Training Up Your Children (3)

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-Let me encourage you to...

…turn to the book of Proverbs (22)

We’re going to be in it a lot this evening.

-We’re continuing to look at...

…what the Old Testament (primarily) teaches us about...

Our Children

Our Responsibilities towards them.

And Today we’re going to be focusing on...

…that idea of “training up a child”. . .

In the proper way...

With the proper goals in mind.

And, not surprisingly...

… the Bible has a lot to say about that.

So, we’ll be all over the place tonight...

But we’re going to use Proverbs 22:6...

…as something of a framework...

…for our entire study.

So, let’s read it together...

…and go to the Lord in prayer.

Proverbs 22:6 (ESV)

6 Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it.

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Pray

-Let me remind you that...

…we’ve been following the basic outline...

…of this book by Andreas Kostenberger...

(Show on Screen)

…throughout the entirety of this study.

And, I think it’s been really good...

…at providing us with some helpful structure.

Well, Proverbs 22:6, does something...

…very similar itself...

…for this portion of the study.

It sort of (as Kostengerger himself says)...

… “encapsulates” the entire book of Proverbs...

…on the issue of childrearing.

(And the Proverbs themselves...

…have a LOT to say about that subject)

So, let’s read it again...

…and we’ll attempt to parse it out:

Proverbs 22:6 (ESV)

6 Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it.

-Now, there’s so much in that...

…that it was hard for me to decide...

…exactly where would be...

…the best place to start!

But, in the end...

…I thought it best to...

…get this out of the way...

…at the very outset:

Evangelical Commentary on the Bible (III. The Proverbs of Solomon (10:1–22:16))

The familiar maxim of verse 6 conceals some translation problems.

First, the Greek Septuagint omitted it, thus precluding any reconstruction of the Hebrew.

(Elaborate)

Second, the word rendered “train” is rare and means “dedicate,”

while the phrase the way he should go is in Hebrew “on the mouth of his way.” Thus the moral imperative in English (“should”) is not part of the original wording.

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So, textually speaking...

...there’s a lot more to this verse...

…than initially meets the eye.

But, Lord-willing...

…we’ll deal with it all...

…and I think...

… that having to do so...

…will actually give us...

…a clearer understanding of the text.

-Alright, let’s take it piece by piece...

…beginning with that first phrase:

Proverbs 22:6 (ESV)

6 Train up a child...

Now, before we deal with...

…the difficulties of the command to “train up” . . .

…let’s start with what’s easy...

…in that phrase:

The Objects of that duty and responsibility:

Our Children!!!

This is a good explanation...

…from the editors of the New English Translation:

The NET Bible First Edition Notes (Notes for 22:6)

The term נַעַר (na’ar) is traditionally translated “child” here . . . but might mean “youth.”

The noun can refer to a broad range of ages: infant (Exod 2:6), weaned child (1 Sam 1:24), young child (Jer 1:6), lad (Gen 22:12), adolescent (Gen 37:2), or young man of marriageable age (Gen 34:19).

The context focuses on the child’s young, formative years. The Talmud says this would be up to the age of twenty-four.

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In other words...

…the scope and responsibility here...

…extends from birth to emancipation!

As long as they’re still...

Developing...

Able to be influenced, shaped, and moulded...

…the responsibility still stands!

-Now, the word translated “Train up”. . .

…in an interesting one indeed:

It CAN be properly translated as “Train Up.”

(And I do think that’s the best rendering here)

But, the fact that it’s elsewhere translated as...

“dedicate”

…gives us some really helpful insights...

…into the deeper connotations of the command.

For example:

2 Chronicles 7:5 (ESV)

5 King Solomon offered as a sacrifice 22,000 oxen and 120,000 sheep. So the king and all the people dedicated the house of God.

Now, what elements...

…does this bring with the command?

Well, let’s put it into it:

Proverbs 22:6 (ESV)

6 Train up (dedicate) a child (in/to) the way he should go… (Emphasis Mine)

You see, there’s an implied purpose in that.

There’s a goal that’s being assumed.

And it’s the same goal...

…that Solomon had for the Temple:

The Service of the Lord!

It IS the language of cultivation.

But, cultivation toward a certain end.

Again, the editors of the NET Bible say:

The NET Bible First Edition Notes (Notes for 22:6)

This proverb pictures a child who is dedicated by parents to the LORD and morally trained to follow him.

-Think about how central...

…this has always been...

…to the responsibilities...

…of those who were in relationship with God:

In Genesis 18:19 the Lord said of Abraham:

Genesis 18:19 (ESV)

19 ...I have chosen him, that he may command his children and his household after him to keep the way of the Lord by doing righteousness and justice, so that the Lord may bring to Abraham what he has promised him.”

He was called to cultivate...

…multi-generational faithfulness in his offspring!

And in some sense...

…the promise was contingent upon it.

Later on to Israel collectively:

Deuteronomy 6:6–9 (ESV)

6 And these words that I command you today shall be on your heart.

7 You shall teach them diligently to your children . . .

Deuteronomy 11:16–19 (ESV)

16 Take care lest your heart be deceived, and you turn aside and serve other gods...

(The antidote:)

18 “You shall therefore lay up these words of mine in your heart and in your soul, and you shall bind them as a sign on your hand, and they shall be as frontlets between your eyes.

19 You shall teach them to your children, talking of them when you are sitting in your house, and when you are walking by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise.

And think about the weightiness of this:

Deuteronomy 32:45–47 (ESV)

45 And when Moses had finished speaking all these words to all Israel,

46 he said to them, “Take to heart all the words by which I am warning you today, that you may command them to your children, that they may be careful to do all the words of this law.

47 For it is no empty word for you, but your very life, and by this word you shall live long in the land that you are going over the Jordan to possess.”

This is a fundamental calling...

…upon God’s people!

It’s our duty to:

Teach them the truth of God (from his word)

Teach them the will of God (from his word)

Set them on a course...

…of dependent obedience (to the Word of God)

Graeme Goldsworthy says this:

Proverbs: The Tree of Life (Comments on Proverbs 16:16–22:16)

The Hebrew carries the idea of inauguration, that is, starting a child’s life along a particular way.

Kostenberger says:

God, Marriage, and Family: Rebuilding the Biblical Foundation (Train up a Child (The Book of Proverbs))

According to the book of Proverbs, the purpose of biblical parental instruction is to inculcate wisdom and the fear of the Lord (which is the beginning of wisdom, 1:7) into sons and daughters.

The Apostle Paul says:

Ephesians 6:4 (ESV)

4 Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.

-Now, let’s consider that phrase:

Proverbs 22:6 (ESV)

6 Train up a child in the way he should go...

Remember how we saw before...

…that a more literal rendering would be:

Proverbs 22:6

6 Train up a child on the mouth of his way… (Translation Mine)

Well, because of that...

…some translators (a tiny minority)...

…opt to go with something like this:

Proverbs 22:6 (LSB)

6 Train up a child according to his way...

Now, while that is an acceptable translation...

…it can be a little misleading.

For instance, it could cause someone...

… to imply something like this:

Believer’s Bible Commentary (B. The Righteous Lifestyle Exalted (16:1–22:16))

...encouraging parents to train their children along the lines of their natural talents, rather than forcing them into professions or trades for which they have no native inclination.

Thus . . . the verse teaches respect for the child’s individuality and vocation...

This is a reliable commentary...

And it goes on to qualify that sufficiently

Now, there may be...

...elements of truth to that connotation.

But, what is the inherent danger...

…if it’s taken too far?

-Well, what does the Bible tell us...

…about the natural proclivities...

…of every child?

Proverbs 22:15 (ESV)

15 Folly is bound up in the heart of a child...

Why?

Jeremiah 17:9 (ESV)

9 The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately sick...

Psalm 58:3 (ESV)

3 The wicked are estranged from the womb; they go astray from birth, speaking lies.

Proverbs 29:15 (ESV)

15 ...a child left to himself brings shame to his mother.

On and On we could go!

-Now, what means has God given us...

…in order to “train up” our children...

…away from the path of folly?

Discipline!

Biblical Instruction!

Kostenberger says this on the first:

God, Marriage, and Family: Rebuilding the Biblical Foundation (Train up a Child (The Book of Proverbs))

If a child is left to his or her own devices, the only predictable result is shame (29:15).

Some today find physical discipline “deeply troubling” (if not “poisonous pedagogy”).

Yet the inspired biblical book of Proverbs presents discipline (including physical discipline) as part of wisdom...

Look at what we skipped over before:

Proverbs 22:15 (ESV)

15 Folly is bound up in the heart of a child, but the rod of discipline drives it far from him.

Proverbs 29:15 (ESV)

15 The rod and reproof give wisdom, but a child left to himself brings shame to his mother.

Proverbs 19:18 (ESV)

18 Discipline your son, for there is hope; do not set your heart on putting him to death.

Proverbs 23:13–14 (ESV)

13 Do not withhold discipline from a child; if you strike him with a rod, he will not die.

14 If you strike him with the rod, you will save his soul from Sheol.

And not only that:

Proverbs 29:17 (ESV)

17 Discipline your son, and he will give you rest; he will give delight to your heart.

And finally:

Proverbs 13:24 (ESV)

24 Whoever spares the rod hates his son, but he who loves him is diligent to discipline him.

Again, this is a big part...

…of what it means, to...

Ephesians 6:4 (ESV)

4 ...bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.

Christian parents are NOT...

…being faithful to God...

…if they aren’t faithfully...

…disciplining their children!

-I saw this in a commentary...

…and I thought it was pretty good:

Believer’s Bible Commentary (B. The Righteous Lifestyle Exalted (16:1–22:16))

Susannah Wesley, the mother of Charles, John, and 15 other children, followed these rules in training them:

(1) Subdue self-will in a child and thus work together with God to save his soul.

(2) Teach him to pray as soon as he can speak.

(3) Give him nothing he cries for and only what is good for him if he asks for it politely.

(4) To prevent lying, punish no fault which is freely confessed, but never allow a rebellious, sinful act to go unnoticed.

(5) Commend and reward good behavior.

(6) Strictly observe all promises you have made to your child.

I would add a few:

1.) Demand immediate obedience (NEVER count!)

a.) Allow room for an appeal

b.) But never allow argument (as thought they were your equal)

2.) Be consistent

a.) Same standards for both parents

b.) Consistently apply punishment and rewards

3.) It has to hurt

a.) If the consequences aren’t undesirable, it does no good.

4.) Avoid disciplining in anger or retribution

a.) Your purpose is not their suffering

b.) Your purpose is their “training up”

5.) Make sure to show them more affection than you do scorn.

a.) Don’t give them any VALID reason to question the genuineness of your love for them.

-Now, as we saw before...

…our duty goes beyond just corrective discipline:

Kostenberger again reminds us that:

God, Marriage, and Family: Rebuilding the Biblical Foundation (Train up a Child (The Book of Proverbs))

By their very nature, children are simple and in need of instruction (1:22). They lack sense and are naïve and gullible (14:15), which makes them vulnerable to the wrong influences if not trained in character (9:16).

Unless corrected, what starts out as naïve simplicity leads to full-grown folly (14:18), which can be avoided through proper instruction in biblical wisdom.

And he goes on to give a list...

…of the areas that need particular attention.

I think it will be helpful...

…for us to at least...

Read over it

Consider it

He says:

By example and explicit instruction, parents are to teach their children and youth a wide array of positive attributes:

•Diligence and industriousness (6:6–11; 11:27; 12:24; 13:4; 15:19; 18:9; 19:24; 20:4, 13; 21:5; 22:13; 26:13–16)

Proverbs 13:4 ESV

4 The soul of the sluggard craves and gets nothing, while the soul of the diligent is richly supplied.

Do we need to instill that in our children?

•Justice (11:1; 16:11; 17:23; 20:10, 23; 31:8–9)

Proverbs 11:1 ESV

1 A false balance is an abomination to the Lord, but a just weight is his delight.

•Kindness (11:17)

•Generosity (11:24; 19:6)

Proverbs 11:24 ESV

24 One gives freely, yet grows all the richer; another withholds what he should give, and only suffers want.

Do our children need to know that?

•Self-control, particularly of speech . . . and temper (14:17, 29; 15:18; 16:32; 19:11; see also 25:28)

Proverbs 13:3 ESV

3 Whoever guards his mouth preserves his life; he who opens wide his lips comes to ruin.

•Righteousness (12:21, 28; 14:34)

•Truthfulness and honesty (12:22; 16:13; 24:26)

Proverbs 12:22 ESV

22 Lying lips are an abomination to the Lord, but those who act faithfully are his delight.

•Discretion in choosing friends (13:20; 18:24), particularly a spouse (18:22; 31:10–31)

•Caution and prudence (14:16; 27:12)

Proverbs 13:20 ESV

20 Whoever walks with the wise becomes wise, but the companion of fools will suffer harm.

•Gentleness (15:1, 4)

Proverbs 15:1 ESV

1 A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.

•Contentment (15:16–17; 16:8; 17:1)

•Integrity of character (15:27; 28:18)

Proverbs 15:27 (ESV)

27 Whoever is greedy for unjust gain troubles his own household, but he who hates bribes will live.

•Humility (16:19; 18:12; 22:4)

Proverbs 18:12 ESV

12 Before destruction a man’s heart is haughty, but humility comes before honor.

•Graciousness (16:24)

•Forthrightness (16:30; 17:20)

•Restraint (17:14, 27–28; 18:6–7; 29:20)

Proverbs 18:6–7 ESV

6 A fool’s lips walk into a fight, and his mouth invites a beating. 7 A fool’s mouth is his ruin, and his lips are a snare to his soul.

•Faithfulness in friendship (17:17) and otherwise (28:20)

•Purity (20:9; 22:11)

•Vigorous pursuit of what is good and right (20:29)

Proverbs 22:11 (ESV)

11 He who loves purity of heart, and whose speech is gracious, will have the king as his friend.

•Skillfulness in work (22:29)

Proverbs 22:29 ESV

29 Do you see a man skillful in his work? He will stand before kings; he will not stand before obscure men.

•Patience (25:15)

-You could sum it up like this:

God, Marriage, and Family: Rebuilding the Biblical Foundation (Train up a Child (The Book of Proverbs))

Essentially, what young people must be taught by their parents, therefore, is to trust the Lord with all their heart and to acknowledge him in all their ways,

rather than being self-reliant or following the wrong kinds of role models or influences (3:5–6).

Proverbs 3:5–6 (ESV)

5 Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding.

6 In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths.

-Alright, let’s look at...

…the final part of the verse:

Proverbs 22:6 (ESV)

6 Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it.

Brethren, like most of the Proverbs...

This is more of principle...

Than it is a promise.

The idea is that of trajectory.

Train a vine or a tree...

…to go in a certain direction...

…when it’s young, tender, and malleable...

…and it’s really likely...

…that it will continue on that course...

…once it reaches maturity.

Leave it to it’s own...

…at that young age...

…and it’s trajectory will be...

Random

Chaotic

Fruitless

Jay Adams says this:

Believer’s Bible Commentary (B. The Righteous Lifestyle Exalted (16:1–22:16))

The verse stands not as a promise but as a warning to parents that if they allow a child to train himself after his own wishes (permissively), they should not expect him to want to change these patterns when he matures.

Children are born sinners and, when allowed to follow their own wishes, will naturally develop sinful habit responses.

The basic thought is that such habit patterns become deep-seated when they have been ingrained in the child from the earliest days.

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I think that’s the point.

And it ought to both...

Admonish us...

Encourage us...

…to take God’s calling very seriously.

Let’s pray for help to do that.