Humility In Conflict Part 2 | Philippians 2:1-4

Opening Remarks:

This is a model church, but even model churches have issues to deal with. Apparently there were issues of disunity that were threatening the health and effectiveness of the church.

And the lesson for us is, if disunity could happen in Philippi, it can happen in Sioux Falls.

READ Phil. 2:1-4

TITLE Humility and Conflict

SUBTITLE How To Spot Humility When There’s A Conflict

PRAY

Introduction:

I saw a Twitter survey from a few years back about 25 silly things churches fight over. These were submitted by church leaders.

Here were some of the favorite submissions:

1 Argument over the appropriate length of the worship pastor’s beard

2 Fight over whether or not to build a children’s playground or to use the land for a cemetery (Are you dying to know how it was resolved?).

3 A deacon accusing another deacon of sending an anonymous letter, and deciding to settle the matter in the parking lot

4 A church argument and vote to decide if a clock in the worship center should be removed

5 A 45-minute heated argument over the type of filing cabinet to purchase: black or brown; 2, 3, or 4 drawers.

6 A dispute over whether the worship leader should have his shoes on during the service

7 A dispute in the church because the Lord’s Supper had cran/grape juice instead of grape juice (Of course it should be grape juice. It’s right there in Hezekiah 4:11.).

8 Arguments over what type of green beans the church should serve (I could have resolved this conflict quickly: none.).

9 Two different churches reported fights over the type of coffee. In one of the churches, they moved from Folgers to a stronger Starbucks brand. In the other church, they simply moved to a stronger blend. Members left the church in the latter example

10 An argument on whether the church should allow deviled eggs at the church meal (Only if it’s balanced with angel food cake for dessert).

11 A disagreement over using the term “potluck” instead of “pot blessing”

12 Some church members left the church because one church member hid the vacuum cleaner from them. It resulted in a major fight and split

13 An argument over whether to have gluten-free communion bread or not

14 A dispute over whether the church should allow people to wear black t-shirts, since black is the color of the devil (I thought he was red?)

15 A fight over whether or not to sing “Happy Birthday” each week (I’ve got an idea. Alternate it with the doxology.).

We can turn anything into a fight!

Knowing the danger of pride and contention, we need to work hard at having humility.

#1. The first was to Remember the Cause Of Christ.

Philippians 1:27 speaks of striving together for the faith of the Gospel.

When you remember the cause or the mission, it helps you to humbly accept whatever happens because there’s something bigger depending on you.

“Will it make the boat go faster?”

You can choose humility when you remember you’re just a small piece to a big puzzle.

So humility comes when we Remember the Cause of Christ.

#2. Second, humility comes when we Embrace the Mind of Christ.

Paul lists a number of things that we have in Jesus Christ.

1. Consolation in Christ - This means we are encouraged because of our relationship with Christ.

The word “consolation” is “paraklesis,” which means “one called alongside to help.”

Jesus Christ never leaves us alone to deal with hardships on our own.

And Paul says, “If you have that in Christ, you ought to grant it to others. Always be ready to encourage when called.”

2. Comfort of Love - Jesus loved you and I when we least deserved it.

He loves me even though I’m altogether unlovely. I find comfort in His unwavering love.

So Paul says, “If you have that in Christ, then love others like that. Even when they’re offensive or unlovely.”

3. Fellowship of the Spirit - We have the indwelling Holy Spirit in our lives, which enables us to have fellowship with anyone else in Christ.

The HS is like oil that lubricates the friction between two otherwise proud and contentious people.

If God fellowship with you, fellowship with others.

4. Bowels and Mercies - This means affection and compassion. Christ was moved by the plight of the people.

If He views you like that, view others like that. With mercy and affection and compassion.

So that’s how Paul motivate us to have humility.

But then he says, “Now here’s what it looks like”

I. You know you’re humble if, in a conflict, you put unity above getting your own way. Vs. 2

Unity takes God’s people saying, “I’m going to be humble for the greater good.”

A. Be Likeminded - We looked at this on Wednesday. The word “mind” is a verb that points more to attitude than knowledge. Similar to how someone might say, “He had a mind to do that” or “She had a mind to go there.”

It means you intend to do something. You’re resolved.

Unity takes that. Like a couple married for 50 years, they didn’t get there by accident. It’s usually because the wife has a mind to make it work!

A unified church doesn’t just happen. It’s the result of a group of people that have a mind to make it work.

Paul’s thought here is that we all have a mind to be unified around the Gospel rather than getting our own way.

There are things, as an individual, that you are going to have to let go of for the sake of unity. Be likeminded, not that you have to have the same opinion every time, but that you are both minded toward unity.

B. Having The Same Love - We find out a couple of verses later he means the love that Christ has. The love that He proved when He came to earth in the flesh and died on a cross. A love that says, “I’ll give up my rights for someone else’s sake.” He gave up His position next to the Father to come to earth.

And yet we find it hard to submit to something at church because it’s not how we would do it.

Or we struggle to have a good attitude at work because our idea didn’t get enough attention.

We have conflict at home because what you prefer doesn’t always happen.

But the same love that Christ had for us means we have to let go of our desires for the sake of other people.

C. United In Spirit - This literally means “one in soul.” The idea is that unity is not in structure, although that matters in any church or workplace. You need things to be organized and for things to be run smoothly. But that’s not the deepest type of unity. The deepest type of unity is more than outward action or conformity to a set of procedures. Real unity is found on a heart level.

Illustration: Little four year old boy whose dad told him to sit down, but he didn’t. Dad told him again, “Son, I said sit down.” He still didn’t. So the dad took him by the shoulders and place him in his chair and said, “Now, son, sit there.” Through clenched teeth the boy said, “I may be sitting down on the outside, but I’m standing up on the inside.”

That’s not exactly the spirit God is looking for. And it ought not be that way in a church either. It’s not just about conforming so life is easier. It’s about a heart level desire to do right for the sake of the whole.

Of One Mind - This phrase is literally, “being minded on the one thing.” Determined to strive for the one most important thing. Again, this goes back to the cause. If we don’t have unity and love and cooperation, it blows up our ability to be a witness to the world.

John 13:34–35 - Jesus said, “…love one another; as I have loved you, that ye also love one another. By this shall all men know that ye are my disciples, if ye have love one to another.”

Our treatment of each other impacts the effectiveness of our testimony.

In any conflict, our first thought ought not be, “How can I get my way?” Or “How can I express that I’m not happy?” Instead, our question in any potential conflict ought to be, "Is my primary concern about self or unity?”

If there’s a conflict, and both sides have a mind to exalt Christ rather than get their way, can you imagine how few issues of disunity we’d actually have?

Do you realize how many conflicts that would resolve themselves without them becoming a big deal?

Do you recognize how many problems with drama would automatically be avoided?

What does humility look like? Choosing unity over getting your own way.

II. Humility requires an US attitude, not a ME attitude. vs. 3

CS Lewis, “Humility is not thinking less of yourself. It’s thinking of yourself less.”

Our culture bombards us with these thoughts: Stand up for your rights, Don’t stop until you get what you want, Believe in yourself, etc.

The American way is self-fulfillment, self-expression, personal freedom, individuality, my truth.

If someone is told all the time, “You matter more than anyone else,” no wonder so many are entitled and selfish and couldn’t care less the impact their actions have on someone else.

That mindset and behavior appeals to our pride.

But if Christ had that mindset, He would have never come to earth. He would have never left the comforts at His Father’s right hand.

Paul says, “Do nothing through strife or vainglory.”

Strife is selfishness. Vain glory means to be puffed up with an unwarranted sense of importance.

What Paul is saying is that we ought to filter every word, every choice, every attitude, through this thought: Is that about ME or this about US?

Nothing a Christian does ought to be primarily about self-interest.

A. B. Bruce, wrote, “The whole aim of Satanic policy is to get self-interest recognized as the chief end of man.” (The Training of the Twelve)

That’s so true. That was Satan in Heaven before he was cast down. “I, I, I, I, me, me, me, me.” Then he convinced Eve to put her self-interest above obedience and the good of the human race. That’s been his MO the whole time.

But understand, self-interest will never help unity. Because it creates a ME attitude, instead of an US attitude.

In contrast, Paul says, “Be lowly in mind, and esteem others better than self.”

Paul says, “It’s not about feeling bad about yourself. It’s about not thinking of yourself at all.”

You can be self-deprecating and still be supremely selfish. It’s still a complete focus on self.

Paul writes, “Esteem other better than yourself. Stop thinking about yourself. Think about others.”

So…

I. You know you’re humble if, in a conflict, you put unity above getting your own way. Vs. 2

II. You know you’re humble if, in a conflict, you have have an US attitude, not a ME attitude. vs. 3

III. You know you’re humble if, in a conflict, you put the interests of others above your own. vs. 4

I read about a newlywed couple and the husband went up to a ticket counter to buy tickets for something, and out of habit, he bought only one. When his new wife said, “Are you forgetting something?” he quickly said, “You’re right, honey. I completely forgot to get one for myself.” Good recovery.

That’s human nature. Our interests come first. Our needs are first. Others, second, if at all.

But you can spot a humble person if they put the needs of others above self. If they look not at their own things, but on the things of others.

This is such a big lesson to learn as a human being.

We’re born so selfish. Infants couldn’t care at all about the needs of mom. They want to eat. They want to be changed. And they don’t care who hears about it.

There’s a lack of self-awareness when you’re young. You don’t care who sees you, you don’t care who’s watching. You just want to do what you feel like doing when you feel like doing it.

But we eventually grow out of it, or we should.

And how unbecoming it is when someone older couldn’t care less about others and their needs.

How unbecoming if, in a conflict, a person doubles down on self-interest.

It’s amazing how angry and spirited and bold people can be when they aren’t getting their way.

I heard a quote, not sure where it came from or if this is exact, but it went something like this:

Spiritual immaturity becomes most evident when someone doesn’t get their way.

When a child doesn’t get their way, we halfway expect them to throw a fit about it. Why? Because of physical immaturity. Now, if that’s a regular habit, that’s a parent issue, but that’s what kids do.

But how grievous when someone who has benefitted from a relationship with Christ through encouragement, love, fellowship and mercy, refuses to offer those same things to a fellow Christian in a conflict.

How sad when someone who has experienced unity with God through the selfless love of Jesus Christ refuses to have a mind to work together with other believers. Or won’t choose to show love to someone else. Or refuses be united in spirit.

When we choose to fight for our own way, we are aligning with the spirit of the age.

When we have a ME attitude instead of an US attitude, we are acting like the culture.

When we are more about self-interest than meeting the needs of others, we aren’t being like Christ.

The key to resolving and avoiding conflict is to die to self and lift others up for the cause of Christ.

How you do survive church conflicts? It can only happen if individuals choose to die to self and put others’ needs first for the cause of Christ.

But there’s not just conflict at church. There’s conflict everywhere.

And the formula is the same everywhere.

If there’s conflict at home, husbands and wives, die to self and meet the needs of your spouse.

If there’s a conflict at home, teenager, die to your self and look to be a blessing to your parents.

If there’s a conflict at work, die to yourself and meet the needs of your boss or coworkers.

How do we know this works?

Well, we’re going to dig into the mind of Christ the next time we’re in Philippians.

What did He do? He died to self and met the needs of others for the glory of His Father.

Is it easy to hold your tongue? No, but it’s the way of Christ.

Is it easy to walk away from conflict? No, but it’s the mind of Christ.

Is it easy to be treated unfairly or be wronged? No, but that’s what Christ did.

Okay, Pastor, but what if the other person won’t submit to these truths too?

Does the passage give any circumstance in which it’s okay to forget humility and revert to self-interest?

If not, then here’s what you do - die to self and meet the needs of others.

Do what you can control to do and let God take care of what you can’t.

So how do I know if I have humility in a conflict?

I. If you put unity above getting your own way.

II. If you have an US attitude, not a ME attitude.

III. If you put the interests of others above your own.