Becoming One Flesh

Introduction

Who has ever seen or experienced a bad relationship?

Now who wants to share with me what made those relationships so bad?

Now it is true that there can be many many reasons why relationships are bad. But what I want to submit to you all tonight, is the deep issue behind bad relationships.

I’m talking about the deep deep underlying thing. Anyone know what that could be?

Selfishness.

As human beings, we are not short on selfishness. As a matter of fact, we have so much selfishness that we love spreading that selfishness to other people. People spread their selfishness when they:

Find excuses when their friends ask for a favor.

Don’t stand up for their friends in public.

Talk about other people.

Selfishness is a disease that is within every human being as a direct result of being a sinner.

The first sin as a matter of fact among being an act of pride was also a act of selfishness.

Genesis 3:5–6 (ESV)

5 For God knows that when you eat of it your eyes will be opened, and you will be like God, knowing good and evil.”

6 So when the woman saw that the tree was good for food, and that it was a delight to the eyes, and that the tree was to be desired to make one wise, she took of its fruit and ate, and she also gave some to her husband who was with her, and he ate.

Notice how Eve ate as a direct result of wanting something that she knew she couldn’t have. She cared more about doing what she wanted to do, to become like God than she did about actually submitting to what God had said.

Finally psycology has caught up with what the Bible has been saying:

I read an article this week and it said that psychologists did a study on what americans thought God looked like. During the study they would get americans to choose from a series of pictures of human faces to identify what they thought looked like God. After the study, the psychologists were shocked to find that most americans chose pictures that more resembled themselves. They concluded by saying that “peoples perceptions of God’s face are shaped by egocentrism.”

What is egocentrism?

Egocentrism: excessive interest in oneself and concern for one’s own welfare or advantage at the expense of others.

Did we see egocentrism in the Garden of Eden?

Sure we did, Adam and Eve were so pre-occupied with doing what they wanted to do that they completely threw out the window what God commanded them to do. As as a result of this decision, they were expelled from the Garden and lost the intimate relationship they had with God.

Do we see egocentrism anywhere else in the Bible?

Luke 12:16–21 ESV

16 And he told them a parable, saying, “The land of a rich man produced plentifully, 17 and he thought to himself, ‘What shall I do, for I have nowhere to store my crops?’ 18 And he said, ‘I will do this: I will tear down my barns and build larger ones, and there I will store all my grain and my goods. 19 And I will say to my soul, “Soul, you have ample goods laid up for many years; relax, eat, drink, be merry.” ’ 20 But God said to him, ‘Fool! This night your soul is required of you, and the things you have prepared, whose will they be?’ 21 So is the one who lays up treasure for himself and is not rich toward God.”

The guy was so selfish, he had so much good that he could have given away, yet he decided not to.

Now that we have consulted the Bible I want to give ya’ll a quote from one of the greatest theologians in history.

John Calvin: “Man’s nature, so to speak, is a perpetual factory of idols.”

What Calvin is saying here the same thing we have been saying the whole time just in another way. As humans we all have such a selfishness about us that we seek things, many times false things that will always give us the peace and pleasure we want. Those things are idols.

Selfishness

What I have just layed before you all is the case that humans are naturally selfish, we seek what makes us happy, because of this we become egocentric.

Now, knowing this, do we think that selfishness can play a big role in how our relationships with other people turn out?

I agree with James the apostle that that most if not all problems within human relationships whether it is with dating or friendships, happen as a direct result of either one or both parties being selfish.

James 4:1–2 (ESV)

1 What causes quarrels and what causes fights among you? Is it not this, that your passions are at war within you?

2 You desire and do not have, so you murder. You covet and cannot obtain, so you fight and quarrel. You do not have, because you do not ask.

What is James saying? He is saying that the reason many of us argue and fight is because we are wanting something and we can’t obtain what we are wanting for some reason, then this leads to frustrations and then we end up taking out this frustration on the other person.

Maybe it is because they did not react how we wanted them to.

Maybe it was because they didn’t say yes to something we wanted them to do for us.

Here is the thing. We all desire, humans are desiring beings. But we have got to learn to control our desires, instead of letting our desires control us.

If you and your partner do not learn how to control your desires, your relationship will be filled with much hurt and sorrow. Because when words of frustration are flown around, that is where pain begins.

When I look back on the arguments me and Brianna have had in the past, most of them were not about anything that really mattered, but when I trace down the root cause of them, I often find it was selfishness, and usually on both sides.

Selfless Relationships

Me and Brianna want you all to have godly relationships. We have seen what it is like when two parents are not in godly relationships, and the ending is never good. That is a big reason why we tell you all that if you are going to date someone you need to make sure you both are in church and that you are both living your lives submitted to God.

You see to be selfless which is the opposite of selfish, it requires submitting to the other person. Without submitting to the wishes and desires of the other person, selfishness is the default setting.

It takes us to intentionally submit to the other persons needs and wants.

But we can’t submit to someone else unless we are first submitted to God.

Jesus Christ is the perfect example of what it looks like to live a life of submission.

Jesus was fully God, yet he never used his divine power for himself while he was on the earth, but instead used it to serve other people.

He healed those who were sick, blind, lame, paralyzed, and in mental anguish. Yet while he was dying on the cross, he never used his power to save himself. That is love, that is selfless.

Do you see why it is so important that if you are going to have a healthy relationship with anyone, it must be founded on the cross of Christ? How can you know how to love unless you have met He who is love?

Becoming One Flesh

At this point in our lesson we have learned, People are selfish, but Jesus is selfless and if we can live our lives submitted to him, we can model his love and submission for others in our own life, as a result of this, we can have some outstanding relationships.

So what is the end goal when someone lives their life like Christ toward each other?

The ultimate Biblical design is that when two people become married, they actually become “one flesh.”

Matthew 19:6 ESV

6 So they are no longer two but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let not man separate.”

Jesus is stating here the importance of marriage, how it is sacred and should be protected. But what I want to do is hone in on the promise he presents of two people who are married being one flesh.

We have told y'all this before, me and Brianna believe that if you are dating, you ought to be looking for the one who you will spend the rest of your life with. If you are not dating with the intent to one day marry, then there really is no reason to be dating.

The reason we say this is because, there just isn’t any biblical support pertaining to life-long dating, its just not there. Instead the Bible points to marriage as being the great central end of any dating relationship.

With that being said, the two who are married should become one flesh not only physically, but mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. Being one flesh entails that the two are the same entity now, which means they should view each other as an extension of themselves.

That means that I should view Brianna as an extension of myself because we are one flesh. What does this mean practically? Well that means that I can’t be selfish, it is no longer just me anymore, not it is her. Which means I have to make sure she is taken care of physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually.

Most of the time when marriages go wrong, it is because they haven’t fully understood what Jesus meant by them becoming one flesh. When we take on the “one flesh” mentality, we start to think about the other person before we think about ourselves. Why?

Because we understand that they are more important than we are. Because if they become detached, them we lose apart of ourselves.

When we put ourselves first and hurt the other, that is how they slowly become detached from us.

Conclusion

Humans are selfish. God is selfless. We need to live for God if we are going to overcome our selfishness and have great relationships. God that two people become one when they are married, we should embrace that truth and live it out toward one another. To sum up what we should all do, I will leave you with the Golden Rule:

Luke 6:31 ESV

31 And as you wish that others would do to you, do so to them.

In order to have good relationships, think of the other person as being an extension of yourself, and treat them how you would want them to treat you.

Stop being selfish and start intentionally thinking about how you can serve them.

The beautiful thing is that when both people in a relationship do this, the results are a relationship exactly how God intended.

So the next time you and your girlfriend or friend are arguing, ask yourself, am I being selfish right now? If so, ask them and God to forgive you and move on. By doing so you will be one step closer to attaining a godly relationship.