Marriage God’s Way

Prayer

Ephesians 5:21–33 NIV

21 Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ. 22 Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. 23 For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. 24 Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything. 25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her 26 to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, 27 and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. 28 In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. 29 After all, no one ever hated their own body, but they feed and care for their body, just as Christ does the church—30 for we are members of his body. 31 “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.” 32 This is a profound mystery—but I am talking about Christ and the church. 33 However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.

This is where it gets real.

If you have ever spent any time working on cars. Tires are the point of contact where theory gets put to test.

You can have all the horsepower and torque in the world, but if you don’t have a good set of tires, then all that is worthless.

Just like that example. You can memorize and theorize all the stuff we have talked about so far, but if you don’t let it show in your everyday life, then it is all worthless.

That’s why Paul brings this next topic up today. Living this Christian life as an act of worship where it really matters, at home and at work.

Let’s look at the home first.

Biblical Marriage is the foundation of the home and I believe the importance of a truly Biblical and godly marriage will become evident in the years to come.

How God has defined marriage has come under constant attack as of late and I believe it is because our enemy is very cunning and wants to destroy what a good healthy marriage should look like.

Divorce rates run rampant, single parent homes are becoming the norm and those marriages that are still together, most of them are hanging on by a thread. Pretension has become the new normal and faking it until you make it is the way the world is trying to fix everything.

DIVORCE STATISTICS: According to a the law firm, Wilkinson and Finkbeiner who searched the inter webs far and wide here are the latest statistics on Divorce in the USA…

As of 2016, both marriage rates AND divorce rates in the US are decreasing. Recent studies have shown that millenials are choosing to wait longer to get married and staying married longer and are the main driver in the decline of both the marriage and divorce rate in the US. Almost 50 percent of all marriages in the United States will end in divorce or separation. Researchers estimate that 41 percent of all first marriages end in divorce. 60 percent of second marriages end in divorce. 73 percent of all third marriages end in divorce. Lack of commitment is the most common reason given by divorcing couples according to a recent national survey. Here are the reasons given and their percentages:

Lack of commitment 73% Argue too much 56% Infidelity 55% Married too young 46% Unrealistic expectations 45% Lack of equality in the relationship 44% Lack of preparation for marriage 41% Domestic Violence or Abuse 25%

THIS IS OUR CURRENT REALITY…

…WHY EVEN GET MARRIED?

So people don’t. They just move in together. Have multiple life partners and never make the commitment to marriage.

Here’s the Good News…

If you’re an evangelical Christian adult who has been married, there’s a 26 percent likelihood that you’ve been divorced.

So is it even with getting married with divorce so rampant? With all the pain that comes with it?

I answer an emphatic YES. Not only is marriage a gift, but if we are going to be obedient to God in our relationships, it is our calling as believers to model what a true marriage should be.

I want to suggest to you today, that if we were to take seriously, what God’s design for the home is and if we were to live it out daily at home, we would see true miracles happen. Marriages restored. Children flourishing. The Kingdom Growing. People would look at us as Christians and wonder how are they doing it. It would be an example of what our relationship with Christ is all about. Redemption.

So these are the Apostles encouragements, challenges and frankly commands of our roles in marriage… ARE YOU READY?

A word about submission…

Ephesians 5:21 NIV

21 Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.

Marriage confronts our Self-Lordship. We want to be in control, but in marriage we are challenged every day to place someone else above ourselves. Problem is two many people go into marriage thinking… They Complete Me.

This is not biblically accurate, and when we look at our culture…this just doesn’t pan out. Two becoming One-Flesh is SUBTRACTION…Not addition. It’s not a giving up of your individuality, or your wholeness…it becomes about you giving. Each side giving into the marriage. And the result is a strong and beautiful union that is built on a solid foundation of Christ as your strength. Christ is your identity.

What submission is not.

- Losing yourself

- Agreeing on Everything

- Losing input on decisions

- Placing spouses will above God’s

- fear based

What submission is.

- Giving your input. - You have a voice and an opinion and your husband needs it. We will discuss his role here in a couple minutes, but the bible is very clear, the husband is to be the head, the leader of the household and in order to be a good leader, then he needs the input of his partner.

- Disagreements will come, and you won’t agree on everything, but submission to him in the Lord means allowing him to make the final decision. The weight of that decision is then his to bear.

- Placing the Lord’s will above everything.

- A way of showing love and respect that the Lord has sanctioned in marriage.

A Word directly to Wives…

Ephesians 5:22–24 NIV

22 Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. 23 For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. 24 Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.

Why? Women, here is a little secret. Each man has innate desire to be honored, and respected. What a better way to show you respect him than to give him your honest opinion and allow him to

Pastor, you have no idea, that man i married…

is an idiot

isn’t trustworthy

doesn’t deserve my respect…

You’re right, none of us do. That is why the Apostle calls your to submit to him, as is fitting in the Lord. As long as your husband isn’t leading you into sin, then submit to him as an act of worship to Jesus. Not to him, but let me tell you something. As you start to honor your husband by submitting, something will change in him.

Men…a word of warning. You are not to hold this over your wife, or demand it from her. If she gives you her submission, take it as a gift from the Lord, as that is who and why she is doing it.

“God says you have to submit, and you’ll be in sin if you don’t. So it’s my way or the highway…”

That right there is spiritual abuse and a sin and is not to be tolerated.

That comes from a selfish desire to feel important, or in charge. That’s PRIDE, and the exact opposite of what you should be doing. Which is why Paul addresses the husbands next.

A word to the husbands…

Ephesians 5:25–28 NIV

25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her 26 to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, 27 and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. 28 In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself.

A woman desires to be cherished, honored, spoken to in her love language.

Love your wives… AGAPE LOVE

1 Corinthians 13- love is patient

But she doesn’t respect me. I work day in and day out to provide for her and this home.

Give yourself for her.

Husbands and future husbands…it is your job to be the Spiritual Leader in the Home.

You are the head of the home and where the head goes, so does the body.

If you are not leading them, who is?

Cleanse her by the washing with water through the Word of God.

Present your bride as radiant, blameless, holy without blemish.

Marriage is the crucible of discipleship.

It’s God’s Crucible for Discipleship…

Malachi 3:3 reads…

He will sit as a refiner and purifier of silver; he will purify the Levites and refine them like gold and silver. Then the Lord will have men who will bring offerings in righteousness,

Crucible- a ceramic or metal container in which metals or other substances may be melted or subjected to very high temperatures.

Marriage can be that container in which the refiners fire is lived out in our daily lives.

1 Corinthians 7: 28- “But those who marry will face many troubles in this life, and I want to spare you this.”

Life is tough, and when you take two broken people, who are in love, and after that infatuation wears off, and when the world begins to bring trials and tribulations the heat gets turned up even higher in a marraige.

Twofold- Satan doesn’t want your marriage to last but also, God is going to use it as a refiners fire.

Daily exercise in Forgiveness.

Marriage gives us the opportunity, sometimes on a daily basis what it means for us to extend and receive forgiveness. Its a dance of doing something wrong, offending your spouse, repenting from the offense and offering forgiveness, over and over and over again.

Biblical Marriage is a witness to the world of Christ’s relationship with the church.

Ephesians 5:30–33 NIV

30 for we are members of his body. 31 “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.” 32 This is a profound mystery—but I am talking about Christ and the church. 33 However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.

He is faithful. He is awaiting his bride to get ready. Then one day the great marriage ceremony will take place.

That yes there is sin and suffering, but Christ died for our sin, he took our place on that cross. He loved us so much that he gave himself. What a beautiful picture of love. Giving of oneself so the other can receive.