From Stubbornness to Flexibility

Acts 15:36–41 ESV

36 And after some days Paul said to Barnabas, “Let us return and visit the brothers in every city where we proclaimed the word of the Lord, and see how they are.” 37 Now Barnabas wanted to take with them John called Mark. 38 But Paul thought best not to take with them one who had withdrawn from them in Pamphylia and had not gone with them to the work. 39 And there arose a sharp disagreement, so that they separated from each other. Barnabas took Mark with him and sailed away to Cyprus, 40 but Paul chose Silas and departed, having been commended by the brothers to the grace of the Lord. 41 And he went through Syria and Cilicia, strengthening the churches.

Introduction

Good morning, brothers and sisters.

It's a joy to be with you all today as we continue our Epic Meltdowns series.

This week, we're looking at a biblical meltdown that resulted from stubbornness—a conflict so sharp that it led to the separation of two great missionaries.

But before we delve into that, I'd like to share a personal story that taught me valuable lessons about conflict, communication, and the importance of flexibility.

Several years ago, I was serving at a church where we started a contemporary worship service.

It was going well, and enthusiasm was high.

In my eagerness to enhance our worship experience, I felt we were missing just one thing: drums.

So, I decided to bring in a drummer.

But here's where I stumbled—I made this decision somewhat unilaterally.

Rather than collaborating with our praise team leader, I brought the drummer on board and expected the team to embrace this new addition without question.

To his credit, the praise team leader tried to make it work, but it turned out the drummer wasn't a great fit.

Before I knew it, the whole praise team imploded, the service fell apart, and we all ended up going our separate ways.

It was a painful experience, and I learned some hard lessons.

Principally, I realized the importance of having conversations before making significant decisions.

Secondly, I learned how not to work through conflict.

I saw firsthand how stubbornness—my own—can hinder progress and harm relationships.

You know, in the Air Force, we have an understanding of group dynamics.

They teach us to anticipate conflict when new groups form—stages known as Forming, Storming, Norming, and Performing.

Reflecting on my experience, I see how skipping the "storming" phase—where conflicts are addressed and worked through—can lead to bigger problems down the line.

Conflict is Natural and Normal

The reason the Air Force teaches us the dynamics of group formation, is that conflict is natural and normal.

Conflict is not, by its nature sinful, and indication of something lacking, or a road to destruction.

In fact, conflict can lead to greater health if handled well.

I've often said that you don't truly know the strength and character of a church, an organization, or a relationship until it has weathered conflict.

It's easy to stand united when things are smooth, but it's in the storm that our true character is revealed.

A Biblical Meltdown Resulting from Stubbornness

This brings us to today's scripture from Acts 15:36-41, where we witness an epic meltdown between two pillars of the early church—Paul and Barnabas.

This conflict was not at all handled well.

We read:

Acts 15:36–41 ESV

36 And after some days Paul said to Barnabas, “Let us return and visit the brothers in every city where we proclaimed the word of the Lord, and see how they are.” 37 Now Barnabas wanted to take with them John called Mark. 38 But Paul thought best not to take with them one who had withdrawn from them in Pamphylia and had not gone with them to the work. 39 And there arose a sharp disagreement, so that they separated from each other. Barnabas took Mark with him and sailed away to Cyprus, 40 but Paul chose Silas and departed, having been commended by the brothers to the grace of the Lord. 41 And he went through Syria and Cilicia, strengthening the churches.

Their disagreement was so severe—rooted in stubbornness—that it led them to part ways, much like what happened with our praise team.

Understanding Paul and Barnabas

To grasp the depth of this conflict, let's delve into the temperaments and ministry approaches of Paul and Barnabas.

Paul was a driven, mission-oriented individual.

Once a persecutor of Christians, his conversion led him to become one of the most zealous apostles.

He focused intensely on spreading the Gospel and had little patience for anything that might hinder the mission.

Paul's concern with John Mark stemmed from a previous incident where Mark had left them during a missionary journey.

To Paul, reliability was non-negotiable, and he saw Mark's earlier departure as a liability.

Barnabas, whose name means "son of encouragement," was known for his compassionate and nurturing nature.

He was the one who vouched for Paul when others were skeptical of his conversion.

Barnabas believed in second chances and saw potential where others saw failure.

He wanted to give John Mark another opportunity to serve and grow.

Their differing perspectives weren't inherently wrong; they simply prioritized different values.

However, their stubbornness on this matter prevented them from finding a flexible solution that could have benefited everyone involved.

Just as in my own experience, a lack of open communication, mutual understanding, and flexibility led to a breakdown in relationships and mission effectiveness.

In my experience, I saw an element that needed to be added to a worship service.

In my praise team’s mind, the chemistry was more important than the immediate addition of a musician.

In this sense, neither of us was wrong, but my approach was wrong.

Other Biblical Examples of Embracing Flexibility

We see throughout Scripture though, plenty of examples where conflict is handled well.

Abraham and Lot (Genesis 13:5-9):

When strife arose between their herdsmen due to limited resources, Abraham demonstrated flexibility.

He allowed Lot to choose any part of the land he desired, prioritizing peace and their relationship over his own preferences.

Genesis 13:8 ESV

8 Then Abram said to Lot, “Let there be no strife between you and me, and between your herdsmen and my herdsmen, for we are kinsmen.

Moses and Jethro (Exodus 18): Jethro observed Moses overworking himself and offered advice on delegating responsibilities.

Moses was open-minded and humble enough to listen and adapt his leadership style, resulting in more effective governance.

Peter and Cornelius (Acts 10): Peter initially struggled with the idea of associating with Gentiles.

However, through a vision from God, he became willing to set aside his preconceived notions and embrace a new direction for his ministry.

These examples show that when we replace stubbornness with flexibility, open-mindedness, and humility, we create room for God's work to flourish.

Application

So, what lessons can we draw from these stories, both biblical and personal?

Expect Conflict and Embrace Flexibility: Recognize that conflict is a natural part of any relationship or group dynamic.

Being flexible and adaptable helps us navigate these challenges more effectively.

Communicate Openly and Listen: Before making significant decisions, engage in open dialogue with those affected.

Had I been more willing to listen to the praise team leader, we might have collaborated on a solution that everyone could embrace.

Cultivate Open-Mindedness: Be receptive to others' perspectives.

Paul and Barnabas might have found common ground had they considered each other's viewpoints more openly.

Demonstrate Humility: Acknowledge that we don't have all the answers and that others can contribute valuable insights.

Humility allows us to learn and grow.

Prioritize Relationships Over Being Right: Value the relationship more than winning an argument.

I once heard someone say that in marriage you can focus on being right, or being happy.

Flexibility often requires compromise, but it preserves unity and fosters mutual respect.

A Personal Note

As many of you know, this is my last week serving as pastor here at Renewal Methodist.

Sometimes parting ways is inevitable.

But I want to emphasize that we can part in a spirit of love, mutual respect, and openness to what God has next for us.

My time at Renewal and our relationship with Turning Leaf Church has been a tremendous blessing.

I trust that God has great plans for both congregations and the path He is leading me on.

Conclusion

Brothers and sisters, let's remember that even great leaders like Paul and Barnabas faced conflicts rooted in stubbornness.

But through embracing flexibility and openness, we can navigate our own challenges in ways that honor God and strengthen our communities.

As we go forth today, let's carry these lessons in our hearts.

Conflict doesn't have to divide us;

…when we replace stubbornness with flexibility and humility, it becomes an opportunity for growth and deeper unity.

May the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus.

Closing Prayer

Let us pray.

Heavenly Father, we thank You for the lessons Your Word and our experiences teach us about conflict, stubbornness, and the power of flexibility. Help us to navigate disagreements with grace, understanding, and humility. Open our hearts to be receptive to others' perspectives and willing to adapt for the greater good. Teach us to value our relationships above our own desires and to reflect the character of Christ in all we do. As we face changes and transitions, remind us of Your sovereignty and the greater good You are working through every situation. In Jesus' name, we pray. Amen.