Colossians 3:18-19 - Husbands and Wives
Colossians • Sermon • Submitted • Presented
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Introduction
Introduction
[READING - COLOSSIANS 3:18-19]
18 Wives, be subject to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord. 19 Husbands, love your wives and do not be embittered against them.
[PRAYER]
Before we get into this this morning, we must settle in our hearts that what we are about to study is God’s Word.
Yes, these are Paul’s words on husbands and wives in Colossians 3:18-19, but we must understand that these are not merely Paul’s words.
No one that I know of questions the Apostolic authority of the Apostle Peter, and he equated Paul’s words with Scripture in 2 Peter 3:15-16.
Peter said false teachers were twisting Paul’s words “as they do also the rest of the Scriptures,” (2 Pet. 3:16).
To group Paul’s words in with “the rest of the Scriptures” was to equate them with God’s Word.
The Apostle Paul was even aware that his words were the very words of God.
In 1 Corinthians 14:37 Paul said...
37 If anyone thinks he is a prophet or spiritual, let him recognize that the things which I write to you are the Lord’s commandment.
In 1 Thessalonians 2:13 he thanked God that the Thessalonian believers accepted his word “not as the word of men, but for what it really is, the word of God,” (1 Thess. 2:13).
As an Apostle, i.e., as an authorized messenger of Jesus Christ, Paul was a man moved by the Holy Spirit who spoke from God (2 Pet. 1:21).
We must settle this in our hearts because when we come to Colossians 3:18-19 we hear words that are counter-cultural, words that seem backward to the world around us, words that will be resisted even by our own flesh.
But these are God’s words, and because they are, they must be obeyed.
And because these are God’s words, we all should care about them.
Yes, these words are particular to Christian husbands and wives, and I suspect that they will be most applicable to them, but the many of you who are unmarried should still care about these words…
…first of all, because they are God’s words.
…second, because you should desire Colossians 3:18-19 for the married couples you know and love.
…and third, because society is built on healthy marriages, and the healthiest messages are those that operate according to God’s Word.
So, these are God’s words, and they are for all of us this morning.
Colossians 3:12 tells us that, because we are God’s children, we are to put on compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, patience, forbearance, forgiveness, and love.
In a variety of contexts, we may not think that’s so hard to do.
But one place it is surely so hard to do is in the home—in the context of our family relationships.
Especially in these relationships, we must do all that we do in the name of the Lord Jesus (cf., Col. 3:17).
And its starts in the relationship between husbands and wives.
Major Ideas
Major Ideas
#1: Christian Wives (Col. 3:18)
#1: Christian Wives (Col. 3:18)
18 Wives, be subject to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord.
[EXP] Genesis 1:27 says…
27 God created man in His own image, in the image of God He created him; male and female He created them.
Genesis 2:24 says…
24 For this reason a man shall leave his father and his mother, and be joined to his wife; and they shall become one flesh.
Despite the painful confusion that runs rampant in our day, there are only two genders: male and female; and marriage is only between a man and a woman.
This is what God’s Word plainly teaches, and it is what the Apostle Paul believed.
That’s important because we need to have a clear understanding of the word “wives” in v. 18.
A wife is a biological female who has pledged herself to a biological male in a life-long, monogamous marriage relationship.
And as a Christian wife, she is be to subject to her own husband.
All women are not to be subject to all men, but Christian wives are to be subject to their husbands.
This is not a one-off from Paul, he wrote the same thing in Ephesians 5:22…
22 Wives, be subject to your own husbands, as to the Lord.
Likewise, in Titus 2:5, Paul said Christian wives are…
5 to be sensible, pure, workers at home, kind, being subject to their own husbands, so that the word of God will not be dishonored.
To be subject to is to place oneself under the authority of another.
Scripture uses the verb subject to describe arranging oneself under other authorities.
Citizens are to be subject to the governing authorities.
1 Every person is to be in subjection to the governing authorities. For there is no authority except from God, and those which exist are established by God.
Bondslaves are to be subject to their masters.
9 Urge bondslaves to be subject to their own masters in everything, to be well-pleasing, not argumentative,
Church members are to submit to church leaders
17 Obey your leaders and submit to them, for they keep watch over your souls as those who will give an account. Let them do this with joy and not with grief, for this would be unprofitable for you.
If we know what to be subject to or to be submissive to means in these others contexts, then we know what it means for Christian wives to submit to their husbands in Colossians 3:18.
A Christian wife must respect and support her husband as the leader of their family in everything.
24 But as the church is subject to Christ, so also the wives ought to be to their husbands in everything.
A Christian wife is to be subject to her husband as is fitting in the Lord.
The Christian wife must submit to her husband in obedience to Christ, for the glory of Christ, and in reflection of the church’s submission to Christ (cf. Eph. 5:23-24).
In his commentary, J. Philip Arthur wrote…
“For the married Christian lady, submission to the Lord requires no less than submission to her husband.” —J. Philip Arthur
In his commentary, Richard R. Melick, Jr. wrote…
“Submission is a matter of Christian commitment. It comes with salvation. Voluntarily taking a position of submission is a matter of a wife’s relationship to the Lord, not to her husband. It is ‘fitting in the Lord.’” —Richard R. Melick, Jr.
As Melick says, submission is not forced but voluntary.
The husband is not here commanded to force his wife to submit to him. The wife is to willingly or voluntarily submit to him.
The Greek verb actually denotes a voluntary willingness in putting oneself under someone else’s authority.
Submission is also not absolute.
The Puritan author William Gouge said…
“If a husband shall command his wife to go to Mass, to a stage play, to play at dice, to prostitute her body to uncleanness, to go garishly and whorishly attired, to sell by scant weights, short measures or the like, she ought not to do so.” —William Gouge
In other words, a Christian wife does not submit to her husband when he tells her to sin.
Submission does not mean inferiority.
The Christian wife is not inferior to her husband because she is to submit to him. Both men and women are created in the image of God and, therefore, are equal in value.
Husbands and wives have different roles in marriage like the persons of the Trinity have different roles in salvation.
The Father ordained salvation through the death and resurrection of His Son Jesus;
the Son accomplished salvation by dying on the cross and rising from the dead in obedience to the Father
and the Spirit applies salvation to those who repent and believe in obedience to Jesus.
This is functional subordination because the Son is subordinate to the Father and the Spirit is subordinate to the Son, but Father, Son, and Spirit are equally divine.
In the same, a Christian wife is of equal value with her husband although her role in the marriage relationship is subordinate to his.
And submission is not impersonal.
A Christian wife submits to the man she loves and respects, not to some strange, unknown person who impersonally exercises his authority like some stranger.
A Christian wife submits to her husband—to the man with whom she has an intimate, loving relationship.
[ILLUS] In the 1600s, when Philip Henry sought to marry Katherine Matthews, the daughter of a wealthy man, her friends objected in consideration of his social standing.
They said that although Henry was a gentleman, and a scholar, and an excellent preacher, they did not even know where he came from, which was another way of saying they didn’t know his ancestry.
“True,” replied Katherine, “but I know where he is going, and I should like to go with him.”
I think Kathrine captured the spirit of Colossians 3:18 very well.
A wife’s submission is an act of obedience to Christ, but it is act of respectful love for your husband.
Submission says, “I should like to go with him (with the one I love!), to help him, to encourage him, to counsel him, to comfort him, to follow his lead wherever the Lord may lead.”
[APP] This is what it means to be subject to your husband—following his lead wherever the Lord leads him.
Christian wives, don’t let this worldly culture we live in convince you that it is backward or weird to submit to your husband.
It is the way of Christ in your marriage.
Christian wives, don’t let your own pride convince you that your family would be better off if were the leader.
You may be a better leader than your husband, but you are not the one God has called to lead our family.
Pray for your husband, and follow his lead as the Lord leads him.
[TS]…
#2: Christian Husbands (Col. 3:19)
#2: Christian Husbands (Col. 3:19)
19 Husbands, love your wives and do not be embittered against them.
[EXP] We’ve already established that there are two genders—male and female, and that marriage is God’s invention by which a man and a woman become one flesh in the covenant of marriage.
A husband then is a biological male who has pledged himself to a biological female in a life-long, monogamous marriage relationship.
A husband is to love his wife.
There is no way to define love apart from God because God is love (1 Jn. 4:8), and the nature of His love is sacrificial.
16 “For God so loved the world, that He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him shall not perish, but have eternal life.
10 In this is love, not that we loved God, but that He loved us and sent His Son to be the propitiation for our sins.
The sacrificial nature of God’s love for us is to characterize the love of Christians for each other.
11 Beloved, if God so loved us, we also ought to love one another.
What is true for Christian relationships in general is specifically true for the Christian husband as he loves his wife.
Ephesians 5:25 (NASB95)
25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her…
Husbands must love their wives and not be embittered with them.
The ESV, NLT, NIV use the term harsh or harshly: “Husbands, love your wives, and do not be harsh with them,” (ESV).
Husbands are not to become exasperated with their wives and treat them harshly as a result.
Christian husbands are called to put on the character of Christ in the treatment of their wives—specifically His kindness, His gentleness, His patience, His forbearance, and His love.
In the way that Christ has loved us, we are to love our wives.
This is the spirit of Peter’s words to Christian husbands in 1 Peter 3:7…
7 Likewise, husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel, since they are heirs with you of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered.
Although your wife is physically weaker, that is no justification for treating her harshly.
Rather, because she is the weaker vessel, that is all the more reason for her husband, the stronger vessel, to treat her with understanding and honor.
Like the Christian husband, the Christians wife is an heir of God’s grace in Jesus Christ.
If a Christian husband does not love his wife sacrificially—if he does not love her with understanding and honor as Scripture commands, God takes it personally; the husband’s prayers may be hindered.
[ILLUS] A newly married young man came to see Pastor Harry Ironside one day, exclaiming, “I want your help. I am in an awful state. I am drifting into idolatry.”
Ironside asked, “What is the trouble?”
The man answered, “Well, I am afraid that I am putting my wife on too high a plane; I am afraid I love her too much, and I am displeasing the Lord.”
Ironside responded, “Are you indeed? Do you love here more than Christ loved thee Church?”
The man replied, “I don’t think so.”
Ironside told him, “Well, that is the limit, for we read, ‘Husbands, love Your wives even as Christ also loved he Church and gave Himself up for it (Ephesians 5:25).”
Christian husbands, we are not in danger of loving our wives too much!
[APP] Love her sacrificially! Give yourself up for her! Love her with patience, with gentleness, with kindness, with understanding and honor!
This is the way of Christ our Lord!
If you follow Him, you will strive to love your life this way!
Don’t fall into the trap of treating your wife like a child or a servant.
She is to voluntarily submit to you, but you are to love her even when she struggles to do so.
And just as her submission is a matter of Christian commitment, so is your love for her.
Pray for your wife, and love her as Christ loved the church.
[TS]…
Conclusion
Conclusion
We’ll end with a story almost certainly not true.
[ILLUS] A rich Englishman who had been blind since ten-years-old fell in love with one of England’s most beautiful young ladies.
They were engaged and a date was set for the wedding, but before the wedding the Englishman would undergo a new surgical procedure that specialists said would restore his sight.
The only catch was that his bandages had to stay on until the day of the wedding.
But the Englishman saw a marvelous opportunity: He would have the bandages removed during the wedding ceremony, so that the first face he saw with his restored sight would the face of his beloved.
When the day arrived, the Englishman took his place, and soon the bride came down the aisle on the arm of her father. Then came the dramatic moment when the doctor would remove the bandages from the Englishman’s eyes.
After his eyes adjusted to the light, the groom saw his bride and exclaimed, “At last!”
This fallen world and our sinful flesh have blinded us to the beauty of marriage as God designed it.
We are like the Englishman in need of a new procedure to help us see the beauty of marriage as God designed it.
That new procedure is outlined for us here in Colossians 3:18-19.
Wives submit to your husbands.
Husbands loves your wife.
If we do these things, we shall have the marriages we’ve always wanted at last!
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Trust and Obey, Hymn #500
…pray for your husband/wife/marriage…
…confess that you’ve not been the husband/wife you should’ve been…
…pray for marriages that you love, that God would hold them together…
…thank God for your husband/wife/marriage…
…thank God for your parents marriage or grandparent’s marriage…
…trust in Jesus who died to pray the price for your sins and rose from the dead to make you right with God…
Whatever the reason, you come now knowing that there is no other way to be happy in Jesus, but to trust and obey.