Jesus the Bridegroom

Call to Worship: Colossians 3:16 // Prayer

Adoration: Our God: you are eternal, unbound by time; present everywhere, unbound by space; your glory is limitless and total—you dwell in unapproachable light, and no one has ever seen you or can see you. You alone are worthy of all honor, dominion, and praise. Yet, you have drawn near to us through your Son in mercy.

Confession: Because of this—because we already stand in grace—we approach you also to confess our sins. We confess to you sins of pride, in which we have forgotten you glory and preferred ourselves; sins of selfishness in which we’ve put our needs before others; sins of impurity in which we’ve used our minds and bodies in ways that you hate. Father, forgive us, for we have sinned against you.

Thanksgiving: But we know that you have already said to us, “Take heart my child, your sins are forgiven,” just as you said it to the paralyzed man. You have already removed our guilt forever. We only bring these sins to you because you have already saved us and made us your children; and so as beloved children to the Father we have sinned against, we have confessed to you hand received your forgiveness afresh; we give you praise: your mercies are unfailing.

Supp: And because of your unfailing mercy toward us, we bring our requests to you: for the men in our congregation especially, we ask your help; please grow us in integrity, that we might be pure, gentle, courageous, defenders of truth, filled with self-giving love; for those of us who are husbands and fathers, please give us faithfulness and love toward our wives and families, and courage and wisdom to lead well in the home, that you might be glorified in us // and we thank you for Saving Grace Church—for their humble ministry to other congregations in putting on the men’s retreat; we ask that you would bless the saints there will all godliness and a deeper knowledge of Your love for us in Christ // and we ask for the saints in Nigeria, that you would fill them with supernatural grace to love their enemies, to preach the gospel to them, and in every way to live for you and glorify you // and we ask for your mercy in our city with the homelessness crisis: it is so complex and dark, it’s hard to know even how to start praying about it; but we ask for help for those needing help, mercy for those needing mercy, conviction of sin for those needing conviction, and the grace of your gospel to go forward among those in the various camps and streets around Portland; we ask that by your abundant power, you would shine lights in that darkness through your people and your gospel // and now, please show us your glory and increase our wisdom as we turn to your word…

Family Matters

Benediction

May you know the Lord’s blessing as you serve him with fear and rejoice with trembling; may you be blessed as you take refuge in our Messiah. Amen. From Psalm 2:11-12

Sermon

Intro

Are Christians too sad? Or too happy?

One pastor in Ireland, criticizing what he calls a ‘long-faced Christianity’—a gloomy Christianity—said this: “[Gladness] ought to be seen in us, not simply as individuals, but as we gather as congregations… the default mode of our fellowship should be a deep joy.” And he must be right—isn’t Joy a fruit of the Spirit?

But on the other hand, Mark Vroegop, after loosing his daughter to still-birth, wrote this: “I struggled going to church... It felt as if there was no place for my pain. Sundays were filled with warm greetings and chipper small talk. Our congregational singing was upbeat and victory-oriented. Everyone seemed happy. However… my daily fight for hope created a minor-key song in my soul. And it felt like I was singing a solo.” And a little later he writes, “I now believe there is a danger in neglecting lament in the church.”

Is he right? Well, about a third of the book of Psalms is lament—songs expressing sadness, pain, loss, and so on. So, he must be right. It must be true that the church needs to have lament as a regular part of our worship services.

But hold on—which is it? Should we Christians be ‘always joyful’, or, should our lives and our worship always include some lament? At Scholls Community Church—to make this question personal—do we need more lament, or more joy? In your personal life, do you need more lament, or more joy?

Well, our text for this morning addresses this question in a helpful way—it takes joy and sorrow and centers them around Jesus himself.

Some folks wanted to know why Jesus’ disciples didn’t practice fasting, and Jesus’ answer, as we will see, was not fundamentally about fasting. Instead, it was about the fact that he—the bridegroom—had come to claim God’s people as his bride. And our joy and sorrow are to be centered around that fact.

On the one hand, it would have been out of place for his disciples to mourn while he was there with them—thus, they didn’t practice fasting. You don’t fast at a wedding, you feast joyfully. Yet, Jesus also says that when he’s taken away, they will mourn—they’ll be characterized by longing for the bridegroom’s return. And thus, fasting will be part of their lives.

And so as we consider the question of joy and sorrow in the Christian life this morning—joy and sorrow in the life of a congregation—here’s how God’s Word will instruct us: Feast joyfully in Jesus’ presence; fasting longingly for his return.

What the Parables Mean—The Importance of The Question

But I want to start off by asking, “How important is this question, in the first place?” And I think the answer to this is found in the two sayings at the end of this passage—the ones about tearing garments and bursting wineskins in vs. 16-17.

Leading up to these sayings, remember, Jesus is having dinner with a crowd of tax collectors and sinners. That’s the context, as we saw from last week. And starting in vs. 14, some disciples of John the Baptist show up and ask Jesus as he’s having dinner, “Why don’t your disciples fast like we do, and like the disciples of the Pharisees do?”

And Jesus answers that it wouldn’t make sense for the friends of the bridegroom to mourn while the bridegroom is with them. And so, they don’t fast. So, ‘they’re not going to fast during my earthly ministry’ is what he’s saying. It would be completely out of place for them to fast while I am with them.

But he adds that, ‘after I leave, they will fast’—meaning, then it will make sense for them to mourn, since I won’t be there. Since the bridegroom will be gone. Because of that, fasting will be appropriate for true disciples.

So there’s a time when it’s right to rejoice, and a time when it’s right to mourn. But again, how important is this to get right the Christian life? How important is it for us today? Again, I think the answer can be found in the two sayings Jesus gives next:

First, he talks about patching a garment:

Matthew 9:16 ESV

No one puts a piece of unshrunk cloth on an old garment, for the patch tears away from the garment, and a worse tear is made.

What's he saying? You’ve got an older garment—a piece of clothing that’s worn, but still worth patching and wearing. But what happens when you choose an inappropriate piece of cloth to patch the hole in it? In the end, you make it worse. Why? because there is a profound mismatch between the two kinds of cloth. They are incompatible.

And this illustrates something for us: if you will only mourn when there is a feast to be enjoyed in Jesus—it’s not just a minor issue. It’s a profound mismatch between your attitude and your faith, and it will cause spiritual damage.

Yet by the same principle: if you will only seek happiness, and not give a place in your heart to lament the absence of Jesus and to long for his return, this also is no small issue. It too will cause spiritual damage.

And then, second, Jesus talks about wineskins:

Matthew 9:17 ESV

Neither is new wine put into old wineskins. If it is, the skins burst and the wine is spilled and the skins are destroyed. But new wine is put into fresh wineskins, and so both are preserved.”

So here you’ve got new wine. It’s still fermenting and letting off gasses while it does that. And so if you put it into old wineskins, which are no longer elastic, the skins will burst and you’ll loose both the wine and the skins. So the point is that the wineskins need to match the wine. If they don’t match—if they are not appropriate to each other—both will be destroyed. You’ll lose both.

It’s an even stronger picture than the new patch on the old clothing. And so again, this is a big issue. This is an issue you need to get right—both for the sake of your own spiritual health, and so that you can bring glory to God. What place are sorrow and joy supposed to have in your life?

But here’s the good thing: it’s not a random question. It’s not as if you need to figure out certain percentages of sorrow and joy, and then try to implement those in your life. Instead, the question is organized around Jesus—around the fact that he is the bridegroom, so that our deepest joys should be organized around his presence, and our deepest sorrows tinged with longing for his return.

***Let’s dig into that***

Feasting in Jesus’ Presence

So, as we saw, Jesus was challenged by some disciples of John the Baptist, asking why Jesus’ own disciples didn’t practice fasting like they did, and like the disciples of the Pharisees did. Jesus’ reply comes in verse 15: “Can the wedding guests mourn as long as the bridegroom is with them?”

Notice something there: they ask about fasting, but Jesus takes it one step back. The principle behind fasting is mourning, sorrow, longing, pleading with God to bring his promises to pass. And so Jesus addresses their question at a deeper layer: when is it appropriate to mourn? When is it appropriate to lament and be sorrowful?

And his answer is this: “I’m the bridegroom.”

Now think about how that fits into what we’ve seen so far. We’ve seen Jesus as the teacher whose words astonished the crowds. We’ve seen him as the one with authority to heal. We’ve seen him as the one with divine authority of winds and waves and legions of demons. And last week, from the prophet Hosea, we saw that Jesus is the Divine Physician, who heals us by forgiving us and restoring us to God.

Brothers and sisters, for Jesus to reveal himself as the bridegroom is even more glorious than all of these, and here’s why: the Bridegroom is who the Creator God is, when he comes to redeem his people from all their troubles, and restore them to himself as his covenant bride. That was the hope that the OT looked forward to. And that’s how Jesus is identifying himself here. As the Divine Bridegroom, come to redeem his bride!

Listen to how this is described in the OT prophet Hosea—not the only place, but one of the most beautiful. This is God, speaking to his people as his bride-to-be:

Hosea 2:19–20 ESV

And I will betroth you to me forever. I will betroth you to me in righteousness and in justice, in steadfast love and in mercy. I will betroth you to me in faithfulness. And you shall know the Lord.

Jesus is the long-desired Divine Bridegroom, come to claim his people as his bride.

And actually, John the Baptist—a prophet who came right before Jesus—had already recognized this truth. John 3:29 “The one who has the bride is the bridegroom. The friend of the bridegroom, who stands and hears him, rejoices greatly at the bridegroom’s voice. Therefore this joy of mine is now complete.” John the Baptist saw the blessed glory of the divine bridegroom, and so he was joyfully content to let his own ministry fade out as the Bridegroom Jesus came on the scene.

Now, apparently, not all of John the Baptist’s disciples were content with this. You can see that in how they’re questioning Jesus here, rather than joining him. But what did they need to see? What do we need to see? That Jesus is the Bridegroom who's come to redeem his people.

But in all this, Jesus also implies a feast, and he does this by calling his disciples “wedding guests” in vs. 15. So this is not just that the Divine Bridegroom has come, but that he’s come to receive his beloved bride at a wedding feast.

Now you might say, “Wait, I thought the wedding feast is at the end—after Jesus returns.” It is. That’s what’s pictured in Revelation 21, for example. But keep in mind: if weddings and marriages are a symbol that God designed to point to the marriage of Christ to his bride, the church—then, it’s a symbol. And symbols can have more than one fulfillment—and more often than not, they do in the Bible.

So when is the divine wedding feast? In the greatest sense, it is yet to come—it’s the final union of God with his bride, forever, in the new creation. Yet in a very significant way, it’s also already happened. And that’s what Jesus explains by calling his original set of disciples, “wedding guests.”

And so the bottom line is this: to be in Jesus’ presence is to participate in this wedding feast. And let’s not forget something: Jesus is saying this at a literal feast—his gracious feast with the tax collectors and sinners that we saw last week. And this is not an accident. Who is welcome at this Divine Wedding Feast? The very holiest of men, like John the Baptist. And the very worst of sinners, like those guests with Jesus that night. All are summoned to come—to turn from sin and embrace everlasting joy with Christ!

Revelation 22:17 ESV

The Spirit and the Bride say, “Come.” And let the one who hears say, “Come.” And let the one who is thirsty come; let the one who desires take the water of life without price.

It is a feast for us—for weary sinners who have nothing to bring to Jesus but our need of him. And so the bottom line is this: if you have chosen Jesus—or if you choose him now, turning from sin to receive his forgiveness, then this feast of everlasting joy is yours. You have chosen the good part, and Jesus will not permit anyone to take it from you. Jesus is the glorious bridegroom; feast joyfully in his presence.

Now, I’d like to pause briefly to note something: it’s not just marriage that symbolizes Christ and the church—it’s also the wedding itself. And that should influence how we do our weddings—and I think there’s at least two things here:

First, especially to young unmarried folks: if you get married, don’t think of your wedding primarily as self-expression. I think that’s what my generation and younger tend to do. We focus on customizing our weddings to express ourselves. That’s not wrong—but the focus should be more on this: how can we faithfully portray that great glory of the spotless bride, the church, presented to her divine husband?

Second, and related, a good wedding is a celebration, not a show. And the joy is based in shared love and deep joy in Christ in the presence of joyful wedding guests—not on a fancy venue or an expensive dress or even on Instagram-worthy pictures.

But so: Jesus first forgives us, and then restores us to what? The divine wedding feast. And this is the theological point that Jesus makes to explain why his disciples don’t fast: they are guests at the divine wedding feast, and the bridegroom is with them. And so Joy, not fasting, should define their lives. They are feasting joyfully in his presence.

And by saying this, Jesus is implying something here: the disciples of John and of the Pharisees are missing something. The bridegroom has arrived, but they don’t recognize him, and so they’re acting like they’re still waiting for him to come. The feast has begun, but they’re missing it.

Do you see how that’s not just a minor detail of biblical spirituality? Failing to rejoice in the presence of the bridegroom is failing to recognize who he is. It’s the spiritual equivalent of showing up for a wedding dressed for a funeral. It’s spiritually destructive. In the very least, it’s robbing you of the joy you might have in him, and the spiritual vitality you’d then have to live for him in this world.

And when you present the gospel to unbelievers, do you present this part of it? We are saved from sin and divine judgement, yes. That’s vital. But we are saved to a holy feast, and to unspeakable, everlasting joy. And that’s just as important. Saved from sin, saved to fellowship with the great I AM. If you’re not a believer, that’s what you’re being invited to.

Jesus is the glorious bridegroom; let us feast joyfully in his presence.

Fasting Longingly for His Return

But there’s another note in Jesus’ explanation: his disciples will fast when the bridegroom leaves. He says at the end of vs. 15: “The days will come when the bridegroom is taken away from them, and then they will fast.”

So in some sense, the full joy of the wedding feast is put on hold between the first and second advents of Christ. And that’s where we are, isn’t it? Christ is not physically present with us. So now, sorrow and fasting are appropriate. Think of it this way: if you really know something about the loveliness of the bridegroom + joy of the marriage between him and his people—will you not be filled with longing for the bridegroom’s return?

And again, to miss this is to do spiritual damage—to burst wineskins and waist wine. To have no sense of sorrow over the fact that the world lives as though Jesus were not king; over the fact that nature groans under the curse which will not be lifted until he returns; over the fact that your bridegroom has not yet returned to you—would that not be strange?

What would you think of a wife whose devoted husband was sent off to war for three years and she experienced little sorrow or longing for him the whole time he was gone?

Why then do so many Evangelical churches—conservative churches—have few if any songs or prayers of lament? Why do so many young folks from Christian families just leave the faith when things get hard? You feel like just grabbing them by the shoulders and saying, “What did you expect? Of course the Christian life is hard!” But I wonder if, to some extent, people like me have failed them. We didn’t teach them this key part of biblical spirituality: sorrow and lament and longing for the bridegroom to appear. It’s almost like we’re trying to have the full wedding feast while the bridegroom is gone.

Now, that’s the spiritual principle: a sorrowful longing for Jesus’ return. But, let’s not overlook the main application of this principle in this passage: fasting.

What is fasting? It’s withholding food from yourself in order to make an appeal to God. That’s why it’s usually done alongside prayer. Maybe you plan to skip a meal, and during the time you’d normally eat, you go to God in prayer instead.

And usually, these are forward looking prayers: ‘God, teach me to walk with Christ’—you’re looking forward to that day when you are glorified, and your walk with Christ is perfect. ‘God, please heal my friend’—you’re looking forward to that day when all sickeness and pain is removed at the bridegroom’s return. ‘God, please help us spread the gospel’—you’re looking forward to that day when a great multitude from every tribe and language and nation is presented as the bride of the lamb at the great wedding feast.

So fasting is an excellent thing to do. There are no strict guidelines for it in Scripture, but this passage and a couple others assume it will be part of the Christian life. And so I commend it to you: is there someone you’ve been trying to witness to? A sin you’ve been fighting? Or something else like that? Consider fasting to bring the matter before God, and ask for his help.

But then, the principle applies beyond fasting as well. Do you have a place for sorrow in your private prayers? And when we fail to lament publically as God’s people, does our spirituality become cheap and shallow to the watching world? And when we don’t have this category of sorrow, longing for the bridegroom’s return, does that make it harder for us to mourn our sins and confess them to God with hope, since we’re just looking for an easy life?

In the end, without this principle of sorrow, I think we end up the a faith that is brittle, and breaks easily when the weight of the world presses against it.

Between the first and second comings, Jesus’ disciples—us—should sorrowfully long for his return.

Feasting and Fasting at the Same Time

But now, I’ve made the case from this passage that we ought to be filled with joy because of the bridegroom, but I’ve also made the case that we should have a big place for sorrow and longing in our spiritual lives. So which is it?

Well, it’s both. How can that be? Well, keep in mind, Jesus isn’t just teaching that you ought to be joyful and you ought to be sorrowful. It’s much more specific. These principles of joy and sorrow are organized around Jesus himself. Joy in his presence, sorrow in his absence.

And as it turns out, Jesus is present with us in one sense and absent in another.

On the one hand, he has ascended into heaven, and we are waiting for the day he returns. That is the day when all wrongs will be made right, and our fellowship with God will be brought to completion. The fact that we’re not there yet is what makes sense out of our sorrow joined with our faith.

But on the other hand, listen Jesus’ last words in the Gospel of Matthew: “Behold I am with you always, to the end of the age.” How is that true? Jesus is with us by the Spirit whom he has poured out within our hearts.

And so as we recognize these things, it will give us the wisdom we need for how both sorrow and joy are real and necessary parts of the Christian life.

We mourn and we fast in hope, because in spite of all the sorrows we encounter in this life, we know that the bridegroom is returning. And yet, we also feast with joy, in a sense, by faith—we already taste the future joy of the great wedding feast of the Lamb:

Now: a few practical points about this.

This does not mean that you should try to ‘make joy happen’ in your heart. Instead, it’s saying that joy is the natural result of recognizing Jesus as the divine bridegroom, who has redeemed you by his blood. Joy is the natural product of meditating on the gospel.

Another way to say this is that it’s joy in the presence of Christ. He may not be physically present with us. But he is still truly with us by the Spirit. But where do we go to experience the grace of his presence in this age? Especially, His Word; prayer, the Lord’s Supper, and the weekly gathering of God’s people. Those are the places where the Spirit delights to especially minister Christ’s presence to us.

So this joy is not escapism or emotionalism or something like that. It’s a natural product of remembering the gospel and the presence of Christ with us. And it exists alongside the sorrow that we naturally experience as we long for the return of the glorious Divine Bridegroom to complete our salvation—the Savior whom we love.

In this way, sorrow and joy are woven together in the life of faith.

Conclusion

We Christians are strange people: we are neither morbid pessimists nor foolish optimists. We live by faith in the divine bridegroom, which causes us both joyful celebration and sorrowful longing. And as Jesus taught, really, we must embrace both of these things, or we will tear the cloth and burst the wineskins; we will be found with a faith that does not accurately represent our Lord and his gospel.

We must seek to be those who recognize and love the divine bridegroom more and more, trusting in his gracious salvation. And this will make us into a people who feast joyfully in Jesus’ presence and fasting longingly for his return.