10a) An Authentic Leader - At Home
Notes
Transcript
Introduction
Introduction
We are going to start the next teaching and instruction on those that God has appointed to oversee his church. What we typically call Pastors and Elders. The last couple of weeks we looked at 8 positive qualities or characteristics that he must be in order to perform the task of shepherding the flock. We also looked at 4 negative motivations that would make a man ineffective in any leadership ministry.
Men that are motivated by pleasure, power, pride, and greed may perform the action and tasks of a leader but will be doing so for the benefit of themselves and not for the benefit of the church.
1 This saying is trustworthy: “If anyone aspires to be an overseer, he desires a noble work.” 2 An overseer, therefore, must be above reproach, the husband of one wife, self-controlled, sensible, respectable, hospitable, able to teach, 3 not an excessive drinker, not a bully but gentle, not quarrelsome, not greedy.
Paul now turns his attention to the life that the leader lives. A man can have the qualities in his life that were already given but what if he doesn’t use them.
What if he is faithful to his wife, self-controlled, sensible, respectable, hospitable? But he does not do anything? They are not lived out?
What if he is able to teach? But never uses that skill? He has everything he needs and may actually be a really good teacher but does not use it for God? He can teach you about the things of this world, maybe even patiently but when it comes to teaching what is most important, there is a hard pass on that one?
What if they had decided to refrain from alcohol, are gentle, don’t get into arguments and fights with people and is a super good manager of his money?
He must be these things to lead just as all men should be aspiring to these things. But they must be used to produce something in the lives we live.
Christians are called be lights in the darkness, to show God’s glory to the nations, to be holy and set apart.
To be a christian man is to put these into action in our lives. And when we grow in these areas, because we all start somewhere, Some of these are easy for one man and challenging for another. The opposite may be true for another.
There may be some that all of them are hard and must diligently work to develop them in their lives.
But the man who aspires to be an overseer must have used these in his life to influence and to lead the people that he interacts with. The effect of his influence and reputation are critical to discerning who God has appointed as the Elders or Pastors of the church.
Paul give Timothy three areas of his life to look out for to see if he is consistent from one area to another. He speaks of his life in his home, his life in the church, and his life in the world. Today we are going to look at his home.
He must manage his own household competently and have his children under control with all dignity. (If anyone does not know how to manage his own household, how will he take care of God’s church?) He must not be a new convert, or he might become conceited and incur the same condemnation as the devil. Furthermore, he must have a good reputation among outsiders, so that he does not fall into disgrace and the devil’s trap.
The first area that the man’s influence should reveal itself is in his home.
He must manage his own household competently and have his children under control with all dignity. (If anyone does not know how to manage his own household, how will he take care of God’s church?)
Manager
Manager
He is to be a manager of his home and family. He is to lead or to rule his house. The same word is used to speak of those that lead the church.
Outside of the pastoral epistles, it is used in Roman 12:6-8 when Paul writes about different gifts that are given.
All of the other instances point to church leaders
1 Thessalonians 5:12 (CSB)
Now we ask you, brothers and sisters, to give recognition to those who labor among you and lead you in the Lord and admonish you,
1 Timothy 3:12 (CSB)
Deacons are to be husbands of one wife, managing their children and their own households competently.
1 Timothy 5:17 (CSB)
The elders who are good leaders are to be considered worthy of double honor, especially those who work hard at preaching and teaching.
Paul uses the same word to define how a father leads his home and how an overseer leads the church. The home and the church are to be led in the same way.
But the leader doesn’t get to lead in the way our world defines leadership. He is to lead competently.
Competently
To be competent in this context means to manage well, rightly, correctly, or commendably.
This means that he is to rule, manage, lead in a prescribed way. There is a right and wrong way to do it.
Let’s look at basketball. I have played basketball my entire life. I could be called competent in basketball. If my opponents are only those people who are under the age of 10. To the standard of a child I am more than competent in my abilities. But to a person with any real skill or to any organized game it would become very clear that I am about as incompetent as one could be. There is not a person in this world that would commend me on my abilities. I actually won the last game of one on one that I played. After the game I heard that my playing style was so unique that he didn’t know what to do with it. My strategy is called the Huck and Hope game plan. It is mostly dependent on prayer, but that still does not make me a competent player.
For a man to manage his house competently we must ask the question what is required? What is the right way, what would make it commendable?
Since Paul has linked the leadership in the home to leadership in the church one of the first things we can come to see is that this is not a rule of dominance.
We see this in Peter’s exhortation to the elders.
1 I exhort the elders among you as a fellow elder and witness to the sufferings of Christ, as well as one who shares in the glory about to be revealed: 2 Shepherd God’s flock among you, not overseeing out of compulsion but willingly, as God would have you; not out of greed for money but eagerly; 3 not lording it over those entrusted to you, but being examples to the flock. 4 And when the chief Shepherd appears, you will receive the unfading crown of glory. 5 In the same way, you who are younger, be subject to the elders. All of you clothe yourselves with humility toward one another, because God resists the proud but gives grace to the humble.
The elder who is to be a shepherd of God’s flock is to not lord over those that are intrusted to them. Just like the members of the church have been entrusted to the elders so are a man’s wife and kids entrusted to his care. The word translated into lording means to dominate. This is not a rule like a king.
Jesus told his disciples that those that lead will lead differently than the Gentiles or the world.
24 When the ten disciples heard this, they became indignant with the two brothers. 25 Jesus called them over and said, “You know that the rulers of the Gentiles lord it over them, and those in high positions act as tyrants over them. 26 It must not be like that among you. On the contrary, whoever wants to become great among you must be your servant, 27 and whoever wants to be first among you must be your slave; 28 just as the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many.”
Jesus gave the example, when he said just as I have come to serve and give my life so should you. Any leader in the community of God will lead not as a lord domineering over people but as a servant that gives his life for those around him.
In what ways are we to show our competence in managing our homes?
We are to be competent in keeping the commands of God and instructing those in our care to do the same.
Instruction
We can go all the way back to father Abraham and we see this.
18 Abraham is to become a great and powerful nation, and all the nations of the earth will be blessed through him. 19 For I have chosen him so that he will command his children and his house after him to keep the way of the Lord by doing what is right and just. This is how the Lord will fulfill to Abraham what he promised him.”
God’s said he chose Abraham so that he will command his children and house to keep the way of the Lord. The Lord will fulfill his promise through the next generation keeping the way of the Lord and by doing what is right and just.
The only way for Abraham’s children to keep the way of the Lord is for the instructions and commands of the Lord to be passed down and that they would follow those words and those commands.
Throughout scripture those that God put in charge of of others were to first and foremost bring forth the words of God to the forefront of life and to live those out.
They are taught because they are good.
8 And what great nation has righteous statutes and ordinances like this entire law I set before you today? 9 “Only be on your guard and diligently watch yourselves, so that you don’t forget the things your eyes have seen and so that they don’t slip from your mind as long as you live. Teach them to your children and your grandchildren.
They were to be on guard and diligent watch so that the laws would not slip away from their minds. They were to pass them on to the children and grandchildren. They were to be integral in the life of the family.
6 These words that I am giving you today are to be in your heart. 7 Repeat them to your children. Talk about them when you sit in your house and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up. 8 Bind them as a sign on your hand and let them be a symbol on your forehead. 9 Write them on the doorposts of your house and on your city gates.
In chapter 11 he adds that these words are to be imprinted on their hearts, so that their days would be many.
Deuteronomy 11:18–21 (CSB)
18 “Imprint these words of mine on your hearts and minds, ... 21 so that as long as the heavens are above the earth, your days and those of your children may be many in the land the Lord swore to give your ancestors.
The words of God and the works of God would give confidence to the next generation.
Psalm 78 (CSB)
A Maskil of Asaph. 1 My people, hear my instruction; listen to the words from my mouth. 2 I will declare wise sayings; I will speak mysteries from the past— 3 things we have heard and known and that our ancestors have passed down to us. 4 We will not hide them from their children, but will tell a future generation the praiseworthy acts of the Lord, his might, and the wondrous works he has performed. 5 He established a testimony in Jacob and set up a law in Israel, which he commanded our ancestors to teach to their children 6 so that a future generation— children yet to be born—might know. They were to rise and tell their children 7 so that they might put their confidence in God and not forget God’s works, but keep his commands. 8 Then they would not be like their ancestors, a stubborn and rebellious generation, a generation whose heart was not loyal and whose spirit was not faithful to God.
Even a king was to hold the instruction of God close and keep it.
Deuteronomy 17:14–20 (CSB)
14 “When you enter the land the Lord your God is giving you, take possession of it, live in it, and say, ‘I will set a king over me like all the nations around me,’ 15 you are to appoint over you the king the Lord your God chooses. Appoint a king from your brothers. ...18 When he is seated on his royal throne, he is to write a copy of this instruction for himself on a scroll in the presence of the Levitical priests. 19 It is to remain with him, and he is to read from it all the days of his life, so that he may learn to fear the Lord his God, to observe all the words of this instruction, and to do these statutes. 20 Then his heart will not be exalted above his countrymen, he will not turn from this command to the right or the left, and he and his sons will continue reigning many years in Israel.
The personal copy of the word was to have the effect of keeping the king humble and then his son’s would continue to rule. It is unclear if any king actually did this, there are allusions to it and Kings like David who honored Gods words but it isn’t certain that they did. But we do know that the majority of the kings did not keep the commands of God and strayed greatly from the truth.
The theme of keep and teach runs through the old testament and we see in the early church that they would continue to hold the words of God central.
1 Long ago God spoke to our ancestors by the prophets at different times and in different ways. 2 In these last days, he has spoken to us by his Son. God has appointed him heir of all things and made the universe through him.
The word of Christ was to be an integral part of the church.
16 Let the word of Christ dwell richly among you, in all wisdom teaching and admonishing one another through psalms, hymns, and spiritual songs, singing to God with gratitude in your hearts.
It is the first thing that they were devoted to
42 They devoted themselves to the apostles’ teaching, to the fellowship, to the breaking of bread, and to prayer.
42 Every day in the temple, and in various homes, they continued teaching and proclaiming the good news that Jesus is the Messiah.
The leaders of the church kept the ministry of the word as their primary task.
4 But we will devote ourselves to prayer and to the ministry of the word.”
The disciples were commissioned by Jesus to reach people and teach the commands.
19 Go, therefore, and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, 20 teaching them to observe everything I have commanded you. And remember, I am with you always, to the end of the age.”
Jesus said that obedience to his commands was a demonstration of love for the lord.
15 “If you love me, you will keep my commands.
It wasn’t just kings, Jesus, apostles, and disciples that were to keep and instruct, it fell on every man to lead his family in these.
6 Start a youth out on his way; even when he grows old he will not depart from it.
Who is to start out a youth on his way. It was his father and mother.
In Proverbs 4 that we read earlier in the service we see the plea and focus that he puts on passing on wisdom to his sons.
He calls his children to pay attention, to hold on to his words and keep the commands he is giving them. He calls them to Listen, to accept his words. The result is that they will live many years. His teaching guides his sons down a narrow path, so that they are not hindered in their walk.
Hold on to instruction he calls, Guard it for it is your life he says. My son pay attention and listen closely to my saying.
Don’t lose sight of them, keep them in your heart for they are life and health. Guard your heart.
If you are a father who has this conversation with your child you must have something worth saying. He speaks to his children as these words are life giving. The way of your life is dependent on these words.
Of all the words fathers speak to their children what portion have this type of importance. Of all the things we can teach our children about how often do we given them life giving instruction.
One of the primary tasks of a father is just that.
4 Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.
Fathers are to bring up their children in the discipline and instruction of the Lord. To teach them to keep them. To not just know them but to live them.
A father cannot teach what he doesn’t know, he must seek the instruction from the word and those in the church who can instruct them. What you teach must be life giving.
A father cannot just teach what he does know in theory only, he must be a practitioner of the instruction. He cannot be a do as I say and not as I do. He must show the life giving work of the commands of God in his own life.
When a father’s teaching is rich in value, lived out in his life, it will influence and impact his children's life.
Nothing will provoke a student quicker than trying to learn from someone who has never practiced what they teach. The same is in the home. A child who hears the scripture taught in church, or reads it in the bible, or taught from another family member will hold that teaching up to their father and if they do not align the father will lose his influence on his children.
He teaches his children to keep them by keeping them himself. It is simply teaching what you have been taught and what you live.
Under Control
Under Control
The window in which Paul tells Timothy to peer into the leaders life, is through his children.
4 He must manage his own household competently and have his children under control with all dignity.
Of everything that men are lifted up for, praised for, how far down the list is a man evaluated by the behavior of his children.
What would you do in a job interview and they through out your experience, your schooling, your skills, and knowledge, your personality. They actually ask you to leave the room so that we can watch you children and then we will make a decision.
This is what Paul tells Timothy to do. His children are to demonstrate their submission to their father and mother.
When life starts for the little ones every father and mother has authority, as the kids are first completely and literally dependent on the parents.
But as they grow and learn there is a tension that arises as the sin in our own lives and the sin in our children’s lives manifests itself in different ways. When they are young and small they really don’t have a choice. We can either reward or discipline away things and privileges in order to control behavior.
Parents in reality can act as lords that domineer over their children when they are little. But what happens when they start to crawl or run. What happens when they get faster than you? Or what about when they get bigger than you? Many parents will find themselves at odds with their children especially in the teen years. There seems to be two solutions to this situation that I see most people take. The parent doubles down on the discipline and the punishment. Dominance must win until it just breaks. The other is just acceptance that this is the way it is. My kid will do what they want to do and we will fight and we will just try to make it to 18 and then I am done and they can be on their way.
Paul does not say that the leader is to be competent in domineering or Lording. He is to be skilled in leading. His life is marked with the impact of God on his life. As his kids grow they see dad, deal with sin, make mistakes. They see him love their mom and they feel the love that he has for them. They see that God is important to him, that God's word is important, that being with believers is important to his life. They see the same dad on Monday that they went to church with on Sunday.
Dad’s life is growing in line with the bible that they learn about in children’s church and they see and feel the impact on their life. So when he teaches, commands, instructs, guides, and disciplines they come to understand that what he teaches is what is good. It is what he lives. They come to submit to him because it is good for them and that they trust in their fathers instructions.
They know he is not perfect but they have come to deeply understand his motives and they follow them. They don’t need to know why all the time, just most of the time, because time and again he has been tested in the home by life and has proven faithful. Obedience had been proven to not be a burden but a blessing.
And when they become adults they continue with the teaching to the next generation because they have seen it in their father and mother and have lived it in their own lives.
4 He must manage his own household competently and have his children under control with all dignity.
Dignity
Dignity
He must do this with all dignity. The results and the methods are proven to be worthy of esteem. Worthy to be an example of the task set before all fathers.
In Paul’s letter to Titus he adds
6 An elder must be blameless, the husband of one wife, with faithful children who are not accused of wildness or rebellion.
The family is a testimony of the man and his influence on his family. Does he manage with dignity.
All men have a responsibility to manage their children well but those in leadership must be found competent in that management. We all need to lead our families and God has commanded over and over again to obey and to teach.
What if I see this a daunting mountain that just is too tall to climb. I encourage you to remember that a christian Father is never alone in his study, his keeping, and his instructing.
26 But the Counselor, the Holy Spirit, whom the Father will send in my name, will teach you all things and remind you of everything I have told you.
Start by being in the word, praying, teaching. Asking for help and guidance from other men. That is what we are here for, to support one another in life as brothers and sisters in Christ.
Does the potential leader’s example flow into the life of his children.
5 (If anyone does not know how to manage his own household, how will he take care of God’s church?)
Our homes are the training ground for our work in the kingdom. Our interactions and commitments to our families and the importance we place on doing what had has commanded it tried and testing in the home. How can a man lead a church who must willingly submit to his leadership when those that are under his authority as father do not.
Conclusion
Conclusion
I think one of the greatest privileges we have is that God has given us the task of passing on the commands of God. The Creator of the universe has chosen that dads and moms are to teach what God has done and said to their children. Under the management of the father. This task when done leads to life for ourselves and the next generations to come.
12 Honor your father and your mother so that you may have a long life in the land that the Lord your God is giving you.
Have the children stand up
Every man in this room is commanded to obey and teach, to keep the command and to instruct others to do the same. Some will do it as Pastors, some as fathers, some as brothers in Christ discipling another. We are not talking about gifted teachers, we are talking about the practical application of the word in our lives. This doesn’t exclude moms from living out the word, teaching to their children like Timothy’s mom and grandma, or older woman teaching younger woman.
The bible speaks of this constant flow of teaching from those who come before to those that come later.
But as for the men specifically, if you are not a father, now is you time to prepare. To train, what does that look like, seek the word, find wise men that you can submit to their leadership. Get ready to pass on God’s words to your wife and kids.
If you have kids at home, time is short they will be gone before you know it. Feel the sense of urgency to lead them toward God. Seek help and tools to open the word and apply it to your life so that you can demonstrate it to your kids. You may have to learn with them. There are some really smart kids in here. You may have to make some changes in priorities and commitments to move in this direction.
For those whose kids are out of the home. Keep leading them. Keep growing. Find a younger man to walk alongside. Put yourself in groups with them, be an example. There are many young men that are looking for good examples.
In today’s world with all of the things that the church has been distracted by, many fathers will have never been instructed in this way. They did not grow up in a home that lived this way, even in church. Their fathers lived two worlds the world of church and the world of home. They may have been taken to church every time the doors were open but never saw the effect on dad. Church and the word of God may just have not been a priority in the home. Dad never opened the word and church was something that you did when it was convenient. With close to a quarter of all homes in the united states fatherless, there are children that can use good male father figures in their lives.
They could use guidance maybe that's you. Look across the room. Take them out to lunch, get to know them. Show them how God is at work in you.
Where to start. It starts with simply learning and doing the commands of God for they are good. They bring life. They guard and protect our own lives along with our loved ones.
It is time for you to lead. Let’s do it together. One of the lie of the enemy is that we are the only one that needs help. Every person here is in need of help. God has bought his church together here so that we can be strengthened by each other. And grow in oneness with him.
Let us pray.
Let us pray.
Prayer
Communion
Warning
Children, Lost, Sin
19 And he took bread, gave thanks, broke it, gave it to them, and said, “This is my body, which is given for you. Do this in remembrance of me.” 20 In the same way he also took the cup after supper and said, “This cup is the new covenant in my blood, which is poured out for you.
27 Then he took a cup, and after giving thanks, he gave it to them and said, “Drink from it, all of you. 28 For this is my blood of the covenant, which is poured out for many for the forgiveness of sins.
Prayer
Song
Closing
Blessing/Benediction
5 Now may the God who gives endurance and encouragement grant you to live in harmony with one another, according to Christ Jesus, 6 so that you may glorify the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ with one mind and one voice.