FCC Love One Another Series: The Gospel Changes Your Home (Ephesians 5:21-6:4)
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Andy Griffith—Andy the Marriage Counselor
Fred and Jennie Boone
every try to get along with a rattlesnake
Fred—morning honey, Jennie—morning dear
as their marriage got better, treated others poorly
conclusion—let them fight for sake of everyone else
should we settle for a loveless marriage?
FCC Love One Another Series (1 John)
the gospel creates a community
the gospel changes our love for our church family
The Gospel Changes Your Home
The Gospel Changes Your Home
the gospel (JESUS) changes our love for those in our home
subsidiarity
family = building blocks of human society
determines how healthy a society is
but the family is under attack…right here in America
marriage is under attack
death of traditional marriage
redefining marriage as anything other than man/woman (homosexual, in God’s eyes—NOT REAL MARRIAGES)
infidelity, sexual sin (pornography), abortion, sexual revolution all contributed to downfall of marriage
new era where marriage is not valued—becomes optional
people living together without the covenant of marriage
loose commitment = easy separation
nothing new
NT times
Jewish men
prayed “God, thank you not a Gentile, slave, or woman.”
divorce and remarriage distorted (any offense)
Greeks
concubines were common
wife’s role to bear legitimate children and keep house
Roman society worse
marriage like legalized prostitution
because divorce happened as often as desired
women didn’t want to have children
because ruined looks of their bodies
marriage has been under attack for ages
time for followers of JESUS to look to the Scriptures for marriage
NOT TO OUR CULTURE
our marriages should look radically different than our culture
no longer self-centered but Christ-centered
Ephesians 5 pew # 1162
5:22 no verb—NASB/LSB (italics means not in original)
go back to 5:18 for verb—be filled with the Spirit
the gospel changes our marriage
GOSPEL = recipient of HS
5:21
mutual submission towards our fellow church members
now applied in a marriage relationship
Husbands and wives
Husbands and wives
who you marry is the 2nd most important decision of your life
to the youth and young adults—don’t tune out…how is God wanting to shape your understanding of marriage?
wives, willingly submit to your husbands
wives, willingly submit to your husbands
5:22-24
submit
not popular in our society
used in wrestling match when surrendering
conjures up visual images of masters/slaves
BUT I take refuge in God’s unchanging Word
wives are not commanded to obey their husbands
as children obey their parents
husbands are not to treat their wives like children or servants
but as equals
Paul is describing how to live a Spirit-filled life in submitting to one another
here Paul is indicating what that looks like
Christians submit to God’s plan
here the husband is the head of the wife
just as Christ is the head of the church
function, not value
both of equal value, made in image of God
role and function is where God made distinctions
husband—leader
wife—help mate
this is where the result of the Fall plays a part
when sin entered, the wife would have desires to usurp her husband
Genesis 3:16b (more at 9a—Special Track BS)
ongoing struggle between man and woman for leadership in the marriage
the woman will desire to be the head
the man will desire to rule in a tyrannical manner
submission is not a dirty word
think of Jesus submission to the Father (not my will but your)
it made Him no less God
here Paul asserts God’s design in marriage
so husband
you make it far easier for your wife to submit when you love like Jesus
in submission to the Lord
in submission to the Lord
wives your submission is less about submitting to your husband
and more about submitting to God’s plan for your marriage
remember the gospel changes your marriage
purpose is for your marriage to reflect Christ’s relationship with the church
He lays down His life for the church
the Church willingly submits to His leadership
wives you do not submit to your husband BECAUSE he is lord, but as to the Lord
wives how is the Lord wanting your posture/attitude/actions to reflect His plan for your marriage?
twice as much space devoted to the husbands
husbands, love your wives
husbands, love your wives
5:25-31
sacrificially
sacrificially
as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her (5:25)
husbands, we must look to the gospel to understand how we are to love our wives
not because our wives are lovely, beautiful, witty
I hope they are, but they are not all the time (neither are we)
more so, what happens if these characteristics disappear
your love is not based on what you get out of the marriage
our example of love is Jesus
who loved sinners and died for us
that means our love cannot be fickle (only when feel like it)
we need the HS to empower us to love supernaturally, like Jesus who laid down His life
spiritually
spiritually
that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word (5:26)
husbands we should care about the spiritual wellbeing of our wives
knowing that the God uses His Word for sanctifying and cleansing
are you leading according to the Word?
are you leading her to be more devoted to Jesus?
OR are you leading her away from Jesus?
does the Word guide your marriage?
are you clinging to the things the Word tells you to?
are you running from the things the Word tells you to avoid?
eyes for one woman
affectionately
affectionately
husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. (5:28)
care for body
bathroom bag as big as Amanda
do I care for her the same way I care for my own body?
better now
bachelor mentality when first married
you wife is not your maid
she is a God-given treasure to be nourished/cherished
just as Christ does the church
does she know she is a treasure to you?
unconditionally
unconditionally
“Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.” (5:31)
Gen 2:24
leave and cleave
in marriage, a new family begins
the relationship of marriage is binding and permanent
vows—good/bad, richer/poorer, sickness/health, until death do us part
be committed to your wife like Christ is to the church
husbands how is the Lord wanting your posture/attitude/actions to reflect His plan for your marriage?
your marriage is to be a reflection of the gospel—Christ’s relationship with His Church
your marriage is to be a reflection of the gospel—Christ’s relationship with His Church
5:32-33
there are blessings and advantages to marriage
Get Married by Brad Wilcox
“success sequence is idea that if students, young adults get at least a high school degree, work full-time in their twenties and get married before having children, their odds of being poor just 3%, and their odds of reaching kind of the middle class or higher are 86%”
accumulate more wealth
more meaningful lives
committed—sharing life (checking accounts) less divorce prone
family-centered—date nights, family fun time, chores with kids = happiest marriages
all this indicates is that God knows what He is talking about
BUT your marriage is not about what you get out of it
it’s not about you being happy, but holy
it is about displaying God’s glory in your marriage
as you look to Christ’s relationship with His Church
2 becoming 1 = mystery
BUT NOT POINT
real mystery is that marriage is primarily about the gospel
Christ’s relationship with His Church
plea to youth and young adults
value marriage, don’t avoid it
value children, don’t avoid them
blank screen
the family is under attack
definition of family
not debated 50 years ago
Amanda’s class has examples…none we would define as family
Roe vs. Wade (1973)—legalized abortion nationwide
removed privilege of women—giving birth
because wanted women to be like men (equally un-pregnant)
birthrate
2.1 is replacement rate
2,100 births for every 1,000 women
America at lowest birthrate since tracking in 1930’s—1.62
South Korea—.72 birthrate
China—one child policy
now backfiring (34M more men than women = entire population of California who will never find a wife)
Japan—robots to work at nursing homes
why so few children?
children are not valued as God values children
to some, children are too inconvenient (selfish)
children are too costly (lavish lifestyle)
Gen 1:28a
Psalm 127:3-5a
heartbroken over kiddos’ classmates home lives
Christian homes are to be radically different than those of the world
Parents and children
Parents and children
children, obey and honor your parents
children, obey and honor your parents
not cool in teenage culture
moms and dads are portrayed as bozos (just watch Disney channel)
6:1-3
children does not refer to young children but to all offspring
while in the home, sons and daughters are to obey and honor their parents
you are to obey and honor your parents because this is how you obey and honor the Lord
obey
“to hear under”
ACTION—listen with attentiveness and respond positively to what is heard
honor
right ATTITUDE = value highly, respect
fight the temptation to roll eyes, slam doors, storm off
do what you are told, when you are told, with a respectful attitude
for this is right (6:1b)
Augustine— “Right is right, even if no one does it, and wrong is wrong, even if everyone does it.”
a generation of undisciplined, disobedient children will produce a society that is chaotic and destructive
plus the OT command comes with a promise
respecting of your parents’ authority transfers to your respect of authority in the future
bosses, police officers, governmental leaders, teachers, professors, etc.
builds a society that we all want to have
children, how is the Lord wanting your obedience and honor to grow towards your parents?
Parents,…
Parents,…
6:4
though it is translated fathers, also used of parents
children are a blessing from the union of marriage
so naturally it seems like Paul is writing to both the father and mother
disciple your children
disciple your children
bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord. (6:4)
I chose the word disciple instead of discipline
because I think it captures both discipline and instruction
discipline—training, including punishment
instruction—“putting in mind,” including correction
Deuteronomy 6:4-9
Judges 2:10
if you don’t disciple your children
the world will be happy to do it for you
if we don’t disciple our children
we cannot be surprised when they embrace the ungodly and immoral practices of the world
believing parents
this is primarily your job (meat and potatoes)
church (only a few hours per week) is gravy (except for children with unbelieving parents)
open the Word with your children
Action Bible / FCC Bible plan
teach them how to live out the Biblical principles
you will do this by following Jesus yourself
don’t expect your children to do as you say,
and not as you do
parents, how is the Lord wanting your discipleship of your children to grow?
without oppressing them
without oppressing them
Roman father
totally new concept in Paul’s day
pagan strongholds in Ephesus
most families were in shambles
mutual love—unheard of
a father’s love for his children—hard to imagine
the father had life/death power over his slaves & household
he could cast any one of them out of the house, sell as slaves, or kill—and be accountable to no one
newborns were placed at father’s feet
if he picked up, then child allowed to stay in home
if he walked away, then child discarded (possibly to be raised by slaves or prostitutes)
Paul writes to show how the gospel changes your home
there is a tight line we tow trying to disciple our children without alienating them
key to being able to disciple (& discipline) your children
create an environment of love
so when you correct, it is not seen as oppression
time when I was oppressive
3 little children = referee (not parent)
“Speak Life” by TobyMac
We can turn a heart through the words we say
Mountains crumble with every syllable
Hope can live or die
Look into the eyes of the brokenhearted
Watch them come alive as soon as you speak hope
You speak love, you speak life
“My family’s all grown and the kids are all gone. But if I had to do it all over again, this is what I would do. I would love my wife more in front of my children. I would laugh with my children more—at our mistakes and our joys. I would listen more, even to the littlest child. I would be more honest about my own weaknesses, never pretending perfection. I would pray differently for my family; instead of focusing on them, I’d focus on me. I would do more things together with my children. I would encourage them more and bestow more praise. I would pay more attention to little things, like deeds and words of thoughtfulness. And then, finally, if I had to do it all over again, I would share God more intimately with my family; every ordinary thing that happened in every ordinary day I would use to direct them to God.”
The Gospel Changes Your Home
The Gospel Changes Your Home
outside of reading God’s Word
marriage and parenting have formed me more into the image of Christ
has Jesus changed your life? if so, Jesus will change your home
if He hasn’t, then maybe you are here to respond to Him?
if the Lord has taught you something this morning of how the gospel of Jesus should be changing your home, how will you respond?
tonight
pray for our church
pray for our homes