Beginning to Forgive

RESILIENT Part 5 - Beginning to Forgive

Birth-17 (dysfunctional family) / 18-30 (Potiphar/prison) / 30-40~ (Prime Minister)

Ten plus years of carving out a new life. Faced what the world threw at him.

Came out on top. Stayed true, faithful, loyal: came back, 2nd in command.

Lurking in the background was this story. Pain point/trauma: family of origin.

A past that he buried long ago. Comes roaring back, unexpectedly.

Out of blue: family that sold him, in front of his face, holds fate.

What do you do when old wounds resurface: when life you’ve made (good!),

still has nagging issue in background? People who hurt you? Forgive?

God loves you way too much to let it be. US: “Don’t bring it up!”

God will bring it up. He brings it up for Jo, starts to forgive.

Genesis 42 When Jacob heard that grain was available in Egypt, he said to his sons, “Why are you standing around looking at one another? 2 I have heard there is grain in Egypt. Go down there, and buy enough grain to keep us alive. Otherwise we’ll die.” 3 So Joseph’s ten older brothers went down to Egypt to buy grain. 4 But Jacob wouldn’t let Joseph’s younger brother, Benjamin, go with them, for fear some harm might come to him. 5 So Jacob’s sons arrived in Egypt along with others to buy food, for the famine was in Canaan as well. 6 Since Joseph was governor of all Egypt and in charge of selling grain to all the people, it was to him that his brothers came. When they arrived, they bowed before him with their faces to the ground. 7 Joseph recognized his brothers instantly, but he pretended to be a stranger and spoke harshly to them. “Where are you from?” he demanded. “From the land of Canaan,” they replied. “We have come to buy food.” 8 Although Joseph recognized his brothers, they didn’t recognize him. 9 And he remembered the dreams he’d had about them many years before. He said to them, “You are spies! You have come to see how vulnerable our land has become.” 10 “No, my lord!” they exclaimed. “Your servants have simply come to buy food. 11 We are all brothers—members of the same family. We are honest men, sir! We are not spies!” 12 “Yes, you are!” Joseph insisted. “You have come to see how vulnerable our land has become.” 13 “Sir,” they said, “there are actually twelve of us. We, your servants, are all brothers, sons of a man living in the land of Canaan. Our youngest brother is back there with our father right now, and one of our brothers is no longer with us.” 14 But Joseph insisted, “As I said, you are spies! 15 This is how I will test your story. I swear by the life of Pharaoh that you will never leave Egypt unless your youngest brother comes here! (Prison — to prove: go get Benjamin, but leave one (Simeon), puts money back) 36 Jacob exclaimed, “You are robbing me of my children! Joseph is gone! Simeon is gone! And now you want to take Benjamin, too. Everything is going against me!” 37 Then Reuben said to his father, “You may kill my two sons if I don’t bring Benjamin back to you. I’ll be responsible for him, and I promise to bring him back.” 38 But Jacob replied, “My son will not go down with you. His brother Joseph is dead, and he is all I have left. If anything should happen to him on your journey, you would send this grieving, white-haired man to his grave.” … 11 So their father, Jacob, finally said to them, “If it can’t be avoided, then at least do this. Pack your bags with the best products of this land. Take them down to the man as gifts—balm, honey, gum, aromatic resin, pistachio nuts, and almonds. 12 Also take double the money that was put back in your sacks, as it was probably someone’s mistake. 13 Then take your brother, and go back to the man. 14 May God Almighty give you mercy as you go before the man, so that he will release Simeon and let Benjamin return. But if I must lose my children, so be it.” 15 So the men packed Jacob’s gifts and double the money and headed off with Benjamin. They finally arrived in Egypt and presented themselves to Joseph.

Les Miserables: Jean Valjean, imprisoned/stealing bread. 5/escape, extended 19. “Yellow passport,” Bishop takes/kind, steals, grace. Moved, changes

Breaks parole, new identity, mayor. Tension peaks wrongly ID for his crimes.

Quandary: let innocent man suffer, or confess/lose all. VIDEO.

1- The Trauma — The lasting emotional and physiological response that often results from living through a distressing experience, usually one out of your control. Kid/teen/etc, reminded randomly: place/pic/song/smell — you’re BACK.

- Jacob: clearly still a broken man: years! Rough life, lost 1 love. Fave son, dead.

How he speaks: 42:1“Why are you standing around looking at one another?

Vs. 36 Jacob exclaimed, “You are robbing me of my children! Joseph is gone! Simeon is gone! And now you want to take Benjamin, too. Everything is going against me!”

Vs. 38 “My son will not go down with you. His brother Joseph is dead, and he is all I have left. If anything should happen to him on your journey, you would send this grieving, white-haired man to his grave.”

DONE. Holding tight to whatever has left. - Brothers: 42:21“Clearly we are being punished because of what we did to Joseph long ago. We saw his anguish when he pleaded for his life, but we wouldn’t listen. That’s why we’re in this trouble.”

Maybe first time talked about, ever. Dark secret. Had nothing to do with this! Later, 43:37 Reuben, first-born, out of favor with father, offering WHAT?? - Joseph: not a saint/villain. Human, faced with this awful reality, in his face. Vs. 7 Joseph recognized his brothers instantly — Imagine rush of emotion. Sees hundreds business. Suddenly confronted w/ family, tried to kill. In power, can destroy! Dreams, cistern (screaming), 2 month walk in chains, prison. Erase. “Harshly.” Don’t think saint/villain: human. Faced with reality of past.

“Long after a traumatic experience is over, it may be reactivated at the slightest hint of danger and mobilize disturbed brain circuits and secrete massive amounts of stress hormones. This precipitates unpleasant emotions, intense physical sensations, and impulsive and aggressive actions. These post-traumatic reactions feel incomprehensible and overwhelming. Feeling out of control, survivors of trauma often begin to fear that they are damaged to the core and beyond redemption.” — Bessel A. van der Kolk, The Body Keeps the Score If you’ve ever unexpectedly faced by past long forgotten, overwhelmed. Know! - driven by old Jr High (bullied at) suddenly stomach in knots? - see the invite list to Thanksgiving, suddenly you’re a kid again? - scrolling social media, old name/face pops up, jump scare, spiral? Joseph! Don’t minimize this, or your old pain points. Ahh, just being dramatic/silly. Usually pointing to the area God wants to bring healing. Psychology: Exposure Therapy. Phobia (elevators): pic/imagine/look/touch. “We spend our adulthoods trying to let go of our pasts, only to discover the irony that we have to get closer to it in order to let it go.” — Bessel A. van der Kolk, The Body Keeps the Score When you’re ready, I’m gonna walk you through healing, part: forgiveness. Not reconciliation. Vacation together. Pretend didn’t happen, minimize. Forgiveness is for ME. But not without wisdom and boundaries. 2- The Tests Joseph starts to forgive. Easy to look at harshness and extrapolate vengeance.

Remember: could have erased them. Closer to testing to see if they’re safe. Vs. 7 — Underneath harshness is sadness/wondering: home/Canaan? Vs. 13 — father still alive, little brother, acknowledged my loss. Throws them in prison, leave ONE behind, bring back little brother. - Have you changed? Would you sacrifice one to save your own skins, me? - Can I trust you? Are you lying about brother/dad? Stick to word? - Will you face this with me? Dismiss, deny, dodge? Are you even sorry?? Wants to know! Wants to reconcile! But has to be sure, not just forget: life/death. See how bad he wants this, when listens in on them talking in prison. Vs. 21-24 Speaking among themselves, they said, “Clearly we are being punished because of what we did to Joseph long ago. We saw his anguish when he pleaded for his life, but we wouldn’t listen. That’s why we’re in this trouble.” “Didn’t I tell you not to sin against the boy?” Reuben asked. “But you wouldn’t listen. And now we have to answer for his blood!” Of course, they didn’t know that Joseph understood them, for he had been speaking to them through an interpreter. Now he turned away from them and began to weep. When he regained his composure, he spoke to them again.

Joseph wants to forgive/reconcile/right. But I’m not going back to that, 17. Hate/kill/despise me, I can’t do it. I didn’t deserve that then, now. Do you see? Have you changed? Can I trust you to be in relationship with? Don’t mistake this. This traumatized family, seen and been through a lot:

Sweeping it under rug/‘moving on’/‘family’ doesn’t do anyone any favors. Forgiveness is not reconciliation. One-way vs. two-way. I release you. Matthew 6:9-15 “Our Father in heaven, hallowed be your name, your kingdom come, your will be done, on earth as it is in heaven. Give us today our daily bread. And forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven our debtors. And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from the evil one.” For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins. This is important, life and death! Like so much of what God requires,

not to put stress on us, make us measure up: forgiveness is for ME! Release it. Fall into me. I got you. If you’re not ready, it’s ok. Circle back. When we do, got you then too.

3- The Turn

See a turn, a release that begins the change process: starts with Jacob. Remember: never had his father’s love, stole blessing, ran away. Heart set on Rachel (if I have HER, I’ll be somebody/matter/blessing). Died, shifted to Joseph, gone too. Shifted to youngest son, Benjamin. HOLDING ON his whole life! Self-protective, this is all I got mentality. No one loves me, I’m on my own, cannot let go, trust God.

Vs. 11-14 So their father, Jacob, finally said to them, “If it can’t be avoided, then at least do this. Man who embraced helplessness/self-protection at all costs, starts to ACT. Pack your bags with the best products of this land. Take them down to the man as gifts—balm, honey, gum, aromatic resin, pistachio nuts, and almonds. Also take double the money that was put back in your sacks, as it was probably someone’s mistake. Then take your brother, and go back to the man. May God Almighty give you mercy as you go before the man, so that he will release Simeon and let Benjamin return. But if I must lose my children, so be it.” Not resignation, sacrifice: release of the thing we wouldn’t let go of, trust God. That’s the heart of forgiveness, resilient forgiveness.

Releasing others, self-protection, God you got me. Help me in beginning to forgive.

Don’t know where you’re at with this. Prob got someone.

Parents. Kids. Past relationship. Boss/coworker. Relative. Church friend.

Want to hit RESET button? Ask God to help you forgive.

(Not reconcile/trust) When painful memory comes: I’m not picking that up. Not gonna dwell. Refuse to pick up offense, walk w/ it, self-destruct button.

Release it, to him. Help me to begin to forgive.

CLOSE: ready to forgive, ready to pursue new path, ask raise clenched fist. Prayer, open “debt cancelled”.

“Give us the grace today to forgive.” RAISE FIST.

“Lord, thank you for how you’ve forgiven me. Help me to forgive ____.

They’ve robbed me. (Tell God: reputation, money, love, future.)

I’m asking you to help me cancel that debt. OPEN FIST.

Help memories become reminders of your goodness.

Give us the grace to forgive, and heal us, in Jesus name.”