A Child’s Will

Introduction

Breaking the Will

The idea was to subdue all autonomy (Matt. 26:39; Heb. 12:9; 1 Cor. 13:11; Phil. 2:12; 2 Chron. 24:17-18).

“Children … are a blessing great but dangerous. … how great and many are their spiritual dangers, both for nourishing and increasing the corruption which they bring into the world with them. … parents must provide carefully … that children’s wills and willfulness be restrained and repressed. … Children should not know, if it could be kept from them, that they have a will of their own, but in their parents’ keeping. Neither should these words be heard from them, save by way of consent, “I will,” or “I will not.” And, [if] will be suffered at first to sway in them in small and lawful things, they will hardly after be restrained in great and ill matters.” - John Robinson

“The will of a child is to be subdued, not only in matters of sin, but in all things, lest a spirit of rebellion be encouraged. It is no small thing to allow a child to have their own way, for if the will is suffered in small matters, it will soon overrun in great.” - Cotton Mather

“Parents must not let their children’s wills be their guides, even in the smallest things, for a child’s will, once indulged, will soon learn to expect more. You must teach them that their will is not the rule, even in matters where no sin is present.” - Richard Baxter

“A child must not be left to govern their own choices, even in matters indifferent, for every indulgence strengthens their self-will. By yielding to them in what seems small, you give them license to expect their will should prevail in all things.” - John Flavel

This was accomplished through strict punishment and shame (Prov. 13:24; 2 Thess. 3:14; 2 Cor. 2:7-8; Eph. 6:4).

“Restless children were rolled into small squirming human balls with their knees tied firmly beneath their chins, and booted back and forth across the floor by their elders. Other youngsters were dangled by their heels out of windows, or forced to kneel on sharp sticks, or made to sit precariously for long periods on a one-legged stool called the unipod, or compelled to wear a painful cleft stick on the tip of the nose.”

“Small malefactors were made to wear shame-signs that proclaimed their offenses: “Lying Ananias,” or “Bite-Finger-Baby.”

“Another common punishment was a wooden bit called the whispering stick, firmly set between the teeth and fastened by a cord behind the neck. To the front was added a shame-paper that read, “he whispers.”

This was rooted in the idea of original sin (Prov. 22:15; Matt. 19:13-14).

“With wayward cries, I did disturb her rest; Who sought still to appease me, with her breast. With weary armes, she danced, and Bye, Bye, sung, When wretched I (ungrate) had done the wrong. When infancy was passed, my childishness, Did act all folly, that it could expresse … From birth stained, with Adam’s sinful fact Fron thence I ‘gan to sin as soon as act. A perverse will, a love to what’s forbid: A serpent’s sting in pleasing face lay hid. A lying tongue as soon as it could speak, And fifth commandment do daily break.” - Anne Bradstreet

“Original sin is conveyed to us by natural generation, so that children need not be taught to sin, for they suck it in with their mother’s milk. It is as natural to them as it is for a child to cry.” - Thomas Watson

“Children bring with them into the world a corrupt nature, a heart that is sinful and estranged from God. Therefore, they must be brought under subjection to God’s ordinances, and their wills broken by instruction and correction, lest they grow to be wild in their youth.” - John Bunyan

“The wickedness of the heart of a child is not only a defect, but a positive inclination to sin, a propensity to that which is evil. It is not a question of whether the child will sin, but when. Therefore, parents must labor in prayer and correction, seeking to subdue their natural depravity.” - Jonathan Edwards

Bracing the Will

They believed that children are innocent (Deut. 1:39; Isa. 7:15-16; 1 Cor. 14:20; Matt. 18:2-4).

John Hepburn wrote that children were “harmless, righteous and innocent creatures.”

"There is that in the heart of every child that naturally draws towards the good, a seed of life that is planted by the hand of God, waiting only to be nourished." - Isaac Penington

"I have felt a tender regard for children, in whom there appears an innocent simplicity. The mind of a child, before it is clouded with the cares and opinions of the world, is more open to truth and light." - John Woolman

"Children, being born in the innocency of life, bear no burden of sin, but are as open vessels for the truth to be poured in." - Robert Barclay

Some of this led to over sheltering.

Homes were very child centered (Deut. 6:7; Prov. 1:8-9).

“The growth of the soul begins early, and we must walk tenderly with our children, ever mindful of the precious seed within them. They are to be led gently, not driven, lest we harm the tender sprouts of faith.” - Isaac Penington

“We ought to care for their souls from their infancy, making no difference between them and ourselves in the hope of the Lord’s salvation. In doing so, we create a space where the child feels welcome in the community of faith, as a full participant, and not an outsider.” - Robert Barclay

Children were sometimes given too much credit (1 Cor. 13:11; 14:20; Eph. 4:14; Prov. 22:15).

The emphasis on teaching led to a lowered opinion of infants: “I acknowledge with truth that I am not so dotingly fond of very young infants, as some are, I have no idea of kissing every little dirty mouth, that is held up for notice, and I wou’d quite as leave, indeed, should prefer playing with a good large rag baby, than with a child of two or three months. But when the dawn of reason begins to make its beautiful appearance, and they can take notice; I think them the most engaging little creatures in the world.” - Hannah Pemberton

“We have one account of a ten-year-old child who interrupted a gathering of adults to deliver a spontaneous speech on salvation. The adults listened respectfully,”

“Children, being naturally open to the light of God, need little but love and freedom to discover the truth that is already within them.” - Isaac Penington

“Let children discover their own paths, for their hearts are closer to purity than ours, and they need no harsh instruction to lead them.” - John Bellers

Bending the Will

The idea was bending the will to fulfill duty (Rom. 13:1; Tit. 3:1).

"To bend one’s will is not weakness but rather the art of mastering oneself. A gentleman learns that his desires must yield to his duties; therein lies his greatness." - William Cavendish The Book of the Horseman

"It is necessary that children should learn to bend their will early, for unless they be taught to obey, they will never know how to command. The first step in governance is submission to rightful authority." - John Locke

"The bending of the will toward duty is not a restriction but a release, for by mastering our baser inclinations, we free ourselves to rise to greater heights. A man who governs himself is fit to govern others." - Philip Stanhope

Significant freedom was given to reach this goal (Matt. 25:21; Prov. 29:15; 19:18).

"The will ought to be made strong by teaching the child to choose rightly, not by withholding every choice. There is no greater opportunity for the growth of the will than in the freedom to err and the grace to correct it." - John Locke

"A man who knows no indulgence learns not the mettle of his spirit, but he who tastes it and holds steady grows stronger in the mastery of himself. Thus, the will is bent not in the breaking, but in the testing." - William Cavendish

"Let the young be accustomed to some liberties, yet watch how they handle them. For it is in the wise use of freedom that the soul learns its strength, but in unrestrained license that it finds ruin." - Richard Allestree

Cultural and religious rules were given equal weight (Matt. 15:3-6; Rom. 12:19; Matt. 5:39).

1. Fear God 2. Honour the King 3. Reverence thy Parents 4. Submit to thy Superiors 5. Despise not thy Inferiors 6. Be courteous to thy Equals 7. Pray daily and devoutly 8. Converse with the good 9. Imitate not the wicked … 22. Approach near thy parents at no time without a bow … 28. Never speak to thy parents without some title of respect—viz.—Sir, madam, etc. according to their Quality … 32. Ask not for anything but tarry till it be offered thee … 38. Stare not in the face of anyone (especially thy superiors) … 60. Laugh not aloud, but silently smile upon occasion … 62. Be not among Equals forward or fretful but gentle and affable … 67. Boast not in discourse of thy wit or doings. 68. Beware thou utter not anything hard to be believed … 78. Affront no one, especially thy elders by word or deed … 80. Always give the wall to thy superiors that thou meetest, or if thy walkest with thy elder give him the upper hand … 87. Give always place to him that excelleth thee in quality, age or learning … 89. Be not selfish altogether; but kindly, free and generous to others … 96. Let thy words be modest and about those things only which concern thee.

"Honor is not won easily, nor can it be allowed to suffer the smallest slight. It is a man’s name, his standing in the eyes of the world, and it must be defended at all costs, even unto death." - Richard Brinsley Sheridan

"He who will not fight for his name is no better than the dirt upon which he walks, for without honor, a man is less than nothing." - Sir Walter Scott

"Riches are the sinews of power and the mark of a gentleman. To be poor is to be weak and contemptible, for in wealth is found the strength of one’s character and the proof of one’s station." - Lord Chesterfield

Building the Will

This was about making tough children for a tough world (Prov. 12:24; Rom. 5:3-4).

"The boy must be taught early to handle the plow and the musket, for life will not wait for him to grow." - William Byrd II

"My mother had always said that life would give me no quarter, and that I must take from it what I needed with my own hands." - Andrew Jackson

"It is necessary that every boy learn to defend his household and till his field. For a child not prepared for these things is a burden to his family and a risk to his community." - William W. Hening

They were erratic in their punishments (Prov. 22:6; 16:32; Col. 3:21).

"The Highlander child was often confused by the sudden lash of a switch, not knowing whether he had erred or merely fallen into his father’s displeasure." - John C. Campbell

"A beating might come for a small slight, or not at all for a greater one, for the hand of the father was quick but not always just." - Robert Dinsmoor

"It is in the nature of man to be cruel when displeased and gentle when content. I see this in myself with my children, whose offenses are magnified in my anger, and forgotten when I am in better spirits." - William Byrd II

They were wildly superstitious (Prov. 14:15; 3:21-22).

"In many households, the Bible shared space with the signs and superstitions of old. Parents warned their children to avoid black cats, to heed the howling of dogs, and to beware of the dark moon." - John C. Campbell

What a plucking of herbs, what a consulting of signs and omens, both before and after the event! … The baby must wear a string of corn-beads round its neck to facilitate teething, and later a bullet or coin to prevent nose-bleed. The first woodtick that fastens itself to the little body is an omen, too; you must kill it on an axe or other tool if you wish baby to grow into a clever workman. If it be killed on a bell or banjo, he will develop a voice for singing; if on a book, he will learn to speak “all kind o’ proper words”

Let’s be careful about mocking them. Parents continue to consult the mediums of our day listening to every latest fad that comes along. Only many modern fads are causing a lot more moral harm than mildly ridiculous superstitions.

Conclusion

I want children who know how to submit.

I want to see the good in children.

I want children who see the duty that they ought to grow into.

I want children who are ready to face the difficulties of this world.

I want to balance all of these concerns with the wisdom God has given me and not overemphasize any of these to the detriment of the others.

I am struck by the thoughtfulness behind all of these cultures in raising their children to meet the challenges that lay before them. I hope I can have the wisdom to raise my children for the world that they must live in with a view to the world that lays ahead.