Got Questions? - Week 6

What Does the Bible Say About the Parent-Child Relationship?

In the Garden of Eden, after God created Adam and Eve, the very 1st thing He instituted was the family. God thinks very highly of the family. As a matter of fact, God speaks to the importance of family all throughout His Word.

But one of the most important aspects of the family is how they interact with one another. How should children interact with their parents? How should the parents interact with their child? We need to know the answer to these questions because how we interact with each other plays a pivotal role in our obedience to God and our relationship with Him. We cannot expect to be right with God if we are not right in our homes!

As we look at these passages today, we need to keep in mind that Paul was writing to Christians. The things he mentions are things we ought to expect from a Christian family. Non-christian homes will not have this dynamic down because they do not have the “new man” that Paul speaks of throughout Colossians 3.

I. The Responsibility of the Child (Colossians 3:20; Ephesians 6:1-3; Exodus 20:12)

“Children” - Paul is speaking to those who are still in the household and still under the authority of their parents.

Remember that the Bible does not follow our cultural standards. In our culture, turning 18 is the moment you are no longer considered a child, but in Biblical times, you were considered a child or under the authority of your parents as long as you were in their household.

“Obey your parents in all things” - Those who are still under their parents authority are COMMANDED to obey their parents

They are to obey their parents IN ALL THINGS. The only exception to this is if what they ask you to do is in direct opposition to God and His Word

IMPORTANT NOTE: There is a difference in what Paul is commanded in Colossians 3 and what Moses commanded in Exodus 20.

The 5th Commandment (Exodus 20:12) says that we are to Honor our parents, whereas Colossians 3 and Ephesians 6 tell children to obey their parents. What is the difference?

Obey = has to do with our actions. Example: Your parents tell you to clean your room and you do it

Honor = has to do with our attitude. Example: Your parents tell you to clean your room and you do it, but you have a bad attitude while doing it. Being disrespectful to our parents is also dis-honoring them.

The command to obedience lasts as long as you are under their authority, but the command to honor never goes away.

“For this is well pleasing unto the Lord” - This is the most important reason why a child should obey their parents, because it pleases God. It is not just pleasing, it is WELL pleasing!

A Failure to exercise and submit to Biblical Authority is to sin against the very nature of God

Ephesians 6:1 says that they should obey because it is RIGHT

Another reason is that God will bless and prolong the life of one who honors their parents (Ephesians 6:3)

But what if our parents are wrong? Are we still to obey them?

Unless you know for a fact that it is a direct violation against God’s Word and not just your opinion that they are wrong, then yes, as a Christian, you are obligated to submit and obey them.

Example: Your parents tell you to be home by 7pm before it gets dark, but sunset is actually at 8:30. They may be technically “wrong” about when it gets dark, but they are not asking you to sin, and therefore, you are to obey their wishes and be home by 7.

IMPORTANT NOTE: Most of the time that the child THINKS their parents are wrong about something, That is usually not the case. Most of the time it is the child who is wrong or lacks the proper perspective or understanding of the situation.

II. The Responsibility of the Parent (Colossians 3:21; Ephesians 6:4)

But let us not think that Parents dont have any responsibility themselves, for in the very next verse of BOTH passages speaks of the parent’s responsibility

“Provoke not your children to anger” - The word for “provoke” means “to irritate by exacting commands and perpetual fault finding and interference for interference’ sake”

Parents can provoke their children by being too harsh, too demanding, too controlling, unforgiving, or just plain angry

It is easy to put all the blame on the child for their behavior, but Paul reminds us that sometimes their bad behavior is provoked by the parent.

“Lest they be discouraged” - children who grow up with parents who provoke them will become discouraged. They will come to believe everyone is against them b/c their parents are against them

This is why parents must season everything with grace and forgiveness when it comes to their kids

“but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord” (Ephesians 6:4)

Nurture - Chastening. It carries the idea of training through the means of corrective discipline

Admonition - more of teaching, though sometimes the corrective discipline (nurture) is needed first.

It is also the responsibility of the parent to teach their children HOW to obey. You dont need to teach a child how to disobey, for their sin nature learns that naturally. But if the parent is not teaching the child HOW to obey, then it is difficult to expect the child to know how to obey.

Other responsibilities include teaching their children the truths of God and His Word (Deuteronomy 6; Proverbs 22:6)

Conclusion

Both parent and child have equal responsibility to obey the instructions that God gives.

The child must obey as long as they remain under the authority of the parent but they must honor for their entire lives.

The parent must not provoke the child and must train the child through discipline and teaching.

Their obedience to these instructions are NOT DEPENDENT upon the obedience of the other.

If the parents are not obeying the instruction to “not provoke” the child, the child is still obligated to obey the parents. God did not include exemptions to His commandments.

If the children are refusing to obey, the parent is still obligated to “not provoke” them.