The Source of the Problem

Intro

What do you want to talk about tonight?

Sex...

Cool. Take your Bibles and turn to Matthew 5.

Right now we’re going through a series through the Sermon on the Mount titled “Built to Last.” At this point in the sermon, Jesus is teaching us what it looks like to live in obedience to God. What’s so radical about his sermon so far, is that it’s far different from what the religious leaders were teaching.

Scripture

Matthew 5:27–30 CSB

27 “You have heard that it was said, Do not commit adultery. 28 But I tell you, everyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart. 29 If your right eye causes you to sin, gouge it out and throw it away. For it is better that you lose one of the parts of your body than for your whole body to be thrown into hell. 30 And if your right hand causes you to sin, cut it off and throw it away. For it is better that you lose one of the parts of your body than for your whole body to go into hell.

Pray

Lord open our eyes to see the wonders of your law.

Image

Leaky Faucet

Such an annoying sound

Trying to fix the sound of the drip

You can silence the problem for a moment

Shut the door

Put a wash cloth there

It’s gotten bad enough that it’s basically just running at all times at this point

YouTube

I was hoping to just be able to tighten a screw here or there

Likely something wrong on the inside

To fix it

Take it completely apart

Allen wrenches

Parts and Pieces are laying everywhere

The Shower Cartridge

Internal piece within the faucet handle that needs to be fixed

I go searching for this part

Ace doesn’t have it

Lowe’s doesn’t have it

Home Depot doesn’t have it

Called a plumber I know

He sent me to a plumbing supply place

They informed me that my specific cartridge had been discontinued and would need to be ordered from the factory

I get it ordered then go home

Putting it back together

Not at all correct...

Hot is where cold is supposed to be

Cold is where hot is supposed to be

When you push the little thing to make the water come out of the bath faucet instead of the shower head, it now comes out of both

In order to fix it, I’m going to have to take it apart again and fix what’s on the inside

Transition

Unless you get the inside just right… Things are never going to be right on the outside.

You can try to silence the problem all you want and keep it hidden but in order for things to be right, you’re going to have to do some work on the inside.

Theme

In our passage tonight, Jesus is teaching about the issue of adultery. He explains to us that this isn’t just an external problem. But actually, what’s going on externally is the result of an internal problem.

So, if we want to truly be righteous, it’s not just about managing what we do physically, but being transformed into the image of Christ internally.

So that even our thoughts and desires line up with who he is

Redefining Righteousness

What the Pharisees taught

Matthew 5:27 ““You have heard that it was said, Do not commit adultery.”

Just avoid the act of committing adultery and you’re righteous.

Their interpretation

Don't have sex with someone who is not your wife

That’s a good rule to live by

Most people agree with that rule

Jesus once again takes things a step farther

What Jesus is teaching

Matthew 5:28 “But I tell you, everyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart.”

It’s not just the act of adultery that you need to look out for

It’s the desire… that leads to the action that’s wrong as well

“Looks at a woman lustfully”

This is fixing your eyes on a woman with a desire to take her

Those moments where you see someone

A person

An image of a person

A video of a person

Your imagination begins to run

You desire to be with her

You begin to want her

And imagine what that might be like if you had her

Even if you look perfectly fine on the outside

That desire within you is sin as well

This was always the teaching of the scriptures

In the 10 Commandments

Do not commit adultery

Do not covet

Don’t have sex with your neighbor

Don’t want to have sex with your neighbor

Righteousness is not just when you look good externally

It’s when you are good internally

In fact, the action of adultery is the result of something being off internally

You see someone

You want that person

Your imagination begins to run

You act in those desires

Its not enough just to manage external activity

We want to be transformed on the inside

The problem was something going on beneath the surface

Dandelion problem

Kept mowing them down

The problem wasn’t what I could see

There was a root beneath the surface that was the issue

The dandelion that I could see was just the result of a bad root beneath the surface

Know someone with cancer

Symptoms

Fatigue

Aches

Pains

The issue

Not the symptoms

It’s the cancer within them

You can treat the symptoms for a season and pacify the issue

You still have a serious problem beneath the surface

The Pharisees thought there were better than everyone else because they hadn’t slept with anyone other than their spouse.

Jesus corrects that false line of thinking.

It’s not just the act of adultery that we want to fix, it’s the desires within your heart that needs work

This is something I wish I would have learned sooner

For much of my life

Just about managing what’s going on externally

It wasn’t a desire to be righteous

It was a desire to look righteous

Before we judge the Pharisees too much we often do the same

Set these boundaries

As long as we don’t have sex we can do whatever we want

Take it another step

As long as we don’t have a specific kind of sex we’re good

I can look at whatever I want as long as I’m not acting on it

Forgive my language

As long as it doesn’t lead to masturbation, it’s fine

So you limit what you look at

I can’t go to this website but this one is fine

These accounts are fine

I can’t look at this type of content but this type is fine

As long as it’s not aggressive it’s fine

As long as it’s consensual it’s fine

As long as certain body parts are covered I’m good

We justify looking at images of people or videos of people who aren’t completely naked

As long as it’s not labeled porn I’m good

It can be the same content but as long as it’s in a tv show or movie I’m good

Set these boundaries thinking they make us righteous when all the while our imaginations and our desires are running rampant with lustful thoughts

“That’s not righteousness…” - Jesus

“You still don’t get it…”

We’ve got to change our goal

What the goal isn’t

To manage what’s going on externally

Because you can appear perfectly respectable and have sin in your heart.

The goal is

To once again return to the beatitudes...

Pure in heart

We want to get rid of lustful thoughts entirely

If you’re asking what the line is...

What am I allowed to do?

What am I allowed to look at?

Is it okay if I follow accounts that post girls in bathing suits?

Idk… Is it effecting your purity?

Is it leading your imagination somewhere it doesn’t need to go?

Is it okay if I watch certain movies or shows?

Is it leading your imagination somewhere it doesn’t need to go?

Is it okay to read books with sexual content?

Is it leading your imagination somewhere it doesn’t need to go?

Because our desire is not just that we would look righteous on the outside

But that we would be pure in heart

The Ruin of Lust

Why is Jesus so concerned about this?

Why does it matter who I sleep with?

Why does it matter what I look at?

Jesus’s Design for relationships and sex

Marriage was created by God

Sex was created by God

Created for us to enjoy within a certain boundary

Anything sexual outside of those boundaries is dangerous and destructive

Song of Solomon

A book celebrating marriage and relationships

In the beginning

They’re engaged

They’re writing these little love letters back and forth

The man is heading to go get his wife

Then you get to the day of their wedding

You expect the story to stop

“What happens next is behind closed doors.”

But it doesn’t

The story takes us right on in to their bedroom

We get a glimpse of what God had intended for marriage

Song of Solomon 4:5 “Your breasts are like two fawns, twins of a gazelle, that feed among the lilies.”

Song of Solomon 4:6 “Until the day breaks and the shadows flee, I will make my way to the mountain of myrrh and the hill of frankincense.”

There are no mountains of myrrh or a hill of frankincense

She kept a little locket of incense between her breast

Song of Solomon 4:7–8 “You are absolutely beautiful, my darling; there is no imperfection in you. 8 Come with me from Lebanon, my bride; come with me from Lebanon! Descend from the peak of Amana, from the summit of Senir and Hermon, from the dens of the lions, from the mountains of the leopards.”

Let’s go to a secret place

Away from things that may devour you

Song of Solomon 4:9 “9 You have captured my heart, my sister, my bride. You have captured my heart with one glance of your eyes, with one jewel of your necklace.”

Sister

Not biological

This isn’t incest

Close intimacy

Best friend

Song of Solomon 4:10–15 “10 How delightful your caresses are, my sister, my bride. Your caresses are much better than wine, and the fragrance of your perfume than any balsam. 11 Your lips drip sweetness like the honeycomb, my bride. Honey and milk are under your tongue. The fragrance of your garments is like the fragrance of Lebanon. 12 My sister, my bride, you are a locked garden— a locked garden and a sealed spring. 13 Your branches are a paradise of pomegranates with choicest fruits; henna with nard, 14 nard and saffron, calamus and cinnamon, with all the trees of frankincense, myrrh and aloes, with all the best spices. 15 You are a garden spring, a well of flowing water streaming from Lebanon.”

Locked Garden

Boundaries

Beauty that had been protected

Song of Solomon 4:16 “Awaken, north wind; come, south wind. Blow on my garden, and spread the fragrance of its spices. Let my love come to his garden and eat its choicest fruits.”

Now within the covenant of marriage she invites him in

Song of Solomon 5:1 “I have come to my garden—my sister, my bride. I gather my myrrh with my spices. I eat my honeycomb with my honey. I drink my wine with my milk. Eat, friends! Drink, be intoxicated with caresses!”

Enjoy it

Proverbs 5:15–19“15 Drink water from your own cistern, water flowing from your own well. 16 Should your springs flow in the streets, streams in the public squares? 17 They should be for you alone and not for you to share with strangers. 18 Let your fountain be blessed, and take pleasure in the wife of your youth. 19 A loving deer, a graceful doe— let her breasts always satisfy you; be lost in her love forever.”

Marriage is to be enjoyed

Sex is to be enjoyed

But there are to be boundaries around it

Don’t let your springs flow in the streets

Don’t let your streams flow into the public squares

There needs to be boundaries

Within the boundaries this is a beautiful thing

The boundaries for us

Within the covenant of marriage

The problem

People are trying to enjoy sex outside of that boundary

They’re either having sex before marriage

Or they’re having sex with people that they’re not married to

Or they’re having sex with people in their minds

The damage of porn

It’s ruining relationships

The porn problem is running rampant

It’s a $1 Billion Industry

Nearly 30,000 people are watching porn every second

1 in 5 mobile searches are for porn

Most teens are being exposed to porn before turning 13

73% of teens have searched for and consumed pornography

90% of teens and 96% of young adults are either encouraging, accepting, or neutral when they talk about porn with their friends

Only half of adults 25 and older even think porn is wrong

Teenagers have a higher view of recycling than they do purity

The Results

Less satisfied in their relationships

Less committed to their partner

More accepting of cheating

Ruining people’s view of themselves

Specifically women

They feel like they could never measure up to the things that guys have watched and lusted over

Ruining people’s mental health

Resulted in an increase of sexual aggression

Resulted in an increase in sex trafficking

This is not what God wants for his children...

We cannot be okay with it

The enemy wants us to accept this sin as normal

You heard the stat… Most guys are struggling… it’s fine… It’s normal

Normal doesn’t mean good

It’s hurting you

It’s hurting marriages

It’s hurting your future marriage

It’s effecting the way you think about the opposite sex

It’s time to go to war

Ready for War

Matthew 5:29–30 “If your right eye causes you to sin, gouge it out and throw it away. For it is better that you lose one of the parts of your body than for your whole body to be thrown into hell. And if your right hand causes you to sin, cut it off and throw it away. For it is better that you lose one of the parts of your body than for your whole body to go into hell.”

Gouge out our eyes?

Cut off our hands?

I believe he’s exaggerating a point

Do whatever it takes to get rid of sin

Even if it means giving up something very precious to you

Hell?

Do you really want your life to be ruined by this?

You really want your life to go to the dumps?

2 Points from Martin Lloyd Jones

Refuse the Flesh

Romans 13:14 - “But put on the Lord Jesus Christ, and make no provision for the flesh to gratify its desires.

Provision - thoughtful planning to meet a need, forethought, foresight, providence

Taking steps in advance to ensure success

Preparing for the first day of school

Abby got everything ready the night before to make the next morning as easy as possible

clothes laid out

lunch packed

alarm set

breakfast ready to rock

Why?

To make things easier

To ensure success in the morning

She made provisions - took steps in advance to make things easier

Many of us have things in our lives that are just making it easier to sin

When we feel tempted to look at porn

We have easy options all around us to act on our temptation

Phones

Subscriptions

Internet

Privacy

Follow certain accounts

We can have a thought or a desire and be looking at things to fulfill that desire within the next 3 seconds

We’ve made provisions for the flesh

Set the table preparing for temptations arrival

When temptation shows up, we’re fully prepared to give in

We’ve made it easy

We’re just setting ourselves up for failure

Make no provision

Make it more difficult

When a temptation comes, we want to make it difficult to act on it

If you struggle to keep things from getting physical in your relationships

Don’t go anywhere private

Go on group dates

Go to public places

Don’t go behind closed doors alone

Don’t be in a home all by yourself

That’s radical...

Yeah… It is… And it’s good

If you struggle with a porn addiction

Don’t take it into your bedroom with you

Don’t take it into the bathroom with you

Delete some apps

Put blocks on your phone and let someone else control the password

Invest in something like

Covenant Eyes

Download the Aro app

Get rid of your smart phone

Remove internet access

Take some steps to make it really difficult to fall into temptation

Make no provision for the flesh

Restrain the Flesh

1 Corinthians 9:27 - “Instead, I discipline my body and bring it under strict control, so that after preaching to others, I myself will not be disqualified.”

Discipline

Strike in the face and blacken the eye

You beat it into submission

It’s declaring war against your flesh

My sinful desires are not in charge anymore

They’re not going to continue to take control and beat me up

Instead I’m going to war

Under Strict Control

Make your body obey you

Claim as your slave

Like a wild horse

Full of strength and power and potential

But completely out of control

Runs where it wants

Bucking and thrashes around

But a skilled trainer takes a hold of it

Overtime he’s able to lead and guide and direct his horse

Use it’s strength and power to accomplish his mission

Use it for his purpose

The horse isn’t in charge anymore

The trainer is now in charge

How do we do it?

Some of you hear this...

Yeah I’ve been trying

It’s gone too far

It’s turned into an addiction

Discipleship Group

Be incredibly honest with them

Tell them what’s going on

Bring it to the light

Some of you have been struggling silently and you need some brothers to lock arms with and go to war against this together

Fasting

Coming to understanding that your body is not in charge

I may be hungry but I don’t have to eat

Exercises your self-control muscles

When you have the desire to look at something that you shouldn’t

I may want to… but I don’t have to… and then you move on

My flesh is not in charge here

Reading God’s Word

Be transformed by the renewing of your mind

Learn and be reminded of what is good and what is right

Pray

If any change is going to happen it’s going to be because God changed you

I used to struggle with this…

It’s up to me

I can fix myself

I can control my actions

I think that was likely due to the fact that my view of sin was primarily external

You can often control what’s going on externally

But I don’t have a whole lot of power to control what’s going on internally

That’s up to the Holy Spirit

Obviously I can do things that quench The Spirit’s work

You can’t just sit back and wait

Keep looking at porn until God fixes you

You have to do work too

Work as if it’s all up to you. Pray as if it’s all up to God.

Take the necessary steps

Beg God for help

Pray with your discipleship group

Have them pray for you

You yourself beg God for strength

“Watch and pray so that you do not enter into temptation...”

Realize the price that was paid to deliver you

You do know that it was sin that sent Jesus to the cross right?

Sin

Not just the external expression of sin

Not just having sex before marriage

Not just cheating on your spouse

But lingering in want over someone who is not your spouse

It’s not just “Don’t commit adultery.” that God’s people were expected to obey

But also… “Don’t want your neighbors wife.”

It’s because of our sin

That Jesus sweat blood in the Garden

That he was beaten and insulted and scourged

That he was nailed to a cross

Where he suffered and died

Sin is a terrible thing

Remove the categories

Remove the pride that we have because we haven’t committed certain sins

No sin is sin

Not just the act of adultery

But the thought and the desire that is also sinful

And caused Jesus to be crucified

He did it to deliver you

From the punishment

To take the punishment that you deserve

From bondage

To set you free

Summary

In this passage we see a redefining of righteousness.

The external expression of sins comes from an internal disease

It’s the healing of the internal disease of sin that makes us righteous

The goal isn’t just to manage sinful activity

But to be pure in heart

We learn why this matters

Lust is ruining people’s lives and relationships

This wasn’t what God had in mind when he created marriages

So we go to war

Doing whatever it takes to remove sin from our lives

It’s not anything to play with

Call

I want to finish this way

Ephesians 5:22–33 (CSB)

22 Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord, 23 because the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church. He is the Savior of the body. 24 Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives are to submit to their husbands in everything. 25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself for her 26 to make her holy, cleansing her with the washing of water by the word. 27 He did this to present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or anything like that, but holy and blameless. 28 In the same way, husbands are to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. 29 For no one ever hates his own flesh but provides and cares for it, just as Christ does for the church, 30 since we are members of his body. 31 For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two will become one flesh. 32 This mystery is profound, but I am talking about Christ and the church. 33 To sum up, each one of you is to love his wife as himself, and the wife is to respect her husband.

Relationships all along were meant to reflect God’s relationship with us

A perfect relationship is meant to mirror God’s relationship with us

Intimate

Husbands lead well

Wives feel protected

Husbands love their wives with a sacrificial love

Willing to lay down their lives for their wife

Wives respect their husbands

Look up to them

Honor them

Follow his lead

It’s not something to toy with

When you have sex outside of marriage you’re ruining the picture

When you look at a woman lustfully you’re ruining the picture

And you’re missing out...

But praise be to God…

While we may fail on our end of the picture

The love of Jesus never fails

Despite our mistakes

Despite our sinful thoughts

Despite our sinful desires

Jesus’s love continue to chase after us

This topic brings a lot of shame

Majority of guys struggle with porn

May have had sex outside of marriage

y be in a sexual relationship at the moment

Tonight felt like one punch after another

worthless

dirty

useless

But you’re not...

While we were yet sinners...

Stuck in a porn addiction

Sleeping around

Can’t control our imagination

Even in that state...

Jesus loved us enough to give his live for us

Imagine with me for a moment the conversation in heaven

Lord are you sure?

You’re going to die for him?

Have you seen his thoughts?

Have you seen the things he’s looked at?

Have you seen the way he treats women?

You’re going to die for her?

She’s given herself to everyone

She’s revealed herself to everyone

She’s sent photos

She spent the majority of her life chasing after guys

Falling victim to their advances

She’s had her purity stolen from her

No fault of her own

“They’re worth it...”