Raise Them Up
Notes
Transcript
Prayer
1 Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. 2 “Honor your father and mother”—which is the first commandment with a promise—3 “so that it may go well with you and that you may enjoy long life on the earth.” 4 Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord.
As we have been working through Ephesians during our time on Sunday mornings we have arrived at the place in the text where the Apostle Paul is taking all of the wisdom and right thinking that he poured out in the first few chapters and now is is applying that to the Christian’s everyday life.
Two weeks ago we talked about what it means to be filled and sealed with the Spirit of God…remember the coke can?
And then last week we looked at Marriage God’s Way. Which brings us to today…Because we are looking at relationships in which we can live out and practice our spirit filled faith.
That first relationship that Paul brought up was God’s ultimate example of what a loving home starts with. A man and a woman who are submitting to Christ as they love one another. And they are practicing on a sometimes daily basis, faith, forgiveness, selflessness, sacrifice and service.
And one of the natural overflows of a healthy and biblical marriage is that children arrive.
3 Children are a heritage from the Lord, offspring a reward from him.
So as followers of Christ, we are then encouraged to receive them as blessings from above and to train them up to the best of our ability…
6 Start children off on the way they should go, and even when they are old they will not turn from it.
And what a wonderful promise of scripture, that I know there are many in our congregation that are holding tightly too. Whether it is because for this season, your children are prodigal, or you are just hoping to get through another day without causing too much emotional damage in your kids that one day you’ll have to pay for therapy for.
Train them up, start them off on the way they should go…
And the beginning of this training starts with the recognition that God has given you this child, or these children as a gift, and so that you can continue to live our your faith, and help disciple them up in the faith.
And the apostles encouragement starts off with Obedience Training…
1 Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. 2 “Honor your father and mother”—which is the first commandment with a promise—3 “so that it may go well with you and that you may enjoy long life on the earth.” 4 Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord.
Children, Obey your parents…
Children, Obey your parents…
To obey means to actively listen and respond to a command. It's like hearing a knock on the door and answering it. Obedience involves both hearing and doing and training our children to obey is a paramount discipline that we as parents are instructed to give. If we cannot get our children to listen and obey us, who they can see, how on earth will they ever listen and obey God who they cannot see.
This is discipleship…it is training in righteousness and it deserves more than the standard… “because I said so”
We all know that obedience isn't easy. It requires us to step outside our comfort zone and do something we might not want to do. Paul is talking specifically to "children", addressing young people living under their parents' care, still under their parents roofs. This is a message from God to all children still living at home: "Obey your parents in the Lord."
Blind obedience isn't enough. God asks children to obey because it's God's command. When children obey their parents, they are also obeying God. This is how young Christians demonstrate their faith in their relationships with their parents. Christian children obey their parents because they are ultimately obeying God, their true Father.
This is a remarkable opportunity for young Christians. They can live out their faith by obeying their parents. While it's not easy, following Christ is the best possible life.
Children must never obey anything that contradicts Christ's commands. If parents ask their children to disobey Christ, they must say no. However, Paul is addressing a Christian family, so this text doesn't apply to commands that are against Christ. That's a separate issue. In a Christian family, children should trust and obey their parents as a reflection of their trust and obedience to God.
i would argue that as children grow it becomes less about obedience and more about honor. The commands that Paul is referring to are in the 10 Commandments…
12 “Honor your father and your mother, so that you may live long in the land the Lord your God is giving you.
16 “Honor your father and your mother, as the Lord your God has commanded you, so that you may live long and that it may go well with you in the land the Lord your God is giving you.
When you honor your father and mother…in the Lord then there is a promise that is attached to these commands…
The promise in verse 3 is "that it may go well with you and that you may live long in the land." This doesn't mean that honoring parents guarantees a long life. Some wonderful children have short lives.
Honor cannot be motivated by reward. It's not honor if it's done to gain something. That's flattery. Flattery is doing something for someone to get something in return. Honor is respecting someone for who they are, not for what you can get. Honor focuses on the other person, while flattery focuses on yourself.
Listen, no one is perfect except Christ, and there will be no perfect parents on this side of Heaven. But this promise is saying that by showing honor to your parents, it will go well for you. Let me try to illustrate this for you in a dramatic fashion and then a less dramatic fashion.
Dramatic.
Don’t touch the stove.
Child continues to walk with hand outstretched.
“Stop, don’t touch, it’s hot.”
Child continues to walk getting closer to the flames…
Parent screams, “STOP! It’s hot, you’ll burn yourself.”
Child turns and cries because she just got yelled at.
If obedience is a way to honor parents, and a child disobeys their parents' instructions and gets hurt, their life can be negatively impacted in a variety of ways… Even less dramatic disobedience can have negative consequences. If a child rejects their parents' discipline and instruction, they won't learn to live well. This isn't because parents are perfect, but because obedience to parents is training for obedience to Christ. And I can promise you this…life goes so much better when you obey Christ and if someone can't obey Christ, they won't have a good life.
God calls young children to obey as a way of honoring their parents. This is training for the future. Parents can see their efforts weren't in vain when their children grow up to be good people. They may not have been perfect parents, but they raised their children well.
There will be a day when the children move out…and honoring looks a lot less like obedience.
Especially in regards to blended families, holidays and overbearing mothers…
Jesus says, Matthew 19:5-6
5 and said, ‘For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh’? 6 So they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate.”
Leave and Cleave
Leave your parents and cleave to your spouse.
Many marriages have been negatively impacted and some even destroyed because parents have never left their parents home and cleaved to their new home.
Once a child leaves their parents home and there is a marriage ceremony where the Father gives his daughter away…the relationship shifts drastically.
No longer is that daughter, is that son required to obey your commands mom and dad.
You can ask for them to come to Christmas dinner at your house, but they get to make the decision for their home. They have to honor you but they no longer have to obey you.
Hope that makes sense.
Father’s do not exasperate your children…
Father’s do not exasperate your children…
4 Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord.
Don’t exasperate…
The NLT reads…
Fathers,* do not provoke your children to anger by the way you treat them. Rather, bring them up with the discipline and instruction that comes from the Lord.
By no means is this an exhaustive list, but here are a few ways fathers could provoke their children to anger…
Excessively severe discipline and/or punishment
Unreasonably harsh demands/words
Abuse of authority/unnecessary rules and regulations
Arbitrariness or unclear standards
Constant nagging, condemnation, and criticism
Subjecting a child to humiliation
Overprotection
Favoritism
Never satisfied with child’s performance
Lack of praise/discouragement
Feeling unwanted/selfishness in the parent
Disciplining normal behavior
Withholding love/affection
Abuse of any kind, including insults
Sarcasm and ridicule
Inappropriate teasing
Unstable and inconsistent parenting/parents
So we know what not to do as Parents…but what do we need to do…
Train them up in the Way they should Go…
Train them up in the Way they should Go…
4 Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord.
“Bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord…
There are a lot of good parents out there, and will raise their children with discipline and instruction, but we are not just talking about good parents…we are talking about Spirit-filled Christian parents. And a Spirit Filled Christian parent notices those last three words, “of the Lord.” It’s not our discipline and instruction that matters. It’s Christ’s. It’s our duty to help our children follow Jesus.
This means parents must be aware of the rhythms of life. How is your week structured? How much of a priority is Jesus in your family life? Is church a checklist item on Sunday morning or is it an anticipation on Saturday night? Is youth group dependent on the children’s sports practice or it is the reason you have to call the coach to explain their absence? Your rhythms of life either prove or disprove the reality of God. If you never pray or read the Bible in front of or with your kids, if you never talk about Jesus in any regular, open way, if you never invite others into your home for the sake of the gospel, if you never serve Jesus together as a family, if you never ask your kids about who they think Jesus is, if you’re just thankful you’re a Christian and going to heaven but your Christianity hasn’t made an impact on the way you raise your kids, you haven’t yet realized the glory your family is missing with Christ.
It’s all too easy to just let life come at us, but a Christian parent loves God by helping their children follow Jesus. A Christian parent is active, treating them as a stewardship from the Lord. Like Jesus, a Christian parent pursues. You can’t save them, but you can point them to the Savior. You can make the Savior real in your home.
1 These are the commands, decrees and laws the Lord your God directed me to teach you to observe in the land that you are crossing the Jordan to possess, 2 so that you, your children and their children after them may fear the Lord your God as long as you live by keeping all his decrees and commands that I give you, and so that you may enjoy long life. 3 Hear, Israel, and be careful to obey so that it may go well with you and that you may increase greatly in a land flowing with milk and honey, just as the Lord, the God of your ancestors, promised you. 4 Hear, O Israel: The Lord our God, the Lord is one. 5 Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength. 6 These commandments that I give you today are to be on your hearts. 7 Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up. 8 Tie them as symbols on your hands and bind them on your foreheads.
Parents, it is your job to disciple your kids.
To teach them the scriptures
To talk to them about Jesus
To talk to Jesus about them.
To talk to Jesus with them.
To encourage them to talk to Jesus
To witness to them
To witness with them
God offers us so much more than the ordinary routine of work, relaxation, and fun. For our children, He desires more than just after-school programs, college success, and lucrative careers. He has a treasure trove of blessings and glory waiting for our families. Unfortunately, as C.S. Lewis pointed out, we’re often content with much less than what God has in store for us. We're like children who are happy with a simple mud pie when a fantastic seaside vacation is within reach.
God calls parents to disciple their children. You can’t make your children Christians, but you can make it easy to love Jesus in your home. You can endeavor to make your home ring with gospel joy. You can endeavor to make your family not only a family of Christians, but a Christian family—sold out for Christ and his cause.
Pray