Families that Flourish Follow God’s Healthy Design.

Ephesians 6:1-4

Introduction

As we look at the context of Ephesians, by the chapters, we see that chapters one through three reveal the wealth in Christ. Chapters four through six help us understand the practical ways to walk or live out our lives in Christ. According to the latest statistics, every one in two children will see their parent’s marriage end in divorce. This leaves twenty-one percent of those children, in America, being raised without a father in their home. We are going to look and see what Paul is telling us, regarding practical ways, to live out the unity in Christ within our immediate families.

-Please turn with me to Ephesians 6:1-4 as we read the text.

Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. “Honor your father and mother” (this is the first commandment with a promise), “that it may go well with you and that you may live long in the land.” Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.

-Prayer- Holy Spirit lead and guide us through your word and fill us with your truth.

Here, Paul is addressing the children within the Ephesian church. What is he telling them? Paul is speaking about how children are to obey their parents in the Lord and states that “this is right” at the end of verse 1. Clearly, children are called to be obedient to their parents because it is just and of the Lord. Verse 2 supports verse 1 by showing the fifth commandment from Exodus 20:12 by stating “Honor your father and mother.” The word “honor” is used here to show that the child/children are to treat their parents with the proper respect. How should a child show respect to their parents according to God’s word?

First, we view the example that Christ gave us. Jesus was in full submission and surrender to God the Father. Secondly, Jesus was obedient to Mary and Joseph who were His earthly parents. These references are pulled from the book of Luke. Luke 22:42 shows the obedience of Christ, to the Father, as He is praying before being handed over to be crucified. Luke 2:51 shows twelve-year-old Jesus honoring His earthly parents after they return to Jerusalem looking for Him. It reads, “And He went down with them and came to Nazareth and was submissive to them. And His mother treasured up all these things in her heart.” (Luke 2:51 ESV). The reason we see Christ live out this example is due to the command from God the Father. Obedience is a way that all children show love to God.

Children are called to love and submit to God first. Then, they are to “honor their father and mother.” This command pleases the Lord. Let’s look at some ways that children can honor their parents. The correct attitude is a necessity when they are called to act in obedience to their parents. If a child is seen having a negative or fruitless attitude it will affect the way they respond. In the same light, if a child has an optimistic attitude, it not only pleases the Lord, but it also pleases their parents. The child’s attitude should be used in a way that presents delight in their obedience to their parents. If the child displays a grudging attitude, it does not reflect God’s design for a healthy family. This type of attitude shows that the heart posture is needs to be transformed to be more like Christ’s submission to the Father.

Obedience can be harder for some children compared to others. Our culture today presents multiple challenges that children may have a difficult time managing. These challenges come in many different forms of diagnoses. This may require therapy and med management. We should always seek God’s guidance. Even though the child may be struggling through these obstacles, it does not dismiss the command to honor your father and mother.

Another way children can positively obey their parents is by listening to them. Listening is the ability to hear and understand the directions that your parents are trying to converse with you. Children, when your parents are speaking, you can show them that you are listening by giving them your attention. In our culture today, we are prone to be distracted with our phones, the tv, our friends, and the desires of the next new fad. Parents desire for you to receive their instruction. They hope that you hear them and can grasp the concepts that they are training you up in. They want you to be successful. So, calming your body, giving them your attention with your eyes, and actively recalling what they have spoken to you helps them know that you have correctly heard them. You can do this without interrupting them. Your parents will allow you the time to express your thoughts and emotions. A great way to show your parents that you would like to speak, is to ask them, “Dad/Mom, can I say something please?” This shows them that you respect them, and they are going to be more than willing to hear what you have to say. Our speech should be wholesome and have value in building others up without tearing them down. When you rebel and refuse to listen to them it creates an environment that is not healthy in God’s design for family. Families that flourish follow God’s healthy design.

You have heard it said that honesty is the best virtue. This aligns with biblical truth. God states that He hates a lying tongue in Proverbs 16:17. When you speak with your parents, an honest answer shows them respect and helps them care for you the best. A lie tears down trust and builds obstacles that the family will have to hurdle until the trust has been gained back. The child can show their parents they are responsible when they are honest in all things. This means even if you face a very negative situation in life, by being honest, you demonstrate the trust in your parents that they will lovingly guide you through it. Even as children, we are not guaranteed a life without struggles.

We can show our parents respect by being grateful for their efforts in training us. Parents spend countless hours trying to provide, protect, love, and nurture children. These efforts exhaust time, energy, money, and other resources. A child can reciprocate love to their parents by expressing gratitude concerning these areas. If we look at the concept of “filling buckets,” everyone can observe the benefit of reciprocation in having their bucket full. Trying to fill a bucket with holes in it is pointless because it will never be able to be filled. Patch work would have to be done to fix the damage. This can be seen the same in our lives that we live day to day. The more holes we create requires more maintenance. We cannot pour until we have repaired the holes that we have created. We are to seek God’s direction in our actions. Gratefulness is another way to prevent unnecessary damage. Families that flourish follow God’s healthy design.

Forgiveness is a must as children live their lives in obedience to the parents. Colossians 3:13-14 states, “bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive. And above all these put on love, which binds everything together in perfect harmony.” This verse arrives in perfect context because this section of Colossians is referring to the “New Self” right before Paul dives into rules for the Christian household. Parent’s, who are believers, are children of God. They are not perfect and will sometimes not lead correctly. God calls for children to understand this and use forgiveness. The only time that children should disobey their parents is when the parent is directly commanding a child to go against the will of God. In this case, the child is called to be obedient to God over the parents’ demand.

In verse three, we see that it provides a benefit that states, “that it might go well with you and that you may live long in the land.” When a child lives obediently to God and their parents, it provides evidence that the have a relationship with and know God. This does not guarantee a life without struggles, but it does indicate that the child can gain the blessings of knowledge, understanding, and wisdom, from God, to apply it in their decisions of life at home and around others outside the home. Remember, we never see that we are called to stop caring for our parents as we age. I firmly believe that it is God’s desire to continue to honor those who helped give us life. There was a countless amount of time, money, and energy put into each one of us. Let us not forget the sacrifice of Christ. May we also recall the sacrifice of spiritual, mental, physical, and emotional areas that our parents gave for us.

We see verses one through three applied to children. Now, let us shift our focus to the parents and more specifically fathers. Verse four states, “Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.” This verse includes both parents and encourages them to train and teach their children according to the Lord’s instruction. We see how Paul starts this verse out with a negative action to avoid (do not provoke your children to anger) and follows it up with a positive action (bring up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord). This echoes the aspect of using our words and actions to build one another up and to not tear them down. By tearing down, we prevent Families that flourish and can’t follow God’s healthy design. A parent must submit and surrender to God, obediently before that can train their children in His instruction. Proverbs 18:21 states, “Death and life are in the power of the tongue, and those who love it will eat its fruits.” When we parent our words and tone matter. Looking at the context of Proverbs 18:21, we see that we have the choice in how we use our speech. The fruit from that speech can either result in chaos that we created, or it can give life that results in great teaching and wise discernment.

As we disciple our children, we see that fathers were given the responsibility of being the spiritual leader of their homes. In Deuteronomy 6:7, part of the “Great Shema,” we see the importance of this verse because this was a command from God for Israel to follow within their homes. It states, “You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise.” I challenge parents to remember these things as you go about your day. Put God first, as you surrender. Remember the commandment to love the LORD your God with all your heart, soul, and mind. Secondly, that we love our neighbor as ourselves. I encourage all parents to remember the blessings that the Lord has poured out upon you. Let’s strive to draw near to the Lord and train our children to follow Him all the days of their life. By doing so, we instill a self-discipline that holds true to every life event, whether in speech or action. Their eyes are watching, and their ears are listening to everything we say and do. Let us be the greatest example that God has given them here on earth.

As the church, we see that God’s design for healthy families include children who honor their parents and parents who lead spiritually in the Lord. This brings unity, of the family, in Christ and illustrates the “Body of Christ” found in the book of Ephesians. Godly homes gather their value of obedience from the authority of Scripture. Remember, Families that flourish follow God’s healthy design.

Prayer