Pre-Marital Counseling Session 3

For your final one-hour marital counseling session, you can use "Getting Ready for Marriage" as a guide to focus on practical aspects of the relationship. Here’s a framework for structuring your session: 1. Introduction (5 minutes) Recap: Briefly review the deeper spiritual aspects you've covered in previous sessions.

Goal: Set the expectation that this session will focus on practical areas to help build a strong marriage.

2. Communication & Conflict Resolution (15 minutes)

Chapter 4 of Getting Ready for Marriage by Jim Burns and Doug Fields focuses on the importance of communication in building a strong and healthy marriage. The authors explain that effective communication is the foundation of any successful relationship. They emphasize the need for couples to be intentional about listening to one another and understanding each other’s perspectives. Burns and Fields discuss common communication pitfalls, such as making assumptions, interrupting, and failing to express emotions clearly. The chapter encourages couples to develop open and honest lines of communication to foster deeper connection and trust.

The authors also introduce practical tools to improve communication between partners. They recommend practicing active listening, where each person fully focuses on what the other is saying without formulating a response or judgment. The chapter highlights the power of using "I" statements, which allow individuals to express their feelings without placing blame. Burns and Fields also encourage couples to check in with each other regularly about their relationship, ensuring that communication remains strong over time. Ultimately, the chapter reinforces that good communication is an ongoing process that requires effort, patience, and mutual respect.

Chapter 5 of Getting Ready for Marriage by Jim Burns and Doug Fields emphasizes that conflict is a natural part of any relationship, including marriage. The authors encourage couples to view conflict not as something to avoid but as an opportunity for growth and understanding. One of the key principles they discuss is the importance of maintaining respect and openness during disagreements. They stress that both partners should prioritize listening carefully and speaking truthfully, but with kindness, ensuring that the other feels heard and valued. Conflict is not about winning or losing, but about finding solutions that benefit the relationship.

The chapter also highlights specific strategies couples can use to navigate conflict effectively. These include setting aside dedicated time to discuss issues, rather than addressing them impulsively in the heat of the moment. Burns and Fields recommend using "I" statements to express feelings without blaming the other person (e.g., "I feel hurt when..."). They also talk about the importance of identifying recurring issues that could become destructive if not resolved. By addressing these patterns early, couples can prevent minor irritations from turning into major problems.

Finally, the authors underscore the role of forgiveness and compromise in conflict resolution. They explain that holding grudges or seeking revenge is harmful to the health of the marriage. Instead, couples should focus on extending grace to one another, being willing to forgive and let go of past wrongs. The chapter concludes by encouraging couples to keep the big picture in mind—healthy conflict can actually strengthen a marriage when handled with care and maturity. Key Insight from the Book: Healthy communication is foundational for a strong marriage. Conflict will arise, and how couples handle it can either strengthen or weaken the relationship.

Questions for the Couple:How do you currently handle disagreements?

What communication habits do you think could be improved?

How do you ensure both of you feel heard during conflict?

Activity: Practice active listening. One partner expresses a concern while the other repeats what they’ve heard before responding.

3. Finances & Decision-Making (15 minutes)

Chapter 6 of Getting Ready for Marriage by Jim Burns and Doug Fields focuses on the significant role finances play in marriage and offers guidance on managing money as a couple. The authors highlight that financial stress is one of the leading causes of tension in marriages, making it essential for couples to be proactive in discussing and planning their financial future. They encourage couples to be transparent about their financial habits, including their debts, spending patterns, and saving goals. Burns and Fields stress the importance of creating a shared budget, where both partners are involved in decisions about spending and saving, ensuring that finances become a partnership rather than a source of conflict.

The chapter also emphasizes the need for long-term financial planning, such as setting goals for saving, retirement, and managing debt. The authors advise couples to adopt a "team" approach, where they work together to establish financial priorities and make sacrifices when necessary. Burns and Fields provide practical tips like living within one's means and avoiding unnecessary debt, while also encouraging generosity and stewardship. By being intentional about their financial decisions, couples can build a foundation of financial stability and mutual trust, strengthening their overall relationship. Key Insight from the Book: Finances are often a major stressor in marriage. Aligning on budgeting and financial goals is crucial.

Questions for the Couple:What is your current approach to managing finances?Have you discussed long-term financial goals (savings, retirement, etc.)?How do you make decisions about spending?Activity: Plan a mock budget for the next month, including joint and individual financial priorities.

4. Roles & Expectations (15 minutes)

Key Insight from the Book: Clarifying roles and expectations early on prevents misunderstandings.

Questions for the Couple:What expectations do you have for your spouse in terms of roles (e.g., household chores, work-life balance)?

How do you plan to support each other during challenging times?

Activity: Each partner lists their top three expectations for the marriage, then discuss how these align or differ.

5. Final Reflections and Encouragement (10 minutes)

Reflect: Ask the couple to share one thing they've learned from the counseling sessions that they feel will be most helpful.

Encouragement: Provide pastoral encouragement, reminding them that marriage is a journey that requires grace, patience, and continuous investment.

Closing Prayer: End with a prayer asking for God’s guidance and blessing on their future together.This structure incorporates both practical elements and reflective moments, allowing the couple to engage and participate actively. Would you like more detailed content on any of these sections?