Surveying the Changes and Challenges

Table Top Questions

Have you thought that God gave you children to mature you? How does that change your perspective on parenting? How is God maturing you in this season of your parenting?

How many of you grow up in a Bible-believing home and heard the true gospel? How many of you would say you professed to follow Christ at a young age? How many had a second time where your faith became your own? When? What preceded it?

2 Generation Christians

It is often that you will see second generation Christians have very different stories than those who first came to know Christ within their house holds or who came to know Christ as a young adult.

The faith walk of a 2nd generation Christian can be very different than that of their parents as well as 3rd or 4th generation Christians. If you’re in that group… by all means praise God!

The reality is, for these kids… it’s going to be different.

For your children, they’re going to have different stories all because, you as their parents are already professing disciples of Jesus.

TIMOTHY was an example of a 2nd generation Christian Disciple Who came to faith at a young age.

I think most here will welcome the understanding that Timothy’s family was not perfect.

His father was an unbelieving Greek.

We see how Paul gave praise to his grandmother & mother, (Lois and Eunice)

2 Timothy 1:5 ESV

I am reminded of your sincere faith, a faith that dwelt first in your grandmother Lois and your mother Eunice and now, I am sure, dwells in you as well.

About 18 years after he met Paul, Paul sends him what may have been his last letter he would ever write.

It allows us to peak into the younger Timothy years as he is being brought up by his mother and grandmother.

2 Timothy 3:14–15 ESV

But as for you, continue in what you have learned and have firmly believed, knowing from whom you learned it and how from childhood you have been acquainted with the sacred writings, which are able to make you wise for salvation through faith in Christ Jesus.

2 Timothy 3:14–15 NIV

But as for you, continue in what you have learned and have become convinced of, because you know those from whom you learned it, and how from infancy you have known the Holy Scriptures, which are able to make you wise for salvation through faith in Christ Jesus.

This passage will be one we continue to come back to for the rest of the study.

And, this passage can help us in having an understanding of the place we’re in now whether you have younger children or older children.

Learning and Being Convinced

Let’s start with what was happening in Timothy’s life as a young person…

“Continue in what you have LEARNED and BECOME CONVINCED (or firmly beleive) of.” 2 Tim. 3:14

1st: Timothy, from what Pauls says, seemed like he went through a time where he was “learning the faith”.

Later: Timothy went through a time where he had become fully convinced or had firmly believed. Which means… there may have been a time in Timothy’s life where he had began to question things that had been taught to him.

There was some point where he still had to be convinced…

I would like to ask… how many of us in here has somewhat of a similar story?

How many of us, made a sincere faith decision at a young age, however, there was a second time in your life where your faith began to move from that which your parents taught you, or that you learned at a younger age, to becoming a faith more solely owned by you?

Many of us will hit this time, where we begin to ask the question “Do I really believe this?”

As parents, we should be aware of this progression.

Obviously as parents we should pray for an early, genuine faith decision.

But also know that you child will move into some crucial years where they may still have to be convinced of what they have learned.

Chap Bettis explains this as a two stage rocket.

The first section, is the learning stage. Lifts the child into orbit. Eventually this foundation forming time if over.

The first section of the rocket falls off, then what must take place is that the second rocket begins to propel the rocket. This in the life of our children is the convincing years. Unless this second rocket fires, the rocket will just come back down to earth. It’s in the younger adult years, where we see if a faith decision is real.

The Younger Years

In an interesting way… when our children are young, they are learning about who God is by watching us.

We actually stand in Christ stead as parents.

To obey us is to obey God. To disobey us, is to disobey God.

Exodus 20:12 ESV

“Honor your father and your mother, that your days may be long in the land that the Lord your God is giving you.

In the younger years our children are learning about who God is.

Learning through our teaching.

WE ARE TO TEACH OUR CHILDREN THE COMPLETE GOSPEL during these years. DO NOT OVER SIMPLIFY IT. DO NOT DOWNPLAY ASPECTS OF IT. Teach the, the whole counsel of God.

Deuteronomy 6:7 ESV

7 You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise.

Start from the beginning:

God,

creation,

fall,

Sin & consequences of sin (broken relationship with God),

God’s plan of redemption through a nation,

Christ and His life, death and resurrection,

Repentance & Faith and Salvation by grace through faith in the Lordship and Kingship of Jesus Christ.

And when the time is right. You sense that they may be ready… call them to repent and believe in the Good News.

If you have little children, I believe the Story Book Bible does a wonderful job of this…

as your children grow older, invite them to read scripture with you in your quiet times…

have family worship time for this purpose.

Be clear and thorough.

PUT THIS ON REPEAT… over and over again.

2. They learn by discipline and compassion.

This beautiful little child has a heart that is sinful, bent away from God.

They are on a trajectory of death, wanting to go their own way.

They do not want anyone to rule them, not you, not their teachers, and certainly not God. Left alone on their own way, they will disgrace you.

Proverbs 23:13–14 (ESV)

Do not withhold discipline from a child;

if you strike him with a rod, he will not die.

If you strike him with the rod,

you will save his soul from Sheol.

Discipline, God says, is one means He uses to save a child’s soul from the trajectory of hell.

Here’s the main argument here…

As parents, we have real God-given authority. Our authority is a delegation of God’s authority. For the sake of our small children, we literally stand in the place of our Heavenly Father. To disobey us, is to disobey God.

If we are not correcting their disobedience and if we look lightly upon it, then we are, in fact, training them to disobey us.

By neglect of discipling our children, we are actually training our children to develop a character that will disobey God.

R.C. Ryle said this…

“You must not wonder that men refuse to obey their Father which is in heaven, if you allow them, when children, to disobey their father who is upon earth.”

We discipline our children to say “YES” to you so that later they will find it easier to say “YES, I WILL FOLLOW YOU” to their Heavenly Father.

Don’t misrepresent God by having too little correction.

BUT ALSO, be careful not to MIS-REPRESENT GOD BY NOT FOLLOWING THAT UP WITH little to no COMPASSION.

Allow there to be a balance… we serve a righteous and just God. We also serve a compassionate God.

Exodus 34:6–7 ESV

The Lord passed before him and proclaimed, “The Lord, the Lord, a God merciful and gracious, slow to anger, and abounding in steadfast love and faithfulness, keeping steadfast love for thousands, forgiving iniquity and transgression and sin, but who will by no means clear the guilty, visiting the iniquity of the fathers on the children and the children’s children, to the third and the fourth generation.”

We must reflect the compassion of God, forgiving our children after their discipline… don’t hold on to it. Don’t continue to treat them differently, allow the discipline to do it’s job in correction, then move your child to forgiveness and treating as though things are now restored.

The Older Years

In the teen years, our children enter into this different time in their lives.

The only scripture we have about Jesus during this time is in Luke 2:42-52 From where He was 12 years old. (DON’T READ WHOLE PASSAGE)

Luke 2:42–52 (ESV)

And when he was twelve years old, they went up according to custom. And when the feast was ended, as they were returning, the boy Jesus stayed behind in Jerusalem. His parents did not know it, but supposing him to be in the group they went a day’s journey, but then they began to search for him among their relatives and acquaintances, and when they did not find him, they returned to Jerusalem, searching for him. After three days they found him in the temple, sitting among the teachers, listening to them and asking them questions. And all who heard him were amazed at his understanding and his answers. And when his parents saw him, they were astonished. And his mother said to him, “Son, why have you treated us so? Behold, your father and I have been searching for you in great distress.” And he said to them, “Why were you looking for me? Did you not know that I must be in my Father’s house?” And they did not understand the saying that he spoke to them. And he went down with them and came to Nazareth and was submissive to them. And his mother treasured up all these things in her heart.

And Jesus increased in wisdom and in stature and in favor with God and man.

In this passage, Jesus seems to assert this new independence from his earthly father and assert even more of this relationship with His Heavenly Father. (Real Father)

This is something about teens that we already know. There is a change that happens here.

They become more observant (interactions, hypocrisy),

their cognitive ability launches into a critically thinking machine about everything!

Sin is more pleasurable. A Christian faith can seem restrictive.

12-21 Absolutely crucial.

Don’t need less conversation, they need more spurred on conversation from parents.

Less Lecture, more questions, curiosity from parents. (Be curious)

Acceptance of their questions.

They need to know that we’re not surprised by this phase, and that we’re here to walk with them through it.

Important time for “aunts and uncles” in the faith (Church People)

Be careful during this time to not make the mistakes of either throwing up your hands because the difficulty of this season or the difficulty of questions coming from your student. (By just giving them to the professional to let them do the convincing

Also be careful not to tighten the grip during this time. Be careful of making all the smaller decisions for them as you would when they were 4 or 5. Rather than asking “direction questions”… parents will still lecture in this.

An Adult-In-Training

Within this 12-21 stage. They enter into this new phase which we can call the adult-in-training phase.

We see in Luke 2:42 how Jesus spoke more directly about this relationship with His Heavenly Father, this new independence was seen, but He still had to be submissive to His earthly parents.

He grew in wisdom and stature during this time, but still had some maturing to do.

Parent child relationship changes here…

We must become a persuading and inquiring coach.

Obedience is still required.

We must influence with our words.

Emphasis should be more on principles.

We are an authority figure, also fellow disciple.

We are an instructor, but also a fellow learner.

“Goal of discipleship is to move from command to persuasion, from discipline to discernment, from external controls to internal controls, and from parent control to Spirit control.”

1 Thessalonians 2:11–12 ESV

For you know how, like a father with his children, we exhorted each one of you and encouraged you and charged you to walk in a manner worthy of God, who calls you into his own kingdom and glory.

Setting the example of the knowledge of God’s Word and Character in the younger years. (absorption)

We move to the role of coach and shepherd in the later years.

Why do our children walk away?

So, as a shepherd we obviously want to know of the dangers that linger out there in our pursuit of discipling our children.

What are the schemes that the enemy lays in front of us in our pursuit? (All the while knowing and understanding that we are also very sinful creatures. We are not laying the responsibility of our sin on the enemy. It’s our responsibility. But we should know and understand his designs…

2 Corinthians 2:11 ESV

so that we would not be outwitted by Satan; for we are not ignorant of his designs.

But also, what are the frequent travelers if you will of those who tend to walk away.

What are the problems of those wondering away all while we understand that much of this is brought on by our own sinful patterns and habits.

Tom Bisset in his book, ‘Why Christian Kids leave the Faith is helpful in this understanding.

They have troubling, unanswered questions.

Questions remain unaddressed about the existence of God and the goodness of God’s commands.

It’s not brought up, and it’s gets left to the wayside.

2. Their faith is not working

There is a disconnect between their own inner spiritual experience and what they hear others describe.

3. They allowed other things to become more important

The world becomes more important than the things of the Lord.

This is the third type of soil, where the cares of this world grow up and choke out the things of the Lord (Matthew 13:1-23)

4. They never personally owned their faith

They went with the crowd.

They are pretending.

Their heart was never really changed by the Gospel.

Bisset also issues some X-Factors…

A strong desire for companionship that leads to a non-Christian Spouse

Personal Tragedy.

Dysfunctional family or church life.

Having a stubborn personality.

**X Factors which affect faith rejection are not the dominant reasons why most people who grow up in a Christian home leave the faith.

One other notes given by prodigals include,

Overprotective culture,

shallow church life,

attitudes that were anti-science,

teaching that was sexually repressive,

attitudes that were exclusive rather than tolerant, (Youthful criticism of the narrow road)

and a church culture that did not allow doubt.

Some of these at least, should cause us to think.

Foundational Influences for the Learning Years

We should know about Satan’s schemes, and the bend that our own sinful nature will lead us down.

But God’s Tools are more powerful than any of that.

2 Timothy 3:14–15 ESV

But as for you, continue in what you have learned and have firmly believed, knowing from whom you learned it and how from childhood you have been acquainted with the sacred writings, which are able to make you wise for salvation through faith in Christ Jesus.

In part 2, we will begin to talk about the foundational factors in Timothy’s life.

The Power of Example

Timothy had a mother and grandmother who were great examples.

2 Timothy 1:5 ESV

I am reminded of your sincere faith, a faith that dwelt first in your grandmother Lois and your mother Eunice and now, I am sure, dwells in you as well.

Young people who are following the Lord have older followers who are actively living their faith.

2. The Power of the Gospel

His mother and grandmother taught Timothy the Scriptures in a way that he was ready to heard the Gospel.

The Gospel in the power of Salvation to anyone who believes.

“No Church attendance will ever replace a converted heart.”

3. The Power of the Heart

Timothy really benefited from Paul (Father in the Faith) shared his heart with Timothy.

The same should be our aim, to have an affectionate relationship with our kids.

How many of the earlier complaints would have been alleviated of in affectionate conversations with the child.

We’ll talk about connecting to your child's heart as well as restoring broken heart connections.

4. The Power of the Word

An important factor is soaking them in God’s Word.

Timothy knew God’s Word.

How do we do this more efficiently? We’ll talk about this.

5. The Power of Purpose

Helping our children understand the battle that we are in everyday. It’s a cosmic battle. Not just a list of do’s and don’ts.

6. The Power of Prayer

This section, we’ll talk about how prayer should be the undergird of our disciple making.

More Influences For the Convincing Years

In Part three, we’ll talk the Convincing Years.

The Power of Apologetics

How do we as parents think ahead about the questions that they may have and show them where to find the answers.

2. The Power of Friends and Media

We will be changed by the friends we choose through media and arts.

Here we’ll think about both of these areas in Christ as our Lord.

3. The Power of Seeking God

How do I walk by the Spirit?

How do we teach to seek God without being worried about checking off a box.

Lastly, we will talk about the preeminent disciple maker.

Conclusion

Know this,

these lessons are meant to provide encouragement to you as the parent. Help to make this journey together.

This is not a step by step cookbook.

But a guide. Let us in this class know that we are in this together as we seek to glorify God through our parenting.

There is no way to be a perfect parent, but there are a thousand ways to be a good one.

This is what we seek together.

For Thought, Discussion and Action

If you grew up in a Christian home, does the time of learning and time of convincing describe your story?

What factors caused you to doubt?

What factors led to you being convinced?

“As parents, our role changes. We are simultaneously an authority and a fellow disciple, an instructor and a fellow learner.” What does that mean? Which side to you tend to err on? How can you strike the balance?

*Visit www.disciplemakingparent.com/bonuses for some more resources.