God’s Most Effective Shepherd - You!

Table Talk

How is the Great Commission a restatement of the dominion mandate given to Adam and Eve?

How did Jesus develop his disciples? How does that parallel with us as parents?

What dangers t do young people growing up in a Christian home face?

Thanks for being here again!

I refuse to accept the fact that one of the three of my girls will spend eternity apart from my heavenly father.

We must rally behind that reality that Scripture is sufficient for salvation, for Christian teaching and living.

2 Peter 1:3 ESV

3 His divine power has granted to us all things that pertain to life and godliness, through the knowledge of him who called us to his own glory and excellence,

As Bettis says in the book, when we look at the scriptures we aren’t first confronted with the how but the who.

Scripture Puts the Primary Responsibility On Us!

You are the primary discipler of your children…

Deuteronomy 6:6–7 ESV

6 And these words that I command you today shall be on your heart. 7 You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise.

Psalm 78:5–7 ESV

5 He established a testimony in Jacob and appointed a law in Israel, which he commanded our fathers to teach to their children, 6 that the next generation might know them, the children yet unborn, and arise and tell them to their children, 7 so that they should set their hope in God and not forget the works of God, but keep his commandments;

Proverbs 1:8 ESV

8 Hear, my son, your father’s instruction, and forsake not your mother’s teaching,

Joel 1:3 ESV

3 Tell your children of it, and let your children tell their children, and their children to another generation.

Ephesians 6:4 ESV

4 Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.

PARENTS, particularly the FATHERS are to see that their children are instructed in the ways of the Lord.

Pastors from the Past Speak

This may be somewhat countercultural today (more in some places than others)… but it’s really something that pastors have been talking about for a while.

Pastors for generations have been emphasizing the families role on discipleship.

First, let us begin by emphatically declaring it is parents (father in particular) and no the church who are given the primary responsisbiltiy for calling the next generation to hope in God. The church serves a supplementary role, reinforcing the biblical nurture that is occuring in the home. -Charles Spurgeon

Every Christian family ought to be as it were a little church, consecrated to Christ, wholly influenced and governed by his rules. And family education and order are some of the chief means of grace. If these fail, all other means are likely to prove ineffectual. If these are duly maintained, all the means of grace will be likely to prosper and be successful. - Johnathan Edwards

These Pastors from the past have recognized that the family is not the exclusive means of discipleship but is meant to be the primary one.

The Power Of God’s Design

“Why would God design it this way? >>> might be a question some might ask.

You may say to yourself… “I’m not an expert at this.”

No one has more potential to observe and influence your child’s spiritual growth than you.

Research shows, that truth is better transferred person to person. One to one tutoring and imitation are the best teaching methods.

“More is always caught rather than taught.”

Your family is a mini discipleship unit.

Think of the made up word… “WITHNESS” = Much of discipleship happens by just being by somebody.

2. Nothing has more potential to cause your own spiritual growth.

Becoming a shepherd-teacher-discipler is part of God’s maturing process for you.

In Hebrews, the writer is talking about the problem with immaturity.

Too many parents have fell into the trap of thinking that parenting should be easy… that parenting is not for me to mature, my kid needs to mature and be obedient.

Hebrews 5:11–12 CSB

11 We have a great deal to say about this, and it is difficult to explain, since you have become too lazy to understand. 12 Although by this time you ought to be teachers, you need someone to teach you the basic principles of God’s revelation again. You need milk, not solid food.

Parenting, in it’s own way is one of God’s way of maturing us.

This is maybe the best quotes

Many parents are missing the Lord’s agenda for their lives, because they have outsourced the spiritual discipleship of their children. Parenting is God’s means to transform us. Their sin, reveals our sin. Their questions reveal our ignorance. All of these are God’s prompts for us to grow.

Assumption to Unlearn

It has become the thought for parents to outsource the discipleship of their children to the “professionals”.

As far as being a youth pastor for 12 years… this is one of the more exhausting things for anyone who is in youth ministry or children’s ministry.

We must unlearn these assumptions that we have developed as a society.

SHORT HISTORY OF FAMILY DISCIPLESHIP:

The dawning of the Westward expansion in the late eighteenth century, church and community membership gave way to land ownership as essential elements of the American economy.

One upshot form this shift in the words of historian Sephen Keillor, a “patriarchal rebellion,” a generation of pioneer men whose focus moved form their families and communities to saloons, shooting matches, and “long hunts.”

In the 19th century, the Industrial revolution introduced a parallel fracturing of family structures in areas far removed from the American Frontier. Prior to this, children of every age had tended to work in their homes alongside family members from multiple generations.

The Industrial revolution reshapes Western culture, then the primary focus of labor moves from farms to factories. Families find themselves working in isolation from one another.

1875: Justices sanctions the use of tax dollars to maintain free secondary schools for all citizens. Segregated grade levels become the ideal.

You have challenges of the Industrial revolution which lead to this campaign for equal education which lays the foundation for public High School.

You begin to have Young People’s Society for Christian Endeavor emerge and organizations like it to give young people the chance to socialize and learn together.

To increase jobs available to adults and also discourage child labor practices, government agencies new truancy laws and enforced existing school-attending statutes, forcing adolescents out of the workplace and into schools.

By late 1940’s and 1950’s, the widespread availability of secondary public education, coupled with postwar economic recovery to birth new American Ideal.. This new ideal included the deep supposition that, in most respectable families, youth should be exempted from any responsibility to assist their families through meaningful labor.

The youth of this era also became the first generation in American Society that consistently received enough spending money to impact the economy in a significant way (Adolescents now becomes object of age-focused marketing)

In closing decades of 20th century, what had once seemed like a generational gap grew into a gaping chasm. Yet it wasn’t primarily a movement of youth away from adults.

It was adults, especially fathers, who gradually disappeared from children’s spheres of existence, throwing themselves into their own pursuits of leisure and labor.

In an effort to retain their children’s allegiance, parents pampered their children with more and more possessions. Adolescence became a time of maximal indulgence coupled with minimal responsibilities and minimal supervision.

Decades following the Second World War, Young Life, Youth for Christ, and similar ministries relied increasingly on these professional youth workers to attract HS students. By the 1960’s and 1970’s, local churches had also began to implement these para church ministry strategies.

By the close of the 20th century, the typical American parents spent fewer than 15 minutes each week in significant dialogue with his or her child. The percentage of parents highly or moderately involved in their children’s lives declined from 75% in elementary school to 50% among Middle Schoolers. 75% of teenagers reported that they had never experienced a meaningful conversation with their fathers. -Perspectives on Family Ministry

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Parents, there are still… in the year 2024 assumptions that need to be unlearned from decades of bad habits and bad understanding.

THE CHURCH HAS BEGUN TO FIGURE OUT…

THERE ARE SOME THINGS THAT ARE JUST TOO IMPORTANT TO BE OUTSOURCED.

IT’S IMPORTANT FOR THE FAMILIES TO TAKE THIS BACK.

No one can take the place of mom and dad building the spiritual truth into the lives of their children.

The church can and should help with this endeavor.

There is nothing wrong with this. But no parent should dismiss his or her God given DUTY.

No Greater Joy?

Where does discipling our children fit into other priorities?

Surrounding us, is this culture that makes all these sacrifices to make sure our children are at the top of whatever they are doing… (sports, school)

The first question we should be asking is not about the battle ground being in the heart of my child, it’s about the battle ground being in my heart as a parent. Even more so, my heart as a father.

We must decide which is most important to me, for my children to make it to Harvard or to heaven?

Challenge of GOOD VS. BETTER.

In everything we do as a parent for our children, anything we sign them up for, any decision that needs to be made for the parents… here’s a good question to ask. “HOW WILL THIS AFFECT THEIR SOULS?”

Alas, if our children lose the crown of life, it will be a small consolation (the prize you have won after you ultimately lost.) that they have won laurels of literature or art. - Spurgeon

A Patient, Persevering Priority

In fact… this isn’t a priority that will only be for a day, a week or a month. This priority must survive all the things of life. Sickness, unemployment, overwork, suffering.

Jesus, Himself, discipled people in the midst of lives activities, the good and the bad. We see form Him how it was woven through the fabric of life with all that it brings.

God’s Provision

You may have the feeling of WHO AM I? This feeling of INADEQUACY.

THIS IS EXACTLY WHERE GOD WANTS YOU… THIS IS THE POINT OF THE GOSPEL…. THAT WE CAN’T DO THIS ON OUR OWN…

A few points to help you here. Some Provisions that are without limit in the Kingdom of God and that we see in the Great Commission.

1. “All authority had been given to Me.”

Jesus declares that He reigns and rules from the heavens.

He has all authority.

Ephesians 1:18–21 (ESV)

… 20 that he worked in Christ when he raised him from the dead and seated him at his right hand in the heavenly places, 21 far above all rule and authority and power and dominion, and above every name that is named, not only in this age but also in the one to come.

We do this parenting thing under His authority.

2. “I am with you.”

When Jesus gave His disciples the command to go… He promised the most vital resources of all… His presence.

Jesus Himself walks with us through this joy and struggle.

Through it, He promises to teach us, to empower us, to guide us, to comfort us, all while we conform to His image.

There is no Guarentee!

Now, let us understand that yes we have been called to be the primary influence in our children’s life toward Christ.

Let us also be reminded upfront, there is no guarantee!

We must beware of several myths, and replace them with truths of the Gospel.

Myth # 1: The perfect environment will guarantee that my children follow the Lord.

The content of this study are not a method to guaranteed success, rather, it is an approach, direction, a frame of mind.

There is no concrete formula to discipleship.

Truth #1: You cannot control your children.

They are independent, moral beings made in the image of God.

They have real choices to make.

While i’m the main influence, I cannot nor should not control them.

There are plenty of parents who will do great jobs at this… and yet their child will walk away from the Lord. (JESUS HAD A DISCIPLE WALK AWAY).

Our Goal is not successful parenting, it’s faithful parenting.

“Duty is ours. Results are God’s” - John Quincy Adams.

Myth#2: The ultimate goal of my Christian life is to have my children follow the Lord.

Some parents need the reminder of being the primary influence of their children, other parents need the reminder of that it is not glorifying to God to sacrifice your own walk with the Lord, your emotional health, or even your marriage for your children.

When this happens, you have moved from worshiping Jesus to worshiping your child. You become child centered, rather than Gospel centered. (Idolatry)

This good desire of Godly children, can be turned into something that controls us

Truth#2: You should not make an idol out of having perfect Christian children.

We cannot love our children more than we love Jesus.

Luke 14:26 ESV

26 “If anyone comes to me and does not hate his own father and mother and wife and children and brothers and sisters, yes, and even his own life, he cannot be my disciple.

I cannot love them more than I love my wife.

I cannot find my identify in them.

My identity is in Christ alone.

Also, we should REFUSE TO JUDGE OURSELVES BY OUR CHILDREN.

This ultimately gives our witness an advantage.

Myth#3: It’s all up to me!

Truth#3: You cannot do this alone.

The Primary influence is and should be the parents. This is good and pleasing in the sight of the Lord.

But, It truly takes a village. We as parents needs the local church to come alongside us.

You are important, but you are not sufficient.

A fellowship offers to us and our children this consistent preaching of the Gospel, good examples and influence to our children. It also provides a place to serve, encouragement to pray, feeding from scripture, and good friends for our children to walk with as they grow up.

“The best thing we can do for our child’s soul is to become actively involved in a gospel-preaching, gospel living church.

Conclusion

Just because there are no guarantees, doesn’t mean we have the right to throw up our hands and give up.

God uses these tools he has given us.

Scripture calls me to apply these means to my children to give them every opportunity to come to know Christ and their Lord and Savior .

Pray for sun and rain, while also studying how to best plant the seed.

NEXT SESSION… Younger Years (Learning), Older Years (Convincing). And some foundational influences during both.

For Thought, Discussion, and Action

What are the three myths? Are these temptations for you and are these truths a partial relief?

The statement was made today that “The best thing you can do for your child’s soul is to become involved in a gospel-preaching, gospel-living church. Do you agree? What fights against involvement in our day?

Over the next week, meditate on these verses for devotions and think on how they apply to a family life: Deut. 6:6-7, Psalm 78:5-7, Proverbs 1:8, Joel 1:3, Eph. 6:4, 3 John 4.