men’s retreat

Welcome Message:

Refocus - We generally have 5 areas of life:

God

Spouse

Children

Vocation which is ministry

Other People

Like creation there is an order you life. A way in which things should go. In creation God was over the chaos Gen 1:2

Genesis 1:2 CSB

Now the earth was formless and empty, darkness covered the surface of the watery depths, and the Spirit of God was hovering over the surface of the waters.

The chaos was present but God was over it. Creation has order. When we look at the Bible, over and over again we see order. Order in creation. Order in the church. Order in the family. When things get disordered they start to fall apart.

There are times or seasons when things get off and that is ok.

Ecclesiastes 3:1–8 NLT

For everything there is a season, a time for every activity under heaven. A time to be born and a time to die. A time to plant and a time to harvest. A time to kill and a time to heal. A time to tear down and a time to build up. A time to cry and a time to laugh. A time to grieve and a time to dance. A time to scatter stones and a time to gather stones. A time to embrace and a time to turn away. A time to search and a time to quit searching. A time to keep and a time to throw away. A time to tear and a time to mend. A time to be quiet and a time to speak. A time to love and a time to hate. A time for war and a time for peace.

A new child - requires an abundance of attention.

A new job or a major problem at work - sometimes things happen at work and we need to give extra focus our attention there.

When exceptions become our live things are out of order and we need to refocus.

This weekend is about refocusing. It is about getting our priorities realigned with the order of creation and the order life.

Mark 6:31–32 CSB

He said to them, “Come away by yourselves to a remote place and rest for a while.” For many people were coming and going, and they did not even have time to eat. So they went away in the boat by themselves to a remote place,

We need to refocus. Whether through the messages, fellowship times, free time, or whatever it is we need are asking God to help us refocus and get our priorities right.

I believe that if we as God’s people can learn and model the order of life then we can see changes in walk with God, in our families, in our jobs, and in our communities. If we can keep things in their proper domain. Things have a domain and the world falls apart when things get unordered.

Job 38:8–11 CSB

Who enclosed the sea behind doors when it burst from the womb, when I made the clouds its garment and total darkness its blanket, when I determined its boundaries and put its bars and doors in place, when I declared, “You may come this far, but no farther; your proud waves stop here”?

I believe with all that I am that if we can get this right we will see changes. For some of us we need to put work back in its proper place. We need to put our hobbies in their place, we need to put our kids back in their place.

We have the authority to put things back in their place.

Ephesians 2:6 (CSB)

He also raised us up with him and seated us with him in the heavens in Christ Jesus,

We have authority so let’s walk in that.

Marriage:

Your Christian Marriage is your Christian witness. How you treat your wife will tell the world what you think and believe about Jesus.

I want to be clear too this is not about being perfect. None of us our. My wife and I had a big ole fight on Sunday night. We were just not communicating well.

I ended up yelling she was crying it was just great. That happens. We are still working out our salvation and sanctification. But what do we do with that. We repent where we need to repent, we die where we need to die, we mutually submit where we need to submit, and we lead where we need to lead.

We are called to love our wives well. Your Christian Marriage is your Christian witness.

Point One - How do we love our wives well?

Ephesians 5:25 CSB

Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself for her

I think without hesitation anyone of us would jump in front of a bullet for our brides. We would not even hesitate. But when we remember that the idea of dying is tied to taking up our cross daily. It is not the willingness to give ourselves one-time but being willing to die to ourselves daily for Jesus and for our brides.

Luke 9:23 CSB

Then he said to them all, “If anyone wants to follow after me, let him deny himself, take up his cross daily, and follow me.

It is hard to die for our wives sometimes, most times. It is not pleasant but our focus is actually being willing to die to ourselves for Christ sake and then our wives receive the blessing of that. Our goal is being conformed to the image of Christ and that means things are pruned away. Pruning hurts

Our focus then is Christ and seeking Him. There is nothing better we can do for our wives than to seek Jesus and die to ourselves. The more we do this. The more we seek Jesus, the more we lead well.

We love well by following Jesus. We lead well by following Him. We love well by giving ourselves to following Jesus.

This is why Paul says follow me as I follow Christ. (1 Corinthians 11:1). We lead by following. We love those around us, i.e. our wives and children by loving Jesus.

Point Two - How do we love when it is hard?

Let’s not pretend it is easy to love well. Sometimes it is hard. Men and women have different ways of interpreting the world and data that comes in.

Here is an example. If one of my kids call and they sound upset. If I relay that information to my bride she has questions. Why were they upset. What did they want. How are they now. And so on. I need to expect that. I cannot get mad at her for being who God created her to be.

Sometimes my wife is telling me something that is bother her. She does not want me to fix it, she just wants me to listen. That is hard. Our argument the other night started as that. I thought she wanted me to fix it. She did not.

But let’s be honest sometimes it is hard to love, so how do we do it? We make a choice.

1 John 4:10 CSB

Love consists in this: not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son to be the atoning sacrifice for our sins.

Love is a choice we make. It is a decision we make when the moment is hard. Love is seen in the moments when it is hard. Not when it is easy. It is about doing the right thing when we do not want to or could do something else.

Point Three - How do we show the love?

Ephesians 5:28 CSB

In the same way, husbands are to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself.

I like grabbing a coffee. If I am out running around I like grabbing a coffee. Because I typically drink a black coffee I can stop almost anywhere. It is easy. However, I am going to be grabbing a coffee and then going to be near by wife, I like to ask her if she wants something. She almost never wants something from where I am near. She wants a soda but not a bottle, one from the machine with ice, or she wants a frozen lemonade, or a white chocolate mocha frapachino from Starbucks or something else that requires me to go out of my way. It makes me not want to ask, but if I wanted one, would I not go get it for myself. Like if I wanted Whataburger, would I not drive out of my way to get it? Of course I would, how can I not love my wife the same way?

We show love in two ways. One we do what we would want done for ourselves. This is the most basic way and something we understand from childhood.

Second, we show love by doing what means something to her. We find out what she needs to receive love and then we do that. This will mean more to her than anything else.

When my wife knows that she is my priority even when or especially when life is crazy for me it means the world to her. When I stop in the business of life to make her both in word and action a priority she feels loved.

Here is a tip for understanding women, generally speaking they are always wondering if the relationship is ok. Her relationship with you or with other people. I do, does not mean I am done for her. She and whoever she is wants to know the answer the to this question, are we ok? The more we understand that and address her real question the more she will feel loved.

If she feels loved she will love and respect you.

Fathers

Ephesians 6:4 CSB

Fathers, don’t stir up anger in your children, but bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord.

Our job as fathers is to as best as we can take the example of our Heavenly Father and then model that for our kids. But it is also to teach them other things.

How to handle finances. How to greet someone. How to change a tire.

Kids are desperate for fathers and father figures. They need it.

I recently listened to a podcast that was talking about how kids need this and rites of passage. How do we let them know they are transitioning into biblical adulthood?

My wife and are did our job of raising kids and now we are looking for other kids who need that too. There are kids all over the place that need this. Young men and women who are dying for affection and guidance. The youth are our first discipleship opportunities.