Listen More, Speak Less: Humility

“Talk less. Smile more. Don’t let them know what you’re against or what you’re for. You can’t be serious? You wanna get ahead? Fools who run their mouths off wind up dead?”

Aaron Burr sings this in the musical Hamilton, but it seems politics didn’t heed his advice. If anything our debates have wound up with a whole lotta talking, rigid positions, and grim expressions. Everyone is trying to outdo the other.

It would seem we have come a long way since President Abraham Lincoln’s second inaugural address in 1865. The Civil War had raged on, killing 2% of the country’s population. Lincoln’s speech was only 7 minutes long, but in an effort to heal a nation torn apart, Lincoln said “Both read the same Bible, and pray to the same God, and each invokes His aid against the other…but let us ‘judge not, that we be not judged.” He began his last paragraph of the speech with the phrase “with malice toward none and charity for all.”

With malice toward none and charity toward all. It doesn’t sound too far from the golden rule we were talking about a couple of weeks ago. Last week Josh talked about loving our enemies. This morning, the author of Ephesians is reminding us about the importance of unity within the body of Christ.

In fact, this is so important that the author emphasizes oneness by using the word “one” seven times in three verses: one body, one Spirit, one hope, one Lord, one faith, one baptism, and one God and Father of all.

The author here isn’t just saying unity is a good idea or that we should try it out every now and then, but that it is absolutely essential in our walk with Christ. It says we are to “make every effort to maintain the unity of the Spirit.” Another way to say this is that we make every effort to guard the unity of the Spirit.”

What might it look like to guard unity? To make every effort to maintain it? All too often we think unity means uniformity. Then we become guardians of uniformity rather than unity, and we end up losing one another in the process.

God has given the church a rich diversity of members. God didn’t give us one another so that we could all be molded to look and sound the same, but so that we might bear with one another in love. Brian Peterson says “If we aren’t encountering and learning to love people who differ from us within the church, then something is wrong.”

One thing I love about this church is that you have such love for each other that you aren’t willing to make decisions if it would bring harm to anyone. I have witnessed you prioritize unity over uniformity.

The author says “ I beg you to lead a life worthy of the calling to which you have been called.” What kind of worthy are we talking about here?

The word for worthy here comes from a Greek word that is used to describe how the sides of a scale stay in balance. Living a life worthy of God’s calling upon our lives is about living a life balanced and in alignment with the heart of God. A life that is in alignment with the heart of God is marked by humility, gentleness, patience, and bearing with one another in love.

Let’s look at humility a moment. As we noted at the beginning of worship, humility and human share the same root. Joel Mudamalle says in his book The Hidden gem that “humility actually helps us regain our true humanity.” Our humility is grounded in the humility of Christ who emptied himself out. Joel says “Humility teaches us how to have conviction in what we believe, but it also teaches us how to be compassionate in how we communicate.”

What does humility have to do with compassionate communication?

Adam Hamilton got a chance to speak with Mike McCurry, former White House press secretary under President Clinton and now a professor of Public Theology at Wesley Theological seminary. When Adam asked Mike how to help congregations engage in divisive issues, Mike talked about the importance of really listening to one another.

I remember a mentor that used to have a slogan: “talk 5, listen 25. For every 5 minutes I’m talking, I need to be listening at least 25.

Have you ever felt like you were talking but you weren’t being heard? Think for a moment about how good we have become at tuning things out? Some of you may be practicing this skill right now.

I wonder, when is the last time you really felt heard? That the person you were with wasn’t distracted, checking their phone,or looking around you but was genuinely with you?

Toni Packer, who was the founder of the Springwater Center in New York, asks some questions to help us evaluate if we are truly listening. Consider this.

“How can I possibly hear you when I am dying to say something myself?

How can I take the time and care to understand you when I think I am right and you are wrong? When I’m sure that I know better?

Can I hear you when I have fixed images about how you have been in the past?

Can I listen freely when I would like you to be different from the way you are?

Is there the patience to listen to you when I think I already know what you are going to say?

Am I open to listen to you when I’m judging you?

Can I hear what you are saying when I’m convince that you are stupid?

Parker suggests that we shouldn’t ask “how do I achieve pure listening?” but instead ask “where is my listening coming from this moment?- is it hampered by different ideas and attitudes or does it arise from being truly present- at one with you and your whole situation.”

Rodney Smith says “it is very difficult to listen because we keep getting in the way of what we hear. The challenge of humility is getting ourselves out of the way in order to be fully present for another. In dismissing a person’s words, we dismiss the person”

When I volunteered as a chaplain in Tupelo, I would shadow this giant of a man was named Lowell. He was tall and thin and towered over me. It was intimidating to say the least, but as I accompanied him from room to room and observe him interacting with patients and families, I discovered the power of humility. After each visit we would discuss. One of the main things we would reflect on is the question “did I listen well?” He said “you know sometimes people think that being a chaplain means that when I go into a room I need to do something for them. I need to read some sort of passage or give some sort of prayer. He said but most often, what I give to this person is my full attentiveness, my full presence. I listen to them.” I came to refer to this as compassionate listening in which your soul is listening to the soul of another.

Toni Parker calls this the open space of presence-energy, or listening that comes from a place of wholeness.

Henri Nouwen said that “Listening is much more than allowing another to talk while waiting for a chance to respond. Listening is paying full attention to others and welcoming them into our very beings. The beauty of listening is that, those who are listened to start feeling accepted, start taking their words more seriously and discovering their own true selves. Listening is a form of spiritual hospitality by which you invite strangers to become friends, to get to know their inner selves more fully.”

What might it look like for you to listen from a place of wholeness, to enter the heart of another?

What we refer to as the purple space in this series is the space that makes room for listening from a place of wholeness, a place where we can seek to enter the heart of one another as we draw nearer to the heart of God, a place where we are bound together as one. A place where we can-

Talk Less

Listen more

Let others know what your heart is really for.