One is the Loneliest Number (Ecclesiastes 4:4-16)

A musical genius was trying to call a friend and after dialing the number was greeted with the beep, beep, beep, beep of a busy line. Inspired by the tone…he penned these words:

One is the loneliest number that you’ll ever do...

Harry Nilsson was the guy who wrote the song but you probably know it…if you do…from Three Dog Night. That song has been a big hit for background to various scenes in television and film.

In the Lego Batman movie there is a scene where Batman is feeling the weight of all his decisions which has led to solitude…and the song is playing in the background…drawing us in…feeling his loneliness. One is the loneliest number

I think the Quester in Ecclesiastes 4 might agree...

Ecclesiastes 4:4–16 ESV

Then I saw that all toil and all skill in work come from a man’s envy of his neighbor. This also is vanity and a striving after wind. The fool folds his hands and eats his own flesh. Better is a handful of quietness than two hands full of toil and a striving after wind. Again, I saw vanity under the sun: one person who has no other, either son or brother, yet there is no end to all his toil, and his eyes are never satisfied with riches, so that he never asks, “For whom am I toiling and depriving myself of pleasure?” This also is vanity and an unhappy business. Two are better than one, because they have a good reward for their toil. For if they fall, one will lift up his fellow. But woe to him who is alone when he falls and has not another to lift him up! Again, if two lie together, they keep warm, but how can one keep warm alone? And though a man might prevail against one who is alone, two will withstand him—a threefold cord is not quickly broken. Better was a poor and wise youth than an old and foolish king who no longer knew how to take advice. For he went from prison to the throne, though in his own kingdom he had been born poor. I saw all the living who move about under the sun, along with that youth who was to stand in the king’s place. There was no end of all the people, all of whom he led. Yet those who come later will not rejoice in him. Surely this also is vanity and a striving after wind.

I don’t think we disagree with the Quester here. We know that loneliness is not a good thing. It is worth noting that the surgeon general a couple years ago declared a Loneliness Epidemic. People, it is believed, are dying from loneliness.

They did a study in Alameda County CA a few years ago…observed almost 7,000 people…did this survey and then followed up 9 years later. What they found was that if someone had lacked social and community ties they were far more likely to have died in that nine year period. Another study found there is a 50% increased likelihood of survival if you have stronger social ties. Sickness is tied to loneliness.

And yet other studies have shown that something like 1 in 4 people have said they are deeply lonely. Way back in 1995 Robert Putnam wrote a book called Bowling Alone. And if this stuff was true in 1995…oh wow…it is so much MORE true in 2024.

He found that social capital has severely declined. Social capital is that when you’re connected with someone…like lets say you serve at a homeless shelter with them…you tend to create a bond. But without those bonds its easier to dehumanize someone.

He also found a decrease in civic engagement. People are no longer part of PTA’s, labor unions, religious groups, and other social groups…If there were 100 people in your group in 1970 there were 50 people in 1995. I wonder what that number is today?

Putnam also noted a massive rise of individualism. He noted that there are no longer many involved in bowling leagues…but that people are mostly bowling alone…of perhaps with just their own family. In the 90’s there were more people bowling than ever before but league bowling decreased by 40%.

Collective activities are on decline. And this, he noted, has a massive impact on democracy. Voter turnout dropped 63% in the 1960s to around 50% in the 1990s.

Now some of this has changed since 1995, I’m sure. Voter turnout has been on the up. And we have seen a bit of a renaissance of things like board games and community gatherings. There has been some push back on what Putnam found.

And there was also the rise of this little thing called the internet…which technically has connected everyone. And yet…we cannot argue with the statistics that loneliness is on the rise. We are not connected with others…in fact we are even more polarized than when Putnam did his research.

This should not be surprising to us. This is the story of humanity. We’re supposed to live in community, we were made for community, we were made to reflect God who exists in community, and yet our sin and rebellion has distorted all of this. And we’ve fractured community.

It is this fractured community that the Quester looks into. He looks and sees people working and toiling and says…if they know it’s not giving them much gain why are they doing this.

And he says, “It’s envy of neighbor.” And it’s kind of funny really…We just want to have the best and be the best. If you tell me that I cannot have something I want that thing…even if I really don’t want it. And if my neighbor has something and seems to enjoy it…well I need it myself.

COUSIN WITH PEN AND TRUCK

But it’s all a chasing after the wind. You’re basically saying, “I have a bigger pile of sand than you.” And it’s foolishness. Striving after the wind. But man it can be a great motivator.

Think about how churches can fall into this too. Rather than being driven by who God has made you, trying to be faithful in the season that God has placed your church, do what you can for the kingdom…you look and see this other church and compare and say, “Hey they’ve got this particular program…let’s start this program…and then what you have are 50 churches in a community that look just about the same…when it would be far better to say, “here is who we are…this is how God has wired us and called us…and what we are going to be faithful to here…and that’s our metric for success.”

But it’s a striving after the wind if you shift away from faithfulness into envy. But what sometimes happens is we hear a message like that…or we see the foolishness of envy and so we just get a little lazy.

That’s what you see in verse 5. The response to the truth of the meaninglessness isn’t inactivity. That too is self-consuming. Activity isn’t really the answer and neither is inactivity.

But it is, he says, far better to have less with peace than more with turmoil. In this instance one is better than two. Again inactivity isn’t the answer but neither is this constantly striving for stuff that is ultimately empty. Overwork isn’t the answer either.

Then he looks and sees another meaningless thing. Here is a person that has cut themselves off from community—the loner—living in total solitude…and just toiling and toiling and depriving themselves of pleasure. What are you saving for man? What is the end of this? You aren’t enjoying anything…okay, maybe if you are doing this and nose to the grindstone because you are going to give to another…that makes a little sense.

It’s an unhappy business to go this alone. We might again make an observation about how being a solo or lone-ranger Christian is foolishness. Or how when churches are entirely independent and doing their own thing and not partnering with other churches…it’s kind of silly. Competition is silly and so is isolation.

For the first time in a while in verses 9-12 the Quester gets a little positive. It’s better to have two than one. Now again if we do some math here...

We can think of horses…you’d think that they would just double the output. One horse can pull 8,000…add another horse you’ve got 16,000 right…well no…it’s actually 22,000 pounds. If they train together they might even get to 32,000 pounds.

We can do far better together than separately. But we need to lay this over Ecclesiastes…he says “good reward”. Remember a few weeks ago when we talked about lemonade and that which is ultimate? That there is a word he uses for “reward”…like wages…it’s what you get…you pay .25 you get a good glass of lemonade but it doesn’t mean you aren’t still thirsty. Your thirst is bigger than the glass of lemonade.

And so even here what he’s saying is that you get more “reward” working together. But he’s not talking in terms of ultimate. But it’s still better. It’s one of the best things you can have.

If you fall you have others around you to catch you and lift you up. And we might roll our eyes here and say, “well that’s not the community that I’m thinking of…if you fall down…people kick you.” But he’s talking here of good community. Where you are loved and someone does pick you up when you fall.

That’s another reason we need community. Because we all fall in various ways and we need others there to keep us propped up. We need the faith of others when our faith is weak. We need the Christ in our brother and sister.

And the companionship in verse 11. The comfort and care which can be had in community. A threefold cord is not quickly broken.

We’ve had some fun with this one through the years. Husband, wife, and God. That’s true. That’s good. That’s not what the Quester means. Good illustration though. His point is that if two people together is good…how much better three. How much better if the community is even tighter and we add a third here…Community is soooo much better.

But that’s part of the problem. Notice that this is a little aside. This is his wisdom interjecting into observation. He says “community is so much better”. But what do we have here…we have him walking alone…and what does he observe?

He observes competition…envy…people laboring and working and competing with one another to be the best. He sees broken community. He sees isolation. He sees verse 7 and 8…people being alone.

Community is better but we don’t have community. We have broken community and isolation.

Think of it this way. Did you know that 82% of unchurched people are somewhat likely to attend church if you invited them?

But there are a couple problems with that. First, we aren’t really in community much anymore. How many unchurched people do you actually know…and know well enough to invite to church? Are you in community there? Are you rubbing shoulders with them?

And then we have the boldness of actually asking to attend. And so that statistic is great. But again like we see in Ecclesiastes it almost just highlights the brokenness. You’ve got empty chairs around you. And what that stat is saying…if you we were in community with others…in community with unchurched people…and if we had the boldness to ask. Well we’d have some empty chairs filled.

But as long as there is an empty chair there it’s just a statistic of what could be. And its an indictment to our lack of community. That is what verses 9-12 are doing to the Quester. They are really mocking him.

I’m deeply alone…community is better…but it’s so broken we don’t have it. There is a reason why we compete as we do. There is a reason why we isolate. It’s our own sin and the sin of other people. It’s the brokenness that we all live with.

And then in verse 13 almost out of nowhere we have a king entering the story. Maybe this is the answer to our problem. What we really need is a great leader to get us out of this mess. A good leader can create community…right…and good leader can make the world better for us to live in.

Well…yeah. And so he gives us a little parable. You’ve got an old and foolish king who just doesn’t take advice anymore. And a wise young king…real rags to riches story…and he grows in popularity and it’s all great and wonderful. “Yet those who come later will not rejoice in him”.

What is his point? Well remember that story of Joseph. It’s similar to this one. Rags to riches. He ends up in an Egyptian prison…but he ends up being one of the most powerful people in Egypt. Yay…everyone loves Joseph. But what happened in that story in Exodus 1:8

Exodus 1:8 ESV

Now there arose a new king over Egypt, who did not know Joseph.

Nobody knows Joseph. His work doesn’t matter to the next generation and now they go into 400 years of slavery. This isn’t ultimate either. This doesn’t bring utopia…this doesn’t bring them back to the Garden.

That’s why he says… “vanity and a striving after the wind”. To modernize that a bit…elect who you want, vote for whoever, get the best president, congress, judges, etc. and it’s not going to be ultimate. It might be better than this or better than that…but it won’t ever be ultimate. It isn’t going to take you back to the Garden. It’s not going to give you the community you are really longing for. Giving yourself to this as if it is ultimate is a chasing after the wind. This isn’t where to place your hope. This…as we have seen with everything in Ecclesiastes has a bottom to it.

We began with saying “one is the loneliest number”. But you know John Lennon had a different vision.

Imagine all the people…Living life in peace…you may say that I’m a dream, but I’m not the only one, I hope someday you’ll join us, and the world will be as one.”

It’s such an amazing vision…people think. But listen to some of the words here...

“Imagine there’s no heaven…no hell…no countries…nothing to kill or die for…no religion...” Well, John, what if I want to keep my heaven? What if I want to keep my religion?

Well…you can’t belong. Why? Because that’s the stuff that divides. Imagine no possessions…but I’d like to keep my lawnmower, John. Can I keep my lawnmower. Nope. We’re gonna have to take that too.

Okay, can I keep cheering for the Royals. Nope. That’s toxic. Because it means you aren’t going to be friends with a Tigers fan. Which by the way…they need to be gone too. No Tigers fans. No Royals fans.

The world lives as one because the world is in uniformity. The Israelite and the Palestinian get together because anything which makes them uniquely Israeli or Palestinian is dropped. They are united just around this principle of being united. And the cost of it…any personal identity.

I’ve just described for you communism for one. But it doesn’t ultimately work. Let’s just merge a couple thoughts together....

We are hearing these days all kinds of stuff about the need to cut toxic people out of your life. Who are these toxic people? Those who’d like to keep their lawnmowers....

Now don’t hear me wrong. There truly are toxic people. There truly are things that do rob community and break the things around them. And the Scripture does talk about removing those from community who bring harm to community.

But hear some of these words:

“There is no better self-care than cutting off people who are toxic for you” If I cut you off, chances are, you handed me the scissors.”

That’s all well and good. And if we’ve got somebody abusing you…who is honestly and truly doing harm…then, yeah. They handed you the scissors and you need to set those boundaries and pursue health for them and for you.

But what are the types of things that are defined as toxic? Here is one I saw. I don’t know who needs to hear this, but if someone hurts your feelings, you are allowed to get rid of them.”

Hurts your feelings?

Again what is happening in our culture…and friends when you hear me say culture you don’t get to just say “liberals”…it’s on all sides of the aisle. We are incredibly fragile. If you don’t agree with me, you don’t agree with my vision of the world, you are dangerous and you need to be canceled. I can’t listen to you. I can’t hold space for another person and their erroneous views. They need to be cut off. I’m creating a Utopia here.

There is an absolutely fascinating book by Jonathan Haidt called The Coddling of the American Mind. He argues that there are three great untruths we’ve swallowed as a culture.

The untruth of fragility. That we are very fragile people and we need safe spaces and that we should never be made uncomfortable and that it’s evil and harmful if anyone ever feels uncomfortable. People are fragile and have to be protected from challenges.

The untruth of emotional reasoning. Always trust your feelings. It prioritizes emotions over objective reality. If I feel anxious or threatened it must be because I am.

The untruth of us vs. them—life is a battle between evil people and good people. And the people over there have awful intentions and motivations. And we need to combat them at all costs. Zero sum game. They are monsters.

Haidt argues that what has happened is a rise of what he calls safetyism. Where the emphasis on emotional safety leads to over protection, trigger warnings, safe spaces, and avoidance of challenging ideas. We can’t have conversations anymore. Just screaming matches, sharing memes on social media, sharing untruths, assuming the worst in our opponents…all of this that you see.

And what are we finding statistically? Increasing anxiety. Increasing loneliness. It’s not working. We aren’t creating utopia. Imagine all the people…

It’s not as beautiful of a vision as you think it is. It has tons of dead bodies in the street and the world lives as one because now the world is only one....you....

And now we’re back to the loneliest number.

There is, thankfully, a better story. It’s both way more difficult and way better.

Ephesians 4:2 ESV

with all humility and gentleness, with patience, bearing with one another in love,

Galatians 6:2 ESV

Bear one another’s burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ.

Romans 15:1–2 ESV

We who are strong have an obligation to bear with the failings of the weak, and not to please ourselves. Let each of us please his neighbor for his good, to build him up.

Colossians 3:13–14 ESV

bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive. And above all these put on love, which binds everything together in perfect harmony.

This is the community Christ has created and is creating.

Uniting to himself. Christ is that community...

Walking with us…accomplishing and fulfilling our calling as image bearers.

There when we fall…to forgive, to pick us up.

To provide companionship…to be with us as we live together.

To provide an unbreakable bond…united with us forever.

And to be that king who rises above being forgotten…who truly rules and truly reigns for all of eternity.

And he calls us as we see in Colossians 3…as the Lord has forgiven you. Bear with one another...

Live out THIS story and not the story of Imagine…

And the two shall become one..Christ and the church....One isn’t the loneliest number if we’re one in Christ....because that makes us one with

Ephesians 4:4–6 ESV

There is one body and one Spirit—just as you were called to the one hope that belongs to your call— one Lord, one faith, one baptism, one God and Father of all, who is over all and through all and in all.