOT POINT

real mystery is that marriage is primarily about the gospel

Christ’s relationship with His Church

plea to youth and young adults

value marriage, don’t avoid it

value children, don’t avoid them

blank screen

the family is under attack

definition of family

not debated 50 years ago

Amanda’s class has examples…none we would define as family

Roe vs. Wade (1973)—legalized abortion nationwide

removed privilege of women—giving birth

because wanted women to be like men (equally un-pregnant)

birthrate

2.1 is replacement rate

2,100 births for every 1,000 women

America at lowest birthrate since tracking in 1930’s—1.62

South Korea—.72 birthrate

China—one child policy

now backfiring (34M more men than women = entire population of California who will never find a wife)

Japan—robots to work at nursing homes

why so few children?

children are not valued as God values children

to some, children are too inconvenient (selfish)

children are too costly (lavish lifestyle)

Gen 1:28a

Psalm 127:3-5a

heartbroken over kiddos’ classmates home lives

Christian homes are to be radically different than those of the world

Parents and children

children, obey and honor your parents

not cool in teenage culture

moms and dads are portrayed as bozos (just watch Disney channel)

6:1-3

children does not refer to young children but to all offspring

while in the home, sons and daughters are to obey and honor their parents

you are to obey and honor your parents because this is how you obey and honor the Lord

obey

“to hear under”

ACTION—listen with attentiveness and respond positively to what is heard

honor

right ATTITUDE = value highly, respect

fight the temptation to roll eyes, slam doors, storm off

do what you are told, when you are told, with a respectful attitude

for this is right (6:1b)

Augustine— “Right is right, even if no one does it, and wrong is wrong, even if everyone does it.”

a generation of undisciplined, disobedient children will produce a society that is chaotic and destructive

plus the OT command comes with a promise

respecting of your parents’ authority transfers to your respect of authority in the future

bosses, police officers, governmental leaders, teachers, professors, etc.

builds a society that we all want to have

children, how is the Lord wanting your obedience and honor to grow towards your parents?

Parents,…

6:4

though it is translated fathers, also used of parents

children are a blessing from the union of marriage

so naturally it seems like Paul is writing to both the father and mother

disciple your children

bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord. (6:4)

I chose the word disciple instead of discipline

because I think it captures both discipline and instruction

discipline—training, including punishment

instruction—“putting in mind,” including correction

Deuteronomy 6:4-9

Judges 2:10

if you don’t disciple your children

the world will be happy to do it for you

if we don’t disciple our children

we cannot be surprised when they embrace the ungodly and immoral practices of the world

believing parents

this is primarily your job (meat and potatoes)

church (only a few hours per week) is gravy (except for children with unbelieving parents)

open the Word with your children

Action Bible / FCC Bible plan

teach them how to live out the Biblical principles

you will do this by following Jesus yourself

don’t expect your children to do as you say,

and not as you do

parents, how is the Lord wanting your discipleship of your children to grow?

without oppressing them

Roman father

totally new concept in Paul’s day

pagan strongholds in Ephesus

most families were in shambles

mutual love—unheard of

a father’s love for his children—hard to imagine

the father had life/death power over his slaves & household

he could cast any one of them out of the house, sell as slaves, or kill—and be accountable to no one

newborns were placed at father’s feet

if he picked up, then child allowed to stay in home

if he walked away, then child discarded (possibly to be raised by slaves or prostitutes)

Paul writes to show how the gospel changes your home

there is a tight line we tow trying to disciple our children without alienating them

key to being able to disciple (& discipline) your children

create an environment of love

so when you correct, it is not seen as oppression

time when I was oppressive

3 little children = referee (not parent)

“Speak Life” by TobyMac

We can turn a heart through the words we say

Mountains crumble with every syllable

Hope can live or die

Look into the eyes of the brokenhearted

Watch them come alive as soon as you speak hope

You speak love, you speak life

“My family’s all grown and the kids are all gone. But if I had to do it all over again, this is what I would do. I would love my wife more in front of my children. I would laugh with my children more—at our mistakes and our joys. I would listen more, even to the littlest child. I would be more honest about my own weaknesses, never pretending perfection. I would pray differently for my family; instead of focusing on them, I’d focus on me. I would do more things together with my children. I would encourage them more and bestow more praise. I would pay more attention to little things, like deeds and words of thoughtfulness. And then, finally, if I had to do it all over again, I would share God more intimately with my family; every ordinary thing that happened in every ordinary day I would use to direct them to God.”

The Gospel Changes Your Home

outside of reading God’s Word

marriage and parenting have formed me more into the image of Christ

has Jesus changed your life? if so, Jesus will change your home

if He hasn’t, then maybe you are here to respond to Him?

if the Lord has taught you something this morning of how the gospel of Jesus should be changing your home, how will you respond?

tonight

pray for our church

pray for our homes